Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
GMTV Takes On Global Cooling With Anthea Turner
GMTV takes on global cooling, this year’s global warming:
“If your fridge is full this Christmas, use nature’s refridgerator – your car”
– Anthea Tuner on GMTV.
Good to see Anthea back, and living in her car.
Posted: 8th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie Lives With Her Dad Brad
BRAD Pitt (lover to Angelina Jolie) and Jon Voight (father to Angelina Jolie) – compare and contrast…
Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment (1)
Lily Allen Watch: Gwyneth Paltrow Pities Us
LILY Allen Watch: Gwyneth Paltrow thisnk you’re sad…
“I think part of the problem is people get a hit of energy when they are negative about something, and it is a very detrimental way for them to get that hit of energy. They do not understand why they do not have a happy life. That kind of stuff is just noise to me. I just feel sorry for them.”
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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Gladiator Nitro Grew Man Boobs And Little Else
“MAN boobs, breast-chesticles is what they’re called on the street. Gynecomastia is the scientific name. No matter what you call it, I [had] it,” says Dan Clark, aka ‘Nitro’ on US show Gladiators.
Clarks has a memoir out called “Gladiator: A True Story of ‘Roids, Rage and Redemption.”
He goes on:
“I hate[d] taking off my shirt. For photo shoots, [I’d] wet my nipple with spit … [to] look firm instead of hanging down.”
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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Russell Brand And Jonathan Ross Write As Paul Revoir
HAVING lamented Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand’s priapic assault on Andrew Sachs, the Mail spots another comic actor of yesterday on his way to the shops.
Paul Revoir writes under the headline: “Old Man About The House: Frail 70s heart-throb Richard O’Sullivan looks unrecognisable”:
Only he isn’t. Revoir recognises him in an instant:
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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Paris Hilton’s Prada Snatch Purse
PARIS Hilton is telling Glamour magazine about her sex life:
“I’ve only done it with a couple of people. People make up stories, but mostly I just kiss.”
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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Gordon Ramsay’s Sun-Dried Tomato
ANORAK is no fan of Gordon Ramsay, the panicky TV chef, but we do wonder if the Mail, which features him in “Overcooked: Chef Gordon Ramsay bastes himself in fake tan and ladles on the hair dye for a trip to LA”. knows who he is?
Ramsay is spotted flying into Los Angeles:
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Posted: 7th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Nicole Richie Gets The Hump
“TWIN BOYS FOR NICOLE RICHIE,” announces the Enquirer on its cover page.
Inside and Richie is “taking vitamins, eating… and designing maternity wear.”
This is how celebrities get pregnant. Nicole and her team of camel-faced fashionistas are “brainstorming about new ways to look chic with a bump.”
All that’s left to do is call Anorak’s Celebrity Baby Ordering And Star Treatment Service (BOAST).
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Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse Gets Lad Off His Nut With Bowman
PICTURES of Amy Winehouse frotting with one Jason Bowman.
The Mirror says Bowman knows Danny Cirpriani, a rugby player who has knowledge of Kelly Brook. The Sun says he’s the star of new advert for Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Kelly’s brother once ate a Zinger burger. And thus is the celebrity circle complete.
But wait a mo! The Star departs from couplings in the celebrity Petri dish to bring news that Amy has turned life saver.
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Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lily Allen Watch: Katy Perry Calling
Lily Allen Watch – Anorak’s look at the most pointless news about the media’s favouite celeb: Lily’s mobile phone and Katy Perry’s number:
“Writing on her Facebook page, Lily said: ‘I have Katy Perry’s number, someone did me a favour. I’m just waiting for her to open her mouth one more time then it hits Facebook. “
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Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Farting With Celebrities: Big Brother And The Saturdays
THANKS to Big Brother housemate Coolio, John Prescott and Prince Edward, farting is the new celebrity shocker.
Everyone’s at it, and if they’re not at it, they’re talking about being at it.
