Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Anorak Spots: Sarah Jessica Parker’s Twice Nay And Tila Tequila Does Room Service
Whatever happened to Jason Casto – Starcasm
Nay, Nay and twice neigh – The Sex and the City poster – AmyGrindhouse
Jenny McArthy loses Jim Carey closes autism school – Yeeeah
Russell Crowe impresses himself – Socialite Life
Suri Cruise gets lippy – Gabby Babble
Tila Tequila does room service – Anything Hollywood
Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
American Idol: Ryan Seacrest And Simon Cowell Are ‘Separated By Technicians’
SIMON Cowell and Ryan Seacrest, judge and host on American Idol, are being “separated by technicians”.
So says the National Enquirer and who are we to argue? If the technicians can’t separate Seacrest and Cowell, maybe the surgeons can. And if not them, then the lubers, mechanics and fishermen.
The story goes that Seacrest and Cowell were not separated because they had become co-joined or in someway entwined, one stuck within the other, but because they had been rowing.
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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comment (1)
Britney Spears Shows Her Fleshy Candie Bars
BRITNEY Spears is posing for US-based fashion firm Candie’s. For reasons unknown she’s apparently licking the underside of miniature poodle. Britney wants you to see the pictures of her before the airbrush got to work. Well, so the press release goes. If she didn’t want us to see the after shots, why allow them to be broadcast? Why not just be herself? Because a fleshy mum-of-two invites only derision, while a fleshy mum of two making some kind of point is brave, warrior-like, the kind of thing a superwoman would do. Hey, it’s what Jessica Simpson would do…
Spotter: 3am
Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Boy George And Mark Ronson At Rufus Wainwright’s Opera Prima Donna
WE spotted music producer Mark Ronson, Graham Norton and Boy George arriving for the opening night of Rufus Wainwright’s opera Prima Donna, at Sadler’s Wells Theatre. Decent show. And – amazingly – unpretentious…
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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Michelle Bombeshell McGee Says Sorry To Bullock Her Co-Star Victim
MICHELLE “Bombshell” McGee gives it the sister act on Australian TV, showing the viewers Jesse James’ text messages to her and saying that she is sorry for Sandra Bullock’s pain.
The Bayeux Bombshelter is on Australia’s Today Tonight – why? – to tell her Australian fanbase that James let her down. She and Sandra are kindred spirits. They will become firm pals and star in a film together. Bullock will be the star and McGee the extra who writes the players’ lines on her face.
Michelle McGee is the future of prompting…
Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Closer Invites Us To Hate Mum-Of-Seven Claire Davey
MEET pregnant mum-of-seven Claire Davey. Claire has never had a full-time job. She wants to have another seven children. She and her husband Peter get £42,000-a-year from the state.
And they may be earning a few pounds more because Claire and her brood are in Closer magazine, along with a 42-inch plasma telly, Sky TV, a seven-seat Mercedes, an 11-seater Minibus and a four-bedroom detached home in Llangefni, Wales.
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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Prince William Pops The Questions To Kate Middleton
IN this week’s Hello! the magazine looks at Kate Middleton and Prince William and gets “Ten burning questions answers”.
1. Will there be party bags at your wedding?
2. What will be in the party bags?
3. Will you release a commemorative party bag?
4. Do you get party bag even if you can’t make it to the wedding?
5. Will there be a special party bag for people with nut allergies?
6. Can I recycle my party bag?
7. Are party bags good for your hair?
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Cheryl Cole’s ‘Secret Divorce’ And More
WANT to know about Cheryl Cole’s “secret divorce decision”? You do. In that case, you need to read Hello!, which features the decision in secret on its front cover. It’s an “exclusive”.
Inside, and the headline pretty much says it all:
“Cheryl Cole all smiles and in no rush to see divorce lawyers.”
Unless she’s meeting them in secret?
Angelina Jolie Orders A Brad Pitt Facelift: Pictures
BRAD Pitt has been ordered by his erstwhile lover Angelina Jolie to “Get a Facelift”. This is the National Enquirer’s “BRAD PLASTIC SURGERY SHOCKER!”
