Michael Jackson’s 50 London Concerts Will Go Ahead

MICHAEL Jackson Watch:  Michael Jackson’s 50-date concert tour at London’s 02 Centre will go ahead!

Still got those tickets to see Michael Jackson at the 02 oxygen tent, kids?

Organisers behind the 50 Michael Jackson concerts in London have begun plans to hold a series of tribute concerts to the star, it has been reported. U.S. entertainment company AEG Live has approached performers over a possible live show dedicated to the memory of the King of Pop.

With so many Jackson look-alikes – some looking more like Jackson than Jackson looked like Jackson, whose face was a moving target for impersonators – the show can go on. And it will be quite some show:

“It was an amazing show. The thing was just days away from being perfected. It was incredible,” said magician Ed Alonzo, who was hired to work on the production. “Even though it was just a walk-through with the dancers, his moves were dead-on—the same Michael Jackson we [saw] through the years in music videos.”

Anorak

Posted: 29th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Harvey Kindlon Snubbed Again As Megan Fox Skips Town

MORE news on Harvey Kindlon, aka Harvii Kindlon, the starry-eyed, 11-year-old youth pictured trying to hand Megan Fox a yellow rose as the vamp trod the read carpet in London.

The New York Post told the world that that Kindlon was scheduled to meet Megan Fox on the Today show. The youngster was flown there to meet his idol by Kodak, who offered a reward of $5,000 to anyone who could identify Kindlon.

But then the PR chance became a PR disaster.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson’s Death Was A Hit

MICHAEL Jackson Watch:  Michael Jackson songs storm the charts as his death is a hit…

Where were you when Michael Jackson died? That T-shirt says you were at Glastonbury. But most of you were tuned into the radio listening to Jackson records, or watching the telly on which everyone was telling everyone else how great Jackson is and how loved he is and how his like will never be seen again – never ever. Or cheering.

What bad luck, then, that Jackson so long billed as a freak and oddball should die a few days before his records storm the charts.

As reported:

And a mind-boggling 43 Jacko tracks have also popped up in the full 200 singles rundown. Michael accounts for an incredible 300,000 record sales in just two days this week.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Man Cleared Of Girls Aloud Thought Crime

MAN cleared of Girls Aloud Thought Crime against Cheryl Cole, Nadine Coyle, Sarah Harding, Nicola Roberts and Kimberley Walsh.

DARRYN Walker has been cleared of committing a thought crime after he wrote an internet article imagining that Girls Aloud – Cheryl Cole, Nadine Coyle, Sarah Harding, Nicola Roberts and Kimberley Walsh – had been kidnapped, raped, mutilated and murdered.

This is not pictorial matter but the written word. It’s not even a cartoon, doodle or photoshop, all of which can a result in arrest.

Having been charged under the terms of the Obscene Publications Act, Walker appeared at Newcastle Crown Court to argue that the article could only be found by those looking for specific material.

Mr Walker creation, Girls (Scream) Aloud, was shown to police by something called the Internet Watch Foundation, a independent self-regulatory body that seeks to “report potentially illegal online content within our remit and to be the ‘notice and take-down’ body for this content.”

This sounds not enough unlike vigilantes policing the web beat, telling you what you can and cannot see.

The Obscene Publications Unit is dedicated to targeting those persons manufacturing and distributing obscene material through a number of sources including shops, mail order, complex distribution networks and the Internet. Particular attention is focused on the most extreme and or exploitative material.

So here is Walker being arrested at his home by officers from the Obscene Publications Unit. It is February 2008.

Almost one and half years later Walker gets to defend himself in court. And he hears David Perry QC, prosecuting, opine:

“A crucial aspect of the reasoning that led to the instigation of these proceedings was that the article in question, which was posted on the internet, was accessible to people who were particularly vulnerable – young people who were interested in a particular pop music group.

“It was this that distinguished this case from other material available on the internet.

“The CPS concluded, with the benefit of counsel’s advice, there was a realistic prospect of conviction.”

So, someone looking for Girls Aloud tickets, say, might see the article, read it and become distressed? They may even be triggered to live out one man’s fantasy and to commit crime?

In court, a consultant psychiatrist opines that it is “baseless” even to suggest that reading the story could turn the readers into a sexual deviant.

