Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Conrad Murray Is Innocent
Retraction: Danny Gans was not treated by Dr. Conrad Murray – Tabloid Baby
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother’s Siavash Tells Noirin To Go
BIG Brother is not as terrible as it was a couple of weeks ago. Why is hard to say. It might be the rain, or fumes from Lady Anorak IV’s imported Latvian hairspray.
This week, one of ‘I’m’ Noirin and Marcus Saxondale will be leaving the house.
Marcus loves Noirin. He loves Noirin for the same reason that Siavash loves Noirin, and Sree loved Noirin: she is pretty enough but not too pretty.
She appears accessible. She make ordinary men believe they have chance. She is also so needy that Esther Rantzen has opened a 0800 number for her and Terry Wogan is keen to do a telethon.
Recently, Noirin has taken to smooching Siavash Sabbaghpour. Now Sabbpuss, poor Sabbpuss, dear Sabbpuss, old fat furry cat-puss has been dumped because Noirin’s former boyfriend, US musician Isaac Stout, has been parachuted into her embrace.
Sabbpuss, wake up, and look at this thing that I bring. Look:
Noirin: “Can I say I never wanted this to happen? Can I say that I think you’re a really cool guy.”
You can say whatever you like, Noirin, because Sabbpuss is refreshingly bitter.
Siavash: “What has happened has happened. No grudges. This is three times now Noirin. Three times you’ve f***** me over. Good luck. There’s not much to be said.”
No grudges. Just bitterness.
Wake up, Sabbpuss. Be bright, be golden and light… So can they be, you know, friends?
Noirin: “What would you do if you were in my position?”
Siavash: “I would leave.”
Noirin: “Everyone knows here who was the one chasing me, so don’t f****** act like I’m the one. You’re making out that I should leave because everyone hates me.”
Siavash: “Noirin, what people think of you has got nothing to do with me.”
And so it goes. But who goes? Noirin is 2-9 on to leave. She will go. Big
Brother voters are spiteful to a man and will want to end Noirin’s stay in the limelight.
This leave Marcus with his lamb chops to form an anti-Noirin pact with Sabbpuss, the pair of them sat in a dark corner of a dusty shop waiting for a real life flesh and blood girl to make them come alive.
It promises to be a long wait…
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Sienna Miller Flashes Her Boy Toys Figurine
TO commemorate the release of GI Joe: The Rise of the Cobra, there’s a new figurine of Sienna Miller’s character, The Baroness.
Sienna says of it:
“My doll is cross-eyed and has the biggest chin you have ever seen. Action figures are always a bit off, aren’t they? Oddly enough from side on, it is definitely me but front on she looks sort of possessed.”
It’s you, Sienna. It’s you…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jessica Simpson Is No Indian Giver
JESSCIA Simpson says she will not take back the $100,000 boat she gave her ex-lover Tomy Romo because she’s not an “Indian giver“. UK readers may wonder what an Indian giver is, believing it’s what follows a dodgy Indian take-away.
It turns out that Indian giver is a phrase that can cause outrage, and in the media maelstrom, the voracious clamour of victimhood, being outraged is the natural state of play.
Jessica’s words will soon be known as Giver-Gate or Jessica-Gate. The phrase will be banned by the culture police, and Simpson investigated for a hate crime in a huge war of words that seek to establish the new code.
Pundits will wonder what if anything is going on inside Simpson’s head and tell her to stop thinking it. Hang the context and the meaning. Then hang Simpson.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Tori Spelling Is The Waxy Ears Of Q-Tips
TORI Spelling proves that when Beverly Hills 90210 died, and then TV producer father Aaron Spelling was cut in series 83, she can still find work as an actress of repute and talent. And maybe – maybe – she can be the waxy ears of Q-Tips.
It was not easy to follow that impossible acting job of playing the blonde everyone fancied and loved in Bev 9er. But Tori continued her fine TV work by appearing in a reality TV show, playing herself.
And then the big one: Q-Tips called. Tori can now be seen working as a mannequin in the window of Macy’s department story, New York, New York.
Even her ears are more talented and beautiful than you.
Pictures:
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hannah Montana Gummy Guitars And Oral Sex Trainers
HANNAH Montana is coming of age, and to celebrate the star’s developments we bring you the Hannah Montana guitar gums.
