Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Exclusive: Marc Mysterio Says Brandy Norwood ‘Dissed Us’ As Court Date Looms
BRANDY Norwood will stand trial in a $6million lawsuit brought by Anorak’s pal DJ Marc Mysterio.
Marc’s claim is that Brandy accepted a $10,000 fee (read the documents here) to feature on his hit song Shout It Out. She then did not sing. Marc tells us:
“I’m glad that the judge denied Brandy Norwood’s request to delay the trial until Fall 2011 and hope that this is resolved shortly, however, I’m a proactive guy and rather than sit home and cry about the situation and move to another project, my focus right now is on promoting my song SHOUT IT OUT as is, without her, writing new verses for it, and finding the best possible singer for these new verses. No one can replace Brandy Norwood, but just because she dissed us, doesn’t mean we will give up, now or ever!”
Well, thanks to Brandy and the court case, the PR is going great guns…
Exclusive: Evidence In Marc Mysterio Case Against Brandy Norwood
Kelly Brook Backs The World Cup Bid: Photos
THE good news is that Kelly Brook is throwing her weight behind England’s World Cup bid for 2018. Says Kelly:
“People always get really excited when major sporting events come here, which shows how important sport is to people across England.”
Yeah. Whatever she said:
Posted: 1st, December 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
What Links Kate Middleton And Lily Allen? Katie Nicholl Knows
LILY Allen and Kate Middleton are two peas in a pod. Allen hasn’t been in the news much latterly, so the time is apt for her to go on Twitter and called Daily Mail gossak Katie Nicholl (can we coin that word?) a “CUNT” and her column “shitty”.
Katie Nicholl’s crime was to suggest that Lily was all set to marry her lover Sam Cooper. Lily Allen’s response is to say,
“…you know nothing about the intimate details of my life. There’s a time and a place for your musings where I’m concerned, and it’s not now“.
Lily fails to read Nicholl’s work and realise that eventually Nicholl may well be right – as she was proved to be in the case of her invaluable insights into Kate Middleton and Prince William. Here’s a short history of Katie’s works:
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Posted: 1st, December 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kanye West On Rihanna: The Art Of The Celebrity Interview
KANYE West is interviewing Rihanna for Interview magazine. It’s hideous stuff that, as with all bad journalism, reveals more about the hack than the subject. Maureen O’Connor says its like “a Jack Russell terrier burying its face in your crotch and humping”. It is. But it’s more like Jonathan Ross, Jay Leno, Michael Parkinson or any other celebrity interviewer whose only interest is thin themselves. The highlights are here:
ON Location:
KANYE WEST: Whuzup?
RIHANNA: Hey. How are you?
WEST: I’m good. I’m just out here in this retarded-ass studio- Peter Gabriel’s studio.
RIHANNA: Where? In London?
WEST: Yeah. Like two hours out.
RIHANNA: That’s dope.
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Marc Mysterio Cancels US Tour Over TSA Fisting Abuse
MARC Mysterio tells us that he will not be touring the US Tour because he doesn’t fancy being fisted by TSA guards at the airport. The Obamas are not averse to the fist. And not every music star has the constitution of the average barber’s shoppe quartet or trad jazz ensemble.
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One Direction Dazzled By Victoria Swarovski At Chronicles Of Narnia Premiere: Photos
TO The Chronicles Of Narnia: The Voyage Of The Dawn Trader premiere in London’s snowy and gritty Leicester Square. Laura Brent, Georgie Henley, Liam Neeson and Anna Popplewell preened and posed. Downturn Abbey writer Julian Fellowes posed with someone called Emma Kitchener-Fellowes, who looked like the reincarnation of Falco, the Austrian singer who sang Amadeus.
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Sheryl Crow Is Selling Her Green Mansion: Photos And Toilet Paper Included
PROPERTY Porn time again, readers, as we take look at global warming activist Sheryl Crow’s home, which is for sale by auction. It’s in Middle Tennessee, which may or may not be a real place. (Wonder if you can see Al Gore’s Peoples’ Ark from the pool?)
Sheryl is the singer and star or the 2007 “Stop Global Warming College Tour” (on the road), the star who told us to use only one square of paper per bowel movement.
I also like the idea of not using paper napkins, which happen to be made from virgin wood and represent the height of wastefulness. I have designed a clothing line that has what’s called a “dining sleeve.” The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another “dining sleeve,” after usage. The design will offer the “diner” the convenience of wiping his mouth on his sleeve rather than throwing out yet another barely used paper product.
Green Sheryl is selling her gigantic home:
6662 Cross Keys Road is 150+/- Acres, 10,264+/- Sq Ft Home; Gated Entry with Security System; Brick Construction [she’s showing off]; Five Bedrooms; Seven Full Baths; One Half Bath [bring your own toilet paper]; Six Car Attached Garage; Private In-Law or Nanny Quarters; 3 Bedroom, 2 Bath Guest House; Additional residence on farm (with Life Estate); Fourteen Stall Barn; Indoor Riding Arena with lighting and sprinkler system; Theater Room; Music Studio- Incorporating additional living space; Salt Water Pool & Spa with Pergola; and recording studio.
