Rachel Christie Reveals All To Hello!

IN this week’s Hello! magazine: “RACHEL CHRISTIE: OLYMPIC HERO LINDFORD’S NIECE TELLS OF THE HURDLES SHE HAD TO OVERCOME TO WIN HER CROWN”.

And SHOUTS!

With “girly laughter”, “steely determination” and a head “firmly screwed on” a swimsuit-clad body, Rachel is looking to represent England in the Miss World finals in South Africa.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Noel Edmonds Marries His Box Number Three

IN this week’s HELLO! magazine: Noel Edmonds marries Liz Davies via Cosmic Ordering…

“IT’S A DEAL – NOEL EDMONDS marries in intimate Cotswold ceremony”

No, not Mr Blobby. No gay marriage for our Noel, 60, who has instead opted for Box Number 3, Liz Davies, 40.

“Wrapping his arm protectively round his bride, who looked radiant in an oyster satin wedding dress with a crystal-encrusted bodice”, Noel says he has found his “soulmate” at the third marriage of trying.

Liz was delivered to Noel by way of “Cosmic Ordering”, in which much aging TV presenters get to meet young make-up artists via the magic of a TV studio.

Cosmic ordering “embraces making your dearest wishes known to the cosmos, and then trusting them to come true.” Says a guest: “He put in an order to find the love of his life – and months later she appeared.”

Noel also ordered a white embroidered bishops gown and mitre for himself and the females guests were “all dressed as brides.”

Noel then killed a goat and smeared the blood on… Only joking, Noel. That wish has only just been posted to the Cosmos. It was a lovely do, taking in Noel playing back the film of him proposing to Liz, the one he took on his cosmic camera phone.

“All the guests went through every emotion during the reception,” says a “friend”.

There was delight, rage, anger, hatred, loathing, happiness, silliness, merriment, lust, disgust, awe, disappointment, sympathy and finally relief…

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Aung San Suu Kyi Receives Amnesty Award From Bono

TO the U2 concert in Croke Park, Dublin, where Bono, aka Mr G9 – because you can trust a man who wears glasses indoors –  is announcing that Aung San Suu Kyi is awarded the Amnesty International Ambassador Conscience award.

Bono bestows.

Never mind, Kyi – maybe next year you’ll win the big one.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

The Susan Boyle Statue

SUSAN Boyle Watch: July through to August are the Dog Days for British media. When a child goes missing, the excitement is palpable.

Desperate times.

Everyone who is anyone has buggered off on holiday leaving the also rans to struggle for the yarn to tickle the stay-at-home readers’ palate.

News is hard to come by.

Soldiers are still being, (tragically, needlessly, sacrificially) “slain”. “slaughtered”, “let down” and plain “murdered”. Mothers will still weep but news is hard to come by.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Michael Jackson Died Three Times And Jennifer Aniston Is Pregnant

THIS Week In The National Enquirer: Michael Jackson died three times, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant, Britney Spears kidnap fears and Jessica Simpson deflates…

Jennifer Ansiton tells Brad Pitt she’s pregnant

“JEN’S BABY NEWS STUNS BRAD! – Jen tells Brad I think I’m pregnant”

Has Gerard Butler, Jen’s new co-star, left her with child? Well, possibly. A source says Jennifer told Brad that she was late on her monthly cycle and that might mean that she was pregnant, or not. Either way it’s huge news.

And it’s getting huger. Having told the world that Jen is embroiled in a “steamy affair” with the aforesaid Butler, readers are asked to wonder who might be the father of the baby that Jennifer Aniston might be having, or not…

Jessica Simpson Jilted Again!

It’s ambulatory inflatable doll Jessica Simpson, who has been dumped by Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback Tony Romo.

“Tony Romo was looking for just the right moment to finally get Jessica Simpson out of his life – and he found it at an international House of Pancakes in the middle of Texas!”

He waited for her to go to the syrup trough and hid behind a tall stack..?

The story goes that Romo pulled over and told Simpson to get out his car. She did. He drove off. She bounced around waiting for help…

Question of the week: Is Kevin Federline’s girlfriend pregnant?

The Enquirer says Vitoria Prince “felt sick while having lunch with Kevin”.

Anyone else feel sick when the see K-Ferret? Best get a pregnancy kit, or a paper bag?

Britney Spears Kidnap Horror!

“Singer terrified her kids will be KIDNAPPED OR KILLED”.

Kids views on matter not known.

“Michael Jackson died 3 times in 18 months – Before final overdose!”

The Enquirer says Jackson’s heart stopped beating a hears from a source:

“You have to wonder if it was all a game for Michael. Did he get some bizarre enjoyment when he flatlined or ‘died’? Maybe in his mind he thought things were beautiful on the other side…

“Once after doctors finally managed to wake him up, Michael said he’ had died and gone to heaven and it felt good.”

Suicide?

Now read on…

Image: 14

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Katie Price Fancies Rose West And Julia Roberts

THE tabloids continue to jump all over Katie Price, aka Jordan, like a toddler trapped on a trampoline with a fat kid it just can’t get off.

Today, Star readers learn:

“JORDAN CHASED FIGHT HUNK FOR A YEAR”

A year of chasing Alex Reid, a man who spends his working life in a cage suggests Jordan should either change her shoes, work out a better bust-to-muscle ratio that stops her taking one step forward, toppling over onto her front and bouncing three steps back, or use a phone.

Over in the Mirror, news that Katie Price would like Julia Roberts to play her in a film about her life:

“I’d probably say Julia Roberts – and the reason is, before my career and everything, my hair was really curly.”

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Free Ticket To Michael Jackson 51st Birthday Show Las Vegas

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Introducing the official poster and package deal to the official first paid event – Steve Freiss’s Las Vegas show – that exploits (surely “pays tribute to”? -ed) the death of Jackson.

Anorak’s Man in Las Vegas has more:

Steve Friess has kept his name off the poster for the first paid event to exploit the recent death of Michael Jackson, but the Las Vegas stringer for The New York Times, USA Today and other national publications, Gay Vegas author and comp queen who wrote that “Michael Jackson’s untimely death was the best thing that could ever have happened to Michael Jackson’s music,” is behind the show that he has written pointedly does not celebrate the flawed human being – “There will be no speeches about Jackson the man at this event. It is all about the songs, the dancing, the art” – is being held on what would have been Jacko’s 51st birthday.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Octomum’s Kids Get $250 A Day Each For Reality TV Show

THE Octomum clown car womb is making money. And TMZ is doing the maths – badly. Anorak’s Man in The Circus Tent looks on:

Back in the day, somebody at TMZ was apparently doing his hair instead of his math homework.

The site’s breakdown of how much Nadya Suleman’s 14 children will make for their involvement in a reality show is sorely lacking.

True, the kids are expected to make $250,000 over the next three years, but somehow the “TMZeniuses” converted that to a day-rate of $17 per kid.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Farrah Fawcett Leaves Nothing Of Her ‘$50million’ Estate To Ryan O’Neal

FARRAH Fawcett has died. News reaches us that Fawcett left nothing to Ryan O’Neal in her will.

Anorak’s Man in LA investigates:

Ryan O’Neal might have had good reason to attempt to marry Farrah Fawcett on her deathbed: he was not mentioned in Farrah’s will.

Sources tell TB this morning say that Farrah left the bulk of her $5.5 million estate to Redmond O’Neal, her son by the contentious Love Story actor, who is now jailed on drug charges.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Madonna And Jesus Touch Earth In Spain

MADONNA, boyfriend Jesus Luz and friends are seen arriving at Zaragoza, Spain. Having given up on being as big as God, Madonna is now dating his son.

Did God use Kabbalah to ask Madonna’s permission for Jesus to date her?

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

The Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait In Dots

MICHAEL Jackson Tribute Watch: you’ve had your vibrating thrills, spread the butter and now you can take part in The Michael Jackson Tribute Portrait – because every dot is a person…

It being what Georges-Pierre Seurat would have wanted.

