Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer: Jesus, Terrified Brave Jade And Vince Cable

JADE Goody Celebrity Cancer: Jesus, Terrified Brave Jade, Vince Cable and never in Wales.

Daily Star (front page): “JADE: I need your heeling prayers”

BATTLER Jade Goody is begging the nation to help heal her cancer by focusing loving thoughts on her at 6pm tonight…

Her life coach, Sue Stone, and spiritual healer Wayne Lee say that “anyone, anywhere” can direct positive feelings to the sick 27-year-old who first stole hearts on Channel 4’s Big Brother.

Stole our heats. You ,mean “pig-faced” Jade (see the Graham Norton show), the laughing stock who came fourth?

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Anorak

Posted: 1st, March 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Jade Goody A Reader Apology: Exclusive To All Newspapers

OLD MR ANORAK is just returned from JADE – Journalists Against Dangerous Essumptions [sic] – and would now like to present a joint statement on the matter of Jade Goody.

Over the past years, readers may have fallen into the trap of perceiving Jade Goody as a bigoted, thick, in-bred, lumpish mentally negligible, sub-human porcine peasant.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (44)

P Diddy’s Tantric Sex Live Twitter Feed

GO-it-alone Diddy man P Diddy is having Tantric Sex right now.

We know this because he’s twitterd it. The sex is sooooo amayzing, he’s telling us about it via his mobile phone.

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Anorak

Posted: 28th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer: A Fight, A Row And Gail Trimble’s Quadruped Graminivorous

JADE Goody Celebrity Cancer: A Fight, A row and Gail Trimble.

The Sun (front page): “I’LL BE DEAD IN A MONTH”

“Jade’s cry to neighbour on way to hospice.”

There is a picture of Jade looking anguished as she boards a car.

A friend said: “Freddie and Bobby have been getting upset watching Jade deteriorating. She is concerned about the long-term mental effect it may have on them.”

Turn off the telly. Cancel the papers.

“She can’t bear the kids watching her dying in the family home. So she’s staying the weekend at the hospice to see how it goes.”

Anorak

Posted: 28th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (20)

Reasons To Hate Gwyneth Paltrow: Puddin’ On La Ritz

GWYNETH Paltrow lives in the buccolic splendour of Belsize Park in London, a green beating lung slithered in the 20-odd yards between the Finchley Road and Captain Rizz’s campaign truck.

Paltrow is sorted. And the New York Times wonders “why is Ms. Paltrow the victim of such ridicule?”:

In September, Ms. Paltrow appeared on “Oprah” to show off her post-pregnancy workout routine, then proceeded to mystify audiences by appearing with Mario Batali, the chef, in the PBS series “Spain … on the Road Again,” where she drank soy milk and followed her quasi-vegan diet while others pigged out on pork. A few months later, Publishers Weekly announced that she had sold a cookbook proposal about the pleasures of cooking for the family. Then, it was announced that she was partnering with her (and Madonna’s) trainer, Tracy Anderson, to open a gym in TriBeCa.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Bianca Gascoigne On BBC3 And Arse Over Implants

BIANCA Gascoigne and BBC 3 are made for each other. What they were made for we have no idea.

Cue VT:

Spotter: Holy Moly

Anorak

Posted: 27th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Goody: Wendy Richard And Me, With The Real EastEnders

WENDY Richard has died. Pauline Fowler, the character she played in EastEnders, died Christmas Day 2006, and life took a mere two years to catch up with fiction.

Miss Brahms may well be alive, working as a personal shopper in Dubai.

For those who experience difficulty flitting between fiction and what passes for reality – or just believe they are one and the same (see Jade Goody) – don’t despair. Wendy Richard is on UK TV Gold at 4pm this afternoon.

But what will the tabloid press do to remember the likeable actress?

Anorak

Posted: 27th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Pauline Fowler Hangs Out Her Washing: EastEnders Wendy Richard Dies

FORMER EastEnders actress Pauline Fowler, who played Wendy Richard, has died.

Her agent Kevin Francis says:

“She was incredibly brave and retained her sense of humour right to the end.”

Wendy’s death was not broadcast on the telly, but Pauline’s was. and in many ways, that death was more real for it.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

You Chance To Beat (Up) Rihanna: Advert Fail

RIHANNA, the singer, is alleged to have been beaten up by her lover, one Chris Brown.

Can you beat her?

Anorak

Posted: 26th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment

Jade Goody: Ivan Cameron, Tabloid Bingo And Sick Jokes

JADE GOODY Cancer Watch: Jade Goody has been dislodged from the front pages by David Cameron’s loss of his son Ivan Cameron. But she continues to make news…

Glasgow Daily Record: “Dignified ending shows media-made Jade in new light”

On paper, it’s hellishly tasteless. In reality, it’s far more complex. Jade’s terminal condition does not change the fact she is an ignoramus.

But her frank appraisal of her hopeless lot and her determination to make things as normal as possible for her two sons showed her to be capable of an emotional intelligence many thought beyond her.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (19)

Cerrie Burnell And The Deformed Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, Phelps And Cristina Aguilera

CERRIE Burnell, a new presenter on the CBeebies channel, is missing the lower part of her right arm. Like Miley Cyrus, Beyonce, Michael Phelps and Cristina Aguilera – and more showbiz greats – Cerrie has a deformity.

No need to look for it – she was born without. Still, mums and dads will look. On the show’s web forum:

Anorak

Posted: 25th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (7)

Sylvester Stallone Writes The Expendables For Arnie Schwarzenegger

TO the movies, where Sylvester Stallone is directing a film in which – get this – Arnold Schwarzenegger spends a few hours playing himself.

