Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Little Miss GaGa Laura Montana Is Justin Bieber’s Lover Interest? Video
LAURA Montana is Lady GaGa. Laura Montana is aged 8. Here’s is the young Brazilain with her version of Bad Romance and Paparazzi on the Brazilian talent show Qual é o Seu Talento? (What the ****?). Cue lots of outrage over her performance and a new love interst for Justin Bieber. Still, rubbish as Montana is, she’s better than this horror show.
On a better note, it’s good to see that wherever you go in the world people still clap along to pop like the old dears in the rest home. And Lady GaGa is teaching English to the masses…
Spotter: The Awl
Posted: 3rd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole And Ashley To Reunite For World Cup
CHERYL Cole and Ashley Cole will “be back together by the World Cup”.
Wow, indeed. It’s a branding nightmare for Simon Cowell industries. With Cheryl all set to crack America, will she be Tweedy or Cole on the press releases?
Cheryl Tweedy & Ashley Cole’s Wedding
OK! harks back to 2005, when it met Cheryl and Ashley in their two-storey apartment in North London. In 2006, they married before an audience of thousands as OK! broadcast the splendour. The pictures from the day in which Ashley wore a suit you could shave in and Cheryl knifed a cake were a joy.
As for them getting back together for the World Cup… Well, that’s what Gerard Sanderson, says. He’s the man who wrote Cheryl Cole: Her Story. Also Derek Acorah says Cheryl and Ashley will reunite, and he knows Michael Jackson.
OK! goes on to say how much is adores Cheryl and how the mag and the singer formed a kind of partnership of trust. OK! turned down photos of Ashley with Ann Corbitt, and told Cheryl’s reps “so they could investigate the allegation”.
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Posted: 3rd, March 2010 | In: OK! | Comments (7)
Gordon Brown’s Wife’s Pal Noami Campbell ‘Punched’ Driver
AFTER too long a break away from the fight game, Naomi Campbell is accused ot punching and slapping a limo driver in New York.
A journey from her Manhattan hotel to Astoria Studios in Queens was interrupted, allegedly, by the supermodel punching the driver in the back of the head.
Not too long ago, Naomi was meeting with Sarah Brown and there are now concerns that Gordon Brown’s influence has rubbed off on Streatham’s finest.
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Posted: 3rd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kristian Digby Was Killed By Great Gay Design
KRISTIAN Digby is dead. RIP. And the papers are still marking the BBC’s reporter’s passing with speculation.
The Star tells readers:
“Telly Kris died like Kill Bill star David”?
That’s David Carradine, the star of TV’s Kung, who bought:
“…a whopping order of lingerie, stockings, bondage equipment and DVDs shortly before his trip to Thailand.”
You know, the one killed by mobsters.
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Posted: 3rd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Salma Hayek Is Dora The Explorer’s Yummy Mummy: Pictures
IT turns out that when Dora The Explorer grow up she will look just like Salma Hayek. This is encouraging news for Dora, who is big-boned girl who looks like she spends her time exploring the fridge. Now that Salma is a mum she gets to be a celebrity mum and push Nickelodeon’s ‘Beyond The Backpack’ Campaign, whish seeks to get kids ready to school by encouraging lots of telly watching and a deep understanding of branded merchandise…
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Posted: 3rd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
That Robert Pattinson Kristen Stewart Sex Tape
ROBERT Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating. It is fact. This site says that what with a sex tape not in the offing, they “did nothing to dispel rumors their relationship is a PR stunt” because they arrived at the New York premiere of RPattz’s turgid film Remember Me Monday in separate cars.
The thinking – and there might be some – is that the PR stunt is so clever and cunning that the PR stunters forgot to order one car for their faux lovebirds and booked two instead.
Of course they are dating. She went to see his film. She sat through a boring film. This is what lovers do.
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Johnny Depp Fails To Fall In Love With Angelina Jolie On The Tourist Set: In Pictures
JOHNNY Depp has begun filming in Venice for the new film by Florian Henckel Von Donnersmarck, ‘The Tourist‘. The film co-stars Angelina Jolie. As looks go, this one warrants the big screen. What’s more, thanks to the NoTW overstepping the mark, allegedly, and we will be deprived of stories circling “so in love” Depp and Jolie “pushing Brad into Jen’s arms”. With no off-camera love story, it makes you wonder how this film is going to be sold to the masses… Angelina Jolie & The Tourist
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)
Justin Bieber Gets 16 Candles
JUSTIN Bieber is young enough to make the jam between your toes look old. Justin Bieber is 16.
