George Clooney Rides Elisabetta Canalis To Grease

GEORGE Clooney is pictured riding with his lover Elisabetta Canalis. They have matching helmets and soft leather jackets.

Behind them are Rande Gerber and Cindy Crawford. They too have matching helmets and soft leather jackets.

If Peter Storm did bikers gear this would be in the catalogue.

All four

Clooney Clones are riding motorbikes in Italy. The Mild Bunch are on the look out for the rival local gang of toughs, who ride 50cc scooters and like to give visiting American the wrong directions to mama’s pizza shoppe.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Katherine Jackson Wins Custody Of The Jackson Three

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Michael Jackson in the news – Katherine Jackson gets to keep The Jackson Three…

The court rules that Michael Jackson’s mother Katherine will become the permanent guardian of the Jackson Three – Prince Michael, 12, Paris, 11, and seven-year-old Prince Michael II.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Jessica Simpson Models Her New Signature Lingerie

JESSICA Simpson follows up the launch of her signature scent Indian Giver with her signature lingerie. In time she may choose to combine the two enterprises by steeping her knickers in her fragrance and so giving male fans and/or the institutionalised an intoxicating rub of possibility.

Simpson could produce a new set of knickers for every day of the month, featuring such treats as Granola Tuesdays, Egg White Omelette Sundays and the supersized Christmas Blow Out, available in post-lover blue.

All this and more was up for discussion as Simpson sat down with Women’s Wear Daily.

WWD: Do you love lingerie?
Jessica Simpson: Of course I love lingerie. What girl doesn’t? My lingerie reflects the way I’m feeling when I wake up and helps me set the tone for my day.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Doctor’s Aide ‘Killed’ Michael Jackson

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Michael Jackson in the news – he was “killed” by Dr Conrad’s aide.

THE media lust to bring us the “Murder of Michael Jackson” sees the Sun scream:

“Aide ‘killed’ Jacko with Demerol hit as Doctor Murray slept.”

Case solved detectives JAMES CLENCH, NICK PARKER, PETE SAMSON and VIRGINIA WHEELER. Officer La Toya Jackson salutes you. So who dunnit? Who Wacko’ed Jacko?

MICHAEL Jackson was killed by a shot of powerful painkiller Demerol given by an aide as his personal medic Dr Conrad Murray slept, the Sun can reveal.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Jade Goody Launches New Perfume On Oprah Winfrey

JACKIEY Budden, marketer for Jade Goody industries, is in 2 hour séance with psychic Jayne Wallace. The perfume of kebab and sun cream. Jade, you there? Blurp!

“Jade wants to say, ‘Sorry Mum’ for not listening to you. She knows it was the biggest mistake she ever made – but she just wanted to be a princess. She still loves him and knows he loved her, but she’s disgusted with his behaviour and thinks it’s disrespectful to her memory and to you.”

Him is randy Jack Tweed, Mr Jade Goody, keeper of the Goody Privy Seal. And I am The Anorak, the media medium who told you that Jade would be back to appear in Big Brother 10. Jade… We feel your presence. Hey. Not that close. Get out of my face. Yeah, and you, you ****ing b****! Police!”

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Ryan O’Neal Tried To Seduce Daughter Tatum At Farrah Fawcett’s Funeral

FARRAH Fawcett is the suibject of a double-dead header Vanity Fair issue with Michael Jackson. In the Vanity Fair, Fawcett’s former lover Ryan O’Neal explains the funeral goings on:

“I had just put the casket in the hearse and I was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’ She said, ‘Daddy, it’s me–Tatum!’ I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter. It’s so sick.”

You have  a place? You have protection? You look kind familiar. Did we meet in trailer 6 at the Sesame Street Retrospective in 1973?

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Tony Hadley Launches The Wispa Gold Chocolate Bar

TONY Hadley, of Spandau Ballet’s hit Gold, eyes the Wispa Gold, the “world’s most expensive chocolate bar” costing £961.48 at its launched at Selfridges.

