Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Peter Andre ‘Begs’ Katie Price To Come Home
KATIE Price and Peter Andre: Katie is out of the jungle and the talk is of she and Peter Andre getting back together. Or is it?
The Daily Mirror’s front page leads with “The Fall Of the Jordan Empire”
This news follows yesterday’s comment by Sue Carroll – “Everybody’s favourite columnist” – in which the voice of the paper told Mirror readers:
“So before Miss Price, Jordan, Katie or whatever she wants to call herself suffers any more sad delusions it should be made clear that the majority of the British people do not give a kangaroo’s testes about her.”
Happily, the Daily Mirror is not in the majority – it just thinks it is – and its readers just love Katie, which is why Katie/Jordan/Kate/Pricey is slapped on the front page…again.
While the Mirror holds up a huge full colour photo of Katie Price and says how she is old news, the Daily Star at least tries to crete new news with its front-page scremer:
Pete begs Kate come home now
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Posted: 25th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)
Pete Doherty’s Heart Failure Competes With Jennifer Lopez Fallen Bum Compete For The Best Excuse Of The Year
IN NME, Pete Doherty tells readers that he was on a life support machine in Swindon’s Great Western Hospital when his heart stopped a few weeks back. And Jennifer Lopez explains how she came for fall on her backside at the American Music Awards.
What happened, Peter Doherty? He explains:
“If I hadn’t been on a life support machine I’d have been in Ireland. But my heart stopped. It was a really strange turn of events.”
Yeah. Far out.
“Obviously, the doctors’ immediate thought was that it was to do with drugs but it wasn’t – it was some kind of poisoning.”
Bad drugs?
“What happened? Well, I don’t know, I don’t remember. At the time I thought I was a taxi driver offering to take everyone to Elephant And Castle.”
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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse Wears Blake’s Engagement Ring And Marries
AMY Winehouse is wearing Blake Fielder Civil’s ring. On her finger. Before Katie Price and Peter Andre can reunite, Amy and Blake are getting back together.
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The Rise Fall And Rise Again Of Brad Pitt’s Stripping Singer Victoria Hart
THE Sun spots Victoria Hart, the American-born teenager hired to sing for George Clooney and Brad Pitt for the Oceans 13 party in Cannes in 2007. Hart is also the paper’s former blogger, who wrote for the paper about her time in the US.
The Sun says Hart is now working as a stripper for £20 a dance. No big deal. The Sun features Page 3 Girls and leads with news of Katie Price, a woman whose primary sexual characteristics are good clean family fun. The paper also features adverts for adult movies and chat lines for “college girls” and “naughty women”. It’s just that grainy image makes it looks like Hart is up to no good:
The California-born beauty said: “The worst bit is when they try and touch you. You can turn around and they will actually lick you. It can be horrible, but the money’s good.” She added: “I’ve had some problems but things are still working out. I didn’t want anyone to know about this.”
Thanks to the Sun’s Richard White and that grainy picture now everyone knows about it; and reminded of her existence.
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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jeremy Kyle: Access All Areas: Kyle Meets The People Of Walmart
AT an Asda supermarket in central Southampton, Jeremy Kyle of signing copies of his new DVD, Jeremy Kyle Access All Areas, aka “Shut up! It’s MY show! BE A MAN!, my love.”
Says the blurb:
Ever wondered what happens to the guests before and after the cameras roll on THE JEREMY KYLE SHOW?
They get play Xtreme Scrabble? They are forced to listen to 128bmp rave albums? They fail their O’Levels, are unable to find a satisfying job, marry their 345th sexual partner and then after five children and a recreational drug misunderstanding kids they appear on the show?
Well now you can find out, with this ALL ACCESS release that’s exclusive to DVD.
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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
X Factor: Olly Murs Loses His Virginity Like Michael Jackson And Feels For Stacey Solomon
IN this week’s heat magazine, you can meet the “REAL OLLY MURS”. Well, not really. You can meet X Factor contestant Olly Murs’ twin bother, Ben Murs.
Had Ben and Olly teamed up sing as a double act on the X Factor they’d have been Bolly. Ben would have got the first letter but Olly would have seen his entire name used in band’s tabloid name. Like Edward, of Jedward, Olly would have been the substance.
Ben tells us that Olly was “very sweet”, “placid”, “shy” and “caring”. He “didn’t lose his virginity until he was 18”.