“He had written what he had described as an adult celebrity parody and was only meant to be for an audience of like-minded people. As soon as he was aware of the upset and fuss that had been created, he took steps himself to take the article off the website.”

But then the thought police stepped in and arrested him.

Judge Esmond Faulks listens and returns a not guilty verdict to the charge of publishing an obscene article.

Mr Walker is free to go. He may even be free to think. For now…

Michael Jackson Puts His Kids In Child Abuse Horror Story
CCTV To Predict Thought Crime
Man Accused Of Sexual Exploiting Miley Cyrus’s Head
Norman Saunders S&M Bazooka Porn And Battle Cards
Porn Laws Make Comic Books And Doodles Illegal
Nightmare On Fleet Street: Action And Battle In The Comic Books
Spider-Man Kills Wife With Radioactive Sperm
Sentenced For Viewing Simpsons And Pokemon Cartoon Porn
Naked Bart Simpson Is Paedophilia And Child Porn
FBI Uses Fake Hyperlinks To Trap Child Porn Thinkers
Embryonic Child Porn In Dakota And Thought Crimes
Is Waxing Lyrical About ‘Terrorist’ Samina Malik A Crime?
Britain Against Free Speech: Blogger Threatened With Prison

Anorak

Posted: 29th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)

National Enquirer Correctly Predicted Michael Jackson’s Death

The National Enquirer Correctly Predicted Jackson’s Death.

THANKS to CCN, Anorak’s Celebrity Cancer News alert system, none of you missed out on knowing that Michael Jackson had died. Some of you heard the knews minutes before Jackson died; others months in advance.

WARNING: CCN is not affiliated with CCN 24, which announces the deaths of celebrities all day every day in the hope that once it will be bang on the money and announce a star’s death at the exact moment they actually die.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Michael Jackson Was Totally Bald

MICHAEL Jackson Watch:  Michael Jackson’s bald head, fragile body and 200 songs worth £60 million.

The Sun: Jacko’s Autopsy

• Four jabs into singer’s heart
• Broken ribs and bruises
• Starved and totally bald

8st 1oz, no food just pills in his stomach, bald, bruised, his ribs broken by CPR, 4 needle wounds near his heart…

It’s the Michael Jackson recipe. Add scars from “at leasts 13” cosmetic surgery operations and you have your very own effigy. Forget the man and his music – the Sun is still enjoying the freak show.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

The Ten Best Michael Jackson Conspiracy Theories

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson was killed by TMZ, Twitter and Iran. he is also not dead. Anorak presents the Ten Best Michael Jackson Death Theories, following the Five Craziest Michael Jackson Death Theories.

1. TMZ triggered his death

Twitter user bloggerheads says: “TMZ story was not true, but the media bandwagon gained so much momentum they had to covertly kill him.”

More on that here.

2. A new identity as an Osama bin Laden impersonator

“Millions in debt and realises that he can’t deliver on a 50-gig comeback tour, so he fakes his death, assumes a new identity (which he’s been trying to achieve for many years) and disappears?”

3. Faked death to boost album sales

A post from ‘Cascade’ on selectsmart opines: “He faked his death because he knew he’d make a hell of a lot more money dead than alive.

“He’s now on the CIA payroll working with Elvis and Hoffa.”

4. Princess Diana needed a new dance partner.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Michael Jackson’s Secret Last Recording Found

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson’s last record has been found or, rather, unearthed. pens a song about climate change and Heat It, just heat it.

Well, you can’t libel the dead, so on with the latest Jackson news:

Due to release a duet with Tupak Shakur, Michael Jackson – who was thinking about joining the Taliban! and whose last unfulfilled wish was to see the roof at Wimbledon Centre Court closed  – also penned a song about climate change. As the Telegraph reports:

Michael Jackson was working on a song about climate change in the days before his death, his friend Deepak Chopra has disclosed.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Michael Jackson Puts His Kids In Child Abuse Horror Story

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Michael Jackson wrote a horror story for children, starring his children. [Ed – wait for decent period of media mourning (an hour should do it) and then insert comment about Wacko Jacko’s face and mask here.]

The News of the World has more:

TORMENTED Michael Jackson wrote a chilling horror story about a CHILD ABUSER and SERIAL KILLER starring HIS OWN KIDS.

