Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Katie Price And Peter Andre Burnt At The Stake, In Pictures
THIS November 5th, Katie Price will burn like a holidaymaker in an Ibiza sex clinic.
Artist Frank Shepherd has put the finishing touches to the Edenbrige Bonfire Society Celebrity Guy.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
50 Cent Power Perfume Is Cillit Bang In An Atomiser
THE rapper known as 50 Cent has a new perfume out. Power by 50 Cent has top notes of leather thong, gun powder and anaesthetic over base notes of used recording studio and teeth whitener.
It is the scent of the emergency room in a spray.
The best things about 50 cent is that if you spray it into the eyes of an assailant or target for love, they will think you are as perfect and tattoo free as an alabaster statue dipped in varnish.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Ivanka Trump Marries Her Tycoon, In Pictures
IN this week’s Hello!, we are invited to the wedding of “Heiress Ivanka Trump” and a “Tycoon”, whose names fails to appear on the cover. You imagine Hello! has had the cover words written ever since Ivanka wanted her first engagement ring.
Inside and the tycoon is labelled as Jared Kushner, and from being a tycoon he’s now merely a “millionaire”.
Inside the mag and Ivanka has her hair in her father’s signature tsunami, swept off her face to reveal $265,000 in jewels and teeth that make her wedding dress look dull and brownish.
Read the rest of this entry »
X Factor: Jedward’s Threesome, Olly Murs Croaks And Ghostbusters
X FACTOR Watch: Jedward sex shocker, Olly Murs croaks, a threesome, A Christmas Carol, Peter Andre and more sex…
PSST! Want to know about the “TWINS SEX FACTOR SECRET”?
The Daily Star follows its news on the “SIN TWINS – Shock X Factor favourites John and Edward Grimes have lifted the lid on their sex, drugs and booze demons” – with a focus on Jewdwar’s sex lives.
X FACTOR twins John and Edward Grimes are hiding a bombshell sex secret from their fans…
Can you guess? Is it:
a) They are brother and sister
b) They are husband and wife
c) They are shagging Dannii Minogue
d) They are virgins
e) They have no primary sexual characteristics
The answer is… d. And:
The gruesome twosome have only had one girlfriend between them.
What young girl or guy would not want to be the one between John And Edward?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Cross-Dressing John Kenley Is A Life Ignored
RIP John Kenley. Anorak’s Man In LA remembers the cross-dressing, hermaphroditic theatre star being ignored by the big media:
ADD the Los Angeles Times to the mainstream media outlets that leave the most colorful part of a great person’s life out of the story. The LA Times is a couple of days behind the New York Times in reporting the death at 103 of John Kenley, the Ohio summer stock theatre impresario known for casting television and movie stars including Burt Reynolds, Mae West, William Shatner and Joe Namath in popular plays and musicals.
We were doing a bit of quick research Sunday morning to see if he’d brought The Hudson Brothers to Ohio, when we discovered that the famously-closeted Merv Griffin had outed the beloved Mr. Kenley as an alleged “registered” hermaphrodite, and that the producer lived half the year in Florida as “Joan”.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
X Factor: How to Date Olly Murs, Hate Danyl Johnson And Daniel Lloyd Gets Wood
ALL the UK mags want to be home of the X Factor, to become the official organ that fans will reach for to read about their fave show’s wannabes, stars and judges. This week’s Heat mag, makes its play, leading with “JEDMANIA”, a tribute to John and Edward Grimes, the X Factor’s answer to America Idol’s Sanjaya Malakar.
For those of you not au fait with Mr Malakar, he was the non-singing, non dancing performer whose hair styles and uselessness kept him on the show week after week. He only failed when all the other acts copied his moves and style and he ended up looking cocky.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 3rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Heat | Comment (1)
Katie Price’s Marries A Toffee Crisp And Peter Andre’s Other Woman Confesses
OK! magazine continues the push the limits of trades descriptions as it tries to eek more sensation from the predictable life of Katie Price, aka Jordan.
In “KATIE PRICE – ‘We can’t wait for our wedding day’”, the OK! cover sees Katie dandling her kidzzz under her pendant charcoal drawn eyebrows over a picture of she and Toffee Crisp-dusted Alex Reid looking smoochy.
Anyone who expects to read about Katie and Alex’s big day is either a fool, a bigger fool or someone who has never bought OK! before. Eight pages into a Halloween photoshoto in which Katie appears as a neon Jack-o-lantern and hr progeny Princess Tiaminimeeeee takes on the guise of a young Marty Feldman channelling Danniella Westbrook, we get:
OK!: Do you still believe in marriage?