Caring Ben than says that his brother is – get this – “very private”, was “devastated” when his girlfriend and he parted. And then we get the best part about how Ben and Olly are different:
“I was thinking that the other day. You know, like Michael Jackson used to be very different off screen, but when he was on stage it was like, ‘I’m here. This is what I can do.’ Olly’s exactly like that.”
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Paloma Faith Plays Koko, In Photos
ACTRESS and singer Paloma Faith performs at the Koko, London. Anorak was there to see the woman who looks like a young Geena Davis channelling Helena Bonham Carter in Lady Gaga’s wardrobe. Says she:
“I was on their [Hollyoaks] music show – had I been offered a part on Hollyoaks, I would have firmly declined it because it’s rubbish.”
It’s all pretty entertaining. We’ve got the pictures – Anorak – bringing you music acts beyond the reality TV dross:
Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
X Factor: Hairy Jordans Jedward To Star On I’m A Celebrity And Coronation Street
WHEN Jedward left the X Factor on the same night Katie Price quit the I’m A Celebrity jungle, we knew there would be no shortage of tabloid exclusives.
Today the Sun accompanies its front–page news that Katie Price has dumped Alex Reid, with the story:
NOW BOSSES WANT JEDWARD FOR JUNGLE
Exile? Well, Australian deserves it, we suppose. Give them a pair of Stubbies, a vest, a can of amber ambition and their li-lo a hearty shove. Bon voyage. Next!
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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Peter Andre And Katie Price Shocker: Couple Agree On Marriage
PETER Andre is bored of talking about Katie Price and their failed marriage. As he told us:
“Isn’t everyone bored of talking about this? I know I am. You’ll notice in a lot of interviews, all that happens is I may just say how I’m feeling now. It comes to a point where you just don’t want to talk about it anymore. The whole thing is just too draining to think about, I just want to move on, talk about music, talk about kids, talk about life.”
Here’s Pete not talking about Katie Price in his New! Magazine column:
“I know everyone is desperate to know what I think of I’m A Celebrity this year, but I swear on my life I have not watched one episode.”
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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lindsay Lohan And Hollywood’s Kitson Boutique Deserve Each Other
LINDSAY Lohan illustrates how celebrity works, in association with Kitson boutique, Los Angeles.
Anorak’s Man in LA reports:
JUST when you thought things couldn’t get uglier for Lindsay Lohan, comes this item.
You’ll recall that the perpetually problematic actress threw a shit-fit a few weeks ago when she was denied her demand for $14,000 in free clothing just for popping into West Hollywood’s Kitson boutique.
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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price Is More Hated Than Baby P’s Mum
I’M A Celebrity Watch: I’m A Celebrity’s Katie Price is hated by all, loved by Alex Reid, hated by the entire country and replaced by a bikini…
On last night post-Katie Price show, Anorak began Bikini Watch – keeping a tally of how it was before the big holes left by Katie Price and her Jordans were plugged with other contestants.
After 2.8 seconds, we saw Sabrina Washington in a bikini, followed five seconds later by soon-to-be-ejected Lucy Benjamin (get ‘em while you can), and 11 seconds later then we saw Stuart Manning with his chest out.
At the end of the show, having heard Katie’s flat drawl expwain mi weaons fur leeevin’ ther jungal, there was not enough to for Benjamin to say what a wicked time she’d had.
It’s a good fist at replacing Katie Price, but for the papers it is too little and to, well, little. Though no longer on I’m A Celebrity, Katie Price dominates the tabloid chatter. The news round up:
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Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Dumps Alex Reid On The Telly
I’M A Celebrity: One day one from news that walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid was going to ask Katie Price t0 marry him, Katie Price says she is no longer dating Alex Reid.
What Price that had Jordan/Katie/Kate stayed in the jungle longer she would have continued to date Alex Reid for the duration?
The path is cleared for Katie Price and Peter Andre back together.
One last time for the cameras – with feeling…
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Leighton Meester Does Scat Chic For American Eagle
AFTER the Leighton Meester no-sex sex tape, the actress and singer arrvies for the opening of the American Eagle Store in Times Sq. New York dressed in scatalogical chic.
Can this look catch on outside institutions and incontinence clinics? And deos it suggest that Meester is nto all that keen on American Eagle clothing?
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
X Factor: Cheryl Cole Gets Her Own ITV Show, With Rihanna
WHEN the X Factor is finished, ITV will keep us up to speed with the life of Cheryl Cole with a one-off special, entitled Cheryl Cole’s Night In.
Given the tabloid chatter about Cheryl’s marriage to Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole – “Ashley blows hot and Cole” (Star);” Is Cheryl Cole’s love life losing the X Factor?” (Daily Mail) – Cheryl might be happy with the company.
We will join Cheryl as she sits on the sofa waiting for Ashley to come home and tell her that Clement Freud joke.
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Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Susan Boyle: World Divided Over SuBo And Lady Susan
SUSAN Boyle: On the forums a debate over who invented SuBo. As we know all Simon Cowell novelty acts must have a name that can fit easily into a text message: Jedward, Subo – even Simon Cowell’s company is called Syco. But who invented it?
Anorak reader Percy Stilton says it’s his gift to the nation. US reader Bob tells us:
SuBo is the name the British “Tabloids” gave to Susan. I will never use it in any of my comments. Most, if not ALL of Susan’s American Fans refer to Susan as “Lady Susan” and even on YouTube most of those that make comments on her Videos refer to Susan as “Lady Susan” also.
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Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
Susan Boyle On Pride Watch: Holly Willoughby Patronises The X Factor Singer
X FACTOR and Susan Boyle present Pride Watch: Pride Watch highlights instances of Remote Pride, when someone barely or not at all related to the subject says how proud they of them, a comment that at once patronises the target and takes partial ownership of their achievement.
On This Morning, X Factor spin-off show presenter Holly Willoughby patronises Susan Boyle:
“I’m very proud that she represents Britain.”
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Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Katie Price’s US Namesake Presents The American Music Awards 2009: In Photos
THE American Music Awards are the season’s latest music industry AGM. All the signed acts and American Idol rejects arrive. Nicole Kidman, Rihanna, Kate Hudson, Paula Abdul’s Phoebe Price – any relation to Britain’s gonad mumcher Katie Price? – The Black Eyed Peas and Jermaine Jackson arrive. And to make up the numbers, American Idol winners and losers pack out the theatre. These awards are not to be confused with the Grammy Awards (GA), the Billboard Music Awards (BAM), MTV Awards, the World Music Awards (WAM) or any other acronym…
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Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Vows Her Kids Will Die If She Eats Another Gonad
I’M A Celebrity: How the old dead tree press responded to the news that Katie Price has quit the jungle:
The Sun (front page): “Jordan: no more trials”
Not a shabby effort at prediction. But, in reality, this is just a quote from Katie on last night’s show.
Says Katie Price:
“I swore on my kids’ lives I’m not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I have said to them I am not doing it.”
Why not swear on her own life? Why brings the kids into it? Their lives are tied to their mum’s bug eating? If she eat more bugs – they die! This is terible. Although, it is good telly…
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Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity: Quitter Katie Price Wanted To Die With Jedward
I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price has left the jungle to be with her make-up.
Jordan walked out jungle. She put in a good shift. She’s not John Fashanu.
But Katie Price leaves the jungle with her head high and her Jordan’s held higher, like Saint Agatha in a bikini.
She leaves the show with a legacy of a slightly sunken hammock and the waters with traces of eyebrow felt tip and tangerine varnish.
Says Katie Price:
“Everyone else, give them something to do. You’ve seen me struggle, you’ve seen me cry, shake, want to die.
“I really don’t want to be doing this. I miss my children. I’m hungry.
“I want a nice bed and I don’t want to have to put myself through these horrible challenges.”
Did she walk in sympathy with Jedward?
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)
X Factor: Jedward To Sing Official Conservative Party Song
X FACTOR: Jedward have X-ited the X Factor and have re-emerged into mainstream society. Before the magazines are full of Jedward and inside tips on how they gel their hair and gargle air freshener, the news media reports:
Today’s Front Pages
AT LAST – DEADWOOD – Daily Mirror
JEDWARD DEADWOOD – The Sun
“John & Edward Are Out – Keep the cheering down” – Daily Mail
“Twins get boot now for loot” – Daily Star
The Threat
“We want to make a record and do all the things we have dreamed of.”
Get Get them Out Of Your Head
Danyl Johnson added: “We knew all the words to their songs by Tuesday each week because they were always singing round the house so much. They were great.”
Nothing annoying about that.
Politics
The Conservatives have jumped on Jedward’s X-Factor axing to take a swipe at Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling.