This shocker would be if a Hollywood A-lister would not get some work done. Lately, Brad has taken to wearing a hat and a beard. Anorak assumed that this was doctor’s orders and Brad was planning to combat any hair lost by having his head surgically turned 180 degrees and upper lip pulled up and over to make Brad skin smoother than his new chin…
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt – A Romance
Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comments (3)
In Pictures: Jade Goody Implicated In Jack Tweed ‘Rape’ Case
DAY 2 of the Jack Tweed rape trial and Jade Goody is getting star billing. Whatever Jack Tweed does – get photographed during extempore grave visits; smack a lad with golf club; wear knickers and a bra – it’s never enough to be star in his own right. Now, he allegedly, rapes a girl and still it’s not good enough. As the Sun damn him on its front page:
“JADE’S JACK RAPED ME”
The Star yells:
“JACK TWEED ‘RAPED’ TEEN WEEKS AFTER JADE’S DEATH”
Tsk! Where’s the respect for Our Jade? Might he not have waited a bit longer to be accused of rape?
The allegation is that Jack tweed raped a girl and that while doing so his friend, one Anthony Davis – a David Schwimmer look-alike – held the bedroom door shut and uttered the immortal line:
“Do what you’ve got to do.”
She says rape. Tweed and Davis deny the charge and say any sex was consensual.
And Jade Tweed might well wonder what he has to do to be his own celebrity?
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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Vatican Responds To Sex Cases By Clearing The Satantic Beatles
TOP news from the Vatican is that the Pope and the Catholic Church has forgiven John Lennon for saying in 1966 that the Beatles were “more popular than Jesus“. The Vatican newspaper, L’Osservatore Romano (in association with Choir Boy Enthusiast), says the Beatle’s music is “beautiful” and the mop tops represent “a precious jewel“.
The story goes:
“It’s true they took drugs, lived life to excess because of their success, even said they were bigger than Jesus and put out mysterious messages that were possibly even Satanic.”
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Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Music | Comment (1)
Jesse James: Meet ‘Mistress’ Merilee Gerth In ‘Otay’ Pictures and Emails
JESSE James and mistress number five (alleged) Merilee Gerth in pictures. Yeah, Merilee, as it Merilee, Merilee, Merilee, Merilee… Merilee down the stream (and if you see a tattoed woman don’t forget to scream)…. And Gerth? This must be her porn name, right?
Like you we too were disappointed that hours of watching boring golf at the Masters failed to yield a half-naked strumpet channelling the voice of Earl Woods as she gave birth to a little tiger in the sand trap. Tiger Woods tried and tried and tried but golf remains a sport for man who prefer the innuendo of sex – poles, holes and balls – to live action green romps.
Happily, another woman has come forward in the Jesse James – Sandra Bullock – Michelle McGee sex story.
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Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Jessica Simpson’s Sexual Kryptonite
JESSICA Simpson is make-up free on the cover of the American edition of Marie Claire plugging her telly show The Price Of Beauty. Women in no make-up are either naturally lovely; b) lazy; or c) packing a hairstylist, lighting technician and photographer with patience.
In one episode, buxom Simpson has salt water passed through her nostrils in Mumbai. In Hollywood, the custom is to go for a nostril transplant. But in Mumbai the salt water is plentiful, so the locals make do.
And Jessica is a wonder for being sexy without make-up.
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Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Pictures: Jedward To Star In New Shake ‘N’ Vac Advert
NEXT stop for Jedward a chance to sing the Shake ‘n’ Vac advert. Edward and John Grimes are to be the voices of nostalgic freshener.
Readers will remember the original adverts in which Jenny Logan dusted her avocado green carpet and hoovered.
The new ad will feature Jenny sprinkling the wonder power over the boys and sucking them into a tube.
Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Jack Tweed Back In Court On Rape Charge
JACK Tweed, the jobbing Mr Jade Goody, arrived at Snaresbrook Crown Court, London, where he is to go on trial accused of raping a teenager. Tweed wore drk glasses and a girl’s jacket. Tweed and one Anthony Davis denied two counts of rape at a hearing in December. The attack is alleged to have taken place at Tweed’s former home in Brandesbury Square, Repton Park, Woodford Green, east London.
Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Susan Boyle Kisses Up To Snoop Dogg And Heads For Revenge
SUSAN Boyle: another day in the media’s destruction of Susan Boyle, the woman who was to herald in the end of cynicism and was evidence of God’s love.
Today the Sun says Susan Boyle is to duet with Snoop Dogg, the porn-star, rap, star, gang-star.
Or, er, not. Snoop thinks it would be a good idea for him to sing with SuBo. Just as he did in December last year.
Wonderful stuff. and we looks forward to SuBo being dry humped by Snoop. But the Susan Boyle story is never complete without a mention of her being frail, melting down and deprive of oxygen. Earlier, we told you that Susan had been upset and frustrated at Heathrow Airport, thus marking the Hairy Angel out as touchingly human as the rest of us.
This leads to the Metro declaring:
Susan Boyle hopes she will find love, declaring: ‘Some day, my prince will come.’ The Scottish singer also maintains she’s enjoying life more than ever, despite rumours of breakdowns and tantrums.
The Mail:
Susan Boyle has raised more fears over her fragile mental state after flying into a four-letter rage at her personal assistant in front of shocked onlookers.
Oh, and Boyle is not a refreshing change from the norm of beauty as she was billed when first spotted. Remember Amanda Holden’s advice to Boyle? Well, now Boyle is just a fat jelly:
Speaking of which, does anyone else have a 15-year-old who, after a full roast dinner and a trifle the size of Susan Boyle, comes down stairs half an hour later and says: “Ungry…. gonna get a bowl of cereal.”
Finally a few words form Susan Boyle:
She joked on Australia’s Channel 9 show 60 Minutes: “My mother didn’t say bullying should turn you into a bully but if they hit you, you hit them back. Give them the Glasgow kiss.”
They’d love that. Go on, Susan Boyle – give ’em what they want. Give ’em a kiss.
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Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Prince Harry Orders Champagne All Round-ish
GOOD news is that Prince Harry Baseball Cap has bucked the recession and IS still buying loadsa champagne for pals at Boujis nightclub. The sun elads with the news that selfless AHrry spent £10,000 on champers, “shook hands with strangers” and “danced”.
It’s the kind of feel good news the country needs as tough times bite. And do not doubt that it’s truth. Clubber Mustafa Shamed (surely Mustafa Drink? – ed) says:
“He must have had about 15 bottles of champagne on his table and I reckon he forked out on more than double that for other people, he was really generous.”
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Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Kerry Katona’s Fit For Cocaine Shocker
KERRY Katona’s offensive on the tabloid media continues as the woman famous for taking cocaine and winning a reality TV show and selling frozen squirrels… (did we mention the cocaine?) Illustrates the Star’s front-page poser:
“KERRY: IS SHE FIT TO BE A MUM?”
This will surely lead to other questions as to what else Kerry Katona might be fit for?
Kerry: Is she fit for purpose?
Kerry: Is she fit to snort cocaine?
Kerry: Is she fit?
Kerry: Can she fit into a glass jar and be pickled for posterity?
Kerry: Is she as fit as butcher’s dog?
Having told the world that she took cocaine, the Star hears that people involved in child welfare are not impressed with Kerry. Well, one person isn’t.
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Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Video: Cheryl Cole Explaining The Meaning Of Love To Sarah Ferguson
CHERYL Cole and Ashley Cole sold their wedding to OK! magazine for a reputed £1.5 million. Cheryl is on the telly in Norway talking about her lack of a private life.
Says Cheryl of her song’s meaning – yeah, apparently there is one: “Anyone who throws in the towel ends up achieving nothing.”
Cheryl now says her song – Fight For This Love – is about what you want it to be about “no matter what the love is”. It’s not about fighting toilet attendants, either. Here’s a video. And look out for Sarah Ferguson’s head matching Cheryl’s word for word…
Cheryl Tweedy & Ashley Cole’s Wedding
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Posted: 11th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Heidi Montag’s Loose Skin Dress Floats The Liquid Pool Lounge
WHEN we first saw pictures of Heidi Montag at the Liquid Pool Lounge Grand Opening at Aria Resort and Casino in Las Vegas, NV, we thought it was shame her loose skin was obscuring the surgeon’s fine work. We also thought it apt that Montag was advertising the Liquid Pool Lounger because it there is one thing you need when drinking in Vegas – even more than the ability to recognise Tiger Woods loyalty card in the dark – it is inbuilt buoyancy aides, and a decent working knowledge of golf. Here’s Heidi. And her skin:
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Posted: 11th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Peter Andre And Katie Price And The Case Of Princess Tiaamii’s Black Eye
WHAT news of Peter Andre and Katie Price, aka, the Pop Acorn and Jordon? Well, the NoTW says TV’s leading professional dry humpers had a row about Princess TenaLadyMeeee’s “black eye“.
But having called in the police and the legal, the shiner turned out to be “smudged MASCARA”.
Phew!
As Katie undergoes ITV to be inpregnated with Alex Reid’s swimming Toffee Crispies, all eyes on one of the existing Katie Price support acts, Young Lucille Ball top Junior Pete’s Denis Arnez Princess TeepPee.
Peter spots “bruising” on the little girl’s face. He, as reported, tells his lawyers. Katie tells the police. The Celebrity Police Force (CPF), never ones to pass up a chance to meet a celeb, meet Pete.
Katie Price’s Career As Jordan (NSFW)
A Sussex CPF spokesman:
“We have no concerns for the child’s welfare, and the matter has been closed.”
But still all eyes are on Princess TeenyMeenies’ eyes. Will she be the first to blink? Can she blink or has the glue from her false lashes sealed her lids? Don’t dare to look away…
Me And My Chest: Peter Andre’s Career in Pictures
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Posted: 11th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Kerry Katona Confesses To Drugs And Iceland
THE re-awakening the Kerry Katona the brand sees Our Kerry tell us that she “hoovered up cocaine” with estranged husband Mark Croft at their home while the nanny looked after the children in another room.
The drugs stories cost Kerry her job as the face of Iceland. There were rumours of Kerry being on her uppers in more ways than one as fears were that she’d got from selling frozen squirrels to having to eat them.
Now Kerry is back doing what she does best (isn’t that eating horrible food and looking tried and emotional? – ed) and the Daily Star tells readers:
Yesterday, she had her hair done at a ritzy salon and squeezed into two different outfits to give her fans a show.
Phwoar! Gerraload of that twice-married mum-of-four with the drugs issues. She’s a shoo-in for Jeremy Kyle: The Movie. It’s onwards and upwards for Kerry. But not too high, obviously…
Posted: 11th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse’s Breasts Revolt, In Pictures
AMY Winehouse’s breasts are hurting. Winehouse’s breasts – rumoured to have teets made from optics dispensing strawberry Vitamalt (right) and gin (left) – are giving her gip, says the Sun.
A family friend said: “Amy was in agony and became convinced it was something to do with her boobs.”
Thinking of Amy Winehouse’s boobs might pain you.
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Posted: 10th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole Confesses Her Love To Norway
DID you know that “nation’s sweetheart” Cheryl Cole “LOVES CAREER MORE THAN ASHLEY”? You know, Ashley Cole, the Chelsea footballer she married in OK! magazine.
Anyhow, Cheryl is on the telly in Norway and she says:
“I am focusing on my career now. That’s what I love the most.”
The Star says this is a clear sign she’ll split for Ashley Cole. But isn’t one part of Cheryl’s career being the professional Mrs Ashley Cole?
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Posted: 10th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (11)
Frankie Boyle’s Down’s Syndrome Laugh In
FRANKIE Boyle is the poor man’s Jerry Sadowitz, a comic who prides himself on being edgy and wah-hay, but who works for the BBC’s Mock the Week – a show on which agonists try out for a cub-scout badge in comedy by competitive joke-telling – and has a column in an underground publication called The Sun. Boyle does not take comedy to the limits – he just takes it to the limits of the BBC and the police canteen.
You know it’s a funny, funny FUNNY show because the needy panellists smile a lot and look like they’re telling jokes rather than flying a plane or drinking Terry Waite’s urine.
Lately, Boyle’s been making jokes about people with Down’s Syndrome at Reading’s Hexagon Theatre. In the audience is one Sharon Smith, whose five-year-old daughter Tanzie has Down’s.
“I expected dry, nasty, crude humour, yes, but unimaginative humour poking fun at the stereotype of people with Down’s syndrome was not something that I expected.”
Bloody hell.
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Posted: 9th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