“Individual pouches for portion control!”
Suck ‘em and see…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Michael Jackson’s Secret Son In Hiding
MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Omer Bhatti says he is not Michael Jackson’s son. So who is? Joe Jackson is with NewsOne’s Chief Content Officer, Smokey Fontaine, stating that Jackson has another son.
“I knew that he had another son. Yes I did. He looks like a Jackson, he acts like a Jackson, he can dance like a Jackson.”
What a Jackson looks like a movable target. But Bhatti says he is not the Jackson son, which leaves room to speculate on who is. Anorak delivers five who might be:
Prince Harry Windsor
Mowgli
Leo Blair
Maddox Jolie-Pitt
Sir Cliff Richard
More to follow…
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)
Russell Brand’s Twisted Knickers
RUSSELL Brand is currently in New York. And the Sun spots him entering the city’s Agent Provocateur knicker and snicker emporium.
Anorak was sent the pictures of this event, which we bring to you in a gallery hereunder. And on them we saw a man in a shop; a man leaving a shop; a shop assistant leaving shop holding what appears to be the man’s receipt.
No news here. Move on. Only the Sun’s Gordon Smart (a product of anti-nominative determinism) has space to fill.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price’s Lover In OK! Drugs Swoop
KATIE Price, aka Jordan, tells the latest issue of OK! magazine that there is no man in her life. OK! is sister publication to the Daily Star, which today leads with the front-page news:
JORDAN’S new lover Alex Reid was arrested and quizzed by police in a massive drugs ring bust centred on his gym, the Daily Star can reveal.
That would be the lover Katie Price is not in “a sex-filled fling” with?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Mel Gibson ‘Attacks’ Fan In Club
ANORAK’s pals at Hollyscoop claim Mel Gibson attacked a man trying to take picture of him and him and his current flame Oksana Grigorieva.
This is not just because Mel is a living prophet and pictures of him are forbidden on pain of death (or having to watch The Passion), but mainly because the hardcore Catholic was cheesed off that he and his pregnant lover were being snapped at the new Playhouse club.
Gibson and his pregnant girlfriend arrived with a large group of people and settled into their VIP area. A Life & Style reporter posing as a fan tried to snap a picture of Gibson and his girlfriend. His security team immediately took the camera and deleted the pictures, allegedly.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Michael Jackson: Danny Gans’ Death, Kai Chase And Jacko’s New Autobiography
MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Jackson’s chef Kai Chase speaks again, Jackson’s new autobiography, Zoe Hunter and Danny Gans…
Mirror: “Exclusive: his final hours by his chef”.
This would be the exclusive with Kai Chase that Anorak picked up on the newswires yesterday and is now all over the internet?
Of course, the Mirror is not lying. This is an exclusive – to all those Mirror readers who don’t read Anorak.
You can read the exclusive exclusive of the chef with the book to sell here.
Daily Star: Jacko’s 20 dodgy docs”
Police are hunting more than 20 dodgy doctors who helped fuel Michael Jackson’s drug habit. Murder squad officers say it’s the biggest probe into celebrity addiction that Los Angeles has ever seen.
Can Jackson be linked to the death of Danny Gans?
One homicide officer said: “It’s long been suspected that friendly doctors have been enabling celebrities in Hollywood to feed their habits. However, the real extent of what’s been going on is truly shocking. We are uncovering a massive trade in fraudulent prescriptions.”
PJ Star: “Cue & A with comedian J. Scott Homan – Everyday life the perfect inspiration for comedian’s latest act”
Q. What in the news these days is the easiest target for a comedian?
A. Michael Jackson.
Plus ca change.
Oregon Live: “Review: Sonic Youth at Roseland Theater”
Band members spoke little between songs, though Moore at one point called out for any good Michael Jackson jokes from the audience.
“It’s never too soon for Jacko jokes,” he said. “Why did Michael Jackson like 49-year-olds?” (Say it out loud.)
Florida Weekly: Jackson’s death should teach us about disorders
Jackson’s death should teach us about disorders BY CHRISTINE STAPLETON.
Here follows the archetypal Jackson story and obituary:
He was my third-grade heartthrob. He was a fabulous dancer. He was a brilliant musician. He was a pop icon. He was accused of pedophilia. He may have been a drug addict. He probably was mentally ill. I am not a doctor but I believe Michael Jackson suffered horribly from several illnesses.
Southern Reproter: Theatrical triple proves no obvious trauma for Zoe
TO say it’s a busy few months ahead for Zoe Hunter is the equivalent of saying Michael Jackson’s death received moderate coverage from the world’s media.
Michael & Me.
Urban Mecca: “Publishers acquire Michael Jackson’s autobiography rights”
Publishers including Random House have bought the rights to reprint Michael Jackson’s best-selling 1988 autobiography, “Moonwalk,” Random House said on Friday.
A new Michael Jackson autobiography – no peace yet…
Posted: 30th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Swedish Law Prevents Parents Naming Their Child After Michael Jackson
MICHAEL Jackson Tribute Watch: Swedish tax office reject parents bid to name their daughterMichael.
The parents, from Tjörn in western Sweden, want to name their daughter Michael in tribute to the late singer. But the Swedish Tax Agency (Skatteverket) says they cannot.
The agency says calling a girl by a boy’s name is wrong. Can Michael be her middle name, then? No, says the agency.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Michael Jackson’s Last Meal
MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Jackson’s chef Kai Chase speaks out about Dr Conrad Murray, Oxygen and cooking the book…
On the day Michael Jackson died, his personal chef says her first hint of something amiss was when his doctor didn’t come downstairs to get the juices and granola he routinely brought the King of Pop for breakfast each morning.
Dr. Conrad Murray, the focus of manslaughter investigation, also acted as a waiter? Now read on…
The doctor usually arrived about 9 or 9:30 p.m. and would go upstairs to Jackson’s room, and she said she would not see him again before she left – sometimes late in the evening – but understood he was staying the night.
In the morning, when she arrived for work, Chase said she would see the doctor coming down the steps carrying oxygen tanks.
Anorak has long suspected that Jackson misunderstood those 50 nights at the 02 Centre, London, mistaking them for a chance for a prolonged spell of deep breathing. The shock of discovering that he had to sing and dance might well have killed him.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (8)
Megan Fox Sex Tape Leaked On August 4th
MEGAN Fox is everywhere. On August the 4th Fox will be nowhere – apart from in her leaked sex tape. But August 4th is International No Megan Fox Day. The New York Daily News reports:
A dozen male-focused Web sites including AOL‘s men’s lifestyle/humor site Asylum.com — as well as Ask Men, Just a Guy Thing and Double Viking — have sanctioned Aug. 4 as a Megan Fox media blackout day.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Madonna Is 69 Years Old
MADONNA is 69 years old. Really. The arms have it…
Spotter: RR
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price Bursts Over Peter Andre
IN this week’s OK! magazine: “JORDAN EXPLODES!”
It had to happen. The human body can only take so much pressure.
But Jordan is not dead. Little bits of orange skin and silicon rain are not falling on a weeping world. Jordan is alive. And she wasn’t to tell OK! readers about her and Pete.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Big Brother Sree Cuts His Wrists
FORMER BIG Brother housemate Sree Dasari has slashed his wrists. Sree’s TV CV and his state of mind might not be connected. But, still, the Sun calls it a “cry for help”. And then tells readers:
There was no suggestion of a suicide bid.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Police Raid Home Of Michael Jackson’s Doctor Conrad Murray
MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Dr Conrad Murray’s home is raided by police. But what’s the point? AGW takes a look:
There is more than a suspicion there may not be too much joined up thinking in the US drugs squad the DEA, FBI and LA Police right now.
SIX DAYS after the Houston, Texas offices of Dr Conrad Murray, 51, “personal physician” to the dead and gone Michael Jackson…the Feds have also raided Murray’s rented LA home.
Isn’t the usual police tactic hit everything, everywhere and at once?
That way things like computer hard drives, prescription pads and drugs are likely to be in the places they were abandoned. Murray was the Number One doc for Jacko for around three years. He was there when he died.
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Teletubbies Pay Tribute To Michael Jackson
MICHAEL Jackson is dead. Those 50 O2 concerts will not all go on, not all of them. So how does the big oxygen tent fill the void? Why, with the Teletubbies – the New Jackson Five.
