Two Of The Michael Jackson Three ‘Are’ Arnold Klein’s

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Dr Arnold Klein says two of the Jackson Three are his and not Michael Jackson’s…

Michael Jackson’s controversial doctor is planning a shock application for custody of the singer’s two eldest children, telling friends: “I’m their real dad.” Hollywood dermatologist Dr Arnold Klein has told friends the extraordinary news that HE wants to look after Prince Michael, 12, and Paris, 11.

Openly gay Klein – at the centre of mounting speculation for the last two weeks that he fathered the pair through artificial insemination – is currently known by the children as “Uncle Arnie”.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson Planned Amy Winehouse Duet

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson’s duet with Amy Winehouse, his London tribute to Peter Doherty, and police hunt for Brit in London – Britney Spears? 

Star On Sunday: “Jacko Cops hunt Brit”

Brit? Britney! Britney Spears?!

AMERICAN police were targeting London last night in a bid to solve the riddle of Michael Jackson’s death.

London, Britney’s tamed Yorkshire terrier?

Detectives from the Los Angeles Police Department are ready to spend six months hunting down the doctors who kept the star pumped full of dodgy medication over the last 25 years.

And how do Britney Spears and London Spears fit in with this?

They are especially keen to question people close to Jackson when he was “spaced out” and “stumbling” while staying at the Lanesborough Hotel near London’s Hyde Park last March.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

Perez Hilton Is The Sweet Smell of Success

PEREZ Hilton, the gossip hack gone native is exposed does not even bother to author his own blog. Anorak’s Man in LA takes a look at the man who would be JJ Hunsecker: 

Perez Hilton admits he doesn’t even write his own column. He gets his kid sister Barbara to do the dirty work, without credit. Why does Perez all of a sudden remind us even more of JJ Hunsecker, the nasty, vindictive gossip columnist portrayed by Burt Lancaster in The Sweet Smell of Success? No, not because Lancaster was gay, but because of JJ’s sick, inappropriately close relationship with his sister Barbara. Does Drudge have a sister?

Anorak

Posted: 18th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson’s Last Rehearsal Pictures Are Fake?

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Is this picture of Michael Jackson rehearsing for the London shows that never were a fake? The Daily Mail equips this pictures with the caption:

Putting on a thriller: Michael Jackso strikes a familiar pose as he practises his routine in the Staples Centre, LA, for the This Is It comeback concerts.

Anorak

Posted: 18th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (15)

Michael Jackson’s Demise Predicted By Ebony Magazine In 1985

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: In 1985, Ebony magazine mocked up a picture of what Michael Jackson would look like in 2000.

This is the same Ebony magazine that in 2007, produced Jackson as its cover girl.

On the left is what Jackson would look like. On the right is what he did look like.

Anorak

Posted: 18th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Toni Collette Works To Kill The Australian Accent

ACTRESS Toni Collette, the American accented mum of The Sixth Sense, is the star of new US series United States of Tara – “Collette plays Tara, a married mother of two who suffers from dissociative identity disorder (DID), commonly known as multiple personalities.”

The US show is to preview in Australia soon. So what says you, Toni Collette, in 2004?

We don’t want Australian kids to grow up with American accents. We don’t want a country of clones wondering why their world is so different from the one they watch on TV or see at the movies. And that’s what will happen if we allow our screens to be dominated by American product. We have to prevent a diet of vacuous American fodder, which will spoil their, and in turn, our true potential.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Michael Jackson Changed His Name To Runaway Lad For New Song

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Jackson’s changed his name to Runaway Lad and in a bid to wrest the title of Most Prolific Corpse In Showbiz from rapper Tupac Shakur (listen out for the duet) kicks off with a new song A Place Without No Name.

The corporate gossip website TMZ.com claims the 25-second snippet of the track, entitled A Place Without No Name, is Jackson singing a tune not that dissimilar to America’s Horse With No Name.

Conspiracy theorists will love it. Jackson dead? Jackson flogging a dead horse? Jackson changed his name to Lester Piggott?

Anorak

Posted: 17th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Michael Jackson’s Dad Used To ‘Kick Him In The Testicles’

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Anorak’s Man high in the Hollywood Hills hear why Michael Jackson  was sterile, allegedly:

The stories of Michael Jackson’s sterility, and how he had to turn to a sperm bank when he wanted his then-wife Debbie Rowe to get pregnant.