In the Daily Sport, The Saturdays are heard talking about their farting. Says Rachel Wiseman, of the band being hailed as “The New Girl’s Aloud:
“A fart is a message to the brain that poo is on the next train.”
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Posted: 6th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lily Allen Watch: Cat Deeley’s Chin, Jade Goody’s Dress And Cheryl Cole’s Guts
LILY Allen Watch: Cat Deeley’s chin, Jade Goody’s dress and Cheryl Cole’s guts
Cat Deeley says people can tell when she’s angry. Says she:
“When I get angry I have this thing where my chin comes out”- Daily Star
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Posted: 5th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jett Crashes Scientology: Making Mileage From John Travolta’s Loss
JOHN Travolta’s son Jett Travolta is dead, and the Daily Mirror announces in a bold headline:
“TRAVOLTA SON HAD ‘DEATH–LIKE ‘SEIZURES’.”
He might well have had them right before he died in a Bahamas hotel. And Anorak readers may wonder if you can have a seizure once you are dead?
Of course, this story is not about Jett Travolta, who was famous in life for being named as an aeroplane. The story is one of celebrity. And the Mirror ends its piece on the death of a teenager is never knew with:
“Stars who have comforted Travolta and his wife with messages and phone calls include fellow Scientologist Tom Cruise.”
And in the Sun:
“Oprah Winfrey was due to arrive in the Bahamas…to comfort the couple. Tom Cruise, a fellow Scientologist… plans to visit the family.”
Tom Cruise… Scientology… A link? The Gawker website speculates:
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Posted: 5th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (21)
Katie Holmes Would Beat Britney Spears To Hollywood’s Highest Earning Whore
KRISTIN Billie Davis, formerly of Wicked Models escort service, frequented by now former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, tells Steppin Out magazine what various celebs – Britney Spears, Katie Holmes etc. – would earn if she pimped them out.
Davis reveals herself to be the worst agent since Alan Shearer’s advisor told him to turn down Manchester United.
Her top earner is… Katie Holmes. The best thing about Holmes is that she can keep going for hours, days, even weeks at a time without taking a rest. Punters may even pay her extra to stop.
1. Britney Spears: If she cleaned herself up maybe I could get a thousand dollars an hour for her. But if was the old Britney before she went crazy I could have gotten $2,000 easy.
Mad for it!
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Posted: 4th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Eliana Burki Blows Her Horn For Swiss Punk
ELIANA Burki is what passes for rebellion in Switzerland, country of civic pride, immaculate streets, assisted suicide and a brand of racism that explains why mountain goats are white.
Switzerland is where all the unsavoury bits of neighbouring Italy and France are stored for war. Switzerland is Europe’s bank. Austria is its cellar.
Burki has a pierced nose – yeah, a bit like a dairy cow – and ripped jeans “Eliana Burki is a symbol of anarchy in the Swiss alphorn scene”.
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Posted: 4th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The Darker Side Of Coco’s Ass Goes It Alone
COCO is Ice T’s main squeeze. Given the size of her backside, Coco could be the main squeeze for the American military.
Coco and Coco’s backside appear on the cover of Juice magazine. But something is nto quite right about her leading fearture.
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Posted: 3rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Hamas, Celebrities, Paul Kaye And The Export Of Fear
AFTER hearing from Middle East experts Annie Lennox (“And I’ve got so little left to lose/That it feels just like I’m walking on broken glass”; Songs Of Mass Destruction; Don’t Ask Me Why and many more) and Bianca Jagger the BBC is talking to actor Paul Kaye, aka Dennis Pennis:
Actor Paul Kaye, whose mother-in-law was killed in a Hamas rocket attack, told the BBC he had experienced the situation from an Israeli point of view.
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Posted: 3rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Lily Allen Watch: Lily Gets Off With A Middle-Aged Man
LILY Allen Watch: Lily gets off with a middle-aged man.
Lily has made it onto the cover of the Daily Express, where she is said to be in love with a 45-year-old man, called “A LORD’S SON.”
Or, as the Mail puts it:
Lily Allen enjoyed a passionate embrace with 45-year old art mogul Jay Jopling – the estranged husband of artist Sam Taylor-Wood – aboard a yacht as they cruised off the coast of St Barts.
Taylor-Wood doesn’t want to talk about it:
Taylor-Wood’s “people” request that I don’t ask about the split, so I don’t; but her empty ring finger speaks volumes, a glowering third presence in the room.
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Posted: 3rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Like Father Like Daughter: Mel Smith Does A Kerry Katona
TO the seats of Celebrity Mastermind, where BBC employees resting and present are competing for the title Biggest Brain in Showbiz.
Of course, no-one likes a know all and the real contest is to see which celeb can be the most challenged and get the lowest score.
So here’s Mel Smith, looking “frail and anxious” as he answers questions in the manner of Kerry Katona.
Says the Daily Mail:
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Posted: 3rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Big Brother: Verne Troyer Plays Ulrika Jonsson’s Little Guy Up Front
“MINI ME: I’LL SHAFT THE LOT” is the Daily Express’s front-page headline attributed to Celebrity Big Brother hopeful Verne Troyer.
Troyer (or should that be Tryer?) stands 2ft 8in (81 cm) in his socks and is “one of the world’s smallest men”.
The BBC features a gallery of the Big Brother stars but does not provide the height details for the other housemates. Showbiz is the No.1 industry for short people, followed by tunnelling, rodeo riding, Tom Cruise stunt doubles, pantomime extras and shoe making.
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Posted: 3rd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)
John Travolta’s Son Jett Dies
JETT Travolta, the 16-year-old son of American actor John Travolta has died in the Bahamas.
The actor’s lawyer, Michael Ossi, says Jett Travolta, who was 16, suffered a seizure, and attempts to revive him at the scene failed.
Jett.
Imagine the tabloid headlines…
Posted: 2nd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Karl Lagerfeld Is Peta’s Dumb Animal Of The Month
KARL Lagerfeld eats mink, ermine and foxes. He once made badger lolly and dipped it into a chocolate lab. Says he:
“In a meat-eating world, wearing leather for shoes and clothes and even handbags, the discussion of fur is childish.”
Fur is by product of the British sausage industry. So are fat pople:
“There are nearly 30 per cent of young people who are too fat. So let’s take care of the zillions of the too fat before we talk about the percentage that’s left.
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Posted: 2nd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Kary Perry And Travis McCoy Do A Kosher Split
NOT Lily Allen Katy Perry and a Travis McCoy have split.
As is the way of celebrity, and attracted to the spotlight, while Katy was hosting a New Years do, Travis updated his blog about his more famous associate:
We fight every night, now that’s not kosher
I reminisce with bliss of when we was closer
And wake up to be greeted by an argument again
You act like you’re ten
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Posted: 2nd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Bjork to Rescue Iceland’s Economy From Kerry Katona
THE National Post reports that all is not lost for Icelanders. A celebrity will save them. No, not Kerry Katona – well, not only her. Iceland’s very own screaming singer Bjork is to launch her Bjork Fund:
“Bjork is seeking investors for a venture-capital fund that aims to help kick-start the island nation’s failed economy. Her eponymously named “BJÖRK (sic) Fund” will target investments in companies that create value through the “uniqueness” of Iceland’s nature and culture.
A capital idea, just capital. What are the rules?
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Posted: 2nd, January 2009 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Mickey Rourke Writes His Own Part Into Sean Penn
SAYS Mickey Rourke, who is embroiled in controversy with Sean Penn:
When pressed about his rumored romance with Marilyn Manson’s ex-Evan Rachel Wood (who incidentally plays Rourke’s lesbian daughter in the film), Rourke esoterically shoots back, “She’s a good friend, that’s it. And tell that f*ggot who wrote all that sh*t in the paper I’d like to break his f*cking legs.”
Says Mickey Rourke:
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Posted: 30th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