Says Dipsy:
“It’s tragedy to the world that Jackson is dead. Though I never met him, I would like to have.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Roseanne Barr Bakes Jew Cookies For Hitler
ROSEANNE Barr is the “Domestic Goddess Hitler” with burnt gingerbread “Jew Cookies” for Heeb Magazine’s “German Issue.”
From the accompanying article:
As the “Domestic Goddess” dons the famous moustache, transforming into “Domestic Goddess Hitler,” I notice that she’s beginning to have fun. She nails the Fuehrer’s facial expressions with twisted glee, and as she takes the burnt gingerbread “Jew Cookies” out of the oven it occurs to me that Barr may be the last celebrity utterly incapable of giving a fuck—a quality theoretically easy to embody until it’s time to face the practical repercussions.
Spotter: The Daily What
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Victoria Beckham’s Tribute To Michael Jackson
MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Victoria Beckham pays tribute to Michael Jackson.
The London Paper, the free newssheet that keeps Londoner’s bum’s dry on Tube seats says Victoria Beckham “enjoyed a wild night honouring the late king of pop Michael Jackson”.
How wild? Well no less then three hacks are on hand to produce this shocker:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Michael Jackson Turns To Sand
MICHAEL Jackson Tribute Watch: Michael Jackson honoured with a sand sculpture In Berlin.
To Germany, where 200 tons of sand and ten days graft has created Jackson as a deity of the sands.
It being what he would have wanted…
Spotter: Bat. E. Bird in the forums, via
Those Michael Jackson Tributes In Full:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Leeds Tribute To Michael Jackson On Keytar
MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Brett Domino, Leeds finest, pays tribute to Michael Jackson…
Beeston It
Those Michael Jackson Tributes In Full:
The Save The World Awards In Pictures And Jacksons
Jackson The Diamond
The Michael Jackson Thriller Vibrator
The Michael Jackson Butter Cow
Michael Jackson Loved A Cock A Too, With Video
Las Vegas Blogger Races To Puts On Concert In Michael Jackson’s Name
La Toya Jackson’s Musical Tribute To Michael Jackson Home-icide
Filipino Inmates At Cebu Prison Dance For Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson Death T-Shirts For Sale
New Michael Jackson Waxwork Unveiled At Madame Tussauds
The Best And Worst Michael Jackson Tributes
Michael Jackson Plate With Gold Rimming
Michael Jackson Funeral In Pictures
Michael Jackson Attraction: The Ten Best Neverland Experiences
Michael Jackson Memorial Tattoos: Gallery
The Best Michael Jackson Cover Versions
Nicole Richie To Name Son Michael Jackson Richie
Joe Jackson Promotes Michael Jackson Tribute Film
The Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait In Dots
Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cheryl Cole’s Other Woman And Jade Goody’s Daughter
IN this Week’s Closer magazine: Cheryl Cole’s other woman, Jade Goody’s daughter and Trinny’s carrot baton…
Vomit ‘n’ Tell:
CHERYL Cole is in a state of “misery” because Ashley Cole’s “kiss & tell girl is back”.
Anorak readers will recalls that the kiss ‘n’ tells was more of a puke ‘n’ tell, it alleged that Ashley did engage in vomit-fuelled sex with Aimee Walton, a hairdresser.
But it’s not her. This is Brooke Healy, a blonde who says he also inhaled Ashley Cole’s technicolour vibes.
Says she in Closer magazine, on the matter of Cheryl’s move to America:
“From what I saw of Ashley, they spend a lot of time apart anyway… I just hope she doesn’t get hurt again.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Video Of Hollie Steel And Rolf Harris Duet
BRITAIN’S Got Talent’s weeping finalist Hollie Steel is teaming up with Rolf Harris to ransack the music charts. And Anorak has the video of the song.
Anorak has memories of singing Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport in mildew-encrusted changing rooms, the words mutating into a debauched chorus in which each player had to add a verse, all ending with the schoolboy chime, “F*** a wallaby”.
Says Hollie’s mum Nina, 38, of Accrington, Lancs:
“We have just heard that Rolf wants to do a single with her. It’s a new song that Rolf has written about a grandfather and granddaughter. Obviously, we’re delighted.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