Michael Jackson’s music has been the soundtrack to all of our lives. It is with great sadness that the world adjusts to the reality that Michael Jackson has evolved from being a superstar into a legend…

…into a portrait…

A Portrait of Michael Jackson created from millions of hand-drawn dots will invite millions of fans worldwide to become part of Jackson’s legacy by getting a free dot in the portrait in their name. A dot is not drawn on the canvass until someone signs up for it; at least one million fans (dots) are needed to complete the image of the King of Pop, with room in the portrait for many more millions to participate… Every single hand-drawn dot David places on his canvas represents a real person.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Michael Jackson’s Buried With Eco-Friendly Lyrics

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson on Lupus & MJ, Jackson’s ghost talks to Winehouse, Omer Bhatti and his “eco-friendly lyrics”. What does Michael Jackson mean for your vested interest?

NJ.Com: “Omer Bhatti says he’s NOT Michael Jackson’s son and his mom was not MJ’s lover”

Jackson did  not have one-night stand with a grown woman?

Unfolding like a line out of the song Billie Jean, Omer Bhatti has come forward to say his mom Pia was not Michael Jackson’s lover and he isn’t the lovechild the media has made him out to be.

Instead, Bhatti is now telling the press that he was given a front row seat at Jackson’s funeral earlier this month because he was “Michael’s best friend” and “like a son to him”-not because his mother had an affair with the pop star in 1984.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Blake Fielder Civil Saw Amy Winehouse ‘Die’, In Pictures

AS Blake Fiedler-Civil tells tabloid readers “AMY ‘DIED’ IN MY ARMS”, and joins his name to the list of Great British literary drug addicts, we hear from that other man in Winehouse’s life, her dad Mitch.

A source tells us about a Mitch Winehouse album:

“Mitch has been working on it for a while now. Amy always credits her dad with getting her into singing. He loves music. He has a good voice and wants a go at turning professional.”

As a London cabbie, one used to negotiating visible air, Mitch surely has the lungs to inhale pop stardom. The chatter is of Mitch singing Frank Sinatra tunes. But how genuine is this story?

Anorak

Posted: 27th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Candy Spelling Writes Tori Spelling Into Her Paris Hilton Sitcom

CANDY Spelling, widowed wife of Hollywood legend Aaron Spelling, is using the corporate gossip site TMZ to reach out to her daughter Tori Spelling – who remains famous for the most audacious acting performance of all time when she played the blonde everyone fancied in Beverly Hills 90210, a show produced by her dad.

Now Candy Spelling is writing another chapter in her own sitcom. Candy is a woman of letters. As 14 points out:

She accused Britney Spears of being “famous for hideous, irresponsible actions“, informed Paris Hilton that she’s not as entitled as her money implies, and called Joe Francis a “poster boy for what happens when boys go wild“. Joe Francis lonely old woman living in a mansion full of 300 cats jumping around in their own feces.  didn’t take Candy’s advice lightly – he wrote back, speculating the she was a

The email begins:

TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn’t match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it’s the same way with my daughter.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Michael Jackson Buried In Rock Hall Of Fame

MICHAEL Jackson Tribute Watch: Jackson’s hair is to be turned into The King of Rock. Michael Jackson is a diamond.

As Sky News trills:

A lock of Michael Jackson’s hair is to be turned into diamonds to give a select few fans a unique way of remembering their idol.

Jackson’s hair… Bald Jackson? Can a wig be turned into diamond? And, if so, is Elton John worth more shorn and compressed?

The star lost the hair when he was set on fire during the filming of a Pepsi advert in 1984. Ralph Cohen, the executive producer of the video, scooped up some of the charred strands and put them in his pocket as Jackson was rushed off set to hospital.

Quick thinking saves lives!

Anorak

Posted: 25th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)

Joe Jackson Promotes Michael Jackson Tribute Film

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Joe Jackson attends the Rock Me TV and Destination Fame Launch party at Times Square Arts Centre in New York.

