Bong And Best Forgotten: Chloe Madeley And Michael Phelps

IT’S Chloe Madeley, daughter to Man at Channel Five, Richard Madeley, and his wife, Judy Finnegan. Is that a Michael Phelps drying out device in her hand?

The Mail has a picture of the delightful Chloe “inhaling from a bong”. The Mail says this is a “pipe used to smoke drugs”.

What drugs the Mail does not say, but let us now rule out powered HRT and aspirin.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Robin Gibbs’ Snow Maker And The Secrets Of The BeeGees’ Success

BY now you’ll be wondering what Robin Gibb is up to. And the Mail can report that the BeeGee who looks like the family dentist has fathered Snow.

Precisely he has fathered: Snow Evelyn Robin Juliet Gibb.

Anorak

Posted: 9th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Courteney Semel’s Ex-Yahoo CEO Daddy Dearest Reacts

TERRY Semel is the man who quit his job as Yahoo’s CEO in 2007.

Terry has daughter called Courtenay. Old Mr Anorak always loves it when high flying Americans give their children’s names that translate into British as so utterly chavtastic.

Do they know?

Anorak

Posted: 8th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Lindsay Lohan has The Bones Of A Flamingo

HOLLYWOOD firecrotch Lindsay Lohan is being interviewed by Lauren Hutton.

Now read on:

She’s got the bones of a flamingo and the spirit of a gladiator.

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Anorak

Posted: 8th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Jade Goody’s Celebrity Cancer: Live Updates

JADE GOODY’S Celebrity Cancer: The boys, the bravery and the tears…

MIRROR (front page): “I CAN’T TELL MY BOYS,” says Jade Goody.

Maybe there’s just no telling Jade’s boys, who as well as being impossible to instruct are also unable to read front-page news headlines and acres of news about brave Jade?

Here are Jade’s boys now, off to buy some sweets and comics from the newsagents. Hey look, kids, there’s mum on the cover of the paper.

Boys: “What does it say Mr, Anglo-Asian Newsagent, sir?”
Newsagent (wipes tear): “JADE GOODY IS FANTASTIC!
Boys: “Yaaaaaaaay”

Anorak

Posted: 8th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (38)

Peaches Geldof Splits From Husband Number 1

DESPERATE to be different Peaches Geldof has split from husband Max Drummey. They were marrid for six months.

The breaks took “much soul-searching”. And when she found her soul she decided it was a better bet than Max.

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Anorak

Posted: 7th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Sheyla Hershey Naked: The Biggest Ging-Gang Goolie Breasts In The World (Video)

SHEYLA Hershey is the Texas-based model – although she can appear simultaneously in Arizona and New Mexico and up against the fence with Old Mexico – mo-del and housewife with the largest chest in the worrrrrrllld.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment

Jade Goody’s Celebrity Cancer: Casualty Special And Hate Mail

JADE Goody Cancer watch: Jade has a tumour removed.

“JADE’S LIFE SAVING OP” is the Mirror’s front-page news.

A nation’s heart has gone out to Jade Goody during her cancer battle, but few people can truly understand her ordeal as well as Rebekah Gibbs.

Who she?

The former Casualty star was diagnosed with breast cancer in April last year – just 10 weeks after the birth of her daughter Gigi.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (23)

Fat Jessica Simpson Melts On Stage

JESSICA Simpson is now so fat – putting the size ten in tennis court – that she is melting beneath the arc lights on stage.

To the Rascal Flatts gig in Grand Rapids Michigan, where Jessica is fighting back tears, mumbling and looking about as comfortable as a fattened goose in a Frenchman’s sauna.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comments (7)

Breaking News: Boy George To Star In Dr Who

BOY George is to star in the next series of Dr Who.

More controversy for the BBC.

Boy George is in prison right now. unbless…

Check the cells…

Anorak

Posted: 6th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (3)

Lily Allen: Makes Simon Cowell A Proposition He Can Refuse

LILY Allen watch: Lily propositions Simon Cowell, by accident. D’oh!

Says Lily:

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Anorak

Posted: 6th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)

Chantelle Houghton Bags Jermain Defoe

IT was ever going to be so for Chantelle Houghton, erstwhile Big Brother winner, wearer of the gargantuan Jordans and now Wag to Tottenham Hotspur footballer Jermain Defoe, a man caught in a time loop.

