Susan Boyle: SuBo Industries Opens For Business

AN Anorak reader looks at the death of Susan Boyle:

I can forsee a feeding frenzy:

By an amazing piece of coincidence. SuBo’s brother Gerry just happens to be in the process of setting up his very own record label.

“He will be launching his Instant Music record label next month, as part of his company An Instant World, based in South Gyle.

He said it was a coincidence his sister’s success had come at the same time as he was launching his business.

He said: “We’re going to start seriously looking for artists and groups this summer. I’d like to help other people start their music careers.””

Yeah Right!

Anorak

Posted: 31st, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Royals To Perform At Royal Variety Show

HURRAH! Britain’s Got Talent is over and Diversity beats Susan Boyle to win the chance to dance before the Queen at a Royal Variety Show, sandwiched between Jimmy Tarbuck and The Shadows.

Give the Queen a buzzer. Someone give the Queen a buzzer.

Anorak

Posted: 31st, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Octomum Suleman’s First Fly On The Wall

OCTOMUM Nadya Suleman and her clown car vagina are to be the star of a new reality TV sly-in the-nappy show.

Anorak

Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Laurie David’s Inconvenient Tennis Court

LEAD Al Gorean Laurie David – ex-wife of Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David and self-proclaimed “global warming activist” – would be expected to have a robust sense of humour. Laurie meet Larry. It turns out that she does and is an expert in irony:

SELF-proclaimed environmentalist Laurie David is once again paving over protected wetlands in Martha’s Vineyard to make improvements to her Chilmark estate.

Anorak

Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Everton Sponsored By Britain’s Got Talent

IT’S the FA Cup Final sponsored by Britain’s Got Talent. If anyone wanted to know how meaningful the FA Cup has become, know that it now blessed by Britain’s Got Talent.

Between 14:10 and 14:18 ITV anchor man Steve Rider mentioned Britain’s Got Talent on three occasions and just what BGT means to the FA Cup.

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Anorak

Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Angelina Jolie’s New Tattoo

ANGELINA Jolie is Brad Pitt’s preferred bedtime reading.

When bored with Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt bailed out. Now Angelina aims to keep hold of her man by having her skin covered in a good read. Leave the light on, Ange, I’ve not finished.

Now the Huffington Post’s Katherine Thompson says he’s noticed a new tattoo on Jolie’s person – a new chapter.

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Anorak

Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

China Introduces Its Own Happy Girl Susan Boyle

THE Chinese news agency brings news of…

China’s Susan Boyle: oldest contender yet for “Happy Girl”

Anorak

Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Susan Boyle Sings At FA Cup Final

IT’S FA Cup final days and that means… lots more Susan Boyle. So Susan: Chelsea or Everton?

In “HAIRY ANGEL II” the Mirror’s footy mad David Maddock puts English football’s showpiece event in context:

Fellaini’s out to show that Belgium’s got talent, too!

Anorak

Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Susan Boyle Is The Hairy Pig

SUSAN Boyle Watch: Susan Boyle is the Hairy Pig, spreading her Susan Bole Fever over the world.

But – look out – she might not make it. The Boyle virus is in danger!

Sky News: Boyle ‘May Be Harmed’ By Tonight’s Final

An assassin?

Anorak

Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (16)

Prince Harry Stumbles Into Obama Photo Op

TO New York where Prince Harry Baseball Cap has stumpled into an Barack Obama Photo Op – specifically one for his private jet…

Anorak

Posted: 30th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (2)

Sophie Monk In SUV Versus Prius Test Crash

SOPHIE Monk, former lover to raging heterosexual American Idol host was in a Prius when an SUV happened long:

AUSTRALIAN actress Sophie Monk was taken to hospital today by paramedics after she was in a car crash in Hollywood. TMZ reports she was driving through Hollywood in a black Prius when a collision occured with another driver of an SUV… The driver of the other vehicle did not appear to be injured, it was reported.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Phil Spector Jailed: Gallery

US music producer Phil Spector has been sent down for “19 years to life” for murdering Lana Clarkson at his California home.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Big Brother Live Feed Live

BIG Brother looms like an pensioned-off lap-dancer’s labia over a impotent City Boy, and the News of The World ups the hype by reporting:

FURIOUS readers have besieged the News of the World website with posts about Channel 4’s decision to drop the 24-hour live feed from the Big Brother house.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Barbra Streisand Destroys Hello! Magazine

TIME for our annual look at Barbra Streisand, and we learn finished building her dream house and has written bout in a book called “A Passion for Design“.

So long Hello! magazine with your inside peeks around the great and good massive piles – this week’s boast card is from Philip Zepter, a Serbian billionaire with a house so shiny the owner can see his face in it and a wife who looks like she married him before he made it big.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Susan Boyle Struck Down By BoyleMania

SUSAN Boyle is cracking up. Susan Boyle is the Hairy Egg. Susan Boyle can’t handle the fame and is going mad-mad-maaaaaad. Susan Boyle is swearing at fans and having temper tantrums in hotels and rowing with the police. Susan Boyle is behaving like a, er, popstar.

To emphasise how much the caring media cares for the moral, spiritual and fiscal salve to the world, experience these front-page headlines:

Daily Mail: “MY Fears For Big Brother’s Susan – by Big Brother psychologist”

Anorak

Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Breaking News: Susan Boyle Quits Britain’s Got Talent

SUSAN  Boyle Quits Britain’s Got Talent. Susan Boyle the moral, fiscal and spiritual force has walked out of Britain’s got Talent!

Headlines:

Susan Boyle f***s off!

Recession returns!

Anorak

Posted: 29th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Paris Hilton Doug Her Own Hole

PARIS Hilton is talking about her latest lover Doug Reinhardt and how he won’t be appearing on MTV’s The Hills again.

Why not, Paris?

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Anorak

Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Bloody Alan Sugar Presents The Apprentice Uncut

IT’S bloody Sir Alan Sugar – bluddy, bluddy, bluddy, bluddy – SurrrAlan Sugar of The Apprentice media training centre…

The Apprentice: Ben Clarke Creates Hunt For New Hate Figure

Anorak

Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Kanye West Writes Sequel To Diary Of A Nobody

KANYE West – “I am a proud non-reader of books. I like to get information from doing stuff like actually talking to people and living real life” – has written a book.

West is the co-author of “Thank You And You’re Welcome”, 52 pages of some thinking:

Page: “Life is 5% what happens and 95% how you react!”

Page: “I hate the word hate!”

West calls his wisdom “Kanye-isms.”

West wasn’t to be an “ism”.

John Lennon – and he was The Walrus – opined:

Ev’rybody’s talkin’ ’bout
Bagism, Shagism, Dragism, Madism, Ragism, Tagism
This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism

This from Kanye West, who is tuning into music’s Mr Pooter:

“My favorite one is ‘Get used to being used,’ ” he said.

“I feel like to misuse, overuse or abuse someone is negative. To use is necessary and if you can’t be used, then you are useless.”

Or not a at all a tool…

Spotter: Socialite Life

Kanye West Uses Naked Lover Amber Rose To Model His Shoes

Anorak

Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Danielle Lloyd Jumped On By Hoodie

GORDON Smart – the Sun’s in-house estate agent- showbiz PR hybrid – is dwelling on hard-to-like Danielle Lloyd’s “brush with disaster” and how it “provided the inspiration for a spectacularly ill-advised brainwave from a sportswear firm trying to make a few quid”.

Given that Smart’s Bizarre column is a glorified puff piece for the music and telly industries , this PR shocker must be really shocking.

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Anorak

Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Shaheen Jafargholi On The Unexpected Susan Boyle

SHAHEEN Jafargholi, of Dylan Thomas School in Swansea, is appearing as an Oompa Loompa in Charlie And The Chocolate Factory.

Says Shaheen’s mum Karen Thomas

“When he was 18-months-old, he liked singing Will Smith’s Wild Wild West in particular. And he was really into the band Steps when he was five or six and wanted to go to all the concerts.”

Anorak

Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Susan Boyle Watch: Britain’s Got Tourette’s

SUSAN Boyle Watch – In which Susan Boyle behaves like a holidaymaker in London and tells coppers, Piers Morgan and Shaheen Jafargholi to fuck off.

“SuBo goes loco”, screams the Sun. “Britain’s Got bad language,” announces the Mirror.

RANTING Susan Boyle completely lost her cool with TWO four-letter outbursts in a day, The Sun can reveal.

Anorak

Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (26)

Susan Boyle Impersonator Attacks Shaheen Jafargholi

HAVING told a fan to, allegedly, “Fuck off”, Susan Boyle is now said to have responded to the sight of Shaheen Jafargholi making his way into the final of Britain’s Got Talent by shouting “f*** off” at the telly.

The Mail, which brings us claims of Boyle’s bon mots, then says she did storm off to her room at the Wembley Plaza Hotel before around 150 people.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Lady Gaga Puts Her Vagina In A Jelly Mould

LADY Gaga, the vapid singer of songs that sound familiar, the wearer of a style that seems familiar, a pop star formed by committee, is on the cover of Rolling Stone, and inside she tells fans who might find that front-page picture sexless and, well as familiar as a well-thumbed contact mag:

“I don’t feel like I look like the other perfect little pop singers. I think I’m changing what people think is sexy.”

Anorak

Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Harvey Mummifies Katie Price In Peter Andre Divorce

KATIE Price is reunited with Harvey for the joy and curiosity of OK! readers.

Harvey is now the size of one of Katie’s want away Jordans, and looks every inch the bosom of his mother’s love as he seems to be wondering what she’s doing back in his house.

While mum wrestled with a white bikini (surely her conscience – Ed) in the Mall-deeves, Harvey played with the two nannies and Katie’s mum on call. Harvey was the cock that got the cream. In the split he had scored three women and a house.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)