An it is all “in a French style”. Because the French love that sort of stuff. Just love it.
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Posted: 30th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Kim Kardashian Is Dead: Necrophiliacs Rejoice (Photos)
STOP all the c*ocks. Kim Kardashian is dead. Necrophiliacs rejoice! She’s in an open coffin, so knock yourself out. But Kardashian can be revived.
She’s dead for to mark World AIDs Day. Until $1milion is raised for Keep a Child Alive, Alicia Keys’ charity, Kardashian fans will not be able to follow her pneumatic adventures on Twitter.
Also dead are Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake and Justin Bieber tribute act Usher. Says the blurb:
“Kim sacrificed her digital life to give real life to millions of others affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa and India. Visit BuyLife.org or text ‘KIM’ to ‘90999’ to buy her life now.”
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Posted: 30th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Leslie William Nielsen RIP: Good Luck. We’re All Counting On You
LESLIE William Nielsen is dead.
And when a star dies the other stars who want to be associated with his death get on Twitter to offer their condolences and muscle on the mourn porn.
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Justin Bieber Pray: Pro-Life Music For Christian Rock’s Chosen Son
JUSTIN Bieber’s video for Pray is a boon to the ailing newspaper industry. Bieber – messiah of Twitter (dear followers…) and small black girl heroine of XBox – says he reads the papers. And the signing foetus is pro-life, taking an anti-abortion stance with:
I pray for the life not started
I pray for all the ones not breathing
Take them away, Sunday school music enthusiast Justin Bieeeeber….
Posted: 28th, November 2010 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comment
Bono And U2’s Tribute To Dead New Zealand Miners: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
AT the U2 Concert Bono is paying tribute to the 29 miners who died in New Zealand.He follows his pap tribute with the song I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.
“Hello [insert name of venue here]. I love yooooouuu” used to be enough; now bands feel a need to tap into the zeitgeist of the crowd by empathising with their grief.
Better had Bono orchestrated a two minute silence…
Katie Waissel’s X Factor: A Detailed Look At Sheila Vogel-Coupe’s Mature Courtesans
I AM astonished at the thousands of new readers who have stormed into Madame Arcati all because of my little post onSheila Vogel-Coupe. She’s in the Sun today, blissfully unashamed to be a practising prostitute at the age of 81. But I am appalled that her disrespectful X Factor wannabe and Frodo lookalike granddaughter, Katie Waissel, was ‘vile and vicious’ towards her on the phone after singing Help! last Saturday. Help? She can fuck off, dearie.
READ: X Factor: Katie Waissel Joined Jedward On Stage Last Year: Video Proof?
Anyhow, all this talk of Sheila has drawn me to the Mature Courtesans website where until recently she advertised her person. The madam of this establishment is one Helga who apparently has ‘gone away’ for now – and I must say Helga’s business is a tribute to the kind of fine manners we should expect in these times of Old Etonian governance, even if her grasp on grammar and syntax is not.
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Posted: 26th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amanda Holden’s Meat Paste Face Hosts The Collars & Coats Gala Ball: Photos
TO celebrate Battersea Dogs And Cats Home reaching its 150th birthday, Amada Holden hosted the Collars & Coats Gala Ball, a South Korean and North Korean summit supper over plates of steaming strays and novelty gloves.
Not really. But Holden does seem to have something to her face. What is unclear. Holden’s face is tighter than Simon Cowell’s back story. The dog in her arms hasn’t licked anything that smooth since the lads in the pack played condom football with a jar of meat paste.
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Posted: 25th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Ingrid Pitt RIP: A Life In Photos And Bloody Teeth
RIP Ingrid Pitt, Hammer Films’ Queen of Horror and all-girl vampire lust who died today aged 73. Her moment of death had some drama: the Polish-born star collapsed on her way to an event hosted by members of her fan club.
Her daughter Steffanie told says her mother was the vampire countess with the “wonderful teeth and the wonderful bosom“.
The woman born Ingoushka Petrov in 1937 to a German father and Jewish mother spent time in a concentration camp. She went on to live a vivacious life as the great entertainer…
The Beatles: John Lennon’s Lyrics To I’m Only Sleeping Are On Sale
WANT to buy John Lennon’s handwritten lyrics to I’m Only Sleeping? Lennon wrote the words for the 1966 hit in ballpoint pen and blue felt tip. The paper is a reminder letter for an unpaid bill of £12.3.0 for a car Radiophone.
The piece of paper is now worth and estimated £250,000 – 350,000.
The bill was paid…
Celebrity Autographs In Photos: Cherie Blair’s Forgery Guide
CELEBRITY autographs are a handy way to say you met / stalked /waited-by-a-stage-door-for-hours to show one and all that they met Johnny Depp, John Travolta, Emma Watson, Paris Hilton and… We’ve pulled together a gallery of autographs for you to print out and claim as your own or else copy over and over again until perfect and you are able to commit identity theft. Or else you can do as Cherie Blair did. She flogged Tony Blair’s autograph for £10 on eBay. Why? Well, as she said, she did it to stop others profiting from such thigns. D’yer see…
Posted: 24th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Property Porn: Anthea Turner’s Surrey Home For Sale (Photos)
PROPERTY Porn time now as we look around Anthea Turner’s home, Sundown “in an elevated position” on the outskirts of the village of Hascombe, Surrey. Poor Della, whom Grant Bovey left to be with TV sweetheart Anthea, may well enjoy the views…
Savills tells us: “Communications are excellent.” Although the phone may not ring as it once did…
It has “stunning orientation”, Aga gas range cooker, sunken sitting area, “contemporary paths”; “the most spectacular sunsets can be witnessed from the decked area”; an “Olympic size indoor sand school”; and wood and floor touched by a TV legend…
Posted: 23rd, November 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
The T4 Awards In Photos: JLS Leaving Them Panting
THE T4 Awards show in photos: The Saturdays’ Frankie Sandford wore hotpants; JLS left them panting; Olly Murs was pants; Mark Ronson wore the pants; Jason Derulo grabbed his pants; and Tinie Tempah did not wet this pants…
Lucinda Turner Photos: Jason Manford’s Phone Sex Date
WANT to see photos of Lucinda Turner, the woman who had “sleazy phone sex” (is there another kind?) with BBC TV’s man in Top Man shirt and sensible haircut Jason Manford?
The story was that Manford had been having saucy webcam times with 12 women while he staid in hotel rooms away from his pregnant wife. He says it was down to “loneliness”. But the Mirror tells us that he told Turner:
“I’ve got to keep my voice down while we do this love – my wife’s upstairs changing the bed sheets.”
While Manford was earning a fortune presenting The One Show (now the Give Her One Show), his wife was working as a chamber maid? Hey, you get your kicks and keep your figure however you can.
We then learn that Mandord allegedly calls his penis “the daddy”.
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Posted: 21st, November 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Isabella Rossellini’s Nature Porn Video: Flip-Off With Flipper
ISABELLA Rossellini wants to show the world how dophins have sex. Those perverts are at it all the time. Well, it’s the spare hole and the latex suits. We’ve seen the anchovies at it. We’ve seen how these things do it. We’ve seen how the bugs do it.
Now let’s see Flip-Off With Flipper does it:
· Green Porno (sundancechannel.com)
Emma Watson Photo Timeline: The Pervy Uncle Hair Cut
HARRY Potter means one thing to editors: Emma Watson showing some flesh. Daniel Radcliffe has exposed his genitals on stage. Rupert Grint has done topless (as they all must). But Emma gives only glimpses. The Emma Watson mini-dress was the stand-out photos of the penultimate Harry Potter film premiere.
What next for Emma Watson? Says Emma:
“Three months ago I cut my hair – and at that moment, it felt like I became a woman.”
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Posted: 19th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Dannii Minogue’s Flat Is For Sale: Photos
PROPERTY porn time now, readers, as we take look about what is rumoured to be X Factor judge Dannii Minogue’s London SW11 flat, which is for sale at a price of £499,000. For that money you get 2 bedrooms, River Thames views, a Jetstream washing machine and Whirlpool dryer; two juliet balconies; integrated fridge/freezer; Zanussi integrated electric oven with Baumatic induction hob and extractor fan; integrated dishwasher; stone work surface and integrated sink, tiled floor; en-suite shower room; air breathed by Kylie Minogue’s sister…
Posted: 18th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Justin Bieber Ditches The Formula For A Pint Of The Hard Stuff: Video
FRESH from punching himself in the face and pretending to be a small black girl in a plaid skirt, Justin Bieber, is lending his face to milk. No, not formula or breast milk – Justin is shooting up like best rhubarb and is on stage three of his development.
Posted: 18th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price’s Precious Love For Amy Childs’ Bukake Spray: Photos
KATIE Price is the driving force of a PR-led story liking her in mock combat with CAN associates newest strumpet Amy Childs, star of the Only Way Is Essex and leading vajazzle.
When Amy is not dressing up as Katie, she’s having a boob job, her lips done and saying nice things about sentimental crooning acorn Peter Andre.
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Posted: 17th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Eating Off The People’s Princess: Princess Diana’s Plate In Pictures
PRINCESS Diana is back. Not that she ever went away. Princess Diana lives on the fabled Sixth Floor of London’s Harvey Nichols department store. And on your tables. The great Tabloid Prodigy has news of Diana’s commemorative plates moving with the fashion trends and the meals. What does Diana look like now? Let’s see:
Sauce: Here
Posted: 16th, November 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
