Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Pin Up Of The Day: Strictly Come Dancing Babe Toneeta Beckford
ALL hail Toneeta Beckford, 24, and her hair, one of whom was found guilty of harassment in light of her sending Strictly Come Dancing hoofer Mr Ray Wilding “vile and grotesque” abuse over social networking sites Facebook and Twitter.
Beckford might look angelic and draped in perpetual glaze of soft focus loveliness, but it turns out that beneath the beauty she was not all the pleasant.
She hoped Mr Wilding “broke his legs” on Strictly Come Dancing (hey, Toneeta, save it for Dancing On Ice), delivered images of herself in her undies and told him:
“Don’t f*** with me Rav – I will see you right on Judgment Day.”
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Posted: 9th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cameron Douglas: Michael Douglas, Crystal Meth, Zeta Jones And A Wild Ocelot
THE image is of Michael Douglas, his first wife Deandra De Morrell Douglas, and their only child Cameron.
You’ve probably been reading about Cameron a lot in the last few months… since his arrest on charges of trying to traffic crystal meth from California to New York.
His girlfriend was later busted for trying to smuggle drugs to him while he was under house arrest at his mother’s $5.5 million dollar digs on New York’s upper east side. That’s the price she paid for the place five years ago.
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Posted: 9th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: The Infidel Is The Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Biopic Without The Laughs
TO the premier of The Infidel at the Hammersmith Apollo, London. The plot is simple: a Muslim man wakes up one day and discovers he’s Jewish. Yep, a bit like Iran’s Jewish leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, only without the laughs and tension. David Baddiel’s jokes and scenes are what you’d expect. They possess potential but fail to make you laugh. Omid Djalili, as the lead, is likeable. But the whole thing is one joke stretched out until the audience snaps. It’s Leon the Pig Farmer, only, even less funny, less plausible and without the charm. It’s the sequel you haven’t been waiting for…
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Posted: 9th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
The Secret Of Malcolm McLaren’s Death Revealed: Shocking Pictures And Words
MALCOLM McLaren has died. Want to know why and how? Well, the BBC knows. McLaren had cancer. But why did he die? Well, his spokesman Les Malloy:
He said McLaren died at his home after his condition suddenly got worse.
Man dies when condition worsens. Read. All. About it. Who says punk is dead when there is so much to hate?
Posted: 8th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
In Pictures: Cheryl Cole’s Ring News Cycle
IN recent days, Cheryl Cole has been showing her hands to the camera. One day she has a wedding ring. One day she has no ring at all. Right now, her wedding ring finger is wearing a skull ring as she passes by the paparazzi. On stage, she wears no ring.
What can it all mean? What can Cheryl be trying to tell us? Did she marry Ashley just to keep her fetish for putting rings on her ring finger?
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Posted: 8th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
David Beckham And Vicky Have Sex Five Times A Day In London And LA
NEWS is that Victoria Beckham has left husband David Beckham “exhausted” by “demanding sex FIVE times a day”, says the Sun.
Anorak advises that with his bad foot, and all, Day-vid should stop running and just give in.
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Posted: 8th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Pictures Of Justin Bieber Asleep
WANT to see a picture of Justin Bieber asleep? Justin Bieber’s dad – Lord Bieber (yes, really) wants you to see it. Look at the little Bieber asleep in his crib. Lord Bieber tweets: “probably shouldn’t have posted that pic, sorry kido ;)”
Too late. The picture is now starting a tend of sleeping celebs. We demand to see pictures of all our stars asleep. Athough, not Anthea Turner, obviously…
Posted: 8th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (42)
Katie Price Is Pregnant With Alex Reid’s Career
ALEX Reid, the walking Toffee Crisp married to Katie Price, aka Jordan, is delighted that he’s “going to be a daddy”. Only yesterday, Katie Reid, as she is known for the moment, was telling OK! readers that post-natal depression left her feeling suicidal and that she can’t wait to “get preggy”.
Just one day on and the Daily Star has baby news.