But now – thanks to an interview at Radaronline.com – we know the reason for Jackson’s sterility, allegedly.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (22)

Peter Andre And Katie Price Rebranded As Tits 4 Tats

BY now you’ll be wondering what pop acorn Peter Andre has been up to. How are the kids? What of his fragrant wife Katie Price? How’s the singing coming along?

The Mail brings news of the couple we call Tits 4 Tats:

An emotional Peter Andre said living his relationship with Katie Price in the public eye was a ‘mistake’ today as he made his first British TV appearance since their split.

Look up ‘irony’ in the Anorak Picture Dictionary and there’s a picture neon-tinged Peter Andre. It gets better:

Talking to Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton, the singer kept to his pledge that he would not discuss the reasons behind the split for the sake of their three children.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Exclusive Video Of Coleen And Wayne Rooney’s New Reality TV Show

COLEEN Rooney and her footballer Wayne Rooney are to star in a new fly-in-the-spit TV documentary.

With Katie Price and Peter Andre fighting over the Touche Eclat, British telly viewers are served up a new slice of spite, a new couple to despise, envy, pity and loathe.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson’s Madame Tussaud’s Statue Catches Fire

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson is dead and today’s tribute features the great entertainer dancing about with his head on fire in the manner of an aroused Chelsea football hooligan and a package tour to spot his remains.

No, no, Michael Jackson is not in Hell; Michael Jackson is in Heaven, we have pictures.  He is just on fire. (Rumours are that Madame Tussauds has already stuck a wick in Jackson’s waxy effigy and made ready to light it. The venue is nothing if not current.) 

And in case you were wondering you can visit Jackson in Heaven, or Neverland, or LA or in a timeshare in Praia da Luz, or wherever Jackson is because Door2Tour will take you to him. First the video tribute of the dead man burning; then the equally timeless press release:

Pay Tribute to Michael Jackson in LA with Door2Tour.com – From only £1,374 per person –

It’s what he would have wanted. That Press Release:

Anorak

Posted: 16th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Big Brother Housemate Gets Lost

BOIL washed Vanessa Feltz harridan Nikki Grahame comments on Big Brother for OK! magazine, it being the show on which she made her name and frame (she is a celebrity anorexic).

But the Sun reports that Nikki has no idea who the housemates are:

JUST like the vast majority of us, Big Brother veteran Nikki Grahame doesn’t have a clue who anyone in the current series is after entering the house yesterday.

The tantrum-prone BB7 star – known for her “Who is she?” saying – did not seem to recognise 21-year-old glamour girl Karly Ashworth after she challenged her to a dance-off in the silent disco.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Tito Jackson Proves Michael Jackson’s Children Are His

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: In which Michael Jackson’sn bother Tito proves Paris, Prince and Blanket are Jacko’s, Jackson danced for hours non-stop and murder…

Daily Mirror: “THE KIDS ARE JACKO’S”

It’s another exclusive by Oddjob wannabe Tito Jackson.

Michael Jackson is the father of his children – and Blanket is just like him, says Tito Jackson

Martin Fricker reports the facts. Tito Jackson knows. If you can’t trust a man in a bowler hat, who can you trust, Mr Bingley?

Tito Jackson insisted yesterday there is one simple test that proves his brother Michael is truly the biological father of his children.

Ask all the other men in the world? Ask Jeremy Kyle? What?

All the doubters have to do to see the likeness is look into their eyes – especially those of Jacko’s youngest Blanket. Tito said: “They are all his children. Blanket is Michael’s, I can tell. Those eyes don’t lie. Them eyes are Michael over again. I see a lot of Michael in him.”

Anorak

Posted: 16th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (13)

Michael Jackson Tried To Save MG Rover

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: For those of you who missed it, here’s that picture of Michael Jackson doing his bit to save MG Rover.

In Bubbles – so to speak.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Pictures Of Michael Jackson’s Track Marks

GIVEN that Michael Jackson allegedly took drugs, there should be no great shock in the images of the king of Pop’s legs broadcast on ABC News in America.

Viewers have their attention commended to “the discoloured needle marks and a hideous blotch on the pop legend’s legs seven years ago”.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)

Farrah Fawcett’s Cancer Diary Is Missing

FARRAH Fawcett has died. And as the rule of celebrity death dictates, death just opens up a new chapter in their careers. Anorak’s Man in LA notices that Farrah Fawcett’s diaries are missing.

The valuable diaries written by Hollywood icon Farrah Fawcett during her transcontinental battle against cancer have mysterious gone missing, and accusations are flying about who made off with them.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

La Toya Jackson Scoops Perez Hilton

PEREZ Hilton brings his readers the shock news that La Toya Jackson was very possibly paid for her interview in the Daily Mail.

A British tabloid paid for an interview? What THE F***?!

Next week Perez Hilton scoops the world with:

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson Was The Messiah

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: In which Michael Jackson dies for our sins. Suffer the children – no, not like that. Oops.

Peter Conrad explains:

In 1987 he wrote a letter to People magazine complaining about his mistreatment by the tabloids. Its conclusion could be the unspoken soliloquy of Christ writhing on the cross: “I must endure for the power I was sent forth by, for the world, for the children. But have mercy, for I’ve been bleeding for a long time now.” At the press conference earlier this year to promote his London concerts, the few words Jackson consented to utter were chosen with care, and they might have been a direct translation from the Latin Vulgate of St John. “This is it,” he said, “this is really it, this is the final curtain call.” With the addition of the theatrical metaphor, these are the last words of Christ, who announced his expiry by gasping, “Consummatum est”.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Jacksons Raid Michael Jackson’s Neverland

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: La Toya Jackson told us about the Murder of Michael Jackson and now Tito Jackson tells the world about a conspiracy and the drugs…

One by one the Jackson Five plus assorted Jacksons, of the Indiana Jacksons, come forward to tell the truth about their brother Michael.

Today, Daily Mirror readers hear form Tito Jackson, who reacts to his brother’s death by sporting a black bowler hat.

Toto tells us that “he and his brothers and sisters launched a military-style raid on Neverland to confront Michael over his addiction to painkillers”.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Goody And Jack Tweed’s Coffee Morning

ON with the mission to make doe-faced, ex-lag, wannabe football agent, John Terry stand-in, sort of model, jobbing Mr Jade Goody emeritus Jack Tweed a bona fide celebrity.

This week Jack Tweed volunteers to launch the World’s Biggest Coffee Morning in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Lady Gaga’s 02 Michael Jackson Tribute In Pictures

MORE news of Lady Gaga, the committee-formed pop singer who functions as the camel to Madonna’s elephant.

Anorak’s search for Lady Gaga’s face continues as we journey to the O2 Academy in Brixton, London. Is Lady Gaga’s invisible face a post-modern tribute to Michael Jackson?

The search for Lady Gaga’s face:

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Ronnie Wood Bites His Wife

ARTIST Paul Karslake has painted a likeness of Rolling Stone stick man Ronnie Wood in the guise of a vampire.

Karslake just happens to be the brother to Wood’s estranged wife Joe Wood. Walking etching Wood has taken up with Ekaterina Ivanova, whith whom he is painting by numbers (pass the grey) .

Pass the grey…

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Las Vegas Blogger Races To Puts On Concert In Michael Jackson’s Name

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: In which New York Times stringer and Danny Gans writer Steve Freiss prmotes Las Vegas Celebrates Michael Jackson,which he assures us is “dignified”.

Anorak’s Man in LA has the news:

The Las Vegas blogger, New York Times stringer, gay guide writer and noted comp queen who led the fight to prevent journalistic investigation of Danny Gans’ overdose death has moved quickly to be the first Sin City personality to capitalize on the tragic passing of Michael Jackson.

Steve Friess, who wrote earlier this month in the Las Vegas Weekly that “Michael Jackson’s untimely death was the best thing that could ever have happened to Michael Jackson’s music,” is producing and promoting a concert at the Palms Hotel & Casino on August 29th called “Las Vegas Celebrates Michael Jackson.”

Anorak

Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Michael Jackson’s Body Is Moving

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Debbie Rowe makes Joe Jackson look like the preferred parent choice and the Michael Jackson’s body is moving, and not because it is being milked…

Anorak’s Man in Hollywood tells us that Michael Jackson’s body is moving – RR:

After leaving Neverland Ranch, Michael Jackson never really had a place to call home. Now, even in death, the King of Pop is seemingly homeless.

Various sources say his body was moved over the weekend from it’s temporary location in Motown Records founder Barry Gordy’s Forest Lawn crypt, after fans got wind of the location and started gathering there to pay their respects.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (11)

Peter Andre Talks About Not Talking About Katie Price’s Miscarriage

PETER Andre writes in his column for New! Magazine that he will not do as his estranged wife Katie Price has done and comment on the loss of their foetus.

Says Peter Andre, who is above such things:

“By revealing all about the baby we lost, Kate went against everything we said we’d never do.”

Well, says Pete. Now, let’s just move on and say no more about such a traumatic time:

“The miscarriage was a devastating time for us both, but I strongly believe it should have remained private.”

Anorak

Posted: 14th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment