Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Heather Mills Consumates The Love Of 120 Million Beatles Fans
HEATHER Mills says:
When you marry a Beatle, you marry 120 million fans who are also madly in love with him. This has meant years of hurtful and untrue press… my friends remind me that this happens to many strong, successful women.”
Beatles fans run the media. Beatles fans shape public opinion. Beatles fans will shag anything that moves so long as it’s touched Paul, Ringo or – hey – even George and John’s graves.
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Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Geri Halliwell Confirms Herself
GERI Halliwell is head over keels (geddit?) in love with Italian yacht-builder Fabrizio Politi.
And the pair are to be married – to each other!
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Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
My Life As A Victoria Beckham Look-alike
ESTHER Adams is a Victoria Beckham look-alike.
The 31-year- old mother of two says people have called out “Imposhter” as she walks by.
Her two children, Lewis, 13, and Katie, 11, have been teased at school.
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Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (6)
Mickey Rourke’s WWF Chris Jericho Ring Romp
MICKEY Rourke says he will be participating in Wrestlemania 25.
Rourke stars in The Wrestler, a filsm in which he pretends to be a wrestler.
Says Rourke:
“Chris Jericho, you better get in shape. Because I’m coming after your ass.”
Ass is an Americanism, and Rooney is unlikely to be enacting a homo-erotic ring romp with Jericho. Rourke is no “faggot“.
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Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Brand GB: Russell Tours Gemma Garrett
RUSSELL Brand has been sampling the hills and valleys of Great Britain – Miss Great Britain.
As the star says Russell Brand has been spotted about town with Gemma Garrett – “Russell Brand romps with Miss GB Gemma.”
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Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Celebrity Spotting With The Kray Twins
LEAFING through the Kray twins auction, we note a signed photo of Fern Britton – “To Reg, with very best wishes, Fern X.”
The lot for sale at the Chiswick Auction rooms also includes a signed print of Muhammed Ali, and autographed snap shots of Barbra Streisand, actress Patsy Kensit and singer Mark Knopfler.
There is also a signed copy of Norman Wisdom’s autobiography.
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Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Hairdresser Makes Thong From Brad Pitt’s Hair
ANORAK has featured clothing made from pet hair on these pages before. But there was never a technique for you to harves your pet’s hair and turn it into personal furnishings.
How about a hairy Brad Pitt thong?
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Posted: 26th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Chelsy Davy Vows To Chop Her Legs Off Unless Prince Harry Goes
PRINCE Harry Baseball Cap is back on the market.
In an update on the Facebook murder heartbreaker, Harry is said to be looking for a young “Paki” girl with a cracking sense of humour. Willing gels can apply c/o Anorak, Sotty Sweep Contest.
But what of Chelsy, Harry’s former lover?
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Posted: 26th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Tom Cruise Finalises The Conversion Of Katie Holmes
MISSION complete, almost. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are almost one.
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Posted: 25th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment
Lily Allen Watch: Spin On That
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at the UK leading jobbing celebrity -Lily’s Spin
Lily Allen has achived her career apogee and is appearing on the front cover of a maazine called… Spin.
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Posted: 25th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Jonathan Ross Gives 80 Year Old Women Hope, Brand Works On Average
IF JONATHAN Ross wants to have sex with 80-year-old women then that is his right. So argue many Anorak readers who wake up this morning with a new skip in the Zimmer.
The NOTW says:
The mega-bucks star’s crude joke about sex with an 80-year-old woman infuriated listeners.
If the News of the Screws calls it crude it must be revolting. NOTW readers have no need to imagine how disgusting Ross penetrating an octogenarian sounds as the papers sound effects team have created an MP3 version with the aid of custard cream biscuits, a sink plunger and the Coronation Street intro.
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Posted: 25th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Prince Harry And Chelsy Davy’s Facebook Murder
PRINCE Harry and Chelsy Davy in Facebook horror:
A British man who murdered his wife after becoming enraged when she changed her relationship status on Facebook to “single” was jailed for at least 18 years late Thursday.
Chelsy dumps Prince Harry over Army life… and she’s ALREADY changed her Facebook status to ‘not in one”.
Not in one’s surely?
Posted: 24th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mariah Carey’s Inaugural Hissy Fit, Downey Responds
TO the Obama celebrity inauguration – more celebs puh-lease – and Mariah Carey is not standing for it:
“Mariah was in the VIP area, where every celebrity, like Jon Bon Jovi, Mary J. Blige, Alicia Keys and Bruce Springsteen, was seated. But somehow she thought she’d be up with the Obama family. When she realized she wasn’t, she bailed.”
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Posted: 23rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Obama Inauguration Balls: Ten Miming Moments In Music
INTRODUCING cellist Yo-Yo Ma, violinist Itzhak Perlman, pianist Gabriella Montero, clarinettist Anthony McGill and George Bush on weapons of mass destruction.
Only one of those things was amplified on Obama’s inauguration. Can you guess which one? Answers in the form of a mime.
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Posted: 23rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Revealed: Katie Price Is Mrs Ahmadinejad
“JORDAN’S a naughty schoolgirl,” says the Sun, which shows readers a picture of Katie Price and her slimmed down Jordans.
Readers will note that mature students dressing up as school girls turns men into pervs and paedos. We know this because the Sun and her sluttier sister organs have told us so:
Lily Cole: Playboy, Perverts And Peados
Shannon Matthews: The Psychic, The Reward, The Ex-Wife, The Kinky Sex, The Speculation
So what if Schooly Jordan turn you into a slavering sex case? Readers in OK! may recall how Jordan told one and all:
Jordan seems to be auditioning for the role of the next Mrs Ahmadinejad.
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Posted: 23rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
That Lady Lady GaGa Interview In Full
GMTV does Lady Gaga:
Emma Crosby: Your music is described as ‘electro p-pop’, what does that mean?
Lady GaGa: It’s pop music that’s electronic.
More insight every morning on GMTV.
Posted: 23rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Bernie Ecclestone And Slavica Divorce: Go Action Figure
NEWS of Bernie Eccelstone’s hiring of Guy Ritchie’s divorce lawyer is accompanied in all papers by shot of Bernie’s estranged wife Slavica and her action figure.
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Posted: 23rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Holmes Pregnant With Excitement
TOM Cruise, a guest on Jonathon’s Ross returned BBC TV show, is gazing up on Katie Holmes; and she is gazing upon him.
What can it mean?
The Star invites “body language experts” Rose Dennen and Professor Robert Edelmann to translate.
Rose:
“The most fascinating picture is of Tom and Kate rubbing her stomach as is she is pregnant.”
Readers should know that Katie is pictured leaving London’s The Ivy eatery. An overindulgence cannot be ruled out, nor a peptic ulcer.
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Posted: 23rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Lily Allen Watch: Shut Your Fake Holes
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at the UK leading jobbing celebrity and one woaman content warehosue – Lily kisses girls,marries well and hears form daddy
“I’m really hard to get with guys. I’m very old-fashioned and I’ll make them have, like, a million dates before they get a kiss”
Shut Up, Lily Allen, says Daddy Allen
He said,”I don’t mind to say this, because I’ve told her already. She needs to know when to shut up.”
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Posted: 22nd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Curious Case Of Forrest Gump Set To Sweep Oscars Again
IT’S the Oscar nominated Curious Case of Forrest Gump Button Benjamin Gump.
Plagiarism in the movies is most often confined to the porn industry, which takes film and give it as firm adolescent hand shake, and Bollywood, where the same film is played at different speeds.
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Posted: 22nd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Heidi Montag And Spencer Pratt Are Today’s Obamites
BARACK Obama has assembled his celebrities of all the scare stories, but notable by their absence are Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag.
Spencer and Heidi love Obama, just lurve him.
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Posted: 21st, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lily Allen Watch: Lily’s Drunken Beach And Links
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at the UK leading jobbing celebrity – Lily’s Drunken Beeeeech
“I bought a beach! It’s in Jamaica, I’m not gonna tell you the road. I’m happy I bought the beach, best drunken buy ever!”
Beeeeeeech.
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Posted: 21st, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Katie Price Wants Rapists Raped
NOW free of her gargantuan Jordans, we can see Katie Price’s mouth. And Katie’s tells the Sun what she’s like to do to wrong uns:
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Posted: 21st, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
The Omnipotent Bono Anoints Obama
AFTER the election comes the anointing. Bono on Obama:
“Every room I have ever been in with you was a much easier room for your presence” – Bono, aka Mr G9.
How many rooms? Every room…
Amen.
Posted: 21st, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
That GMTV Obama Exclusive In Full
OBAMA. Obamaaaaah. Ooooooo-bam-bam-aaaaaa:
I do admire the president, but I don’t know if I fancy him though – Lorraine Kelly
Best try him out first…
Posted: 21st, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
