Man Sells House Haunted By Jade Goody

JADE Goody is returned. With Mr Jade Goody, Jack ‘Twiglet‘ Tweed giving Her Majesty no end of pleasure, it’s time for Jade Goody to step in and keep the brand alive.

Jack is still doing his bit for the family business.

Jade’s grieving husband Jack Tweed, 21, has turned to God and is reading the Bible in prison. Jack, who has been jailed for 12 weeks for assaulting a taxi driver, is spending hours in his cell in Chelmsford Prison, Essex, reading some of Jade’s favourite passages.

The Goody News Bible will be in the shops soon.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Shaheen Jafargholi Wins Britain’s Got Talent

SUSAN Boyle is old Britain’s Got Talent news; old and frumpy Britain’s Got Equal Opportunities news. The new news is Shaheen Jafargholi. He’s got pliability, likeability and the potential to lend his name to a range of hair gels – Put the Shaheen in your hair – (Max, call me), sell dreams to the pre-teens and hope to their mums.

Shaheen Jafargholi can do it all. But first things first: before he can become a star, Shaheen needs to be patronised by Hollywood shape-shifter Demi Moore.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Demi Moore Drops Susan Boyle To Twitter Shaheen Jafargholi

SUSAN Boyle Watch: Anorak’s looks at Britain’s Got Talent agonist Susan Boyle in the news, with Demi Moore and the City of Detroit…

Demi Moore dazzled by Britain’s Got Talent’s Shaheen

Having gone bonkers for the Boyle, Demi Moore has a new idol to stalk:

Young Britain’s Got Talent star Shaheen Jafargholi has wowed Hollywood star Demi Moore. Moore, who is married to Ashton Kutcher, revealed on her Twitter site that she thought the 12-year-old from Swansea was “awesome”.

Twitter is dead. What about Susan? Oh, my love, my darling…

Anorak Fact: DEMI Moore has been watching Susan Boyle – a woman who is exactly what Moore would look like without surgery!

The actress became a fan of Susan Boyle after watching her surprise performance last week, but this week she was just as blown away by the young Swansea star.

Not long after the show, Demi posted a Youtube clip to the performance on her site and said: “Wow, this kid is something else.”

Anorak

Posted: 19th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Britain’s Got Talent’s Shaheen Jafargholi Beats Susan Boyle

MOVE over Susan Boyle, here comes Shaheen Jafargholi to wow Britain’s Got Talent’s resident blonde Amanda Holden. As she says:

“It doesn’t happen to me very often but I do the goosebump test. I got it with Paul Potts, I got it with George Sampson and I got it with you.”

She didn’t get it with Boyle. Boyle failed to make Holden’s skin crawl.

And here is Shaheen Jafargholi. He’s cute. He’s 12. He’s got the sympathetic back story – he lives with his single mum. And he’s got his and dear old grandpa to walk on stage and solicit a big “Awww, shucks”.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (14)

Susan Boyle’s Puppy Love For Donny Osmond And Auditions For Emmerdale

SUSAN Boyle Watch: Anorak’s looks at Britain’s Got Talent agonist Susan Boyle in the news – with Donny Osmond, Emmerdale and Arsenal’s Arsene Wenger…

Hacks across the world are pressing F9 on their keyboards and telling their readers of Susan Boyle – bad hair; frumpy; never judge book by cover; sings; Scots; smug Cowell; cat; dead mum; virgin. Facts.

The media facts on a woman aged 48 are stock. And she is 48. Or 47? Such is the standard of reporting on Susan Boyle that the hacks cannot agree on her age. (It’s 47.) But all the other titbits on Boyle appear in every article on Susie Simple, of which there are thousands.

New Fact Alert

Britain’s Got Talent sensation Susan Boyle owes her dazzling voice to a teenage obsession with Donny Osmond, her brother reveals today…

And when it wasn’t Donny – whose 1972 hit Puppy Love she knew off by heart – she was driving her family berserk by repeatedly blasting out the soundtrack to Grease – especially You’re The One That I Want…

“Susan was what you would call a loner,” says Gerard, who at 53 is the closest in age to 47-year-old Susan, the youngest member of the family. She was happiest on her own, playing her records and losing herself in music. She didn’t really interact with other children”…

“Eventually she retreated into her own world. Music became her thing.”