Says Joe:

“I think it’s a good thing,” Joe said prior to paying tribute to Michael. “This movie, ‘Destination Fame’ will be carrying a legacy, a tribute to my son.”

 

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 25th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Michael Jackson To Join Reformed Jackson Five

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: “Michael Jackson still dead,” chorus the media organs. But wait – Jackson’s alive?! News is that the remaining Jackson 4 look to recapture the Jackson Five with technical wizardry…

The National Enquirer reports on a rumour (yes, we know) that Joe Jackson is looking towards a Jackson Five reunion with Marlon and Jackie joining the loquacious Jermaine and Tito on backing vocals to a song Michael never released.

But why stop there? With a hologram, Jackson can join his brothers on stage, along with a host of those other Michael Jacksons in London’s big oxygen tent.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Nicole Richie To Name Son Michael Jackson Richie

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson & Me – Nicole Richie to name her new child after her dear, dear, dear friend the King of Pop. Michael would have wanted to live on in little boy. Anorak”s Man in the Hollywood Swamp looks on:

In the past four weeks, the competition to claim a connection to Michael Jackson has been nearly as stiff as his corpse.

Everybody who’s anybody has been rushing to the nearest television camera to talk about the time they so much as made eye contact with the King of Pop.

Enter Paris the Heiress Hilton, and frienemy Nicole Richie.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Michael Jackson’s Missing Nose ‘Mentors’ Jennifer Aniston

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson’s nose is missing, and Jennifer Aniston remembers….

Which nose? Fox News knows which nose:

Michael Jackson wore a prosthetic nose, according a report — and it was missing from his surgically mangled face as he lay in an LA morgue.

Left behind was a small, dark hole surrounded by bits of cartilage, Rolling Stone magazine said, citing witnesses who saw the King of Pop’s body on the autopsy table.

Which is exactly as the man lauded in the media as the King of Pop would like to be remembered.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Paris Jackson Introduces the Michael Jackson Scent

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: PSST! Want to know what a 12-year-old Paris Jackson sleeps with?

Jermaine Jackson, her uncle, tells the Sun:

“Paris sleeps with a teddy bear with Michael’s scent on – it’s so cute. It’s a little doll that he gave her and she sleeps holding it every night.”

Anorak

Posted: 24th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Michael Jackson Craved Milk Of Amnesia Drug

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackon will see you now, Dr James, Dr Murray, Dr Klein and Dr Hoefflin – time to examine Jackson’s records and notes.

Daily Mirror: “Michael Jackson’s desperate pleas for sleep drug to tackle insomnia – Driven insane by insomnia as his gruelling comeback gigs loomed, Michael Jackson knew where the answer to his problems lay.”

Mental health issues? A total rest and lots of daytime telly? Lager? No:

The desperate singer turned to Dr Dwayne James and pleaded with him to get hold of powerful hospital drug Propofol (below) to knock him out for a good night’s sleep. But instead of caving in to his dangerous demands, the physician issued him with a dire warning that far from being his saviour, the sedative medics call the milk of amnesia could kill him.

Who knew? Well, the doctors knew. You want another opinion? Anorak’s in-house surgeon says Jackson died from something fatal. Now read on…

The Sun: “MICHAEL Jackson’s doctor made the star’s son watch his vain attempt to revive him, Jacko’s family said yesterday.”

Jackson family friend Dr Steven Hoefflin said Dr Murray made Prince Michael watch him perform cardiac resuscitation on his prone father…

Unpleasant stuff. Watching a loved one die is traumatic, especially for a child. Why was Prince Michael there?

But Dr Conrad Murray wanted a witness to his unsuccessful try at cardiac resuscitation.

Given the  monstering of Dr Murray, his actions seem pragmatic and prudent. But other than allowing Sun readers to gawp at Prince Michael Jackson, what does it mean?

Dramatic new evidence of the immediate aftermath of his death is also emerging. And Jacko’s relatives were said to be ready to launch law suits over the Thriller singer’s “wrongful” end.