Is this a thought crime? Was it a picture book? And what of this “child abuser”?

The sickening tale – called Kids on Swings – is a nightmare vision of Prince Michael II and Jacko’s daughter Paris falling into the clutches of a fiend who slaughters children with a ‘sling blade’.

Or to put it another way:

Anorak

Posted: 28th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Reviews | Comments (9)

Michael Jackson Hid Cash In Garbage Bags

MICHAEL Jackson Watch:  Michael Jackson’s hidden cash and watching the children…

THE British tabloids continue to lead with Michael Jackson, who though out of view and dead continues to fascinate for every reason other than his music.

The Star begins the years-long gawp at the Jackson Three, Jackson’s children who are said to be missing their father. Who knew?

His manager spoke movingly of how Jackson’s daughter Paris, 11, cried ‘No, no, Daddy, no!’ when he broke the news of her father’s death.

The Star’s sister paper, The Express, also looks at the children, softening the blow of them losing a parent by embroiling them in a “War”

Meanwhile as Debbie Rowe, the star’s ex wife and mother to two of his children, vowed to fight for ¬custody of son Prince Michael I, 12, and daughter Paris, 11, the Jackson family said the children wanted to remain with his parents, Katherine and Joe, both 79. Jackson’s youngest child, Prince Michael II, whose surrogate mother has never been named, also wants to stay at the family home in Encino, LA.

The older children have no relationship with Rowe, who signed over parental rights for a $4.2million payout a decade ago.

The Sunday Mirror manages to mix the metaphors and say that Jackson was “jabbed in the heart”, literally.

Michael Jackson was injected in the heart with a shot of adrenaline as his doctor desperately tried to bring him back to life. Dr Conrad Murray is believed to have plunged the syringe into Jacko’s chest in a scene reminiscent of Hollywood movie Pulp Fiction.

Fact and fiction – can you tell the difference?

Anorak

Posted: 28th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Filipino Inmates At Cebu Prison Dance For Michael Jackson

INAMTES at Cebu Prison, Philippines, dance for Michael Jackson.

To think, had Jackson been sent down he could have trained the inmates to dance evern better. It would have been like the Longest Yard with one of these  gloves.

“I felt sad because we lost our idol,” said inmate Wenjiel Resane, who plays the role of Jackson’s girlfriend in the video.

Crisanto Nieri, 38, was feeling a little extra stress. He danced Jackson’s part in “Thriller.”

“Even as a kid, he was already my idol,” said Nieri, who is serving seven years on drug charges. “I am happy that our video became famous, but I feel some pressure to perform well.”

Spotter: Huff Po

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Michael Jackson Dies Without His Nose On

MICHAEL Jackson has died without his nose on. This news is brought to you by CCN – Celebrity Cancer News – Anorak’s media alert system that keeps you news vultures on top of doom and gloom.

As Anorak’s Man in LA Reports:

Entertainment Tonight is running and distributing what’s billed as Michael Jackson’s final photo, which is slightly misleading as it depicts Jacko’s lifeless corpse being wheeled into UCLA Medical Center. A study of the photo reveals one detail that’s yet to be commented on: Michael Jackson is missing the tip of his nose.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (86)

Michael Jackson Wanted Muslim Burial

BY now you’re probably wondering what Michael Jackson’s been up to. Good to see that the news and broadcast media has been given the King of Pop his dues and playing his songs non-stop for hours now.

For years all we’ve heard about Jackson is that he’s nuts and has a face that presents his impersonators with a moving target.

But then we get a text message that say Michael Jackson has died. And who cannot help feel an extra pang that no sooner has the world woken once more to his talent than he is dead.

It’s a cruel irony, but one Jackson with his keen sense of the absurd would have enjoyed.

Of course, with Jackson gone, you can now say what you like about him. You can’t libel the dead, so here’s the Sun to say that Jackson had converted to Islam, or hadn’t:

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (189)

Katie Price’s Boyfriend Talks Sex With Jordan

PETER Andre and Jordan Watch: Katie Price missies Harvey’s sports day and her fella confessses…

WITH Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett now dead, Katie Price and Peter Andre move one step up the celebrity ladder. It might have been better news, but Harrison Ford and Jeff Goldblum aer just resting.