Anorak

Posted: 19th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Susan Boyle Video On CBS

SUSAN Boyle is on CBS news, in the USA of A:

Watch CBS Videos Online

Anorak

Posted: 18th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jay Leno Poses For Susan Boyle Album

SUSAN Boyle Watch: Anorak’s looks at Britain’s Got Talent agonist Susan Boyle in the news, with Jay Leno as Susan Boyle…

Susan Bolye is now on every US TV host’s to do list. So far Susan Boyle has been patronised by Anderson Cooper, Larry King and will very soon be touched by Oprah Winfrey.

Anorak

Posted: 18th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Susan Boyle Watch: Susie Simple Stalked By Demi Moore And Meets Oprah Winfrey

SUSAN Boyle Watch: Anorak’s looks at Britain’s Got Talent agonist Susan Boyle in the news…

Never been kissed?

Says Neighbour Brian Smith, 51:

“It’s not true Susan’s never been kissed. I’ve given her many a peck on the cheek to say ‘Don’t worry, everything’s going to be all right’. She comes to me when she needs help or a shoulder to cry on…I never knew her to have a birthday party because she was busy caring for her mother” –


Daily Mirror

Assuming she is a Protestant, and I may be wrong, but let’s assume it anyway, Scottish Protestant church going is about one thing – avoiding physical and emotional contact with another human being… Susan Boyle comes from a place where confidence can be in short measures, like the whiskey. But not her. She pulled out her talent to show them, almost to spite them. Look at me. I’ve never been kissed. Never touched. Don’t need it. –
Alan Black, SF Gate

Yobbos

Anorak

Posted: 18th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (16)

Susan Boyle Sings On Larry King: Video

SUSAN Boyle Watch: She’s live on Larry King live…

Anorak reader Cheryl in the US writes:

Anderson [Cooper] carried more on her tonight (right on after Larry King) but mainly repeating what Larry King said and he also showed her singing the song from the Titanic

Anorak

Posted: 18th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)

Oprah Winfrey Twitters Keith Chegwin

TWITTER is the future of newspaper industry. Before we get to Oprah Winfrey failing to Twitter Keith Chegwin, here’s the plan:

What happens is that one pundit says or writes something about a person using Twitter. Other pundits agree. Some pundits disagree and say something else. Then all the pundits agree that there are two sides to the argument and balance is all. A few pundita go head-to-head on the telly or a webcam. The story continues until a pundit spots another person using Twitter…

Anorak

Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Susan Boyle Records Cry Me A River: Video

BEFORE her outing on Britain’s Got Talent, Susan Boyle (real name: Armani Dolce) sang Cry Me A River in 1999.

Hear it below.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Ashton Kutcher Kills Twitter

ASHTON Kutcher aims to be the King of Twitter.

Can Ashton communicate in 140 characters or less?

In today’s look at how the media works, Anorak spots CNN leading with “BREAKING NEWS” on the story that CNN is writing about Hollywood pro-celebrity Kutcher.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Zac Efron Offers Fans Million Dollar Prize

ZAC Efron, teen star of teen movies, teen Vogue cover girl and the kind of boy men in double-breasted suits buy skinny jeans for  – think a startled David Cassidy dipped in bronzer – counters rumours that he wears fake eyelashes by telling GQ Magazine:

“If somebody can find my photo that shows me wearing false eyelashes. I will give them a fucking million dollars.That’s bullshit.”

Anorak

Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Goody And The Twiglet Weed In Tweed

MORE news on “JAILED Jack Tweed”, Mr Jade Goody, who has earned not only a new epithet (he was once Grieving Jack) but new muscles having “taken up weight training after fellow lags branded him The Twiglet.”

So says the Sun in its Suicide Watch Column.

(Note: Twiglets – Max, call me…)

A source said: “Jack’s new nickname is The Twiglet, or Twiglet Tweed. A lot of the inmates train in case the worst happens and they have to defend themselves, so he has asked one of the bigger guys if he will help him out in the gym.”

