Lawyer: Michael Jackson Death Same As Anna-Nicole Smith

MICHAEL Jackson’s lawyer says his death was the result of his preparations for his London gigs next month and the drugs he was downing to kill pain from stage training injuries.

Jackson had plunged back into a regimen of pain-killer popping after injuries while trying get into shape for his comeback.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

The Five Craziest Michael Jackson Death Theories

MICHAEL Jackson’s death has not only knocked Iran from the news but allowed the media to speculate on what killed the King of Pop.

Anorak brings you the Top Five Theories of Michael Jackson’s death:

1. Overdose on Painkillers:

The Sun reports on “an Emergency Room source at UCLA hospital said Jackson aides told medics he had collapsed after an injection of potent Demerol — similar to morphine.”

Says a Jackson source:

“Shortly after taking the Demerol he started to experience slow shallow breathing.

“His breathing gradually got slower and slower until it stopped.

“His staff started mouth-to-mouth and an ambulance was called which got there in eight minutes “But found he was in full respiratory arrest, no breathing and no pulse. They started full CPR and rushed him to hospital.

“When he arrived they started resuscitation, giving him heart shocks and inserted a breathing tube and other supportive measures to try and save his life.

“He never regained consciousness.The family was told that he had passed.”

2. He’s not Dead – It’s just a publicity stunt to drum up, er, publicity.

Perez Hilton, the unctuous gossip blogger says:

As Gawker notes, “In the last hour Perez Hilton has taken down the photo shown here and amended his original post so he doesn’t look as bad, but here’s the text of what he originally posted”:

We knew something like this would happen!!

Michael Jackson was taken by ambulance from his Holmby Hills home to a nearby Los Angeles hospital on Thursday afternoon!!
Supposedly, the singer went into cardiac arrest and the paramedics had to administer CPR!!!

His mother is even on the way to visit him!!!

We are dubious!!

Jacko pulled a similar stunt when he was getting ready for his big HBO special in ‘95 when he “collapsed” at rehearsal!

He was dragging his heels on that just like his upcoming 50 date London residency at the 02 Arena, of which he already postponed the first few dates!!!

Either he’s lying or making himself sick, but we’re curious to see if he’s able to go on!!!

Get your money back, ticket holders!!!!

Look out for the return of Heath Ledger – the world’s leading method actor.

3. Killed By Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

For well over a week, Iran was the media’s lead news story. But now Iran is old news, overtaken by the dearth of Michael Jackson.

The top stories on Twitter at the time of writing are:

Michael Jackson
Jacko
Ticket refunds
I am Michael Jackson
Wacko Jacko
Jordy Chandler
Farrah Fawcett
Habitat – Michael Jackson’s favourite high street future store
Farrah Fawcett swimsuit
Obama says “we bore witness to Jackson”

4. Michael Jackson only 45% dead.

Michael Jackson is not dead. According to cosmetic surgeons, only 45% of the original Jackson remained, which means 55% – the greater part – remains alive.

Although being a Michael Jackson impersonator is akin to hitting a moving target, there are now so many people who look like Jackson that the King of Pop swapped places with one of them in a Prince And the Pauper-style story.

5. Madame Tussaud’s is missing a waxwork.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (20)

Michael Jackson Has Heart Attack

MICHAEL Jackson has had a heart attack. This is a bulletin from CCN – Celebrity Cancer News, Anorak’s media alert system that keeps you abreast of world events with doom-laden messages of celebrity illnesses.

Pop star Michael Jackson was rushed to a hospital this afternoon by Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics.

Capt. Steve Ruda said paramedics responded to a call at Jackson’s home around 12:26 p.m. He was not breathing when they arrived. The parademics performed CPR and took him to UCLA Medical Center, Ruda told The Times.

Spotter: Cheryl

Michael Jackson Dies Without His Nose On

The Five Craziest Michael Jackson Death Theories

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (12)

The Truth About Farrah Fawcett’s Swimsuit

FARRAH Fawcett’s star rose to the stratosphere after she posed in 1976 for a poster wearing a one-piece swimsuit. It’s gone down in pop culture history as the famous “red swimsit poster.”