Advertorial: “Stick with Celebrity Cancer News (CCN) – “Twitter is a decent celebrity death alert system, with Anorak’s CCN readers are advised to stick with our own CCN – since 2009! For a small fee, Anorak will feature your message on our CCN bulletins. (Order now and get five alerts for the price of three!)” – A Source

As Katie Price Twittered: “Ooooh my god sooo shocked rest in peace mj you were the KING OF POP a total legend xxxxxxxxxxx.”

Amen to that.

Beep! An alert coming in – Katie Price is feeling “out of sports”.

Daily Mail: “Bad sport: Jordan pulls out of Harvey’s school event over fears of facing other parents”

She’s rarely one to deny herself a moment in the spotlight, but Katie Price was a no-show yesterday at eldest son Harvey’s sports day. The glamour model pulled out of the school event at the last minute amid fears that the other parents would be critical over her recent separation from husband Peter Andre.

Katie, 31, who works under the stage name Jordan, is believed to have been en route to her disabled son’s school in Kent, but ‘bottled it’ halfway, according to a friend.

Run Harvey! Run! No, not you! Him!

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Michael Jackson’s Death Triggers Knife Fight

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: In Miami, aboard a Florida bus, news of Michael Jackson’s death is causing a knife fight among passengers.

The question is ever the question: should Jackson we remembered as the outstanding musical talent of his generation or for other matters?

We join the action as passenger James Kiernan receives a text message about Jackson’s death on his cell phone, delivered by CCN – Anorak’s Celebrity Cancer News alert system – never miss a celebrity death again!

Kiernan reads the text aloud.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Paparazzi Compare Michael Jackson’s Death To Winning FA Cup Final

PAPARAZZI Compare Michael Jackson’s Death To Winning FA Cup Final…

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Sky News is interviewing Kevin Smith, co-founder of Splash news agency. So Kevin, what do you think of it so far:

Kevin: “It’s like the FA Cup final”

Sky: How hard has it been for the paparazzi to photograph Michael Jackson?

Kevin: “It’s like photographing a ghost”

Michael Jackson RIP (Running Into Paparazzi).

Keep it tasteful…

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Susan Boyle On Michael Jackson

NEWS of Michael Jackson’s death and lurid tales of drugs, makes Anorak’s AGW think of Susan Boyle:

…on the other hand there’s still Susan Boyle.

Do you think her medics could stuff her with prescription only medicines to get her on her feet and in control of bodily functions long enough to record and re-release Earth Song-a-long with SuBo… the Jacko Lament Album?

It’s what Michael would have wanted:

The self-titled “King of Pop” is said to have sent Ms. Boyle flowers and a card that reads “Jesus was prosecuted too.”

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Michael Jackson Dominates The News

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: a challenge for British newspapers to top the Boston Herald’s front-page headline and cover -“FADE TO BLACKO”.

The death of Michael Jackson is front-page news on every British newspaper.

What with Iran, Andy Murray, Farrah Fawcett, Our Maddie, MPs’ expenses and Big Brother, thanks to the internet, you can follow it all…

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

TMZ Guessed That Michael Jackson Had Died

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: How TMZ came to break the story of Jackson’s death. Anorak’s Man in LA reports:

The corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com has gotten credit by its mainstream colleagues — the ones who often use the sewer site as a legitimate news source– for breaking the news that Michael Jackson was dead. However, TB’s investigation and common sense analysis of the situation makes it very clear that TMZ was ahead of the curve because they took the same reports everyone else had and extrapolated from them that Jackson had died.

In other words, TMZ’s frontman Harvey Levin and his ill-wishing celebrity taunt team closed their eyes, put all their money on the number 86 and held on tight until they found out they were correct.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Boston Herald Mocks Michael Jackson In Death

THE Boston Herald mocks the passing of Michael Jackson – who some say died too young, but who lived ten lifetimes in one – with a truly momentous front-page picture and headline: “FADE TO BLACKO.”

And you thought newspapers were dying.

Get a load of this lot: Media Duped By Michael Jackson Tribute Hoax

Anorak

Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Exclusive: Michael Jackson Unreleased Album With Tupac Shakur

IN answer to the question as to how you make money from Michael Jackson’s death, comes news that the singer had a library of 100 unreleased songs.