Anorak

Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Susan Boyle Watch: Susan Meets Demi Moore And Kisses Drew Barrymore

SUSAN Bolye Watch – Anorak’s look at Britain’s Got Talent agonist Susan Boyle in the news. Today Susan is bigger than Obama and Tweet on celebs…

Heal The World

Tom Morris uses his Huffington Post column to say: “Susan Boyle Energizes the World.”

There is communal thinking on Twitter on a level and in a form I’ve never seen before. Almost every day, a topic comes up that causes me, as a philosopher, to ponder a bit, and then share the results of that pondering in the 140 character increments that Twitter allows. Today, someone mentioned Susan Boyle, the lady who has made such a stir worldwide with her recent appearance on the television show Britain’s Got Talent…

Keep in mind the 140 character format, if you’re not familiar with Twitter, and the need for a topic announcement with each offering, as every one of them has to stand on its own or be lost in the fast moving stream of Heraclitean tweets.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (16)

Susan Boyle Sings Live On Anderson Cooper: Video

SUSAN Boyle is becoming all things to all journalists.

Anorak reader Cheryl writes from the US that Anderson Cooper is getting ready (at an ungodly hour in a.m.) to run an exclusive interview he had with Boyle, and she sings for him sitting at her piano.

Then, CNN is running a special live interview with her at 7:30 a.m.

How long will the Boyle sensation last? Anorak says until she removes her fright wig, undoes her Frump Suit and reveals herself as the blonde stunna God made her…

Susan Boyle Sings Live On American TV: Video

Video: Barack Obama On Susan Boyle

Pictures: Susan Boyle Naked

Demi Moore Twitters Susan Boyle

Video: Susan Boyle On Britain’s Got Talent

Susan Boyle Look-Alike Exposed

Susan Boyle Is Britain’s Got Talent

Boyle by name – Susan Boyle Is Boiled Alive

She’s as big as a garage – Susan Boyle Sings In Her Garage

Susan Boyle To Sing At Olympics Opening Ceremony

Anorak

Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Susan Boyle Sings Live On American TV: Video

SUSAN Boyle. She is singing live from her kitchen on the CBS “Early Show” in America.

For all your Susan Boyle news click here.

Susan Boyle sings – Video: Barack Obama On Susan Boyle

Anorak

Posted: 16th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Jade Goody’s Jack Tweed Is On Suicide Watch

BERFORE we get to the news that “Fragile” Jack Tweed, Mr Jade Goody, is on “suicide lag wing”, we introduce Sun scribes JAMES CLENCH and ANDY CRICK to nominative determinalism.

Clench and Crick tell us:

FRAGILE Jack Tweed has been locked in a tough jail’s secure hospital wing to protect him from hard-case lags, we can reveal. Bosses at Chelmsford Prison have put the terrified 21-year-old in a single cell alongside inmates on suicide watch amid fears he will be targeted.

Anorak

Posted: 16th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (13)

Video: Barack Obama On Susan Boyle

SUSAN Boyle is becoming all things to all journalists.

Early days in the Britain’s Got Talent TV show, and the temptation must be for Boyle to retire in the knowledge that the show needs her more than she needs the show. A stint on Love Island awaits.

Hereunder is a round-up of Boyle news:

Demi Who?

But a spokesman for the ITV talent show said: “I called Susan to tell her when I read about her famous fans in The Sun but she seemed a bit bemused. “She had no idea who Ashton was and although she’d heard of Demi, she didn’t really know who she was. But now she is very grateful for their support” – The Sun

Read Susan & Me, by Demi Moore here.

Tears across the pond:

Unemployed Susan, from West Lothian in Scotland, has now received interview requests from as far away as Australia and the U.S. She even featured on America’s prestigious NBC Today Show – where a presenter cried as she watched the clip – Daily Mail

Bigger than BO:

Thursday (prediction): Susan Boyle surpasses Barack Obama as the most popular human being on the planet – Mother Jones

Message in a Boyle:

Watching the first part of Boyle’s performance video is cringe-worthy enough, because you realize how rude and cynical our culture has become – Suffolk News Herald

Live from Scottishland:

The 47-year-old singer with the heavenly voice will perform on Thursday’s “Early Show” — from her kitchen in Scotland – Orlando Sentinel

No kissing:

Unless you live under a rock, you know about the Scottish woman who has taken the industrialized World by storm: Susan Boyle.