ALEX: I’M GOING TO BE A DAD
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Posted: 8th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)
Jennifer Aniston’s Car ‘Kiss’ With Brad Pitt And ‘Bill’
WITH the National Enquirer in a News of The World libel case induced Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie hiatus, InTouch stands alone in revealing stuff about Brangelina. The front-page news is:
“JEN & BRAD CAUGHT KISSING”
No, not the mirror, or babies or their PRs. Caught kissing each other – well, so a “bodyguard” clauims.
Angelina Jolie Pictures (NSFW)
“I know that he still loves her,” the ex-bodyguard Bill, who for security reasons chooses only to be identified by his first name, tells In Touch…
Brad and Jen arranged a secret meeting at the trails off of Western Canyon Road in Beverly Hills on December 9, Bill says.
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Private Kate Middleton Sues Rex Features And Advises the Plebs To Get A Camera
PRINCE William’s girlfriend Kate Middleton has successfully sued Rex Features for taking pictures of Middleton during a holiday with her family at Christmas. Middleton, represented by Queen Elizabeth II’s lawyers Harbottle and Lewis, scored 5,000 pounds in damages.
And lest you think Kate Middleton a pillock, she says she will donate the cash to charity.
Rex apologises – that full apology at the end of the piece. But before that, private Kate is being interviewed on the website of Party Pieces, you know, the company her family owns. Anyhow, before Waity Katy get to cut ribbons for a living and declare things open – and we might want to see how the jobs going since we will be paying for it – she wants to share some private things, privately.
Says Private Kate on that dreamy party bag:
“Anything that Mummy would normally never allow me to have. They were always such a treat.”
And Private Kate’s favourite moment:
“The amazing white-rabbit marshmallow cake that Mummy made when I was seven.”
Oh, and Private Kate says that when up to fun and larks, “have a camera on hand – there will always be special moments to capture.”
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (12)
That Jesse James Love Child And Michelle McGee’s Slap-On Burka: Pictures
THE Enquirer has news that Jesse James “may” have fathered a love child by one of his mistresses. Or may not have. The story goes that James preferred to deliver his Vanilla Gorilla au natural and not shrink wrapped in insulation. Odd indeed that the man who has spent so long covering his arms – and partied with Michelle McGee, a woman who covered her face in Kendo Nagasacki’s slap-on burka – should have failed to cover his arse and pecker.
Story continues after gallery:
The Enquirer’s story – “Sandra hubby love child shocker” – is based on news that Melisa Smith – the “sexy blonde stripper” who looks just like the actor Mel Smith in a wind tunnel – has been spotted buying a pregnancy test kit in LA.
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comment (1)
Alice Tan Ripley Is The Next Susan Boyle, And Stepping Stones Her Cat Agrees
WHO will be next Susan Boyle? Why Gabourey Sidibe’s mum Alice Tan Ripley will be next Susan Boyle. Not that we need a new Susan Boyle because the existing version is doing pretty well.
Well, the US wants its own star and Alice Tan Ripley – starved of nitrogen at birth; owner of a cat called Stepping Stones; a woman who can’t even says vuirtin without bushing – has scored a gig on America’s Got Talent.
Says she:
“It’s a big break for me and I would like to follow in Susan Boyle’s footsteps and become a star in my own right.”
Adidng an “Och ay the noo, lassie” and “F*** off Rangers”.
Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Jennifer Aniston’s Baby With Gerard Butler And The Bombshell
JENNIFER Aniston is going to be a mum. We know this because the National Enquirer screams: “JEN BABY BOMBSHELL!” Bombshell McGee?
In Pictures: Jennifer Aniston’s Insulting ‘Fake Relationship’ With Gerard Butler And…
And it is bombshell. Just as it was in July 2009:
“JEN’S BABY NEWS STUNS BRAD! – Jen tells Brad I think I’m pregnant”
And in May 2009
“A MOM AT LAST!”