As Tony shows, the item can be used as a suppository. Game face, Tony. Game face.

The bar’s price represents the value of its weight in gold. Given the nature of economy, reports are that Gordon Brown has enquired about buying a few thousand bars and presenting them as the country’s gold reserves.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Jude Law Impregnated Samantha Burke With A Moustache

JUDE Law has impregnated Samantha Burke with his ‘Mr Watson’ and a baby called Sophia is to be born amid much heraldry and sensation. Now read on…

Daily Mirror: “Jude Law believed the smitten model expecting his baby was on the Pill, friends said last night.”

This is the Mirror that says baby Sophia is a “baby girl, Sophie, due on October 6.”

The Daily Mirror has all the facts.

In other news Jude Law is said to have squired Burke while in possession of a power moustache when he was filming Sherlock Holmes. Breaking…

2009 Moustache World Championships: Pictures

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson: Vanity Fair Covers And Conrad Murray Opens Up

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Michael Jackson in the news – Conrad Murray’s unit, a Las Vegas show, Farrah Fawcett and Vanity Fair remembers…

Tabloid Baby: La Toya Jackson gives blessing to Steve Friess’ Michael Jackson show in Las Vegas: Freiss is the man who opined:

“Michael Jackson’s untimely death was the best thing that could ever have happened to his music”

And to some concert promoters’, it seems.

TMZ: “Another Storage Unit Rented by Jackson Doc.”

We’ve learned Dr. Conrad Murray has a storage unit in Las Vegas — and there seems to be a growing connection between the doctor’s storage rentals in Vegas and Houston.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Katie Price In Marbella For ‘Sex Hols’

WHAT news of swine flu victim and estranged Mrs Peter Andre, Katie Price? Well, the Star has investigated and can reveal that she’s in Marbella:

“JORDAN JETS OFF FOR HOL SEX–FEST – and she’s dumped the kids with Pete”

Not like the Daily Star to miss an obvious pun – surely the headline should tell of a “hols sex-fest”, or “holes” to make the priapic titter a little less subtle?

The other party in this sex-fest is said to be cage-fighter Alex Reid.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Michael Jackson Missing From Death Bed Pictures

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Michael Jackson in the news – Jackson’s death bed revisited, Dr Conrad Murray and Michael Jackson is missing…

The Daily Mirror’s front page promises/ threatens: “Secrets of Jackson’s death bed.”

This is another chance for tabloid fans to view the bed on which Michael Jackson died. The secrets are many:
Jackson had a pillow!
Jackson had a duvet!
Jackson pillow and duvet were NOT Little Mermaid knock offs!
There were no little boys in his bed.

Now read “THE FINAL STRUGGLE“.

Victoria Ward and Ryan Parry pay homage to the Jackson death bed:

THE KING OF POP 1958-2009 THE BEDROOM JACKSON DIED IN

This is the bedroom where medics battled to save Michael Jackson, the pillow still dented where his head lay.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Jessica Simpson Caught Napping With Ashlee, In Pictures

JESSICA Simpson is seen leaving Katsuya in Hollywood. It’s an eatery in Hollywood.

The joys of spotting a celebrity can not be underestimated. But is it right to gawp at Simpson as she goes out for a private meal with her family and friends?

Well, let’s see what her sister Ashlee (with a double ‘ee’) says on Twitter:

“Woo Saturday fun with my mom [Tina] and [son] Bronx. Aw being home is so nice, let’s all take an afternoon nap.”

Yah, they love it…

The pictures:

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Marky Mark Wahlberg’s Catholic Wedding To Rhea Durham In Pictures

MARKY Mark Wahlberg is now married to Rhea Durham, mother to his three children, Elly Ella, Micky Michael and Brendy Brendan.

Mark Wahlberg is not a Jew. A non-Jew called Mark –berg needs to be tough and know what he is.

Walhberg is a practising Catholic, which means he gets to marry mum in a church with his children present.