KP: Absolutely. I definitely want to get married again.
Read the rest of this entry »
World’s Smallest Mum Stacey Herald Gives Brith For Third Time
IN this week’s Closer magazine, we get to meet “the world’s smallest mum”.
How small is she? Well, she’s smaller than Cheryl Cole, who says “The baby’s on hold”. (Cancel the twins!) The world’s smallest mum is Stacey Herald and she is 35 and 2ft 4 in small.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 3rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mel Gibson’s Immaculate Russian Give Birth Melanie Mary Passion Sugartits Eva Beaver Gibson
MEL GIBSON, not to outdone by Kai Wayne Rooney and parents, has become a dad, via the Russian vessel Oksana Grigorieva.
Mel’s a hardcore Catholic divorcee, so his child born out wedlock should be called Melanie Mary Passion Sugartits Eva Beaver Gibson. It’s a girl!
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Kerry Katona In Coronation Street Shocker
MORE time for some non-news on Kerry Katona, the face of ownbrand ketchups.
The Sun says the Kerry Katona will not be appearing in the ITV comedy-drama Benidorm.
The Sun then adds:
Whispers the ex-Atomic Kitten would be seen on Coronation Street were also denied.
In other non-news:
Kerry Katona’s mother Sue claims she faces being homeless because of her daughter’s huge debts. Katona owes £497,982.83 to the taxman and the £130,000 terraced house in which her estranged mother lives is being handed over to help clear the debt.
Kerry Katons’s mum has no house. We follow this non-news triples bill with news:
Bankrupt Kerry Katona plans to ease her cash problems – by launching sunbed studios called Ka-Tan-As.
She will then launch Kerry Ka-toner, a printer ink shop, Kat-oner, a home for slightly used felines and Katatonic – a new kind of pick me up for the terminally upset.
7920686
Posted: 2nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
X Factor: Teacher Shows Danyl Johnson And Olly Murs How To Quit
X FActor wananber Danyl Johnson is a teacher. Toby Moulton on Australian Idol shows him, John & Edward, Lloyd Daniels, Olly Murs and every other wannabe that singing might not be for them. A look at the X Factor show judges Dannii Minogue and Cheryl Cole suggests singing is not for them either – it’s just a gateway to the fame, riches and adulation.
Says Toby: “I now know you I am – I’m a teacher.”
It could be mawkish. The audience goes wild. But the man’s point is well made. You’ve got to want it to get on in Simon Cowell’s pop prep school. And wanting it can override any need for talent.
Toby Moulton did not want it enough. He knew his own mind. Simon Cowell knows his own mind. His acts seem to have left their minds at the door…
Posted: 2nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
X Factor: Jedward, Head Lice In The House, Sanjaya Malakar And A Fix
X FACTOR: John & Edward take it lice and queasy, Rachel sobs, Lloyd Daniels has not time to keep time and it is a fact that when the tabloids run out of puns for John & Edward the act will go the way of Chico Time, Mr Blobby and Little Jimmy Osmond.
And Sanjaya Malakar, the former American Idol contestant whose inability to carry a tune in his seive of a voice and high hair led to him almost taking the title.
The Sun (front page): “Return of the JEDDIES”
Daily Mail (front page): “X-traordinary – They got through again”
Daily Mirror (front page):”Could they Twin It?”
Daily Mirror: “CEREAL OFFENDERS – THE X FACTOR JEDWARD DIVIDES THE NATION”
X Factor’s gruesome twosome John and Edward don’t just murder classic Queen songs – they’d kill for a bowl of cornflakes, too. It turns out that the talentless 18-yearold Grimes boys – who are still in the competition after their worst performance so far – have a habit of knicking the other contestants’ food.
The Sun: “Twins gave us Jed lice”
THE X Factor house is feared to be infested with HEAD LICE – and the towering hairdos of John and Edward Grimes are being blamed.
Daily Star (front page): “TWINS SECRET PLOT TO WIN”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Iggy Pop Pops Out His Classic Rock Achievement
IGGY Pop receives his Classic Rock Achievement at the Dorchester Hotel in London. Yes, that is him, the one who looks like the winner of Miss Belarus Bodybuilder 1987.
Iggy likes to take his top off. He likes to show you his little Jordans. This is Iggy’s Classic Rock Achievement – being able top take his top off like he means it. He also has veins that, until last year, Old Mr Anorak mistook for a vermillion corduory bopdysuit. He ordered one, in fern green.