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comment
Amanda Holden On Affairs And Cheryl Cole (Pictures)
AMANDA Holden continues to mistake the love for Susan Boyle, Simon Cowell and Britain’s Got Talent for a sign that we like her. Holden is in OK! magazine under the banner – get this – “nation’s sweetheart”. And “Here Amanda talks to OK! about ‘shallow’ America…” a place you might imagine she feels right at home.
Amanda is talking about Ashley Cole and John Terry and how they have allegedly cheated on their partners. Amanda says Cheryl “must be so heartbroken because you don’t stop loving somebody”.
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: OK! | Comments (2)
In Pictures: Katie Price’s “Secret” Wedding To Alex Reid And Swiss Suicide
KATIE Price is planning a “SURPRISE FAMILY WEDDING”. This is the Katie Price who on March 18, 2010, told ITV show This Morning:
“I don’t plan to sell anything to do with us, ‘cos it’s very private.”
This is the Katie Price who has flogged her wedding with Alex Reid to ITV2 for £600,000. This might be why Katie’s wedding, which stars on the cover of OK!, is a “SURPRISE”.
Inside, and news of the “top-secret bash”. Says Alex:
“We’re not doing it as the whole celebrity thing anyway – this is about us celebrating with our family and friends. We want it to be special to us.”
And special to anyone with a telly or £1.99 to splurge on a copy of OK!. Thankfully, we can help you save your money by reading the news so that you don’t have to.
Katie then tells us that she had post-natal depression – “I can’t wait to get preggy” – was put on anti-depressants, contemplated suicide, went to The Priory and she once had a spot of cancer on a finger and if needs must would live in Switzerland for years as preparation for a lethal injection.
A year in Switzerland and anyone might be ready to end it all. A year with Katie Price and OK! would come with a complementary needle, a pint of Botox and a CD of Peter Andre greatest simpers…
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comments (3)
That Sandra Bullock Sex Tape, Pervs, Photos And Jesse James’ Dirty Dozen
YOU know that Sandra Bullock – Jesse James Nazi sex tape that Ian Halperin says exists? Well, Sandra Bullock, tells People:
“There is no sex tape. There never has been one and there never will be one.”
But if ther were, what with this being Bullock, it’d win awards.
But, still, it’s open season on Bullock. And while we await analysis of what the Bullock kiss with Meryl Streep now means, Michael Wolff tells Vanity Fair readers:
Sandra Bullock, who’s made hundreds of millions of dollars off the illusion of niceness and hamishness and old-fashioned nothing-special decentness, is so far out there that even the most gullible will surely never trust the media again. We’ve all been played for suckers by the pervs, that’s the lesson.
And it’s a lesson you can watch over and over and over as you fantacise about the woman once called “Hollywood’s least scandalous newlywed” by, er, Vanity Fair.
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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Jamie Foxx Named And Blamed In West Virgina Mining Disaster: Video Blooper
SIX people are dead in mine diaster in West Virginia and the man on the scene brings news that Jamie Foxx is a ****.
Your host says “that’s distressing“. He says it’s bad becsue the the relatives of the miners are tuning in to find out whether the miners are alive or dead. Only, they are not. They are most likely close to the scene and being informed on all news by the mining company.
The media likes to big itself up. And as for Jamie Foxx, well, one scoop at time, please…
Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Cheryl Cole’s ‘Fragile Beauty’ Is Time Magazines Woman Of The Year
SORRY to have missed this April’s Fool (?) on Cheryl Cole, who is in the running to be one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential people in the world. The prose is a decent parody:
Cole’s was the modern-day fairy tale: a fragile beauty packaged into pop stardom as part of girl group Girls Aloud via a TV talent contest, she then snared a handsome soccer player, a star of British Premier League club Chelsea.
Cole’s fragility can be debated by toilet attendant Sophie Amogbokpa, whose post-Cole face can be seen here. Cole was , of course, playing for Arsenal when he met Cheryl, and only ended up at Chelse after a truly amazing series of uncanny events.
