Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Octomum’s Tattoo For Each Of Her 14 Octo-Pods: Pictures
OCTOMUM Nadya Suleman has a tattoo featuring the icons of her 14 children.
Images of Octomum’s tattoos are widely available, but Anorak advocates waiting for the paperback version to come out, and then getting a two-for-one deal with Angelina Jolie’s in-bed reading matter.
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Posted: 27th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (9)
Susan Boyle Sings Jesus Chris Superstar: Video
SUSAN Boyle Sings Jesus Chris Superstar: Video:
Susan Boyle
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Posted: 27th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Susan Boyle’s First TV Appearance In 1995
SUSAN Boyle Watch: in which Susan Boyle sings on TV show My Kind of People in 1995 and gets kissed by host Michael Barrymore…
The Susan Boyle media narrative can be downloaded here. The media’s campaign to know Susan Boyle better than she knows herself is being undone.
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Posted: 27th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Susan Boyle Faces Death
HAVING negotiated the journey to fame and rehab, Susan Boyle is now staring death in the face.
Earlier Our Susan was in rehab, following a makeover. Now Susan Boyle moves onto Stage 3 of her media narrative: the decline.
Susan is being spoken about in the same breath as death. Who is death? No, it’s not Simon Cowell, who has had his maw darkened to make his teeth appear ever brighter.
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Posted: 27th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
Britain’s Got Talent: Hollie Steel’s Web Bullying Hell
MORE news on Hollie Steel, the music box Thumbelina who will lance the Susan Boyle and show stage schools that their entry policy is flawed:
TINY Britain’s Got Talent star Hollie Steel yesterday bravely defied cyber bullies who launched cruel attacks on her.
Brave is tabloid shorthand for doomed, so Hollie and her parents may yet find reasons to temper this delight that brave Hollie is in the Sun.
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Posted: 27th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Michael Caine’s Tax Burden Forces Him To Leave Britain
MICHAEL Caine will quite the UK when tax reaches 51 per cent:
“Tax got to 82 per cent [in the 1970s] and I thought this was kind of unfair,” he said. “Also, I see… that the government has taken it up to 50 per cent and if it goes to 51 I will be back in America.
“I will not pay the Government more than I get. No way, ever. So they’ve reached their limit with me. That’s the lot.”
Of course, if Sir Michael is employed:
Posted: 27th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Susan Boyle In Rehab
SUSAN Boyle is “close to the edge” says the Daily Star. “TALENT SUSAN BREAKS DOWN”, screams the front-page headline.
Fast-tracked to fame and now fast-tracked to the trappings of fame, will Susan Boyle enter rehab and then appear on a talk show to tell of her demands and her journey? Will she ghost write I Dreamed A Nightmare?
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Posted: 27th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (11)
Tributes To Bea Arthur
RIP Bea Arthur, née Bernice Frankel, star of the Golden Girls, and a woman many other women, and Old Mr Anorak, thought was a man in drag.
And she would have laughed at that.
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Posted: 26th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
The Apprentice’s Lorraine In Sex Club Orgy
WORKING out who to hate in The Apprentice is this season’s challenge.
Ben Clarke is easy to dislike. But the carbed-up version of Coronation Street Rat Boy David Platt is being edged out by Philip, the charmless, self-centred former estate agent who thinks shouting down women is a stepping stone to a place on The Sunday Times Rich List.
His sounding board last week was Lorraine Tighe, who the News of The World says is a “SWINGER” fresh from a “sweaty orgy in a sex club”.
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Posted: 26th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Susan Boyle Named UN Ambassador
SIMON Cowell says Susan Boyle might not win Britain’s Got Talent. But she might win a gig at the UN.
As we learn:
Even Kofi Annan, the ex-United Nations chief, was asking Gordon Brown about Susan when they met last week.
Even Kofi Anan… Wow! Kofi Anan, head groupie at the UN, where ambassadors take in Angelina Jolie, Drew Barrymore, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Nick Carter, Naomi WAtts, Geri Halliwell and the discussion is on Battlestar Gallactica and whether Whoppie Goldberg is of this planet?