Here is Iggy in pictures. He might look like your old dinner lady holding a chunck of metal she’s ripped off the front of an old Rolls Royce to stir her custard. Apologies:
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
X Factor: Rachel Adedeji Is Available For Panto, Daniel Lloyd Is Wishy Washy
GOOBYE, Rachel Adedeji. You are is not as good a singer as Daniel Lloyd. This is a fact, as determined by the greater voting X Factor public. Rachel is also not as girlish as Daniel Lloyd. So she was doomed before she opened her mouth.
Daniel Lloyd moves on to try to sing again. He will mew like a kitten and look liek the boy mum dressed and who got to play Joseph in the school nativity. Daniel Lloyd is worse than Jedward, in the way that is utterly devoid of talent but is unable to summon the gusto to make you even dislike him.
Meanwhile, Rachel is available for panto. Daniel Lloyd is Wishy Washy…
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
X Factor: Olly Murs Look-Alike Gallery
X FACTOR hopeful Olly Murs has a name that if said fast enough sounds like a new contagion. Olly Murs are catching. Olly Murs is the favourite to win the show.
He is the new sensation. Only, Anorak cannot help but think that we’ve seen Olly Murs before. Ollys Murs. Olly Murs. Must stop swaying his name. Anyhow, here’s the look-alike gallery…
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (11)
X Factor: John & Edward Come Clean On Drugs, Sex, Drink And Olly Murs
THE Star would like to tell you about John And Edward Grimes’ who tells us: “WE’RE THE SIN TWINS.”
Shock X Factor favourites John and Edward Grimes have lifted the lid on their sex, drugs and booze demons.
That would be Jedward (22-1, Betfair) who are right now sixth favourites to win the contest our of 8 acts, less liked than only the dire Lloyd Daniels (40-1, Coral) and the gushing Rachel Adedeji (30-1, BlueSquare). Favourite to win the show is Olly Murs.
Wit that fact cleared up, what about that sex, drugs and booze? Time to come clean – and get clean – lads:
The teenage twins say they know all about the dangers of the showbiz world. And, in an exclusive interview with the Daily Star Sunday, the brothers revealed how temptation has already come their way.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
X Factor: Finding Another Reason To Hate Gay Danyl Johnson
THE media hatchet job on the X Factor Danyl Johnson continues as the NoTW screams:
Danyl Johnson’s 100% gay
Not too long ago, the NoTW told us that Danyl Johnson was “bi”, which made him 50% gay.
I’VE DAN IT WITH BOYS AND GIRLS
Now we get the fact that he is 100% gay. Or as the sub-header puts it:
EX BOSS RECKONS X FACTOR STAR’S BISEXUAL BOAST IS JUST A POSE
Paige Bond, who managed his old band, said he was NEVER interested in women but was terrified that admitting he was gay would wreck his shot at stardom.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (10)
Katie Price Death Threats From ‘Team Andre’ And Alex Reid’s Ladyboy Sex
KATIE Price, Peter Andre Watch: Death threats to Katie Price, tattoos, Alex Reid’s Thai Lady prostitute Kay Kae tells of three-time-a-night sex…
The News of the World (front page): “Maniac’s threats to Jordan”
Star on Sunday (fr0nt page): “Mafia threats to Jordan”
Can a manic be in the mafia? The Star tells us:
KATIE Price has been given a Halloween fright night after being issued with Mafia-style death threats.
Did a man on a scooter tell her: “Yous is-a dead-a, Miss-a tutti-frutti, iceee-crema”?
Last night a source close to Jordan, 31, admitted: “The threats have been really nasty. But it’s the threat to kill her horses that made the most impact. It’s like something out of The Godfather.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
X Factor Live Blog: Jedward Doomed And Danyl Johnson Is Beaten By Hitler
IT’S Rock Week on the X Factor, in which TV viewers get stuck between rock and the hard place that is finding something else to watch on another channel.
Cheryl Cole is wearing Mickey Mouse’s ears on her chest and telling Joe he’s going “all the way”.
Joe McElderry sings Don’t Stop Believin’, by Journey, whish is casue fo Louis Walsh to say:derry
“Don’t stop believin’ Joe, I think you’re going to make it to the final!”
Lucie Jones arrives and sings Sweet Child O’ Mine in the style of a young girl singing Guns ‘N Roses. Since this is how it is supposed to be sung, Lucie has done well. Tonight’s winner.
Danyl Johnson is weeping. Someone said he was less liked than Hitler. He should not worry. Hitler is wildly popular in some areas of the country, like Oldham. If he can crack the Home Counties – although, not he leafier parts of Surrey, obviously – he can still make it. Cheryl Cole, who what with the Mickey Mouse outfit, the husband and the tears could do a one-woman version of Steamboat Willy, tells Danyl, who has crooned I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing, by Aerosmith.
“I wanted to see you come out after a tough week, Rachel was in the bottom two for the first two weeks and she came out fighting – that’s kinda what I was hoping to see from you. You do it well, you do it every week but you just don’t do it for me.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (22)
Sentimental Boyzone Record Stephen Gately Tribute Album
WHERE once there was only dignity, there is to be an album to remember Stephen Gately by. The four remaining members of Boyzone are to release an album as a tribute to the singer.
Boyzone are telling Sky News that Stephen Gately had already featured on two songs for the group’s latest album. Ronan Keating explains how the death of Stephen Gately is in danger of becoming a media advertorial:
“He was so excited about this, he actually texted me just before he went out on the night he died and he said he couldn’t wait to get started. I had never seen Stephen so full of life, so happy, so healthy and just so alive.”
If there is a time for sentimentalism it is surely after a friend has died. But by telling the press, things can appear mawkish. Placing the death in the context of a marketable new album can look opportunistic. Can Boyzone stick to talking about the music and not tug the heartstrings? Or will the death of Stephen Gately just become part of the show, a form of entertainment? Keith Duffy adds:
“We got our sleeping bags out and we lay there telling stories and laughing at the memories, it was peaceful and it was perfect.
“The next day when the hearse was leaving for the crematorium and people threw roses down for Stephen, well I don’t think I have ever seen anything more beautiful in all my life.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Stephen Fry Quits Twitter in 80 Characters, Miley Cyrus Yet To Respond
FIRST Miley Cyrus quits Twitter and now Twitter fan Stephen Fry says he will leave the social network.
Says Fry, on, er, Twitter:
“I’m obviously not good enough. I retire from Twitter henceforward. Bye everyone.”
That’s 80 characters (with spaces) of the 140 allowance. Plenty of time, then, for Fry to reconsider.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Joe Jackson Measures Michael Jackson’s Death in Dollars
THE New York Post hears Papa Joe Jackson say that his boy Michael Jackson is worth more dead than alive. Them’s the facts:
Michael Jackson’s dad thinks the singer is “worth more dead than when he was alive.” Joe Jackson, 80, let that slip last night in an interview on the syndicated TV show “Extra.” Jackson — decked out in creepy sunglasses and a blinged-out, black, chalk-stripe suit — quickly recognized his gaffe and blurted out, “I’d rather have him alive.”
Extra TV is less attacking:
As Michael’s movie “This Is It” rakes in $2.2 million in the box office, Joe adds, “When he was living, they didn’t show this.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Madonna Teaches Good Hygiene To Africa
MADONNA has a message for the kids of the Home of Hope orphanage and African Baby Shoppe, Malawi.
Madonna wants to the kids to know that they should retain the hope – one day she may need more children and they should be ready to look photogenic at all times. The other thing Madonna wants to teach you is that good hand hygiene can never be ignored.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Stacey Solomon On Coke With Amy Winehouse
HAS it escaped the Daily Mail’s notice that X Factor hopeful Stacey Solomon is a single mum? Well, no it hasn’t:
The Dagenham Diva: Single mum Stacey’s wowed the X Factor with her ditzy witterings, but is she the ingénue she seems?
No. Yes. Maybe. Can we vote?
Back home in Dagenham, where Stacey lives with her mum in a street dominated by dreary pebbled-dashed post-war terraces, relieved only by the occasional off-licence or chip shop, net curtains twitched as she arrived home – a welcome flash of glamour…
Net curtains are so retro. It’s all CCTV these days. Go on:
In part, she is representative of what many young single mothers in Britain believe today: that the only way out is if someone waves a magic wand. In Solomon’s case, that someone is millionaire X Factor judge Simon Cowell. In a sense, she is the perfect modern-day Cinderella. From the rag-trade of Whitechapel where her great-grandparents lived at the beginning of the century to the riches of X Factor, she has become the nation’s sweetheart.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
X Factor: Cheeky Girls Say John And Edward Lack Artistic Value
WANT to know if Jedward, the X Factor’s John & Edward will make it? And by make it we mean date a minor LibDem MP and invite proctologists, both pro and amateur, to touch their bums.
The Cheeky Girls, the East European siblings who only look like a lap dancers say Jedward will “never make it”. The Cheeky Girls say John & Edward lack the “artistic value” to make it big in the pop world as singing twins.
But can they get the artistic value, or at least a small pair of knickers?
Monica and Gabriela Irimia arose to your attention to Popstars, the X Factor forerunner that created will Young, Gareth Gates and Girls Aloud.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