What I identify with about Ms. Boyle is, I myself…my Mom called and said Boyle was the next Julie Andrews.

– SF Gate

She’s got big balls:

Big Jack Baloney from Canada writes: As a huge AC/DC fan for years now, I have to admit Susan Boyle brought me to tears…I cried tears I didn’t even know existed, wow, every time I watch her it moves me so much, my whole family is impressed by the unbelievable talent and soul that is…SUSAN BOYLE! – The Globe & Mail Letters

Jade?

Susan Boyle is an angel – The Globe & Mail Letters

Susan Boyle & Me:

Susan Boyle and me – The Times, SA

Doe, Ray, Me-Me-Me:

But I betcha you have a dream that’s been shoved deep into the Odd Sock Drawer of your subconscious, buried under the immediacy and minutiae of life, or beaten senseless by the weight of More Pressing Things. Do you even remember what it was? Was it driving 140 across the New Mexico desert? Hang-Gliding? Opening your own cafe? Finishing college? Do you even remember that moment when you tucked it away, filed it under “Later”? Susan Boyle never forgot hers. Oh, she popped it into the Sock Drawer, too. But she evidently goes to her Sock Drawer more often than we do – Seattle pi .com

Susan Boyle is all things to all people…

For all the latest Susan Boyle news – read on…

Pictures: Susan Boyle Naked

Demi Moore Twitters Susan Boyle

Video: Susan Boyle On Britain’s Got Talent

Susan Boyle Look-Alike Exposed

Susan Boyle Is Britain’s Got Talent

Boyle by name – Susan Boyle Is Boiled Alive

She’s as big as a garage – Susan Boyle Sings In Her Garage

Susan Boyle To Sing At Olympics Opening Ceremony

Anorak

Posted: 16th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Hulk Hogan Did Not Kill His Wife, Like OJ Simpson

HULK Hogan, the neon-skinned former wrestler who looks like the product of Chernobyl fertility clinic *, says he understands OJ SImpson’s motives for (not?) killing his wife with a big knife.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Demi Moore Twitters Susan Boyle

DEMI Moore has been watching Susan Boyle – a woman who is exactly what Moore would look like without surgery. What are the odds?

Demi Moore is also a name given to nominative determinism, like Sue Boyle.

Ashton Kutcher, Moore’s husband, is also watching Susan Boyle.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Prince Harry’s Mate Caught In Police Chase

BEING a copper isn’t all about beating people up – if you’re lucky you can beat people up after you’ve chased them at high speeds for a new TV show starring Prince Harry’s top squeeze Natalie Pinkham.

While the police locate a photogenic volunteer to take the rap (surely limelight? – ed) for beating up Ian Tomlinson, the Mail reports that telly presenter Natalie Pinkham played the part of a car thief for the Channel Five series Police Interceptors.

There goes Pinkham in a 180mph Lamborghini sports car, pursued by officers in two 150mph patrol cars.

Says the Mail:

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 15th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Pictures: Susan Boyle Naked

WE’RE all going crazy for Susan Boyle, the woman who showed Saturday night telly watchers that you don’t need to show your false chest, wood-stained skin and G-string to get on telly, but can keep it all under wraps, like Susan Boyle did.

Susan is in interview, and has this to say:

“Modern society is too quick to judge people on their appearances. There is not much you can do about it; it is the way they think; it is the way they are. But maybe this could teach them a lesson, or set an example.”

See her performance here.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)

Pictures: Jenna Jameson Gives Birth

FORMER porn star Jenna Jameson “Says 500 Sit Ups a Day Helped With Giving Birth”.

Jenna has twin boys called Jesse Jameson and Journey Jette. If her’s was an orgasmic birth, the good thing was that it didn’t matter which came first because Jenna could just blurt out J-J and everyone was happy.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Susan Boyle Look-Alike Exposed

SIR,

While enjoying Susan Boyle’s epoch-making performance on Britain’s Got Talent, I was minded of another great mould-breaker, namely Harry Secombe.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)