How pathetic. The Labour Party won’t even respond:
A Labour Party spokesman said of the Tory poster: “We did this two weeks ago.
“This shows once again how Labour is leading the way in digital campaigning and the Tories are left scrabbling around playing catch up.”
Is that the saddest thing you have ever read?
Look out for John singing the official Conservative Party anthem and Edward doing it for Labour. Place your votes. Vote now and vote often.
Louis Walsh Is Off His Head
“I put my head on the block and took a chance, but I’d rather do that than be boring. They have the X Factor.”
Why not be both – boring and bang on about the X Factor?
The big question: with Jedward gone how long before Jedward are back on the front pages?
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
American Music Awards: Jennifer Lopez Falls Back On Her Talent, Video
THE American Music Awards is not a folk music AGM, but yet another chance of established acts to remind the TV watching public that they are a) alive, b) working and c) looking the same as they did ten years ago, perhaps younger.
Janet Jackson lip-synced, American Idol products Carrie Underwood and Adam Lambert shouted and Keith Urban, woman an award for – no faint praise here – “Best Country Male”.
Alicia Keys sang, Jay-Z did safe rapped, Eminem and 50 Cent did sweary rap, The Black Eyed Peas sang four different songs at the same time and Lady Gaga survived smashing her way through some glass to reach her piano.
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Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward Grimes, Are Voted Out At Last
X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward, Are Voted Out. They are booed by the crowd.
The X Factor loses another warbling wannabe. And it’s Jedward.
The Duracell Gonks are in the sing off with Olly Murs, the man with a name like a contagion. They are toast. They are on their way to becoming a footnote in a TV history, a pub quiz question.
Jedward are two untalented, precocious, hard to like, over-exposed singing gonks who are part of a sick TV experiment to see what point Simon Cowell’s powers of deception wane and the masses rub their eyes and realise they are being served up crap.
C owell and Louis Walsh are like Mortimer and Randolph Duke in Trading Places, playing with people for entertainmnt.
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Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)
In Pictures: Music In The Decade Of The X Factor, American Idol, Jay Z, Michael Jackson And Amy Winehouse
Music In The Decade Of X Factor, American Idol, Jay Z, Michael Jackson And Amy Winehouse.
The decade was shaped by the arrival of popstar parvenus, those not genuine popstars who had crooned someone else’s song on The X Factor, Fame Academy, American Idol, Pop Idol or Fame Academy. There were authentic pop stars, like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty, the former who could sing and both who could live the live of excess. Eminem rocked, Britney Spears melted, Jay Z grew the brand and we wept for George Harrison, Diana and another Live Aid. And Michael Jackson died. In pictures:
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American rap singer Eminem performs during The Brit Awards 2001, hosted by SMTV presenters Ant And Dec, at Earls Court in London. * 27/10/02: A petrified resident frantically called police after a man dressed in ski goggles and salopettes turned up on his doorstep with a roaring chainsaw. Fearing he was about to be taken apart limb by limb the desperate "victim" dashed to the phone to alert officers of the impending bloodbath. But police who raced to the address in Atwater Close, Lincoln, last night arrived to find the chainsaw-wielding offender gone. It later transpired that the menacing character waving the 3ft-long power tool had in fact got the wrong address for a fancy dress party. Police said he had been intent on making a dramatic entrance to the soiree and was dressed as hell-raising rap star Eminem.
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
X Factor Does Pride Watch: Cheryl Cole Patronises Joe McElderry
X FACTOR does Pride Watch: Pride Watch highlights instances of Remote Pride, when someone barely or not at all related to the subject says how proud they of them, a comment that at once patronises the target and takes partial ownership of their achievement.
Cheryl Cole is “mentoring” Joe McElderry, the shiny, sexless Cliff Richard boychild by choosing what songs the voice coach trains him to sing.
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Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
X Factor: Using Susan Boyle To Cast Jedward As Victims
SUSAN Boyle is to sing a live pre-recorded song on the X Factor, and in readiness he has brushed up alongside Jedward, the Duracell Gonk act that we’re calling Jeadful.
Can some of Susan Boyle trademark victim status helps Jedward win the vote? The Mail gives us:
Susan Boyle has been giving advice to X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes to help them to deal with the abuse they are getting.
They should tell people to “f*** off”? A source explains:
“People have said John and Edward are like a freak show, which is what they were saying about Susan.”
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Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