The film, “The Expendables,” will feature Arnie being the California governor.

The film which Stallone, writes, directs and stars in, features a group of mercenaries trying to overthrow a South American dictator. For added bulk it also features Dolph Lundgren.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Jade Goody’s OK! Wedding: Sir Elton’s John’s Florist, The Vows And The Ferrero Rocher Mountain

JADE Goody’s marriage to Jack Tweed is occupying minds at OK! magazine.

The front page advertises Jade’s “happiest day of my life”. And there she is offering a half smile, sat beside a pained looking Jack. Dandled on their knees are Jade’s sons, one looking into the middle distance, the other looking as if the photographer has taken a hammer to his Playstation.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (10)

Jade Goody: Jordan’s Flowers, Kill Her Now, Coleen Rooney And A Secret Ceremony

JADE Goody’s celebrity cancer: Jordan’s Flowers, Kill Her Now, Coleen Rooney And A Secret Ceremony.

Are the papers tying of the Jade Goody story? If she lingers for too long – months on the front page – perhaps the papers will start to turn on her.

Look out for “GET ON WITH IT JADE”, “HEAVEN WON’T WAIT FOREVER”, or …

The Sun (front page): “JADE: KILL ME NOW.”

Jade is:

“Distraught at diagnosis”

Brave Jade distraught? “Brave” is the epithet tabloids lost causes. And the grim news is that Jade Goody is terminally ill. But how does “brave” sit with “distraught”?

Anorak

Posted: 25th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (22)

Octomum Nadya Suleman: Lock Up Your Used Tissues

FROM the Petri dish of human life, Octomum Nadya Suleman tells Radar magazine:

“I’m not going to destroy the embryos, period. Done, done, done. You can’t go back and alter the past.”

Video:

Anorak

Posted: 24th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Goody And Me: Jade Jagger Compared

JADE Goody And Me: Jade Jagger.

Says Jade Jagger:

“It’s heartbreaking, to see what she’s going through. I’ve been spending time in India, where Jade’s cause is really dominating the headlines.

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Anorak

Posted: 24th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comment

Bjork Explains How Iceland Works With Her City Made From A TV

BJORK explains how a TV works. Yeah, an analog TV.

Lucky Iceland – we get the money back and all that worry over economic recovery; they get the debt, the ice and the city made from bits of wire, ray tubes and bits of other stuff.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

One More Reason To Miss Boyzone: Eoghan Quigg

REMEMBER that audition for Boyzone when you were frisked at the door for musical talent and rhythm and then invited to try out for the biggest thing to come out of Ireland since Michael Flatley’s cobblers?

Anorak

Posted: 24th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Goody: A Healer, Sienna Miller, Gail Trimble And A Dumb Legacy

JADE Goody: A Healer, Sienna Miller, Gail Trimble And A Dumb Legacy.

The Sun (front page): “JADE SAYS GOODBYE”

“Jade Goody sheds a tear yesterday as she weakly waves goodbye to pals for what could be the last time.”

Jade is looking into the snapper’s lens. We are now all Jade’s pals.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Kate Winslet’s Oscar For Mental Sex Nun

KATE Winslet was an actress who took on challenging roles. In Extras she was the sexy nun. Mental:

How To Win An Oscar: A Guide

She once even tried to be funny, which was no easy thing when you’re acting alongside Ricky Gervais, a serious actor who continues to challenge what funny really is.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Simon Cowell Freezes American Idol

SIMON Cowell wants his body to be frozen.

No, not by Botox and a face lift, but in a chest freezer.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Jade Goody Celebrity Cancer: Wedding Bans, Jack’s Shoes And Rolling Eyes

JADE Goody: Wedding bans, Jack Tweed’s shoe-in and a miracle…

Daily Express (front page): “Jade Marries – It was the happiest and saddest day of my life”

Pages 8 and 9: “Jade the bravest of brides”

Daily Star (front page): “JADE’S WEDDING EXCLSUIVE – MOMENT MY DREAM CAME TRUE”

“Jade Goody laughed away the pain” as she married Jack.

“Let’s pray for a miracle,” says Jade.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (17)

Get A Rock Star To Join You Band: Nine Inch Nail Man Auctions Self

FORMER Nine Inch Nails drummer Josh Freese is promoting his new album. Here’s what you get for your money. It’s a plan seemingly based on the business of politics – you donate and you get to meet your hero:

$7

* Digital download of Since 1972, including 3 videos

$15

* CD/DVD double-disc set
* Digital download

It gets better:

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Anorak

Posted: 21st, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Jade Goody: Jack Straw’s Poll, Max Clifford And A No Class Love Story

JADE Goody Live Celebrity Cancer Watch: Jack Straw, Max Clifford and No Class

Daily Mirror (front page): “JADE’S ANGELS”

Jade Goody will have nurses close by as she marries tomorrow – to ensure she gets through the ceremony.

That is an “exclusive”. Who knew? Very ill woman gets care. Read all about it!

Medic crash team on standby for big day

Anorak

Posted: 21st, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)

Lily Allen’s New Shh Rihanna Tattoo And Mobile Library

LILY Allen has a tattoo on her finger. She is now a walking text message.

Allen’s self-labelling is good for her image, and her marketing. And is a hobby that should be encouraged by Gordon Brown, who can excuse his Government’s quotidian comment on a celebrity by saying how the sight of a young woman encouraging reading is both a fine and a noble thing.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)