At an average of 10 songs an album, that gives 10 albums-worth of new material. Eat your heart out Tupac Shakur, who after his death has, to date, only managed to release four new No.1 albums.

As the Times reports:

It is rumoured, given the parlous financial situation of his estate, that any such recordings will not be kept private for long. It is understood that Jackson may have gone to the grave under debts of about $400 million (£240 million) – though some believe the true figure may be much higher.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Michael Jackson Was Under Hypnosis

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: Uri Geller puts Michael Jackson in a trance…

Anorak’s lead sports writer did as Uri Geller commanded before Euro ’96 – the blonde went to the TV svcreen and she touched the orange ball. Uri was right. England won the tournament and all was made good.

Now Uri Geller tells Channel 4 about how he used his magic to heel Michael Jackson’s troubled mind:

Anorak

Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Michael Jackson Death T-Shirts For Sale

MICHAEL JACKSON Watch: AND so it begins – the conspiracy – the speculation – the chance to play armchair detective as the media gets to work on the story of Michael Jackson’s death – a story that newspapers hope will be every bit as popular as the man’s life.

Big death spells big sales. If it bleeds it leads. And Jackson is selling papers.

Daily Mail: “Michael Jackson’s doctor goes on the run as family say he was given ‘heavy dose of painkiller’ before heart attack”

Michael Jackson was given a ‘heavy dose of morphine‘ shortly before he collapsed and died, his family have revealed.

The singer’s relatives told website TMZ.com, who first broke the news of his death last night, that he was given the pain-killing drug at his home in Los Angeles.

It also claimed his father Joe had wanted him admitted to a rehab facility in California to treat a crippling addiction to morphine and prescription drugs.

The Sun: “Did O2 gig pressure kill Jacko?”

MICHAEL Jackson’s upcoming tour and “life threatening” addiction to painkillers pushed the fragile star to breaking point, it was claimed today.

The King of Pop was under immense pressure to perform a series of epic concerts in London as part of his “This Is It” tour.

The Sun: “The big internet Jacko R.I.P off”

People, other than  media organisations that seek to attract readers and thus generate advertising revenue, are making money from Jackson. The Sun is sickened:

HEARTLESS eBayers have already started cashing in on MICHAEL JACKSON’S tragic death.

The auction site was flooded with memorabilia bearing the words ‘R.I.P Michael Jackson’ just hours after his death.
T-shirts, badges and posters bearing the year have already been printed and fans can bid on fridge magnets bearing the message “R.I.P. We will miss you King.”

Contact Music:

MADONNA was making plans to take to the stage for a one-off performance with MICHAEL JACKSON at his 50-date London residency – and hasn’t been able to stop crying since his death.

Emote:

Despite a reportedly frosty relationship, following a planned duet that never materialised, Madonna was desperate to join the late King of Pop onstage at the 02 Arena in London.

How to profit from Jackson’s death:

Anorak

Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

The Real Story Of How Michael Jackson Died

FOLLOWING the death of Michael Jackson for any of at least any of these five reasons, we wonder what next for the resting star, and how long before we read about the real reasons Michael Jackson died?

Five things to look out for in the post-Michael Jackson media:

1. The Lovers

You can’t libel the dead so here’s to men and women and children and pets that can communicate through pet psychics coming forward to say that Jackson loved them and how this child is his. Look out for the first media interview with Jordy Chandler.

2. The Conspiracy.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (15)

Peter Andre Compiles Katie Price Dossier of Disgrace

PETER Andre and Jordan Watch: Katie Price gets the kids back and Peter Andre compiles a divorce dossier…

KATIE Price never did meet Michael Jackson, and Peter Andre never did get to sing that duet. But life moves on. There is always Iran.

KATIE PRICE, aka Jordan, said on the Twitter website: “ooooh my god sooo shocked rest in peace mj you were the KING OF POP a total legend xxxxxxxxxxx.”

Today the Sun says that Peter Andre is compiling a “dossier” on his estranged wife’s behaviour:

FURIOUS Peter Andre is compiling a divorce dossier of Jordan’s wild antics to try to get full custody of the kids. The Mysterious Girl singer is likely to cite unreasonable behaviour in the family courts against his glamour model wife following her week of wild living on the party island of Ibiza.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)