If Marky Mark should ever get divorced he can get Mel Gibson’s dad Hutton Gibson to do the ceremony and still be a good Catholic.

Mel Gibson’s dad knows how you can be a hardcore Catholic and still be divorced while living with your pregnant lover. Mel Gibson’s also knows the Holocaust is a massive exaggeration and Jews just left Europe out of choice. Mel Gibson’s dad just knows.

But this is not about Gibson. Some things aren’t. Really. Mel.. really. This is about Marky Mark. This is his day. And Pictures of his wedding are hereunder:

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Samantha Burke Reviews Jude Law’s DNA Profile

JUDE Law is to be father of Sophia Law, Sophia Burke, Sophia Law-Burke, Sophia Burke-Law, Soph – or whatever mother Samantha Burke calls her. And this is not all. Anorak rounds-up the Jude news:

Just Jared: At a press conference.

Afterwards, Samantha said, “I just wish that everyone could respect my privacy during this time. Thank you.”

Says the A-list impregnated actress/model to the press. What odds her wish being granted?

Irish Independent: “Happiness is a Hamlet called Jude”

Whatever about the focus on Jude Law’s private life, he deserves to have his acting talent recognised, says Ruth Dudley Edwards

Edward then spends over 600 words talking of Law’s celerity and concludes, with no evidence or review:

We all agreed he was an absolutely brilliant Hamlet.

We all agree – apart from Caroline Briggs, Michael Billington, Matthew d’Ancona, Michael Coveney…

Daily Express: “JUDE IS TERRIFIED PREGNANT MODEL WILL KISS AND TELL MOVIE SECRETS”

Jude Law is Hamlet. He fears ghosts and his baby mama…

The star, 36, has also confided to friends and family that he thinks the 24-year-old model and bit-part actress got pregnant deliberately.

She might have also shagged him deliberately and deliberately not provided a condom. So they say…

Herald Sun: “Dad lays down Jude Law”

THE angry father of a 24-year-old model who is expecting Jude Law’s love child called the Hollywood star to read him the riot act…

But the model’s grandmother, Delores Burke, speaking from her home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, said: “…My son Denis is hopping mad. He feels that Jude Law took advantage of his little girl. Denis did get to talk to Jude and read him the riot act. I think that’s what made him promise to look after this baby.’”

He sure told Jude. And thanks for respecting Samantha’s calls for privacy, grandma.

Showbiz Spy: “Jude Law ‘To Demand DNA Test’”

“At the moment Jude doesn’t know for sure he is the father,” a source told Britain’s News of The World newspaper. “He thinks he is — but he wants to be 100 per cent certain. There has been a lot of speculation. But if it is his baby girl he’ll be there for her every step of the way.”

Has anyone told Samantha Burke’s dad and grandma?

Such are the facts…

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Peter Andre Calls Katie Price ‘Cheap’

IN the prelude to ITV2’s Peter Andre: Going It Alone, a reality show in which Mr Katie Price goes it alone in the company of a TV crew, Pete The Good talks with the News of the World’s magazine.

In “Peter Andre: Torment, tears and why he left Katie Price”, readers get to hear from Pete The Good. Pete seems willing to talk about his marriage but at the same time apparently keen to show that he is not keen to talk about his marriage.

Within minutes of arriving at our shoot in Hove, near Brighton, Peter Andre has greeted the girls with a kiss and shaken the guys’ hands… Peter’s in good spirits. That is, until he spies a newspaper article that we’d tried ever-so-quickly to hide as he entered the kitchen. His smile disappears. He physically steels himself and says: “Show me. I want to see.”

…There, next to a picture of Katie wearing a tiny handkerchief of a dress, is a story about how she plans to “finish what she started” with footballer Frank Lampard… and then make a play for Cristiano Ronaldo too.

