Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Cheryl Cole’s Malaria Diet: Pictures
CHERYL COLE is “DOWN TO SIX STONE”.
So says The People, which has the foresight to weigh the “nation’s sweetheart” and promote the Malaria Diet on its front page.
Or as the NoTW’S Dan Wootton says:
The stricken X Factor judge is now just over 7 STONE and so thin that her bones poke out.
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Posted: 18th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Mel Gibson’s Raping Niggers Is Now A Hollywood Franchise
MEL Gibson’s “Raping Niggers” are now his biggest Hollywood franchise. But can Lethal Weapon – only 4 so far – catch up? Matt Jordan put that question to Danny Glover:
Raping Niggers 5 – “cunt, whore, gold digger”
Raping Niggers 4 – The Jacuzzi Blow
Raping Niggers 1,2 & 3 – Show Us The Green Dress Already
Posted: 17th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lindsay Lohan To Open Rehab Center As Alternative Jail Therapy
LINDSAY Lohan is to open a chain of rehab centres, says Dina Lohan, her mum.
And that’s good news because her latest lawyer, one Robert Shapiro, is the owner of his own rehab clinic, the Pickford Lofts centre. It’s not rehab, Lindsay it’s a business trip.
But maybe, just maybe, if Lohan can show how much she cares about being clean the judge might reduced her 90-day jail sentence?
Cynics might say that Lohan is lokking and getting cleaner so that the jail hooch and narcotics pack a bigger punch. But that would be cruel and wrong. Lohan is in rehab voluntarily.
But what is she does go jail? Lohan’s mother Dina Lohan, the white people’s answer to Oprah, has a few words to the wise and a marketing plan:
How does Lindsay feel about going to jail?
When the decision came down, it was horrific. We hugged and cried a lot. But we’re optimists. Lindsay is sober and she’s fine. I don’t want to speak hypothetically [about jail] because she’s not going to be in that situation.
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Posted: 16th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Did Will Smith And Jada Pinkett-Smith Have Sex At Karate Kid Premiere? Pictures
WILL Smith’s son Jaden Smith is working his way through his dad’s 1980s movie collection. After starring in the Karate Kid remake – pictures of the London premiere hereunder – Jaden will play Arnold in Diff’rent Strokes, and then Willis in that remake.
There are two things to note about the premier pictures: Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Will Smith, Willow Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith and stuart Manning were all there. And not once – not once – did Jada shag Will on the red carpet. Or did she? After the picture the sex talk:
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“When you have three kids, you’ve got to take your opportunities when they come. In a limo, on the way to the Academy Awards this year, Will started looking at me in this way that drives me wild. We started kissing passionately, and the next thing I knew, well, let’s just say we missed the red carpet and I ended up with almost no makeup on.”
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Posted: 15th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Status Quo Record Anthem For Badly Equipped British Army: Photos
WE went to see Status Quo record the video to their new re-release of their song In the Army Now with the 4 Riffles at their Kiwi Barracks in Bulford, Wiltshire. Before you snort and piss on the dying embers of an ageing rock band, know that it’s all for charity. The British Forces Foundation and Help For Heroes will benefit. If you say it’s rubbish, then you dishonour our Boys and Girls.
Says Francis Rossi: “It seemed like the right time to do this. The release is intended to show our support for allied forces around the world, but in particular, of course, the British armed forces. We want people to celebrate what they do, say thank you and also support this vital charity.”
The song is about being ill equipped for battle. As such, it should be the anthem for the British Army…
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Posted: 15th, July 2010 | In: Music | Comments (2)
Bristol Palin And Levi Johnson Are The Porny People Of Walmart
BRISTOL Palin, daughter to hockey stick Milf Sarah Palin, and her stripping on-off-on lover, Levi Johnson, are to get married. Our Man In LA writes:
No sooner had Bristol Palin and her former future husband & baby-daddy Levi Johnston gone public with their re-engagement, than a bridal registry for the couple showed up on the WalMart website.
After much consideration, we decided to chip in and get the future Mr. & Mrs. Johnston something they could both enjoy once they take the plunge into married life…
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Posted: 15th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price: After The Gash And The Fight The Wedding Strip In Pictures
KATIE Price is getting married on ITV. She’s marrying walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid, a kind of evolved PG Tips monkey with extensive depilation and gel. To champion this melding of sticky-looking skin and unguents, the Daily Star uses its front page to talk about those Muslim toilets and the Kate “shocker” that she was “never really married to Peter”.
Kate Price Wedding Pictures: The Fight, The Gash And The Media
ITV’s archives says not so. Twice. But the Daily Star hears Katie tells a TV show “You only get married once, why not go all out?” and creates a news story.
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Posted: 15th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Raoul Moat’s Pal Paul Gascopigne Checks Into Rehab
RAOUL Moat’s pal Paul Gascoigne has checked into rehab.
Having offered to sort out “Moaty” with can of lager, a fishing rod and a chicken, Gazza is in Bournemouth, staying at a home owned by the Providence Project rehab group.
Paul Gascoigne’s Radio Appeal To Raoul Moat: Audio And Pictures
He is not given a masterclass in hostage negotiations and challenging police to lay down their arms and embrace the chicken cutlet. He sis just being observed. Says one source in the caring Sun:
“He looked really thin. His clothes were hanging off him and he is really looking old. He looks more like 53 than 43.”
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Posted: 15th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Watching Lindsay Lohan’s Suicide And Other Deadly Drugs
LINDSAY Lohan is on Suicide Watch. So says Star magazine in an “EXCLUSIVE”. No, make that “SUICIDE DRAMA”. Not that she has tried to commit suicide. But she might.
The magazine in the know leads with this its three-point scoop:
- Now under 24/7 watch
- Not sleeping, not eating
- Her deadly drug cocktail
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Posted: 14th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole Becomes The Privacy Seeking Cheryl Tweedy
CHERLY Tweedy, as the Sun calls her – her name is Cheryl Cole (it says so on the label stamped on her neck) – has malaria. And even in her weakened condition she manages to lend her names to the quote of the day.
News is that she is only allowing her mum Joan and “close pal” Derek Hough into her hospital room.
A source, presumably one who has not seen her, tells the press that Cheryl is too weak to read documents about her divorce from Ashley Cole. The same source then tells us:
“She was delighted to get some privacy.”
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Posted: 14th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Amy Winehouse Is Fit To Bust At Psychosis Premiere: Pictures
AMY Winehouse accompanied her latest squeeze Reg Traviss to the premier of Psychosis, the film he wrote and directed.
The film stars Charisma Carpenter and Jennifer Aniston’s former lover, Paul Sculfor in the story of a serial killer who runs amuck at an environmental-camp.
But the real stars of the show were not Traviss and his uber alles hair, nor Winehouse and her plunging pink dress and breasts that now say “BLAKE in 3DD, but Justin Hawkins, the former lead catsuit for The Darkness, and the two Pygmy hamsters he sports on his top lip.
In showbiz you adapt or you die. The hamspters used to perform with Roland Rat…
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Posted: 14th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Orlando Bloom Stars In Canterbury Remake Of Exodus: Pictures
ORLANDO Bloom was laying brick at the redevelopment of the Marlowe Theatre, where he started his career in his home town of Canterbury, Kent. Had it not been for acting, Bloom could be laying bricks full time. He was the wrists for it.
When they come to make a remake of Exodus, Bloom is a shoo-in to play Bloom, lead Pyramid Builder Second Class. Miranda Kerr, his lover, will play Cleopatra’s handmaiden who catches his eye and falls madly in love, causing Bloom’s mind to wander and him to construct The Famous Cone of Cairo…
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Posted: 13th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Terius Nash Delivers The World’s Greatest Break-Up Statement
TERIUS Nash is the singer who styles himself as “The Dream”. Nash married actress Christina Milian in September 2009. He made vows.