One year ago, the News of the World told us:

“SPURS ace Jermain Defoe rolls off the busty mistress he has kept secret for an astonishing SEVEN YEARS… and plants the cups of her giant 36GG bra on his head.”

Anorak

Posted: 6th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Lily Allen Watch: Gwyneth Paltrow And Me

LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at the UK leading jobbing celebrity. Today, Gwyneth Paltrow considers Ms Allen…

Gushing Gwyneth Paltrow is in conversation with Elle magazine, and discussing matters Lily Allen.

Paltrow has appeared in Sylvia and Proof, two films on which a certain Allison Owen worked. Allison is Lily’s mother. Blame her.

Anorak

Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Lily Tomlin: If you’re alive right now, it’s only because Christian Bale wants you to be

IF you’re alive right now, it’s only because Christian Bale wants you to be:

Spotter

Anorak

Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Madonna Shuns Tena Lady For Fiber Max Endorsement

MADONNA crotch update –Madonna and Jesus Make A Crotch Grab – by 14:

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Anorak

Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Jade Goody’s Cancer Embodies The White Working Class

JADE Goody has “only weeks to live” advertises the Star’s front page.

“Doc gives Jade miracle drug,” says the Sun on its front page.

“My last chance,” says Jade on the Mirror’s front page. “She’ll fight on for sake of the boys.”

Here’s hoping that cancer can be shouted down or glassed in the face or if, say, Jade’s love Jack Tweed steps in, smashed about the person with a golf club. Fight!

Anorak

Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (57)

Hollywoood Celebrities React To Recession: Longoria Wears Dress Twice

IN Hollywood the recession is starting to bite. Kark Lagerfeld offers tips to surviving the downturn. But they might not be enough:

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Anorak

Posted: 5th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Christian Bale Versus Bill O’Reilly Smack Down

BATMAN actor Christian Bale is effing and blinding on the scene of Terminator Salvation when director of photography Shane Hurlbut strays into shot.

Bale unleashes a string of sarcasm and swearing as he calls a colleague, er, unprofessional. Show some f*****g respect you ***o.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (4)

Mars Merkaba Baptized In The Twitty Milk

TWITTY Milk is back on the celebrioty name rollerdex. Erykah Badu has named her newborn baby girl Mars Merkaba.

When baby appeared, mum and dad, one Jay Electronica, took one look at said “Twitty Milk“. They twittered it. And a world rejoiced that Puma Rose and Seven Sirius could finally laugh at someone else.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Stephen Fry Is Stuck In A Twitter Lift

STEPHEN Fry is stuck in a lift.

Fry has been stuck for a couple of hours on the 26th floor of Centre Point, “one of London’s oldest and most beloved buildings”.

He is taking photos of the ordeal and live twittering.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Christian Bale, Alec Baldwin And David O. Russell: Top Five Keep The Cameras Rolling

BATMAN actor Christian Bale is effing and blinding on the scene of Terminator Salvation when director of photography Shane Hurlbut strays into shot.

Bale unleashes a string of sarcasm and swearing as he calls a colleague, er, unprofessional. Show some f*****g respect you ***o.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Jade Goody’s International Celebrity Cancer

JADE Goody has rarely been more popular, now that she’s ill.

“Jade: My cancer has spread,” announces the Sun on its front page.

Cynics might point out that its spread from being a private matter between Jade and Indian telly viewers to the tabloids’ front page.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (30)

An Exclusive Chat With Cheryl Cole And Victoria Beckham

CHERYL Cole says Victoria Beckham is “AN INCREDIBLE WOMAN”.

Cheryl Cole tells OK! readers that “THERE’S NO FEUD.”

Anorak

Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Britney Spears’s Wet Cheeto Show

BRITNEY Spears is rehearsing for her new world tour by throwing tantrums and locking herself in her room.

It all promises to be an improvement on her usual performances, in which Britney mimes and dry humps the microphone while dancers flit around her like flies about a wet Cheeto.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, February 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (3)

Peter Doherty Leads Charge Of The Light Brigade

THE Sun says a “peer whose ancestor led the Charge of the Light Brigade” says he’ll chuck Peter Doherty out of his rented country pile.

Harsh words from the Earl of Cardigan, who, given his lineage, might be expected to understand more than most the follies of youthful excess.

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)