If you have to ask who Bieber is then you are too old and your weak mind too full of old heroes of your faded youth to remember. You like Matt Goss? David Cassidy? Remember when you fancied Robert Pattinson, the Twilight actor who was Americanised for the film but was unable to hold back the bad hair, lacklustre physique and wonky teeth of his inner Brit? Think Jeff Goldblum in the fly.
Justin Bieber Hits London In His Frosty Pyjamas: In Pictures
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kristian Digby RIP: Well, He Was Gay
KRISTIAN Digby, the BBC presenter of daytime telly, has died. The Sun knows what killed him just by hearing a whisper. But the Mirror really does the man justice by creating:
“10 things you need to know about the former TV presenter.”
Well, there is only one that is pertinent: a man has died. But the Mirror has typed “Kristian Digby” into Google and come up with some super facts, not least of all that:
5 – He also had a stint presenting BBC Choice programme That Gay Show in 2001
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Jennifer Aniston ‘Betrayed’ By Acting Gerard Butler
HEADLINES like Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston are having a “Trial marriage” may have inadvertently created the impression that Jen and Ger are dating. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Sure, they groped and snogged – Aniston straddles Butler – but The Bounty Hunter is not a fly-on-the-wall reality TV show but a film, with a script and lots of pretending.
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: National Enquirer | Comment (1)
Brittany Murphy’s Mum Gets Assets As Dad Goes For The Remains
BRITTANY Murphy is dead. But the good news is that the celebrity is not over. A star never fades, she just gets TV work. Murphy’s dad is Angelo Bertolotti is at her grave.
He says he’s been banned form visiting his daughter’s grave. Happily, though he managed to reach the tombstone and –what d’yer know – the TV cameras were there to record the moment. It being what she would have wanted.
Incidetnally:
The assets of the late Brittany Murphy have been left to her mother Sharron, according to TMZ.com.
In pictures: Brittany Murphy (1977-2009)
This follows the news that Murphy’s widow, Simon Monjack, cancelled the Brittany Murphy Foundation’s “ launch party “due to an illness in the family”.
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Tokio Hotel Do Gary Numan’s Sweet Music: Photos
IT’S not just the recession, the massive public sector and a falling pound that tells us the 1970s are being revisited: it’s German rock band Tokio Hotel. Lady GaGa is David Bowie without the memorable tunes, and German band Tokio Hotel are doing an impression of The Sweet meets Gary Numan.
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
Angelina Jolie Wins, Brad Pitt Toes And Jennifer Aniston’s Goer: Photos
WHEN the National Enquirer got wind that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were suing the News of The World over fables of their “divorce”, it panicked. It scouted around for a new love interest to feature on its front pages every week. It settled upon John Mayer, who would sit squeezed between Jessica Simpson and Jenifer Aniston – two exes.
Angelina Jolie & The Tourist kiss
But then Mayer began to flap his mouth, talking about his penis and sex with Simpson. The thing about Brangelina is that they do not talk much. The deal seems to have been that the Enquirer spoke about them and the couple remained mute, not bothered to respond because in doing so they would give the NE a bigger story.
If Mayer is talking now, chances are that he’d respond to stories of black rubber sheets and sex toys and so scupper any front-page shockers.
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comments (10)
Kristian Digby: Sex Games, Property Shows And A Body
BBC TV presenter Kristian Digby has died. He was 32. His death is “unexplained” in offical circles. The Sun, however, says Digby died from “auto-erotic asphyxiation”. His body was discovered by his “ex-boyfriend”.
The Sun loaded facts:
“BBC star dies as solo sex game goes wrong”
Digby presented the BBC daytime telly show To Buy Or Not To Buy, a turgid format in which punters are shown three houses and invited to buy one. Given that it takes forever to buy a home, nailing an actual sale was never going to be easy. Digby’s shtick was to show the homes to viewers tuning in from their care homes and institutions and maybe get a phone sale.
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
Cheryl Cole Shampoos As Ashley Cole Doubles For Yorkshire Ripper: Photos
ASHLEY Cole and Cheryl’s Divorce: For obvious reasons the Star chooses to equip the front–page news that Ashley Cole’s life “IS IN RUINS” with a pictures of the Yorkshire Ripper.
The caption, however, says: “CRACK-UP: Rat Cole lashes out yesterday.”
No word from the Rat Defamation Commission, just another shot of the Yorkshire Ripper and news that Cole, in France for treatment on a broken leg, telling one and all:
“Why won’t everyone leave me alone. I’m meant to be here for treatment. Fucking hell, my life is ruined. Why don’t you all just fuck off – just fuck off.”
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Posted: 2nd, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Vernon Kay And Tess Daly Meet Mobile Tampon Prince Charles: Pictures
VERNON Kay and Tess Daly united to present the Prince’s Trust Celebrate Success Awards, at the Odeon Leicester Square, London. This is the first time the couple have worked together since Vernon had thumb sex with Rhian Sugden (NSFW). They met with Prince Charles, who one held a mobile phone chat with his then extra-martial shagger Camilla. She said “I’d suffer anything for you. That’s love.” To which Charles replied that he’d “live inside your trousers” as a tampon. Charles was ever the menstrual-sexual.
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Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Amy Winehouse To Star In Remake Of The Goode Life At New £2.5m Camden Town House
AMY Winehouse has bought a new fie-bedroom home in Camden Town. The compact and bijou property has four bathrooms, a sauna, a gym and enough room for a rehab centre in the basement and possible planning permission for a factory making ballet pumps and processing cocoa leaves.
The place is self sufficient. Give the garden over to horticulture and Amy could star in her fly-in-the-fingernails version of the Goode Life. Get th reality TV cameras in.
The asking price is £2.5 million.
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Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Donald Trump Scores 6.56 At An Evening With Maestro Andrea Bocelli: Photos
A QUESTION: When Donald Trump hosted ‘An Evening with Maestro Andrea Bocelli’ at Mar-A-Lago Estate in Palm Beach, Florida, did the blind Italian singer have to identify Trump by touch? Trump, of the hair tsunami, is man easily identifiable by sight, his waves of hair seemingly style by the people who mark ice skating contests. Trump’s fringe – a triple salchow jump, one and a half flip leading to delayed axel – scores a 5.86 for artistic merit. Did Bocilli use touching and spend part of the night talking to a burst cushion cover? While you ponder that, enjoy the pictures and imagine the music:
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Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Laetitia Casta Takes Her Titias To The 35th Cesar Film Awards: Photos
LAETITIA Casta took her titia’s to 35th Cesar Film Awards ceremony held at the Theatre du Chatelet in Paris, France. The do was the usual fare of the French thumbing their noses at the Oscars by awarding gongs to any film but an Oscar contender. Harrison Ford got a gong. Marion Cotillard looked dreamy. The Prophet cleaned up. Vanessa Paradis sucked air through a straw. And Laetitia was true to her name…
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Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Ashley Cole’s Wedding Coil Missing As Expert Advises Cheryl Cole Tries An Affair
DID you know that Cheryl Cole – the one who asked the media not to intrude on her private hell – is “SO SCARED”?
Cheryl, 26, said: “I’m scared stiff about being single again after all this time – petrified. I’ve been with him for so long.”
Anorak has long advised that Cheryl enact a revenge shag, a trial run to see if she likes it. If it’s not all that thrilling, then she can return to Ashley, albeit a woman on the score sheet.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage in pictures
If it’s great sex, she can continue with her affir or leave Ashley. Either way, Old Mr Anorak is prepared to do whatever it takes to make the nation’s sweetheart whole again.
Says Cheryl, privately:
“I know I’m doing the right thing by moving on. Deep down I know it’ll be OK.”
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Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
Cheryl Cole And Ashley To Meet In Secret: Photos
CHERYL Cole does not want Ashley Cole to call her. We know this because she is telling Daily Mirror readers via the paper’s front page:
“Please stops phoning me, Ash, it’s over…”
Inside and the story is given a different twist:
“Cheryl Cole tells Ashely’s mum that it’s definitely over [sic]”
Cheryl Cole is splitting from Ashley Cole’s mum, Sue? You divorce your partner and you divorce your partner’s family. Unless you’re on Jeremy Kyle in which case you find a close relative to shag.
Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s Marriage
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Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price Calls Peter Andre A Liar As Maddy Ford Bares All
THANKS to Maddy Ford’s sponsored shag-‘n’-tell, we have learnt that Peter Andre’s sex life did not end with his televised dry humping of now former lover Katie Price.
We know that when Peter told us in October 2009 that he’d “replaced” sex – I’ve got my chocolate, which the fans keep bringing me. I’m living on it!” – he would soon unite his twin passions as Maddy Ford was smeared in chocolate sauce and nibbled like a novelty finger of fudge.
We also get to hear from Katie Price, who returns to the Star’s front page after what must be days to tell us that “PETER’S A LIAR AND A CONMAN”.
“All that time Peter has been on my back about what I have been getting up to with Alex – but he is no different.”
Not so says Peter Andre:
But Peter, 37, was last night said to be furious at her allegations and raged: “I have never lied, I had sex with someone, so what?”
Me And My Chest: Peter Andre’s Career in Pictures
Indeed. Although the Metro newspaper did report Peter telling us in February 2010:
Peter Andre: “I haven’t had sex for 8 months – Desperate Peter Andre hasn’t had sex since he split from Katie Price – eight months ago.”
And around that time the News of the World cocked an ear to Peter:
“OK, OK, I’m desperate for sex. It’s been a long time. But it’s a whole new ball game. I’m a different man, I want a different type of girl. I’m definitely cautious about women now.
“It’s going to take me a long time to trust someone. I haven’t done anything yet apart from think about it, but I don’t want to be a monk.”
And then there was Peter who opined on Maddy Ford:
“She’s not my girlfriend, she’s my stylist. The reason there are whispers is because of the way she looks and people jump to conclusions. Most stylists are quite attractive, to be fair, and it’s really hard to avoid being linked to them.”
Katie Price’s career in pictures (NSFW)
It all seems a little confused, hard to spot where the sources stop talking and Peter gives full throat to his own sex life. We need help. And here it comes in t the shape of “Pete’s pal”:
“Peter wasn’t caught out with Maddy, he was just very clever and never claimed he hadn’t had sex, he just said he wasn’t in a relationship.”
Whatever the truth and the reasons, the fact is that Peter Andre is back on the front pages and it took a glamour model to put him there…
Posted: 1st, March 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Lady GaGa Plays The CaCa At The O2: Pictures
WE went to see Lady GaGa perform again at London’s O2 tent. At one point Brits winner Lady GaGa – the naked camel (NSFW) – played a piano secreted in the bonnet of an old Rolls Royce, the CaCa. Recently she played a piano in a bath tub. Liberace had a piano in his pool. He could also play his teeth – twinkling the ivories, literally. OK, they were porcelain and tusk veneers, but the sound was magnificent:
Posted: 28th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Peter Andre’s Maddy Ford Shag Is Sponsored By Jo Malone, Chanel And iPod
PETER Andre’s kiss-‘n’-style lover Maddy Ford tells all. And as she speaks, she name checks brands. We learn less about Peter Andre’s shagging then we do of his shopping list.
Maddy says that Pete always showered before sex. She fails to tell us type of soap he prefers, the brand of water he drips in and the make of towel. But then she reveals more:
“One of his favourite things was to smear me all over with Coco De Mer edible chocolate body oil and then lick it slowly off – and then to have me do the same to him back again. That was a treat we never tired of.”
The Coco De Mer gig is in the bag, Maddy. Any other products to endorse?
“Every time we made love, he liked to put on Sade’s The Love Album in the background.”
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Posted: 28th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Pop Acorn Peter Andre’s Shag ‘n’ Tell With Maddy Ford: Pictures And Doggy Tag Style Sex
HAVING denied an affair with Maddy Ford, a former Page 3 stunna now working as the Page 3 stunnas’ stylist, Peter Andre is the subject of the Star’s front-page headline:
“BETRAYED BY MY LOVER”
Given that Peter Andre said in February 2010 that he “haven’t had sex for 8 months” – and Maddy Ford’s claim that she stopped shagging him three months ago, the story seems confused.
Me And My Chest: Peter Andre’s Career in Pictures
Thankfully, a source is here to put us straight:
Last night a source close to the star said: “To say Pete’s birthday joy has fallen flat is an understatement. It’s completely fizzled out. He feels betrayed by this girl. It is true that they had sex on a few ¬occasions but nothing more than that. Now it looks like she has sold her story and made much more of it than there was.”
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Posted: 28th, February 2010 | In: Celebrities | Comment
