Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Snoop Dogg Teaches Rio Ferdinand To Play Football: Pictures
SNOOP Dogg met Rio Ferdinand and Jameela Jamil at the Ordsall Community Centre in Salford. Hip hop Snoop star played football with the volunteers – teenagers who have been giving up their free time in exchange for tickets to Snoop Dogg’s gig, through the Orange RockCorps scheme. It turns out that Snoop can play football better than Rio Ferdinand and can creosote a wall better than Alan Shearer. If he can pass the drugs test and star in porn video, the job of England captain is his…
Update: Snoop says he wants a job acting on Coronation Street – they “said they were interested so hopefully it might happen”. That tram won’t drive itself…
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Posted: 8th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lindsay Lohan Is Not Stoned To Death In Iran – Yet: Pictures
LINDSAY Lohan gets 90 days chockey and the chance to resurrect her film career. She weeps in court and talks to the judge of her respect. She wears the legend “FUCK U” on the end of her finger – so proving that she has more talent there than you have in your entire bodies. And then gets Tweeting:
@liana_levi didn’t we do our nails as a joke with our friend dc? it had nothing to do w/court.. it’s an airbrush design from a stencil xx
She airbrushes her nails? Is anything in Hollywood as it appears? Are those Lohan’s actual fingers or stunt fingers used to hide her nicotine-stained claws? It’s the stunt finger that told the judge “fuck u”. Lohan is innocent!
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Posted: 8th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Avatar Is Now Even longer: Spoiler Alert
HANDS up who wants to see a longer version of James Cameron’s Avatar flick? Rumours are it is to come with free DVDs of Escape To The Country Uncut; Lord’s Prayer Deliverance – a BBC3 show in which teenaged wannabe vicars read the Lord’s Prayer with emphasis on different words in the manner of Trevor McDonald reading THE news; and EastEnders.
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Posted: 8th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sara Carbonero: Me And My Spanish World Cup – In Pictures
LARISSA Riquelme is mediating her cleavage by text message; Abbey Clancy is telling Hello! readers “You can have a new bikini for very day of your holiday”; and Cheryl Cole has been nuzzled by something small and nasty (no, not Ashley). So. All eyes on Spanish television presenter Sara Carbonero, girlfriend of Spain goalkeeper Iker Casillas. Carbonero gives good face to the media. She is the last WAG standing. This is her World Cup so far.
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Posted: 7th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Star In ‘Love Is…’: Cherubs Weep
TO all the one who have never loved, Angelina Jolie feels for you. Pray to her. Cherish her. St Angelina Jolie is talking to Parade magazine on matters of your pathetic loveless life:
“I feel sad for someone who has never known love. Love elevates. You know, Brad would joke about me having this conversation about love. Love? It’s such a funny word. Brad can find certain phrases of poetry for it. I’m terrible at it. But I know it means wanting the best for the people you love, putting their interests above your own, always. Love does that. Love is what you live for.”
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Posted: 7th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lindsay Lohan In Remake Of Caged Heat – Paris Hilton Directs
AND so it that the second of Hollywood’s Three Disgraces, Lindsay Lohan, follows Paris Hilton’s feet into prison.
In 2010, Lohan says “FUCK U“. In 2007, Hilton said it was “cruel and unfair” that’s she should be sent to jail. As 14 says, the Jail Bird is very lucky she didn’t kill someone when she drunkenly swerved her Mercedes into the In-n-Out Burger drive thru late one night.That would be “cruel and unfair”.
In jail, Hilton faced being played with by “very masculine lesbians” unable to give her a pedicure.
Back then, The Sun, told us that female inmates at the Century Regional Detention Facility numbered “violent robbers, hookers, junkies and a mob of butch lesbians who control by force“.
It was thrilling stuff. And now Lohan wants it. “FUCK U,” runs the legend on her middle finger as she sits in court. Get me to the butch lesbians already. No, not that streak of water Samantha Ronson. Give me someone huge in fists.
14 again tells us that the Sun perhaps I’ve watched too many cheesy women’s prison films, but wouldn’t it be great for Lohan’s “career” if she starred in a remake of Caged Heat or The Big Bird Cage?
Lohan weeps in court for her career. But this is the chance she’s been wating for. It’s Freaky Friday 2, in which talented Lohan enters the body of brattish former child star with a sense of entitlement.