And Gordon Brown, who can be heard explaining Amy Winehouse (cause and effect) to Nelson Mandela, and whose Celebrity Year Book can be viewed here, and whose wife Sarah is breaking shoes with notables in London and breaking bread with showbiz ex-pats in LA. Even him:
And on Thursday Mr Annan quizzed crisis-plagued Brown about her after giving a speech in Kirkcaldy, Scotland.
In fact, the first thing Annan said to Brown on the way to dinner was: “So, tell me about Susan Boyle.”
Followed by questions on Gordon’s iPod and if Obama can sing.
Back to Cowell’s message to Boyle:
“Get yourself together, sweetheart, for the big one-which is the semi-finals.
“Choose the right song, focus yourself, shut your front door, maybe take a holiday and come back to the person you want to be and not as the person you think you should be.”
Come back as the tanned and lithesome Armani Dolce.
Speaking at the launch of America’s Got Talent in California, he added: “IF she gets through the semi-finals she MAY get through to the final and she MAY win.
“But it could all go horribly wrong because there are so many other distractions.”
Like quitting while she’s ahead, then producing her own album and making loadsa money while her star is on the up…
Posted: 26th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Hollie Steel To Play Young Susan Boyle On Film
HOLLIE Steel, the latest Britain’s Got Talent wannabe could-be – she who will Lance La Boyle – is telling the world about her “BULLY HELL” (Star on Sunday).
In an “exclusive”, Hollie sits her neat head atop her clenched fists and tells readers of her “playground taunts”.
Says mum Nina:
“Hollie has suffered quite bad bullying because she is small. She used to come home crying because she had been pushed around and had her hair pulled. Now the bullying is more verbal, with name-calling.”
Hollie sounds like a shoo-in to play Young Susan in Susan Boyle: the movie.
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Posted: 26th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
The Jade Goody Musical
WHO will play Jade Goody in Jade Goody The Musical?
The show is the work of Danny Hayward, Goody’s former business partner, who tells us that in order to keep the brand alive:
“If the show continues to raise awareness about cervical cancer, be a good night out and further her legacy, then it’s not really hurting anyone.”
Gimme a beat:
Cervical cancer
Necromancer
Jade Goody in a Hoody
A chancer’s dancer
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Posted: 25th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
Susan Boyle Is A Fake: Proof
SLOWLY Susan Boyle turns back into Armani Dolce, the woman whose idea it was to create a plain, frumpy alter ego and make a moral and theological point about pretty much everything.
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Posted: 25th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (14)
Hollie Steel Beats Susan Boyle
HOLLIE Steel will Lance La Boyle. Susan Boyle is now faced with a two-pronged attack from Shaheen Jafargholi and Hollie Steel.
If nominative determinalism counts for anything, Steel will impale Boyle on the point of a sharpened majorette’s baton.
Hollie is the newest most sensational performer on planet Britain’s Got Talent. Hollie is ten, and has yet to grow facial hair and be sufficiently bullied to command a sympathetic back story.
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Posted: 25th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (11)
Britney Spears To Star In Wizard Of Oz
IN this video of Britney Spears, we can see the singer (blonde) having her hair extensions ripped out by the grandson of the lead flying monkey in the Wizard of Oz.
It’s all nepotism in Hollywood.
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Posted: 24th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Susan Boyle Barbie Doll
BARBIE is 50 this year and Anorak brings you the Susan Boyle Commemorative Celebration Barbie doll.
Barbie Boyle comes with a range of Boyle In The Bag clothes, working lips and a bikini zone as smooth as her alter ego Armani Dolce’s tanned, lithe body.
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Posted: 24th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Corrigan Brothers: There’s No-one As Irish As Susan Boyle
CORRIGAN Brothers sing There’s No-one As Irish As Susan Boyle. Apart from everyone, er, born in Ireland.
It’s her next song on Britain’s Got Talent – and given the nature of the song, Pebbles her cat can join in…
Posted: 24th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
BBC Vicar Says Susan Boyle Is Our Jesus
SUSAN Boyle Watch: In which Susan Boyle is just like Jesus…
“Susan Boyle is like Jesus, says vicar,” says the OneIndia website.
You mean, she was just like Jesus before he went to the Miss Toner salon?
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Posted: 24th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)
Susan Boyle’s New Hair And Face Makeover: Pictures
SUSAN Boyle’s new look is a composite blend of auburn hair, six-inch heels, eyebrows arched like a lap-dancers buttocks, a bikini body and a wry smile.
Boyle is the Sun’s “brunette with talent”. She is the Mirror’s “haircut angel”.
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Posted: 24th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (14)
Mel Gibson Girl Tells Media She Won’t Speak To Media
MEL Gibson’s “Sharking” Russian, alleged, lover Oksana Pocheba says he can’t talk about any romance because it might affect Mel’s divorce from wife Robyn.
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Posted: 23rd, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Beyonce Offers Duet With Susan Boyle
WHEN asked about Susan Boyle, the following mighty talents – Michael Stipe, Fergie and Beyonce – said:
Michael Stipe’s Crush
“Extra” met up with Stipe, who said, “I love your voice, Susan” – Extra TV
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Posted: 23rd, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Coronation Street Killer Impregnates Actress
THE BBC brings news that Coronation Street actress Samia Smith, who plays Maria Connor in the ITV1 soap, is pregnant “just weeks after losing her father”.
“I am so pleased that we were able to tell my dad about the baby before he died,” said the Manchester actress.
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Posted: 23rd, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Susan Boyle Joins Tony Blair On American Idol
SUSAN Boyle has been tuned into a moral and religious icon. Read about her glodly presence here: The Ten Most Amazing Susan Boyle Songs.
Now, as the Daily Star reports, ex-PM Tony Blair, 55, declared himself a fan:
He told GMTV: “Susan is probably doing more good than most of the official channels of diplomacy.”
And Tony is not alone.
British prime minister Tony Blair mingled with stars and Hollywood studio chiefs during the kickoff dinner for BritWeek April 21 at the BevWilshire.
With so many celeb mates, it’s like he never left No.10.
The event was a benefit for Malaria No More, the group chaired by News Corp. chief operating officer Peter Chernin to eradicate malaria around the world, in part by seeking contributions for $10 mosquito nets that could be sent to areas ravaged by the disease…
Blair said that because the nets could mean the difference between life and death, the evening “is about a precious, precious gift that we have the power to give.”
And Ryan Seacrest was there, the toothy American Idol presenter.
Seacrest’s presence inspired Blair to recount his own story of trying to launch a singing career — but he admitted that when he auditioned, “It wasn’t like a Susan Boyle moment.”
Susan Boyle knew my Prime Minister.
During one tryout, he got cut off by the producers. “I said, ‘Why do you do that?’ ‘Act of humanity, mate, act of humanity.’ “
Look out for Susan Boyle singing the them song for Tony Blair’s Faith Foundation – Ave Good Time, Maria…
Posted: 23rd, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Susan Boyle Records Killing Me Softly: Video
SUSAN Boyle is not quite the naïf the Britain’s Got Talent narrative told us she was. And Anorak has found a recording of La Boyle singing Killing Me Softly.
She’s laid down more tacks than British Rail.
Hereudner is Susan’s new album:
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Posted: 23rd, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Pictured: Michelle Obama Meets Susan Boyle
SUSAN Boyle Watch: in which Susan Boyle meets Michelle Obama.
The world has gone mad for Susan Bole as it once did for Michelle Obama – and, vitally, Michelle Obama’s thumbs.
Pictures:
Now Anorak loosk at Susan Boyle’s thumbs in our eclusive photo shoot:
Fan-dabi-dozee
Posted: 23rd, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