Only it wasn’t red.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)

Harvii Kindlon Gives Megan Fox The Yellow Rose Of London

LONDON schoolboy Harvii Kindlon is the 11-year-old  Megan Fox is flicking off her shoulder like a fly from a golden turd.

Says Fox, understandingly:

“I’m sorry, sweet boy. I would never do that to you and I would gladly accept your rose if I see you again.”

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Pictures Of Perez Hilton Punch

WHAT follows are pictures of celebrity blogger gone native Perez Hilton involved in a fracas.

To recap: A bikini wearing Carrie Prejean voiced a belief in marriage being boy-girl, and in a triumph for free speech Hilton called her a “bitch” and threatened to mug her. God looks to protect his own.

Says hallelujah!

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Britney Spears Stars In Holocaust Film The Yellow Star of Sophia And Eton

BRITNEY Spears is to shave her head in a professional capacity and star in Holocaust dilm The Yellow Star of Sophia And Eton. As reported:

“According to reports, Spears has been offered a part in the upcoming Holocaust film The Yellow Star of Sophia and Eton, which integrates time travel, concentration camps and a love story.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Katy Perry Twitters Herself Naked In The Bath

HAVING yesterday received Jewel’s boast card from a yacht, today, via Twitter, we get to see Katy Perry in the bath, with a pizza.

Twitter is recession-ebrity – recebrity – a way for the vain star to communicate without any need for PR, agent and paparazzi.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

The Most Controversial Michael Jackson Pictures

MICHAEL Jackson Watch: HELLO! magazine leads once more with pictures of Michael Jackson. These are “UNSEEN PICTURES”.

It would always take something special to make the lead Jackson narrative something other then the abuse allegations and the mobile face, and thanks to his dying the media has some new threads to tug on and unravel and tie in a knot.

Hello! lists them all on its cover:

“DEBBIE’S CUSTODY FIGHT”

“THE FAMILY FEUDS”

“THE LAST PERFORMANCE”

“THE WILL AND FUNERAL”

All good stuff for the media to sink its teeth into. But can any of these achieve a legacy that will surpass the Jackson controversies to date?

Lest the story move on, Anorak takes a look a nostalgic look Most Controversial Jackson Pictures (so far):

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comments (79)

Rachel Hunter Is Not Getting Married

IN case you missed the news that Rachel Hunter is not only still working in post-Rod Stewart capacity, her agents tell the world that Rachel Hunter is not getting married to a Jarret Stoll, who plays something called ice-hockey.

“Can Associates Limited regret to inform you that the August wedding of Rachel Hunter and Jarret Stoll has been cancelled and the couple have decided to split. We ask you to respect Rachel and her family’s privacy during this extremely upsetting time.”

So says Can Associated Limited, speaking through a Tannoy with a well-stuffed bra and knickers used to muffle the misery.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Chantelle Houghton Is Paris Hilton Is Katie Price

CHANTELLE Houghton once worked as a Paris Hilton look-alike. Then she lassoed Katie Price’s go-it-alone Jordans to her chest and changed direction.

Now, as we reported, Chantelle has signed with Katie Price’s former agents, Can Associates, and so begins her new outing as Jilton, a Jordan Paris Hilton hybrid of neon hair and massive Jordans.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Jonathan Rhys Meyers Arrested In Paris

BUSY times at the Celebrity Police Force as actor Jonathan Rhys Meyers is arrested at an airport in Paris yesterday, in connection with an alleged attack on a waiter.

Rhys Meyers is arrested at a Paris airport and charged with “willful violence, outrage, hitting and threatening death”.

What price our British CPF meeting Meyers at London Airport for a photo opportunity?

Robbie Williams In Raffles Crime Caper

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Angelina Jolie’s OK! Magazine Interview

ANGELINA Jolie is a “supermum”. She was “public enemy number one”, when she first hooked up with Brad Pitt, who one married to “girl-next-door” Jennifer Aniston. Brad is best known the Most Fanciable Man in Film. Or superdad. Or one half of Brangelina.