So. Get a load of those pictures of Nash cavorting with a women who’s not his wife. And get ready for the understatement of the year:
“Terius ‘The Dream’ Nash is saddened to announce that his marriage to Christina Milian was unsuccessful.”
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Posted: 13th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Kim Cattrall Lives Out Her Dream At Liverpool University: Pictures
FOR services to the male population of New York City in a professional fictional capacity, Liverpool’s John Moores University makes Sex And The City star Kim Cattrall an honorary fellow. Cattrall was born in Liverpool. But it was in America that she achieved her fame and fortune. Says she fingering the giant leather-bound scroll: “This is a dream come true.” Save it for the show, Kim. Save it for the show…
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Posted: 12th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Oksana Gregorieva Has ‘No Idea’ How Mel Gibson ‘Nigger Rape’ Tapes Made It Online
OKSANA 
Hear it here.
Oksana tells us this while failing to show us the “foreign bodies” in her breasts and wear those infamous green pants – the “tight pants so you can see your fucking pussy“.
Before the clothing line, here’s Oksana defence line:
Posted: 12th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
In Pictures: Eminem Plays T In The Park, Edinburgh
EMINEM was not 50 minutes late for his T In The Park show because he declined to walk across the mud from his tour bus. He was late because he couldn’t find hovercraft, a helicopter or a small child to carry him.
T In The Park organiser Geoff Ellis explains:
“It wasn’t [Eminem’s] doing – there was a piece of equipment that wasn’t ready. He was ready to come on, and so were his band, but unfortunately the stage manager said that we had to keep waiting five minutes, then five more minutes. Luckily though, we didn’t have to cut any of the set.”
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Lindsay Lohan’s Lawyer Stuart V Goldberg Dazzles The Judge – Writes And Stars In Case Film?
LINDSAY Lohan has anew lawyed. He’s called Stuart V. Goldberg. We think the V stands for Vaudeville because Goldberg looks like he should be singing like a orange canary.
There is every chance Goldberg’s teeth and skin will dazzle the judge and allow Lohan to get clean away. It’ ll be like that flashy memory-burn stick in the Men In Black films.
Our Man in LA reports – The Lawyer Stays In The Picture:
WAIT. We posted the wrong picture. That’s actually Richard Gere.
Although visually, the two are virtually interchangeable. Other than the fact that Gere’s complexion looks a little less like Jersey Girl Snooki’s after spending a full day at the electric beach.
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Posted: 11th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Oxegen Music Festival In Pictures: Beth Ditto’s Eyebrows Won’t Run For Jay-Z
IN Pictures: The Oxegen Music festival at Punchestown race course in Co Kildare, Ireland. It rained. And rained. Dizzee Rascal sang. Beth Ditto’s eyebrows didn’t run – a Sharpie never does? Lorraine Martin from Swords jumped in and scored a mud beard, Fatboy Slim looked like someone’s dad with his album collection. Jay-Z’s marketing company made it rain. And Ezra Koenig of the Vampire Weekend was mistaken for Joe Jonas, albeit without the purity ring…
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T In The Park 2010: Rain, Mud And Eminem
T IN The Park 2010 In Pictures: Rain. Mud. Eminem. And trenchfoot:
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Posted: 10th, July 2010 | In: Music | Comments (3)
Is The Mel Gibson Rape Tape A Fake? Listen To The Real One Here
MEL Gibson called Oksana what? He used the n-word? He doesn’t like big fake boobs? Never!
We’ve unearthed what seems to be the real tape. This is the truth they – yeah, them – don’t want you to know. This is what history will record really happened.
Mel Gibson “Excommunicated By His Own Church”
Don’t believe what the millions tell you. Don’t believe the audio and the testimony. Think for yourself. Listen to Mel. You know his dad would. Hutton Gibson will get to the truth.