Look out for Lohan emerging from jail with a rejuvenated fire crotch, empathy for her ex-jailbird father and a few tips for Britney Spears on how to keep a career alive and the boys interested…..
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Posted: 7th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
In Pictures: Lindsay Lohan Goes Down For 90 Days – Escapes Parental House Arrest
LINDSAY Lohan has been jailed for 90 days. The Celebrity Police Force always gets its photo of cops with stars for the canteen wall.
Lohan has been jailed for violating the terms of her probation over a 2007 drink-drive charge – she missed seven court-ordered alcohol education classes. Expect lots of footage and interviews with Lohan’s mother dressed in full Tenko garb.
When they come to make the film of Aung San Suu Kyi’s life, Lohan can draw on her experiences. Did Kyi take mandatory drugs test and wear leggings? Kyi might like to meet Lohan half way. Even top actors need help.
When Beverly Hills Superior Court judge Marsha Revel sentenced her, Lohan wept. She said:
“I did the best I could.“
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Posted: 7th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Victoria Beckham And Cheryl Cole At Death’s Door?
VICTORIA Beckham is “on the brink”, says the Star on its front page. Also, Cheryl Cole has the “killer” form of malaria.
Yes, readers, the celebrity cull is on. England’s World Cup footballers are dead and their WAGS are set to follow them.
Anyhow, here’s the news on “FRAIL” Posh being on the “brink”, as the Star says.
“Split rumours push Posh near to collapse”
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Posted: 7th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston’s Baby News Shocker
BRAD Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are involved in a “BABY SHOCKER”.
The full National Enquirer’s front-page teaser tells us:
“HER PREGNANCY NEWS TEARS HIM APART”
And get a load of “ANGIE’S STUNNING REACTION”.
The full news is that Jennifer Aniston is not pregnant. And she is, moreover, not pregnant by Brad Pitt. Aniston is also not pregnant by Mel Gibson, Paris Hilton, Orville the Duck, Prince Harry nor Lassie, with whom she shares a hairdresser, who also has not impregnated the actress.
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt – A Romance
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Posted: 6th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Kylie Minogue’s Aphrodite And Other Foamy Genitals
KYLIE Minogue launched of her album Aphrodite, at Amante Beach Club in Ibiza, Spain. Ah, Aphrodite, goddess of love and sexuality who rose from the foamy seas after Cronus cut off Uranus’ genitals and tossed them into the brine. Something to think about while we admire Kylie and read the cover notes…
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Cheryl Cole’s Deadly Malaria And Ashley Cole’s Foursome
CHERLY Cole has malaria. So says the Daily Mirror. And Ashley Cole has “romped” with “4 girls in just 24 hours”. What do you want first – the shakes or the shakes?
Cheryl Cole is said to have caught malaria on a romantic holiday with Derek Hough, the dancer.
Ashley Cole is in a nightclub in LA. A strumpet is flashing her naked chest at him. Says the Star of goings on before, during and after a trip to the Guys And Dolls nightclub:
SHAMED Ashley Cole was out scouring Los Angeles for trashy women yesterday, while his estranged wife Cheryl lay on her sick bed in Britain.
Yeah, looking for trashy women in LA! Why go so far? Why not just call one of sex phone lines advertised in the Daily Star, watch its sister organ Channel X or go clubbing in Kent?
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Posted: 6th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
T4 On the Beach Does Weston Super Mare – In Pictures
TO Weston Super Mare to see Dizzee Rascal perform at T4 On The Beach 2010. Also there, Ellie Goudling, Tinie Tempah, Alexandra Burke, Pixie Lott and the Saturdays…
Posted: 4th, July 2010 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Page 3 Girl In Fox Attack Rabies Horror
FORMER Page 3 Stunna Sam Fox has been treated for rabies after she was bitten by a …cat. The Star says “Rabies is potentially fatal”.
What bit Sam? It wasn’t a fox. Call off the dogs. Go for the cats.
It’s front-page news on the Star. Sam is well enough to tell us her story:
“I love animals, especially cats but over there they’re considered like rats and are left to fend for themselves. I ended up feeding a lot of them, giving them bits of shellfish after dinner. This one was laying on my feet and I thought we were getting on really well so I went to stroke him but he bit me so hard it went down to the bone.”
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Posted: 4th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Kate Price Wedding Pictures: The Fight, The Gash And The Media
WANT to go “INSIDE” Katie Price’s wedding to walking toffee Crisp Alex Reid? Want to see inside what the Star called the “WEDDING FROM HELL”?
Want to see what the News of The World calls “JORDAN’S WEDDING PUNCH UP”?
It;’ front-page news. And to the wedding we go.
Katie Price arrives at St Paul’s Church in Woldingham, Surrey, in the back of what the Mirror calls an “A-Team van”, but what to web user looks like the Bang Bus.
The gentlemen of the press are not welcome, says the news. Katie has flogged her wedding pics and video to a TV channel for £600,000. This wedding must be conducted in the upmost secrecy. So here’s Katie in a big black and red van with blacked out windows arriving at a country church.
That’s not her wedding dress train burqa being held up to keep her from being seen – it’s a sheet.
Says the Star:
Things started badly when she failed to land a last-minute £200,000 deal to sell pictures of the big day, a formal blessing of her February marriage.
In the church, a bouncer stands at the altar. No, it’s not Alex Reid. This one is talking. He reads out a list of names.
“These people must go to the back of the church and then leave immediately. Katie doesn’t trust you.”
The Mirror watches three people depart. The Star sees two. The ejected guests’ crime is to have, allegedly, leaked details of the do to the media.
And then outside a brawl breaks out:
One photographer was pushed through the sheets and thrown face-first into a flower bed before being hauled to his feet and pinned by the throat to the wall of the church.
He had part of his camera broken and said several times: “I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe.” Another was kicked to the ground and several journalists were left bleeding in the scrum.”
The People hears sirens:
WELL-WISHERS were knocked to the ground and left terrified during the battle. PHOTOGRAPHERS were grabbed in headlocks, hurled to the ground and pinned against the church wall, with one suffering a gashed face.
The bride was hit herself and was so scared she dived back in her vehicle.
And what would have been a 15-minue blessing between a middle-aged mum of three and [enter name here] is turned into front-page news. As Katie said:
“We’re not going to have a wedding planner, we’re literally going to do it ourselves.”
Job done. If you want to get lots of coverage in the media, make the media part of the story. Katie Price knows…
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Posted: 4th, July 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)
Kendra Wilkinson’s Minute Sex With Hugh Hefner: Sliding Into Home
RELUCTANT porn star Kendra Wilkinson is promoting her new book. It’s called “Sliding Into Home”. Third base is nothing for Kendra.
In her tome, she recalls that magical first time she got inside Hugh Hefner’s housecoat and jumpstarted him:
“One of the girls asked me if I wanted to go upstairs to Hef’s room. In my head I could hear my mom’s voice, ‘You know they have orgies there.’ I said ‘Okay, if I have to.’ It seemed like every other girl was going and if I didn’t it would be weird. One by one, each girl hopped on Hef and had sex with him for about a minute. I studied their every move. Then it was my turn, it was very weird. I wasn’t thinking about how much older Hef was, all the body parts worked the same. I wanted to be there.”
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Posted: 3rd, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Katie Price’s Church Blessing And Fight
KATIE Price and her walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid got a wedding blessing at St Paul’s. That’s St Paul’s Church in Woldingham, Surrey. It was a dignified affair, with jobbing WAG Danielle Lloyd the star celebrity guest (indeed), a fight between security staff and a photographer and Katie making he escape in the Bang Bus…
Katie Price’s Career As Jordan (NSFW)
Alex Reid Naked (NSFW)
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Posted: 3rd, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Bob Dylan, Van Morrison And Blondie Rock Hop Farm Festival: Pictures
BOB Dylan and Van Morrison rocked the Hop Farm Festival in Paddock Wood, Kent. Ray Davies, without his Kinks, arrived and Debbie Harry, too. If you remember that lot in their pomp, you most likely spent the weekend watching the tennis, writing letters to the Daily Mail or wondering what happened to proper music. It was at Hop Farm…
Posted: 3rd, July 2010 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Angelina Jolie: ‘Shiloh, We Feel, Has Montenegro Style’
ANGELINA Jolie would like you to consider her daughter Shiloh Jolie- Pitt, look at her clothes and enjoy the length of her tracksuit:
Shiloh, we feel, has Montenegro style
Albania feels for Monenegro.
