Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Magic Santa Monica Cops Turn Lindsay Lohan’s Breath Mint Into Cocaine
HEAR the one about the policeman who thought the white substance on Lindsay Lohan’s Clinique sun card was a crushed breath mint?
TMZ tells readers:
Cop Mistook Lindsay’s Cocaine for Breath Mint
Did he? Was it cocaine?
The Santa Monica Police report says the officer “discovered a folded Clinique sun care card with an unknown substance caked on to the surface of the card in Lohan’s right rear pocket“.
Anything caked on Lohan is worthy of investigation – mud, Calum Best, wood glue, whatever…
“Some of the white substance fell to the floor. I used my foot to see what had fell but thought nothing of it. I did not recognize the substance attached to the card and initially thought the substance was a wet crushed breath mint.”
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Posted: 30th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jermaine Jackson: Michael Jackson Was Killed And Conrad Murray’s The ‘Fall Guy’
JERMAINE Jackson wants to “speak from his heart” about the death of his brother Michael Jackson. He wants to speak with you, Hello! magazine readers.
And while he speaks he wants to show you lots of his stuff, such as the zebra-print rugs on his lounge floor, his kidzz Jermajesty and Jaafar, his wife Halima and his hair not seen outside an advert for California Sun-Maid raisins.
Jermaine tells us that he’s NOT made of steel and when “the world cried” after the man the media called Wacko Jacko died, the Jacksons also cried.
Hello! says “family is plainly paramount” to the man who has seen children by three women.
Before Michael Jackson died, Jermaine was on Celebrity Big Brother. That was the show that included Jermaine uttering the phrase “white trash” and a chat with Jade Goody:
Jade: “You’re actually black aren’t you?”
Jermaine: Nods
Jade: “‘Cos lookin’ at you, like, you’re dark, like your brothers.”
Jermaine: Worried
Jade: “But looking at Michael, he’s gone white actually, ain’t he?”
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Posted: 30th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
James Blunt’s Concert At 42000 Feet: Pictures And Sick Bags
JAMES Blunt rose into the air in a plane to sing at 42,000 ft and beat the world record for the highest gig ever. He might also beat the record for the number of air passengers being sick into an acoustic guitar. Both records are currently held by passengers aboard the flight where the captain played Lionel Richie’s Hello over the PA system.
Does some music make you feel queasy in the car or on the plane? Here’s Blunt, crooning in the skies above…Norwich.Pictures:
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Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Music | Comments (4)
Vanessa Feltz Can Suck Anything Through A Straw
VANESSA Feltz has had gastric band surgery. OK! magazine shows Nessy scooping ice-cream over a pile of biscuits and crisps. This might dispel those myths that Feltz got fat as result of alien experiments on abducted humans or from exercising too much. OK! has a question for Feltz:
“If this operation doesn’t work, will you have any other surgery – like having your mouth wired shut?”
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Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Angelina Jolie’s Naked Kindergarten Romps
ANGELINA Jolie would like to tell us about her erotic play while a student at kindergarten:
“I created a game called kissing the boys and then we’d make out with them and take our clothes off.”
Year later she met Maddox. She held him in her arms. He was not naked, but he could have been:
“He was asleep. They put him in my arms and he stayed asleep. I thought he was narcoleptic.”
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Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Marilyn Monroe’s Chest Sells For $45,000: Pictures
MAILYN Monroe’s chest has been sold for $45,000.
Well, not her actual chest.
Were Marilyn Monroe a modern celeb she’d have, no doubt, sported all sizes and designs of chest, perhaps have brought her own range ot market.
As it was, she had to make do with nature and bras.
And an X-ray. After Miss Congeniality, meet the other months:
no images were found
Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Michael Jackson’s Missing Body – Pictures
MICHAEL Jackson’s body is “MISSING”. And there are pictures of the missing body?
Missing from his face?
No, The National Enquirer says:
“MICHAEL’S COFFIN EMPTY!”
Did he rise again?
We learn of the “shocking truth” – but not what the “shocking truth is” because someone is “hiding the truth”.
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Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (21)
Oprah Winfrey More Powerful Celebrity Than Lady GaGa And You, Again
ACCORDING to Forbes magazine, Oprah Winfrey is the world’s most powerful celebrity who can only be stopped by a stabbing fork of Lady GaGa James Cameron and Tiger Woods.
Winfrey is the world’ Number 1 celebrity for the third time in four years, beating Beyoncé Knowles into second place.
Other names on the lists: James Cameron, Britney Spears, Sandra Bullock, Johnny Depp and Madonna. But who would win a fight? Can we get a five-a-side celebrity tournament going and see what combination of celebrities cancels the other out?
Can it be more than zero?
Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sandra Bullock And Jessa James Divorce Nightmare: Pictures
THE National Enquirer had the scoop that Sandra Bullock was giving Jesse James one more chance and that the divorce was off. Or as TMZ reports a few days later, the divorce has been finalised.
Sandra divorced the Vanilla Gorilla on April 23rd
Such are the facts… And, yep, no long, drawn out messy divorce. It’s a tabloid nightmare.
Michelle McGee (NSFW)
Sandra Bullock (NSFW)
Sandra Bullock Gives Jesse James ‘2nd Chance’: Pictures
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Posted: 29th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lady Cheryl Cole Strips In Hollywood Movie: In Pictures
CHERYL Cole will not stick with World Cup winning hero Sir Ashley Cole. Her ladyship will move on – and strip. It is now ok to dislike Ashley Cole once more, and that is just one of the positives resulting from England’s defeat to the Germans. We’re all Anglo-Saxon now, readers. Or Dutch.
So. What news of the “nation’s sweetheart”?
Well, she’s going to strip. Sorry. Make that, Cheryl Cole is going to star in a comic street in the Beano. Pow! Biff! Cheryl’s going to sings diet with Minnie The Minx.
Why? Well, as the Star says:
Dundee-based publishers DC Thomson spotted her sporting a red and black striped outfit, designed by the late Alexander McQueen, in her video for Fight For This Love.
Comic book readers can look out for Cheryl entertaining the kids in her tight, slashed black plastic peek-a-boo top and matching knickers.
Take that, Walter Softy!
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Posted: 28th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Glastonbury In Pictures: All Of Them
GLASTONBURY 2010 In Pictures – presented by Stevie Wonder’s keytar; Paloma Faith’s massive balls; Muse’s rock; U2’s one-man-show (it was The Edge who showed up); Gorillaz in 3D, 2D and 32DD; bits of The Clash; Pet Shop Boys off their box; Kylie Minogue’s lipstick lesbianism with the Scissor Sisters; Snoop Dogg on one; Willie Nelson off one; Seasick Steve downing one; Emma Watson’s tattoo; and you…
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Alex Curran, Cheryl Cole and Victoria Beckham In Cloning Horror
THE World Cup is here and it’s time to hear what the WAGs have been up to as the England team, make ready for a batter with the Germans. Alex Curran, WAG to footballer Steven Gerrard, has news:
“I’ve no plans to be a Victoria Beckham or a Cheryl Cole. I’m really happy with what I’ve got.”
Although she failed to rule out plans to become Imelda Marcos or Margaret Thatcher…
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Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Muse Play Glastonbury With U2’s The Edge: Pictures
GLASTONBURY in pictures: Muse rocked the Pyramid stage. Matt Bellamy was joined on stage by The Edge of U2. The show’s other highlight was another old act appearing – the Blockbuster’s gold run. Not since Bob Holness was asked for a “P, please” have we seen the hexagons light up…
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Kylie Minogue Joins The Orchestrated Lesbians At Glastonbury: Pictures
KYLIE Minogue is kissing Scissor Sisters stager Ana Matronic at Glastonbury. It’s on stage, readers. We like our lesbians to be fake and an orchestrated spectacle. We like lesbians to be seen and not heard. Kylie adds her name and face to the gallery of lipstick lesbians giving the boys in the media gallery what they want – and all they can handle…
Kerry Katona Sex Tape: In Pictures
ARE you ready for a Kerry Katona sex tape? You’ve seen the tongue – now see it in action! The NoTW says Kerry’s estranged husband Mark Croft is “threatening” to sell a Katona sex tape.
He might sell it. But who buys it? Do you want to see a stitched-up (literally) mum-of-four shagging a middle-aged cabbie? Do you want to pay to see it or just wait until last orders at the kebab shop and head to the car park?
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Posted: 27th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Hard Rock Calling: Stevie Wonder’s Keytar, Pearl Jam And Sarah Harding Does The Gents – In Pictures
THE Hard Rock Calling concert In Pictures – introduced by Sarah Harding walking into the Gents toilet. Harding’s big mistake. It was. Really. Walking into the gents is easy – if you have no sense of smell. Also there, Pearl Jam with a sweet red wine, Stevie Wonder on keytar, Jamiroquai as Standing Bull and James Morrison…
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Pearl Jam And The Hives Play The Hard Rock Calling Festival: Pictures
FOR those of you who wanted to go to an open air concert but didn’t fancy schlepping to Glastonbury and living like a refugee, waking up in the night to hear braying ninnies banging on about drugs and ‘the experience’, there was Pearl Jam at the Hard Rock Calling Festival in London’s Hyde Park, London. Great show. Look out for the Hives doing the nautical look and The Chiefs modelling this year’s merkins – on their faces…
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Glastonbury Day 2 In Pictures: Emma Watson, Muse, The Dead Weather And Back Stage
GLASTONBURY in Pictures: Day 2. Here’s Alison Mosshart of The Dead Weather smoking a cigarette on stage and Seasick Steve supping a beer. Nice work if you can get it. Jackson Browne went one stage further and looked comatose. Scissor Sisters looked like an 1980s tribute act to soemthing that might have been good. And Muse rocked.
Zandra Rhodes added to the impression that Glastonbury is the product of an exploded in a clown factory by dressing accordingly. Emma Watson, the celebrity face of the show, wanders about with George Craig of One Night Only. Kelly Osbourne and boyfriend Luke Worrall did whatever the do. Jameela Jamil looked leggy. And Pixie Geldof looked like the games teacher your boarding school warned you about.
And the sun beat down…
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Glastonbury In Pictures: Gorrilaz Clash With The Nautical Theme
GLASTONBURY in pictures: Mick Jones, Damon Albarn and Paul Simonon of The Clash continued to work that yachty theme as they joined Gorrilaz on the Pyramid Stage. Damon Albarn is the first person to headline the festival two years running, because U2 pulled out when Bono was struck down by an act of God. Snoop Dogg joined Gorrilaz on stage for their final track, Clint Eastwood, and De La Soul popped up with some lilting rap. This was nostalgia, animation, video, music, pop, mash-up and a show – Gorrilaz are for the internet generation…
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Glastonbury In Pictures: Snoop Dogg’s Pigtails Do The Dizzee Rascal
GLASTONBURY welcomed Snoop Dogg onto the Pyramid Stage on the festival’s first day. Snoop wore pigtail and a huge knuckler duster with his name on it. What with the shorter-term memory stuff, this is advisable. Also playing on Day 1 were Dizzee Rascal – now a shouter for Ing-er-land – and La Roux, Danny’s little girl all grown up…
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Emma Watson’s Glastonbury Tattoo – In Pictures
EMMA Watson, Harry Potter’s Nell Gwynn look-alike, has had a temporary tattoo applied to her arm backstage during the Glastonbury Festival in Somerset. Slow news day? Not a bit of it… Here’s Emma Watson in her basque, boots and her “Mother Lover” tattoo…
Glastonbury 2010 In Photos (NSFW)
The World’s Weirdest And Stupidest Tattoos
The Greatest Tattooed Mugshots Ever
Posted: 25th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Michael Jackson Pictures: The Weird, Creepy And Odd Photos
BEFORE his death, Michael Jackson was the tabloids’ Wacko Jacko. Then he died. The papers eulogised him and realised what had gone. They also noticed that he had never been found guilty of any crime. No-one has proved that he molested a child. For now, the narrative has moved on and the story is that he was killed by evil forces. Wacko Jackson becomes Wacked Jack. Of course, Jackson did himself few favours with his Jesus Juice, child sleepover parties, pre-teen stunt doubles, veiled kids, Pixie voice and his face. And those pictures. Yikes! We now present gallery of his weirdest pictures:
Michael Jackson Pre-1980
Michael Jackson 1980-1990
Michael Jackson 1990 -1999
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PA PHOTOS/DPA - UK USE ONLY : US pop star Michael Jackson is holding his youngest son Prince Michael II with just one arm over the balustrade of the window of the president's suite on the fifth floor of Hotel Adlon, Berlin, 19 November 2002. This scene caused a lot of excitement. About 200 fans cheering outside were terrified, the incident was reported worldwide, and child welfare experts criticized Jackson harshly for dangling the baby from a balcony. The musician regrets this by writing that he made a 'terrible mistake' as he was overwhelmed emotionally by his supporters. Jackson and his three children are staying at the president's suite. On Thursday, 21 November, Jackson, 44, will receive the 'Bambi' entertainment award for his lifetime achievements.
Posted: 25th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Michael Jackson: Evil Non-Muslims Killed Jackson And His Shepherd’s Pie Dream
MICHAEL Jackson is in the news. The hardest working corpse in showbiz’s mum, Katherine Jackson, says people wanted Jacko dead. And not just those people who take along their children to bang on the side of police vans carrying paedophiles to jail. Others. Says Katherine Jackson:
“He told me several times that he felt that people wanted him gone, wanted him dead. He would always say that. And for him to say that, he must have known something.”
Maybe. Now Jackson is dead – and he is dead? – such idle chat takes on a deeper meaning. But who wanted Jackson dead? And what did they stand to gain from his demise? Is there a lucrative career to be had with a dead Jackson?
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Simon Cowell Says Cheryl Cole Is Now Cheryl Tweedy – Her Neck Disagrees
JUST in time to crack American between her Max Wall dancing thighs, nation’s sweetheart Cheryl Cole is now nation’s sweetheart Cheryl Tweedy.
Celebrity Teeth: Before And After
Granted, it says “Mrs C” on the back of her neck. But she doesn’t have to see it. So. It’s ok. And should Ashley Cole’s England win the World Cup what man will not want to kiss the badge and say, “I was there”? Bring a biro, lads. Sign the flag.
Question: If Cheryl is to break the US, will she get her alleged new lover’s name printed on her head – “Derek Hough” (pronounced Ho)?
The World’s Weirdest And Stupidest Tattoos
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kerry Katona And Me: The Husband’s Story
KERRY Katona’s estranged husband Marc Croft is to write a “warts and all book” about his time with the face of ownbrand ketchup.
The Star says that Croft has already “pocketed” £60,000 for kiss ‘n’ tell stories about our Kerry. Kerry is “the mum of his two children”. Rather, Kerry Katona is mum to two of Croft’s children. But the book should explain any missing facts. And as for those paparazzi pictures… Well, who pays for those eh, Daily Star?
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Posted: 24th, June 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