The ‘Nigger’ Fake (?) Tape – Listen Here
Posted: 10th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mel Gibson And The Vegas Whore Rape Tape: Oksana Releases The ‘Nigger’ Tape
MEL Gibson rants and raves at Oksana Grigorieva about raping “niggers“. He says her breasts look “stoopid”. Mel likes his breasts in a cop uniform and covered in Jew sugar.
Mel Gibson’s Porn Star ‘Lover’ Violet Kowal: Pictures
He will not stand for her “sashaying” about in her “tight clothes”. He says if she gets “raped by a pack of niggers” it will be her fault. Male Gibson is not a British High Court judge. He’s a Hollywood star, dammit. He can’t says things like that.
Anyhow. Here’s the tape Oksana just happened to make of Mel saying bad things. It gives us no end of pleasure whatsoever to introduce Mel Gibson Racist Rant 2: The Sequel.
Why Did Hardcore Catholic Mel Gibson Split From Oksana Grigorieva?
Incidentally, Oksana is a singer, so look out for religious wonder Mel’s rape rant proving the Christmas hit we can all sing along to.
And hands up who wants to see Oksana’s green outfit?
Posted: 9th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
T In The Park In Photos: Eminem, Jay-Z And Paloma Faith’s Whipped Hair
T IN The Park In Photos: Another festival and with a chance for Paloma Faith to showcase her whipped hair. Faith arrived in Balado, Kinross-shire, Scotland, with her body dressed as a conga eel. She’d be Britain’s Lady GaGa is she stopped smiling and looking like she was enjoying herself and the whole thing wasn’t a marketing exercise. Aslo there, Faithless, Florence Welch of Florence and the Machine, the Big Pink, Muse, Eminem, Kasabian, Paolo Nutini, Jay-Z, Prodigy, The Proclaimers, Black Eyed Peas and Madness…
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Pete Doherty’s Hospital Tour Kicks Off In France: Pictures
PETER Doherty. Not dead. News to chew on, readers. But if he’s not in the morgue, it must mean Pete is in one of two places to make him newsworthy: the court or the hospital.
Lindsay Lohan’s booked the celebrity courtroom show, so that must mean Peter’s sat in the sweaty sheets and Dettol.
And he’s in not just any hospital – Peter’s in a French hospital. After his successful Courtroom Tour, Peter’s on the Hospital Tour, taking in a billing at the Theatre de Verdure in Nice.
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Posted: 9th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Leonardo DiCaprio And Marion Cotillard Giggle At Inception Premiere: Pictures
ELLEN Ellen Page, Leonardo DiCaprio and Marion Cotillard trod the carpet for the World Premiere of Inception, at the Odeon Leicester Square in central London. DiCaprio plays Cobb, a futuristic agent who seeks to implant an idea and save the day. It’s a chance to get DiCaprio out of his linen shirts and shorts into a Bond-style suit. It works.
“A devilishly complicated, fiendishly enjoyable sci-fi voyage across a dreamscape that is thoroughly compelling. In a summer of remakes, reboots and sequels comes Inception, easily the most original movie idea in age” – Hollywood Reporter, Kirk Honeycut
Leo DiCaprio Inception
Posted: 9th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lindsay Lohan’s Drugstore Heroin: Pictures
LINDSAY Lohan was taking same drug that killed Danny Gans, writes Our Man in LA. Iatronic deaths are all the rage in Hollywood where the legal high rules:
Lindsay Lohan is taking the same drug that killed Danny Gans. The probation report handed to the court in Beverly Hills in advance of the talented and troubled actress’ sentencing on Tuesday reveals that the 24-year-old has prescriptions for and has been, allegedly, gobbling a combination of drugs including the amphetamine Aderall, anti-depressants Zoloft and Trazodone and Nexium, which is used to treat acid reflux.
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Posted: 9th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