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Touch Up Super Bowl: In 70 Pictures
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Posted: 3rd, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Hop Farm Festival 2010
DEBBIE Harry of Blondie and Dr John were the big acts at the Hop Farm Festival, Paddock Wood, Kent. Before Madonna and Lady GaGa, there was Debbie Harry, siren of teenaged bedroom walls. Also on the bill of what looks like a real ale festival: Van Morrison, Bob Dylan, Ray Davies, Mumford & Sons, Peter Doherty, Laura Marling and The Magic Numbers, and Seasick Steve…
Silver Clef Awards In Pictures: Muse, Smoking Pipes And JLS
A GEISHA-faced Sharon Osbourne hosted the Silver Clef awards ceremony which aims to raise money for the Nordoff Robbins charity, helping the sick and disabled with music therapy.
The top awards went to Muse, who turned it down last year. This time they accepted; and bassist Chris Wolstenholme smoked a pipe outside the Park Lane Hilton. There are not enough pipes at large. Old Mr Anorak’s pal Iowahawk has one but too few others. A trend may be born.
The winners:
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Silver Clef Award – Muse
Sony Ericsson Lifetime Achievement Award – Tony Bennett
Investec Icon Award – Dame Vera Lynn
Hard Rock Ambassador Of Rock Award – Slash
TAG Newcomer Award – JLS
PPL Classical Award – Russell Watson
Royal Albert Hall Best British Band Award – Scouting For Girls
American Express Digital Innovation Award – Dizzee Rascal
Raymond Weil International Award – Kelis
Posted: 2nd, July 2010 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Charlotte Church In Noel Edmonds Horror Story: Pictures
CHARLOTTE Church “comforts herself with cigs and white wine”. So says Closer magazine.
Because, you see, before Charlotte and Gavin Henson split up she was teetotal and never smoked.
Having brought us the news (for £1.30) that Charlotte Church continues to smoke and drink despite break up, Closer tells us that she “secretly fears: ‘Who’ll have me now?’”
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Posted: 2nd, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)
Kristen Stewart’s Murder: Twilight Eclipse Pictures
TWILIGHT star Kristen Stewart was not at the London premier of the Eclipse film last night. She’s been talking about her murder and ambitions for political office.
Stewart tells Hello! magazine:
“I don’t feel very comfortable on the red carpet. I look out there at a thousand people and I realize they could rush me and assassinate me. No security could protect me. Ostensibly they’re fans, but I think about them turning on me.”
Anorak’s Man in LA muses over the language:
Assassinate. Really? The Rat consulted our resident grammarian, Miss Gooch, and she confirmed what we thought all along… the word “assassinate” doesn’t generally refer to the murder of the common folk, or even Hollywood stars… it usually refers to political figures.
JFK was assassinated. John Lennon was merely murdered.
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Posted: 2nd, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Christine Bleakley’s Bikini Gives World Cup Relief
MORE happy news from the England post-World Cup training camp where a blessedly early exit from the tournament has allowed the Star to lead with pictures of Frank Lampard’s bikini-clad WAG Christine Bleakley for two days running.
England have beaten the Germans to the sunbeds. And Star readers get to see Bleakley and Lamps “having a ball”. But mostly they get to see Christine in her bikini.
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Posted: 2nd, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Twilight Eclipse London Premier
TO the Premier of Eclipse, the final instalment in the Twilight saga, at the Leicester Square Odeon. Taylor Lautner? Not there. Kirsten Stewart? Not there. Robert Pattinson? Not there. But there were Nikki Reed, Ashley Greene, Kelly Rowland, Joe Jonas, Alex Meraz, Booboo Stewart, Xavier Samuel – some of whom are in the film that has made mega-stars of Taylor Lautner, Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson. Some fans queued for 36 hours to see the stars. Then Danny Dyer turned up with his daughter…Dani.
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Posted: 1st, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mel Gibson’s Raping ‘Niggers’ Rant Is On Tape, Allegedly
MEL Gibson is a nice guy. When not conducting a Bible class in Aramaic or praising Jews with “sugar tits” for starting all the wars – in yer face, Hitler – Mel is, allegedly, telling Oksana Grigorieva, the mother to his latest child Lucia:
“You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault.”
Yep, not one “verily”, “unto ye” or “Amen”. Mel is slipping. He later adds, allegedly:
“I am going to come and burn the f**king house down… but you will blow me first.”
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Posted: 1st, July 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