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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
RIP Corin Redgrave In Pictures: The Workers Revolutionary Party Remembers
RIP Corin Redgrave. You and your sister, actress Vanessa Redgrave, launched the Workers Revolutionary Party’s campaign in the General Election of 1979. You lost. The workers did revolt but not until the miners’ strike. You were the Workers Revolutionary Party candidate for Tooting. Tooting never rebelled. Wolfie let you down…
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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
Angelina Jolie, Lady GaGa And Megan Fox Turn 15% Of American Women Gay, Says Science
SO, Dr Sax, “Why are so many girls lesbian or bisexual?” And if you can mention Angelina Jolie, Lady GaGa, Megan Fox and John Mayer in your answer, so much the better.
Psychologist John Buss estimates that for most of human history, perhaps 2% of women have been lesbian or bisexual.
You can’t argue with the science (article continues after gallery)
no images were found
Not any more. Recent surveys of teenage girls and young women find that roughly 15% of young females today self-identify as lesbian or bisexual, compared with about 5% of young males who identify as gay or bisexual.
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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sarah Brown Turns Us On In Satin Dress And Sensible Mid-Heels
SO at pains is Gordon Brown to say this election is not about personalities, that Sarah Brown is addressing Hello! readers. Says Sarah:
“I’ve been grinning all day and my face is hurting.”
Sarah’s been with South African premier Jacob Zuma’s wife No. (inserts digit here) Thobeka Madiba Zuma. She’s then off to a charity nosh up for the White Ribbon Alliance at the Agua Spa in London’s Sanderson Hotel.
It’s the treatment the campaign against infant mortality demands. All this in a “slate-grey satin dress and sensible mid-heels”. Sarah is a marvel.
And Sarah Brown works in PR. She’s on her biggest challenge yet: to make Gordon Brown appear human, electable and above all else shaggable.
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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (3)
Tina Hobley Introduces The Celebrity Quote Of The Day, With Guy Chambers On Tape
TINA Hobley would like Hello! readers go gaze upon Orson Henry Attwood Wheeler. She is “crying from sheer joy”. And she delivers the celebrity quote of the day:
“And when it came to Orson’s birth I was incredibly relaxed. It was an elective Caesarean – as it was with Olivia – so I knew what time Orson would be born and we had a CD of French folk music playing which our friend Guy Chambers had prepared for us.”
Anyone else feel like crying?
Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Hello! | Comments (3)
At Home In Barbados With Kai Wayne Rooney And Traditional Wag Coleen
WE’VE peeped inside Kai Wayne Rooney’s nursery. Now we get to see inside his new home in Barbados.
Coleen Rooney “invites us into her and Wayne’s lifestyle”. Well, not quite. Coleen Rooney actually only invites us to look at her things.
Kai Wayne Rooney, Birth Of A Brand
She wants to show us the villa she’s had built in Barbados. This, we learn, is “another string to her bow”. (The bow is Louboutin for William Tell, the arrows are Swarovski and the feathers made from cash.)
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Cheryl Cole’s August Reunion With Ashley And Those Chuckle Brothers Rumours
STOP press. Having heard from Amanda Holden that Cheryl Cole is “probably” in love with Ashley Cole, heat magazine says the nation’s sweetheart (that’s Chezza – as you were, Amanda) is giving Ashley one “LAST CHANCE”.
Cheryl has set her sights on an “August” reunion. And you can read all about the “SECRET TALKS” inside the mag.
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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Heat, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Cheryl Cole: No Suicide And She Loves Ashley Cole, ‘Probably’
CHERYL Cole and Ashley Cole: Cheryl Cole on life support, her love for Ashley and Amanda Holden…
On the Daily Star’s front page, we learn: “CHERYL: I STILL LOVE ASHLEY.”
Cheryl Cole is the “tortured babe”. She “confesses to pals”. And the “pals” tell the tabloids. For shame! She really cannot trust anyone. So, who is one of these pals Cheryl is confiding in?
Why, it’s one of Simon Cowell’s legion of female eyebrow wranglers. It’s Amanda Holden.
Article continues after gallery:
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Posted: 6th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