It’s an awkward moment. Peter can’t stop himself staring at this latest humiliation. He shakes his head, looks away and mutters: “That’s just so cheap,” under his breath. His eyes suddenly look sad and he can’t face a mouthful of the enormous breakfast spread in front of him.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (12)

Michael Jackson’s Death Bed Pictures And Secret Funeral

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Michael Jackson in the news – Jackson’s death bed, Jackson’s shroud and Jackson’s drugs…

NOTW: PSST! Wanna see Michael Jackson’s “deathbed photo”?

In a “world exclusive photo” in today’s News of the World, readers are seduced by the chance to see a man dead on a bed.

Showbiz is escapism from the rigours of life. Turn away from pictures of dead soldiers being repatriated, cancer victims and the swine flu pox to see the King of Pop dead on a bed.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (39)

Katie Price’s ‘Strangled’ Sex And Jilted Lover

HAVING heard Jordan, aka Katie Price, tell the world via OK! magazine that she is “off men” and dating no-one, the News of the World brings a flurry of stories about her, er, boyfriend.

The Jilted Lover:

JORDAN’S SECRETS: Boxer’s cheated girlfriend hits out – That cruel woman wrecked my life

JORDAN was last night accused of STEALING her new cage fighter lover – by the woman he planned to WED. Loyal Marie Thornett revealed fame-hungry mauler and small-time actor Alex Reid was actually texting HER messages of undying love while Jordan was seducing HIM with her glamour model charms.

“Loyal Marie”, you see, is not fame-hungry in talking to the press – she just wants to set the record straight…

“Alex was supposed to be with me in Spain, instead he was groping her in a nightclub. We planned to spend the rest of our lives together and now it’s in ruins-thanks to Jordan.”

“Loyal Marie” should not put too much stock in getting friendly with Jordan in a club. But what else of “Loyal Marie”?

Marie insisted she and Reid, 34, were seriously preparing for marriage despite a tempestuous decade together with several break-ups, including one where she had a son with another man in 2006.

The Sex: “Katie Price’s hunk was sex mad, reveals ex-lover.”

This ex-lover turns out not to be “Loyal Marie” but Danielle Sims, who can be seen dressed in her knickers and cradling her chest:

Danielle Sims says cage-fighter Alex Reid liked to strangle her and make her call him “Master” during wild S&M sessions…

The accusation is that Reid, a cage fighter by trade, takes his work home with him:

“Alex got off on rough sex. He liked to put his hands around my throat in a stranglehold and say, ‘Who’s the master? Who’s the daddy?’ He would then tell me I was never going to sleep with anyone else but him.

“All the time, he had his hands round my throat in a grip. Sometimes I’d have to cough or shake my head furiously before he’d release me but it never got to the point where I’d actually pass out.”

Readers are treated to a picture of Reid with his hands around Danielle’s throat. And a potted history fo Reid and Simm’s sex life:

• KEPT an arsenal of sex and fetish gear including vibrators, bondage tape, gimp mask, ball-shaped gag and one bizarre kinky contraption he strapped to his forehead.
• MADE her put a sex toy in her underwear which he would activate by remote-control when they were out in public.
• LUSTED after her in public, even romping with her in a Debenhams changing room and at Alton Towers.

Anorak had long supposed that Kate I and Peter split up becsue they ran out of sex positions. Had only they not gone to America but to Alton Towers or Debenhams they would possibly be together now.

Katie Price has suspected swine flu.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Katie Price Has Suspected Swine Flu

CELEBRITY Swine Flu: Katie Price has swine flu. Maybe.

We join the action as Katie makes her way to Bournemouth. Her spokeswoman takes up the drama:

“I handed Katie a piece of chewing gum and just after she put it into her mouth, a veneer came out. She was in a lot of discomfort and we found a dentist who would open up especially to treat her.

“He had to give her a lot of anaesthetic and her face swelled. She could not face the general public looking like that.”

Anorak

Posted: 1st, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

Michael Jackson’s Face Hangs On Show At The 02 Arena

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Michael Jackson in the news – Jackson’s face hangs at the 02 Arena.