For someone who speaks so often to celebrity magazines, Jennifer Aniston has so little new to tell us.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Robbie Williams In Raffles Crime Caper

ROBBIE Williams is being quizzed by the armed department of the Celebrity Police Force (CPF).

The Sun, which leads with this news, says the quiz centres on “this photo”, a picture which shows a wet Williams wearing a blue life jacket while smoking a cigarette.

The crimes are all too obvious, but what of the quiz?

ROBBIE Williams is being quizzed by police probing an armed robbery carried out by three thugs.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Cashing In On Farrah Fawcett’s Death

FARRAH FAWCETT is dying. Her cancer is on the telly. Anorak’s Man in LA has more:

Friends of Farrah Fawcett tell us her passing is near. Her doctors confirm the sad inevitability. And as the brave, beautiful blonde takes her final breaths, the battles surrounding her are amped up amid the emotion and panic among her loved ones and those who want something from her alike. The friends and colleagues who’ve been kept away from Farrah since her longtime/sometimes lover Ryan O’Neal moved in and took over her affairs have taken to various websites and press releases with accusations that we can’t repeat unless or until we or someone who’s paid to do the work can prove them.

The most unseemly deathmatch is between the true Farrahcites, the network news buzzards who preach high standards yet grovel in the dirt as they ape the tabloid form in search of the next bug “get.” Word tonight is that the good folks at NBC and NBC News are in an uproar that old Barbara Walters and her crew at ABC’s 20/20 hijacked the sequel to their high-rating tabloid special “Farrah’s Story” for ABC’s own “Love Story,” set to air Friday night and getting a lot of play for Ryan O’Neal’s jocular announcement that he plans to marry Farrah on her deathbed if “maybe we can just nod her head.”

Tonight we hear that NBC’s biggest fear is that Farrah will pass away in the next 48 hours, leading to giant ratings for ABC. So NBC plans to counter-program with three primetime hours of Farrah Fawcett on Friday night, rerunning “Farrah’s Story,” the maudlin, morbid tale helmed by and starring Ryan O’Neal, followed by a “special” one-hour retrospective on Farrah’s life hosted by Meredith Vieira.

This is not tribute. This is not homage to a princess. One insider tells TabloidBaby what it is: “NBC is looking to crush ABC.”

“Farrah’s Story,” you’ll remember, was a two-hour recut of the cancer journal documentary Farrah had produced with producer Craig Nevius. But as her condition worsened, O’Neal took over not only her affairs but the doco, pushing Nevius aside (Nevius sued), and with the help of the heavy hands at NBC Dateline, turning Farrah’s story into Ryan’s real-life Love Story.

Farrah’s journals, we’re told, are being turned into a book by Alana Stewart, her friend who helped film much of Farrah’s treatment at cancer clinics in Germany, and who later sided with O’Neal in the doco heist after demanding a fat payoff for her work. The book, we’re told will be announced after Farrah’s passing, “for maximum effect.”

April 2nd, 2009:

– TB

Anorak

Posted: 25th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

A Reward To Identify Megan’s Fox’s Young Lover

KODAK is offering a reward to help identify the young lad trying to woo the fascistic Megan Fox as she struts the red carpet in London for her outing in Transformers. Who is this young Roseanne Barr?

Kodak will offer $5,000 to the first person who can provide verifiable information that enables Kodak to make this connection happen. Kodak will also cover travel costs for the young man and his family to help allow destiny to take its course, and provide cameras for him to capture the moment.

Please send us an email at yellowroseboy@gmail.com if you have any information or can help turn the rose boy’s dreams into reality.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

An Invitation To Join Joe Cole As He Marries Carly Zucker

OK! invites its readers to a Joe Cole and Carly Zucker wedding “special”.

In “Joe Cole scores”, readers can see Cole (smart light grey FA Cup Final-type suit) stood behind Carly Zucker (plain white dress), herself stood behind John Terry, the England captain clad in a sunset yellow suit with what appears to be a bouquet of white roses growing from behind his right eat. In front of John Terry – facing him – is his wife, Toni Terry, dressed in the contents of King Midas’s bottom drawer, the stuff he reserved for when he wanted to dazzle.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Victoria Beckham Puts Her Breasts Behind Her Ears

IN Closer (Groser) magazine, Victoria Beckham’s breasts (mark III) are in the chair and the talk is that they now complete her “classier image”.

Nothing reeks of class higher than a false retroussé bosom, that not only matches Posh’s nose but…

“She absolutely loves her new look. She feels is matches her body far more, matches her hairstyle…”

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Amy Winehouse Honoured In St Lucia

SO clean is St Lucia – named after patron saint of the blind (drunk) – that Amy Winehouse is making the place look untidy. And she must leave.

Jeff Fedee, a former Governor of St Lucia, writes in the St. Lucia Star newspaper:

“I would strongly urge she be denied residency status to purchase property in St. Lucia. Is she being given special treatment? She’d be a menace and a dangerous influence to our society because the demons that inhabit her tortured body will have to be fed.”

There be demons!

Amy Winehouse is a “tattooed reptile“.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jewel Kilcher Boasts Her Bikini Pictures On Twitter

JEWEL is a singer. And today Jewel the singer is using Twitter to send us a boast card from a boat somewhere sunny. There are no paparazzi to withstand, so Jewel goes native and sends us the pictures of her free spirits.

Jewel’s family has a lasting appreciation of boats:

My name is Jewel. Jewel Kilcher. (Yes, Jewel is my real given name). I am 5’6”. I have green eyes, like my grandmother Ruth. Ruth was an aspiring opera singer who left pre-war Germany, got on a ship headed to Alaska to marry a man she hardly knew because she felt her future children must be born somewhere free.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Farrah Fawcett’s ‘Pulp Fiction’ Marriage

ANORAK’S Man in LA continues to look at Farrah Fawcett’s celebrity cancer:

Says TB:

Wonder if hard-hitting news veteran Barbara Walters will get to the bottom of the controversy over Ryan O’Neal’s control over cancer-stricken Farrah Fawcett in her final days? Wonder no more. The promotion department at ABC is working overtime to hype the 20/20 segment that airs Friday night, and the big “get” is O’Neal’s insistence that the iconic actress has agreed to marry him on her deathbed.

Says O’Neal: “We will (marry), as soon as she can say ‘yes.'”

“As soon as she can say ‘yes.'”

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Chantelle Houghton Signs For Jordan’s Old Agents

HAVING strapped on Katie Price’s Jordans, glued on the off-cuts and applied the wood stain to make her impermeable to shame’s daggers, Big Brother winner emeritus Chantelle Houghton has signed for Can Associates.

And, yes, that is the same PR firm that once took care of Katie Price – and continues to manage Peter Andre.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Twitter Restaurant Introduces The Twitter In A Bowl

IN ‘No Phillip Schofield, we don’t really want to see your Tweets from the Fat Duck about your £130 meal’, the Daily Mail shows pictures from Phillip Schofield’s Tweets about his measl at the,er, Fatty Duck.

A case of having your “Alice in Wonderland in a bowl. Mock Turtle soup (with gold!!)” and eating it?

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Emma Watson Gives Up Acting

EMMA Watson will not be Miley Cyrus. As the Harry Potter love interest tells Teen Vogue magazine:

“Until something comes along that I feel as strongly about as I did Hermione – like, I felt that it was life or death – I don’t want to act again.”

So a few provocative photographs, falling out of clubs and orangey skin varnish as she pursues a new post-acting career as a celebrity?

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Miley Cyrus Does Soft Porn

MILEY Cyrus is growing up, and what does a soon-to-be-fomer underage teen star does when she wants to develope her career?

Well, Adam Shankman, the director of Miley’s film has lent her ahelping hand by posted this image on his Twitter page. And lest you think the pocure a soft porn shot, or a perlude to a harder porn shot, Shankman (nominative determinism again) explains:

“Miley is a sweet angel who works tirelessly and endlessly, and is allowed to have fun in the make up room! Seriously! Lighten up or no more behind the scenes pics! She’s like my angel little sister.“

Anorak

Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)