So they say. But what proof?

Dr Hoefflin, speaking on behalf of the singer’s mother Katherine, said medics at Los Angeles’ UCLA Hospital believe Jacko had been dead for at least TWO HOURS before he arrived there in an ambulance a month ago.

It is thought he had a heart attack after being given the sedative Propofol at his rented mansion.

Such are the facts.

Dr Hoefflin added: “I can also tell you the police have now pieced together every minute of the last 12 hours before Michael died.”

Any criminal charges? No. Dr Murray denies any wrongdiong. Meanwhile, Dr Hoefflin has more.

THE coroner investigating Michael Jackson’s death has swooped on ANOTHER clinic linked to the star’s skin doctor Arnold Klein.It followed a seizure of the dermatologist’s medical records earlier this week…

Jacko’s ex-plastic surgeon and friend Dr Steven Hoefflin said the evidence from Klein’s 1993 files was “horrifying reading”. He said: “I had no idea Michael was being given this insane amount of Demerol.

“The maximum amount you should give a patient of his weight and build in SEVERE surgical pain is 200mg a day. Michael was being given 800mg a day.

“I feel Dr Klein was over-treating him to make money. I have launched a lawsuit against Dr Klein for fraud. It is my opinion that he got my patient addicted to Demerol.”

It’s all in Michael Jackson’s best interests. Anything else, Doctor?

JACKO turned to surgery after neighbourhood kids branded him BIG NOSE. He was in his late teens when he sought out top nose job expert Steven Hoefflin.

Dr Hoefflin nose:

The Beverly Hills medic told how he drew the line at remodelling his conk after two ops. He said: “The best he ever looked was in his Thriller days after the procedures I had given him. If only he’d stopped there.”

If only…

Anorak

Posted: 24th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (11)

Prince Harry: Michael Jackson Knew My Mother

IS Prince Harry Michael Jackson’s love child? Is Paris Hilton Michael Jackon’s love child No. 4, or 5?. The blonde hair… The debates on her sex life… The lobsided face… For Michael Jackson  looking at Parisit must have been like looking in a mirror. Says Paris Hilton on Extra:

“My mom and Michael went to high school together and they were best friends since they were 13. So I grew up knowing Michael very well and when he had his daughter, he always loved the name Paris and grew up being an uncle to me. So he asked my mom if it was okay and of course she said yes and I think she’s such a beautiful little girl and I’m proud we have the same name.“

Anorak

Posted: 24th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Peter Andre To Sue Katie Price Over Her Public Relations

NEWS now of dignified Katie Price – she’s got a new book out – and her estranged husband Peter Andre who is reported in the Mail to be “taking legal action against her after she questioned his fidelity on GMTV”.

So did Peter Andre cheat? Kaite Price is on GMTV to plug her new book. A new book? Why, yes, a new book:

GMTV drone: “Was Pete not faithful?”
KP: “I don’t know. Was he? I never said anything. Well, you know when you split up with someone you hear things, so who knows what’s true, what’s not? But as far as I know I think he was faithful.”

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Jon Gosselin’s Kate Major Resigns From Star To Talk Another Day

KATE Major, a reporter with the celebrity magazine Star, is, allegedly, having it off with tabloid fodder Jon Gosselin, star of a reality TV show with his wife 8 children. And because of this relationship, Major has resigned. Yeah, really – the hack can’t hack it.

Anorak’s Man in the Hollywood Hills is confused.

This chick’s got the inside track on all things Gosselin, giving her an advantage over every single member of the media, and she pulls a bone-head move like resigning?

This is no conflict of interest. It’s a competitive advantage!

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Katie Price Sapphire Book Launch Pictures

KATIE Price is showing off the crossed out Peter Andre tattoo shoppers and snappers at Selfridges in London as she launches her latest novel Sapphire.

Jordan is also showing off her teeth and, apparently, dry humping a stack of books – perhaps leaving a personalised imprint on each one.

Pictures:

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)