IF the Teletubbies Five are not enough to replicate the magick of Jackson at the 02 Arena, there’s Andy Warhol’s 1984 portrait of the resting star.

The portrait will be on show ahead of its sale.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, August 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson Was Addicted To Scientology

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Michael Jackson in the news, with Jackson the drug “addict”, the death bed and the Church Of Scientology…

The Scotsman: “Jackson described as an ‘addict'”

Now he’s dead you can describe him however you like…

AUTHORITIES investigating Michael Jackson’s death referred to him as an “addict” and were seeking evidence related to the powerful anaesthetic propofol, according to search warrants.

The Western Australian: “Scientologists behind Jackson’s marriage to Lisa Marie.”

Among other contentious claims, Unmasked: The Final Years of Michael Jackson also provides further details of the king of pop’s alleged gay lovers…

In one chapter, Halperin hints that Jackson’s marriage to Elvis’ daughter and Scientology follower Lisa Marie Presley may have been organised by the Church of Scientology.

The marriage was labelled as a sham but both parties always denied it was a fake affair set up to improve the singer’s reputation soon after a child molestation case was settled for $US20 million ($24.49 million).

The religion had apparently wanted to desperately recruit the mega-rich singer and perhaps help him overcome his alleged homosexuality, Halperin said.

Such are the facts.

Examiner: Omer Bhatti is not my son – but he is my grandson…

Reports of Michael Jackson’s “secret” son, Omer Bhatti, have been swirling the internet for the past couple of weeks, but with new information, the story has gotten hot once more.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)

Michael Jackson Linked To Death Of Tortured Child

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Baby P’s mum tells of the Michael Jackson she knew…

TABLOID Bingo time again, readers, as the Sun sets out to link Baby P with the death of Michael Jackson. Can it be done? Oh, ye, of little faith:

THE mother who callously let her baby die tells how she wept . . . over news of Michael Jackson’s death. She claims to have loved the pop star as a little girl but adds: “I was c**p at the dance move.”

Anorak

Posted: 1st, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Gwyneth Paltrow Puts Her Body On Gas Mark 7

GWYNETH Paltrow says on her GOOP website:

Meanwhile, here’s the “classic” Gwyneth wore out just a couple of evenings ago to the annual bacofoil AGM.

Anorak

Posted: 31st, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Peter Andre Wins Jordan Lookalike Libel

POP acorn Peter Andre today arrives  at the High Court where he won his libel case against The Sunday People, who claimed he had tried it on with a Jordan lookalike.

Andre cannot stop winning. On the Anorak Fame-Talent Ratio, Andew is a 5 – five times more famous then his talent should permit.

Today, Andre accepted substantial undisclosed libel damages today over a claim that he made inappropriate sexual advances to the Jordan lookalike while still with wife Katie Price.

Anorak

Posted: 31st, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Tyra Banks ‘Tyra Banks Show’ Photoshoot

TYRA Banks, the result of an experimental mating between Naomi Campbell and Jeremy Kyle (source: Truthers for Tyra) is in New York posing for her chat show, The Tyra Banks Show.

Tyra also front America’s Next Top Model, and in these pictures she shows budding ambulatory clothes hangers that you can – if you work at it – look just like a plastic mannequin.

The Tyra Banks masterclass is hereunder:

Anorak

Posted: 31st, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Samantha Burke Is Mother To Jude Law’s Sophia

SAMANTHA Burke is the woman giving birth to Jude Law’s fourth child. Sophia will be born on October 6 2009.

For those wishing to help her out single mum Samantha, a statement on a website called Baby’s R Us – which turns out not to be run by Albanian people traffickers but by Toys R Us’ junior department – tells us that the nursery will be “safari” themed, hued with “DARK BROWNS,TANS,AND CREAMS & A SPLASH OF DEEP RED.”

And covered in shades of Abraham Lincoln green, Ulysees S Grant green and layer upon layer of Benjamin Franklin green.

Anorak

Posted: 31st, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment