Michael Jackson’s Wedding In Pictures

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson’s Wedding In Pictures:

Anorak

Posted: 14th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Brian Dunkleman’s American Idol Goldmine

BRIAN Dunkleman is the former host of the hit US show American Idol who left before it became huge. Anorak’s Man in LA looks at how things have worked out for the man who turned his back on American Idol:

Word that Ryan Seacrest signed a well-deserved $45 million deal to host three more seasons of American Idol has apparently led to a barrage of Brian Dunkleman jokes on Twitter, the radio and across the universe (Tabloid Baby pal Nili informs us that “Howard Stern was making fun of Brian Dunkleman on his show today… Artie Lange said he was doing stand up in Peoria and Howard said he was cutting coupons out of the Pennysaver…”).

Dunkleman was Seacrest’s cohost on the first season of American idol, but quit the show — yes, he quit– because he thought it was “mean to kids.”

Anorak

Posted: 14th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Big Brother Cashes In On Jade Goody

BIG Brother news is that Nasty Nick Bateman of Big Brother 1 repute has “pulled out of a guest turn on Big Brother at the last minute after hearing his fee would be donated to Jade Goody’s charity”.

That’s really nasty.

Big Brother producers have spent an age trying to manufacture a Jade Goody tribute for the show that introduced her to the voracious media. And now Nasty Nick’s gone and ruined it. Tsk!

Who was not hoping that Indian national Sree and the glamour models would trigger a tribute bout of tag-team racism to honour Jade? Would Graham Norton construct an entire post-show show about a contestant’s piggy face, touchingly provided in the form of Porky Pig masks for all housemates? Would everyone get naked, for Jade?

Anorak

Posted: 14th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Michael Jackson Didn’t Speak For A Month Before He Died

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Want to know what Michael Jackson’s last words were?

The Daily Star knows. The Daily Star was there. The Daily Star is OK!’s more uprmarket sister organ; and it was OK! that brought readers a picture of Jackson breathing his last, a shot for which it selflessly paid out $500,000. Only OK! cared enough to equip a picture of a dying man with the legend “IN LOVING MEMORY”.

Jackson was, of course, a great dad/ paedo/ entertainer/ joker / table-tennis player so let’s play along. Can you guess what Wako Jacko/ The King of Pop / The paedo gay tranny nutter’s last word’s were?

a) Maddie
b) Bubblezzzzz
c) Kiss me Lawrence
d) I foresee a great funeral contest over me
e) I am still alive!
f) Anorak. Old father.
g) It is one giant weep for one, and one giant weep for mankind

Anorak

Posted: 14th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (14)

Pictures Of Michael Jackson In Heaven

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: With Michael Jackson  died, entertaining this one, chasing that one, Next Nature blog wonders what Jackson looks like in Heaven?

What would the walking hall of mirrors look like in Heaven? And know that in Heaven, all cosmetic surgery work is undone.

Jackson is bigger in death than he was in life – literally.

Michael Jackson in Heaven – gallery:

Anorak

Posted: 13th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Michael Jackson Spotted In Heaven’s Playground, Cherub’s Flee

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: When Michael Jackson died the world lost a paedo/legend/angel/ sicko/ nutter/ out patient/ father/ entertainer (ed – delete as applicable to your organ), and heaven gained a paedo/ nutter/ legend/ great dad/ etc. in the big playground in the sky.

Which is why Cherub’s have wings.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Shark Let Loose In Big Brother

PICKING a Big Brother contestant used to be easy: you just told people they’d be on the telly and sat back as tapes of mooning Geordies saying “I’m mad me” and hard-nosed strumpets unburdening themselves for our delight and mocking.

Then CCTV became ubiquitous and everyone was on the telly. And Big Brother producers still had to find a Petri Dish of Housemates (source: Anorak Dictionary), and the EU celebrity mountain was low on talent.

So we get the current cope of media-savvy, talentless, charmless, dull housemates who don’t want to be on the telly – they want to work on the telly.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Michael Jackson’s Gay Lover Lawrence Tells All

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: In which Michael Jackson has a “string of gay lovers”.

Having heard from all of those who knew Michael Jackson intimately, and heard from those who never met him but felt as though they knew Michael Jackson intimately, we watch the Jackson narrative move into the deranged gay paedo stage.

The Sun: “MICHAEL Jackson had a string of gay lovers who he seduced by saying: “The King of Pop is going to lick your lollipop”, it was claimed last night.

A sensational new book rushed out in the wake of Jackson’s death insists “virtually everybody” around him knew he was gay.

Anorak

Posted: 13th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (33)

Michael Jackson Murder: Killers Named

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: THE Daily Star has more on the Murder of Michael Jackson  and news that his murderers have been “named”.

Just yesterday, La Toya Jackson opined:

“I am going to get down to the bottom of this. I am not going to stop until I find out who is responsible.”

Has Officer Jackson of the Reality TV Corps of policing nailed the culprits? Is she to star in a new TV cop show, Jackson PI, Jackson or the catchier Jacko, perhaps playing the chalk to Paris Jackson’s cheese?

Anorak

Posted: 13th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)

Michael Jackson Murder: Officer La Toya Jackson Investigates

MICHAEL JACKSON Watch: La Toya Jackson emerges from the shadow of her huge funeral fedora to say that Michael Jackson was murdered by “a shadowy entourage” of hanger oners, a coterie of users and wannabes looking to cash in and get famous on Michael Jackson.

So says La Toya Jackson, who was not one of the Jackson five, and whose website leads with the legend:

“Michael, after 50 years of waiting, God has finally called you home to do what you do best.”

Other than being Michael Jackson’s sister, La Toya is famous for providing the opening scream on The Jackson’s 1980 hit This Place Hotel and backing vocals on Wacko Jacko’s Pretty Young Thing. She then on account of her vocal range posed for Playboy.

Anyhow back to what Michael does best:

And although she famously fell out with the Jackson clan in the Eighties over a book in which she described Michael as a paedophile…

Anorak

Posted: 12th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)

The Michael Jackson Thriller Vibrator

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: You’ve seen the tributes, you’ve witnessed the funeral (live!) and now relive the Thriller of Jackson in the privacy of your own sex club with the Michael Jackson vibrator.

Spotter and submitted by Catherine Grayson.

Other ways to commemorate Jackson hereunder – buy them all:

Anorak

Posted: 11th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (10)

The Michael Jackson Butter Cow

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: You’ve seen the tributes, you’ve witnessed the funeral (live!) and now news from the Iowa State Fair that Jackson is to commemorated as a butter statue:

The world-famous Iowa State Fair butter cow will share the spotlight this year with a salute to the late Michael Jackson. Both pieces will be on display in the Agriculture Building’s 40-degree cooler throughout the Fair, August 13-23.

Butter sculptor Sarah Pratt of West Des Moines plans to honor Jackson’s extensive contributions to the music and dance industries through a butter sculpture of the pop icon. This year’s butter bovine will be a jersey cow.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Kim Kardashian’s Talking Condom

KIM Kardashian is famous for being active in a straight-to-tissues sex tape and present at Michael Jackson’s funeral, (live!). Had Kim managed to link her two notables, say over the Jackson coffin or in the minutes of Sheila Jackson-Lee’s drone, her fame would have breached continents and ages.

A moment missed, certainly, but Kardashian is onwards and upwards and Anorak spots her hosting an event at the Three-O Vodka Bubble launch at Greenhouse in New York City.

She was joined by her sister Khloe Kardashian (sex tape pending) and a few of the Real Housewives of NY and NJ – Danielle Staub, Jill Zarin, and Kelly Killoren.

And a giant concertinaed condom seemingly filled with an STD fluid.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Ryan O’Neal Back In Court For Drugs Bust

FARRAH Fawcett has died and her on-off-on lover Ryan O’ Neal is in court beign taloked to about his drugs bust.

Anorak’s Man in LA observes:

At 68 years old, Ryan O’Neal is playing a role better suited for someone far younger than his age.

Last seen playing the star-crossed lover after the death of his on-again, off-again girlfriend Farrah Fawcett, the hot-tempered actor was in a courtroom in Malibu today, facing a judge and looking and being treated like a seedy teenager at a drug progress report hearing.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Lady Gaga Is Madonna’s Camel

PICTURES of the manufactured Madonna-Bette Midler-Phantom-of-the-Opera hybrid Lady Gaga singing  at T in The Park confirm the impression that she goes to great lengths to hide her face.

Even her name suggests a self-mocking, yakking reference to her looks. (The Lady is not a parody but a moniker based on years observing Princess Diana and Sarah Ferguson.) Gaga is not so very hideous, far from it, but such the lust for the fanciability to go with the hits that she recognises her limitations.

Had Michael Jackson adopted the Gaga moves and look he would have surely saved himself a fortune on plastic surgery and masks.

Hereunder is a gallery of Lady Gaga, the Cyrano de Bergerac of performers. Or is she a pop star formed by committee, the proverbial camel’s hump to Madonna’s elephant? Or a camel’s face?

The gallery:

Anorak

Posted: 11th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

British Tabloids Confirm Michael Jackson Was Murdered

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson was murdered by a combination of Metadone and Demorol. Fact. Now read on…

THE Sun: “The Official Jackson File – Methadone and Demerol killed him”

The coroner’s reports is in?

MICHAEL Jackson had lethal levels of powerful painkiller Demerol and heroin substitute methadone in his body when he died, The Sun can reveal. Tests show the tragic star had taken a cocktail of drugs strong enough to have killed any normal person instantly.

So the Methedone and Demerol killed him, right? The Sun knows how Jackson died before the toxicology reports are even in. Big scoops all round. Right?

The shock findings are in preliminary toxicology reports submitted to the Los Angeles county coroner’s office.

Anorak

Posted: 11th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (22)

Joe Jackson Says Paris Can Sing And Blanket Can Dance

JOE Jackson says Michael Jackson was the “greatest entertainer that ever lived” and that such a talent only, er, comes along “once in a lifetime”. An Earth lifetime.

And should Paris and Banket be put on the stage…again?

Well, says Joe, Paris can sing. And Blanket he sure can dance.

Now if Prince Michael can perfect his dermatology skills, they could be Jackson Deconstructed, the ultimate Michael Jackson tribute act.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Buy Michael Jackson’s Moonwalk Shoes For $21million

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: This is your opportunity to own those famous “Moonwalker” Shoes With Handmade Custom Display Case,” as worn by the legendary stage rambler.

The case brings to mind Jermey Bentham’s Auto-icon – philosopher whose body sits preserved and in a wooden cabinet (the “Auto-icon”)  on public display at the end of the South Cloisters in the main building of the University College London.

Given the skin tones, with a decent wig and coin-slot operated sound track Bentham could pass for Jackson.

Says the blurb for the Jackson Moonwalk moonboots:

Both Shoes Autographed On The Leather Soles “Love..Michael Jackson”

Excerpt from the included Certificate of Authenticity;

“c.1980’s. A combination of concert footage from locations around the world and fantasy segments starring Jackson comprise the plot of “Moonwalker“. These shoes were worn onstage by Jackson during segments featured in the 1988 film. The two-toned, black and white dancing shoes feature velcro fasteners beneath the buttons. Signed in black marker, “Love…Michael Jackson” on the leather soles of both shoes. The winning bidder will, undoubtedly, be the first on the block to own a pair of Michael Jackson stage-worn shoes…a world-class item of memorabilia from the originator of the “moonwalk”.”

Beautiful handmade lighted display case featuring built in TV screen the plays the Moonwalker movie or your favorite Michael Jackson DVD (Moonwalker on DVD and VHS Included). Custom made by professional wood crafter to display these shoes, ready for display at your home.

A portion of the net proceeds will be going to charities devoted to helping children.

Celebrate the King of Pop and own part of his legacy.

$21,000,000.00 for the pair

or

$11,000,000.00 per shoe

Serious offers will be considered.

Display Case and Shoes will be Shipped Separately!

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Prince Charles Gives Robert Plant A CBE

PRINCE Charles gives Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant his CBE from the  during the investiture ceremony at Buckingham Palace.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Imogen Thomas And Danielle Lloyd’s Premiership League Table

HOPES are that Big Brother strumpet emeritus Imogen Thomas has fully recovered from celebrity swine flu as she steps out with Tottenham Hotspur and England footballer Jermaine Defoe.

Anorak’s Contagion Watch team spotted Thomas (left) and Defoe (right) at London’s Nobu Berkeley eatery, before they moved on to a casino.

We trust that both venues have been disinfected and spritzed with mixture of chip fat, collagen and Vimto.

As Anorak readers know, the celebrity circuit works on a points system, with Danielle Lloyd and Imogen Thomas grading all Spurs footballers out of nine.

Imogen has trained with: Lee Trundle, Dwight Yorke, Cristiano Ronaldo, Danny Simpson, Nery Castillo, Ibrahim Sonko and Jemaine Defoe.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

George Clooney Addresses G8 Summit

GEORGE Clooney is in the G8 environs, standing in for Mr G9 Bono as the celebrity who will receive the world’s leaders and opine on global matters.

Picture Gallery:

Among the little people

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Celebrity Swine Flu With Coleen Nolan

IN today’s edition of celebrity swine flu, a proud Coleen Nolan explains via the Daily Mirror’s front page:

Coleen: My Boy’s Got Swine Flu

In an article entitled “Coleen’s Fear” (surely “Colene’s pride”? – ed), a beaming Coleen tells us:

“It was terrifying and I’ve been desperately worried about him. I can’t help thinking about the terrible ways in which the disease can develop. I’ve spent ages reading about swine flu on the internet and they say people with asthma are particularly susceptible….Teenage boys are apparently also most at risk, so it’s been a terrible worry.”

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Britney Spears Teaches English At Russian Laguage School

USES for Britney Spears, No. 34 – a teacher of English in the Ling Way language centre, St Petersburg, Russia. Next stop, the salt mines. Take it away, yer all:

Can you spot the different between The Spearskovas and these real Britney Spears adverts:

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Pictures Of Paris Jackson’s Father

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Paris and Prince Michael’s father revealed, sort of. Michael Jackson news:

Daily Star: “JACKO’S KIDS REAL MUM AND DAD”

Is it…
a) Debbie Rowe and Michael Jackson
b) Michael Jackson and Debbie Rowe
c) Princess Diana and Simon Cowell
d) Zasa Zsa Gabor and Todd Palin

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Paris Jackson Didn’t Want To Speak At Funeral

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Paris Jackson didn’t want to speak at the Michael Jackson funeral shindig:

A source tells E! Online that 11-year-old Paris was seen—and heard—backstage at the Staples Center telling family members that she did not want to make the now-famous public statement.

“She was crying and screaming that she didn’t want to do it,” says a source. “But the family was telling her she had to” – Via – Cover Awards

All very unsettling. And providing a feast of faux care for the worst tabloid hacks.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)