TMZ Gives Thanksgiving Porn

TMZ is owned by fmaily freindly companies Warner Bros and AOL. Some headlines from Thanksgiving week:

Anorak

Posted: 29th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

I Am Ping-Pong: P Diddy Smells Of Ham And Turkey

GO-it-alone Diddy Man P Diddy is selling his new scent, I Am King.

To get an inkling of what the Diddy Man smells like, he’s directed a film to show us that he very possibly stinks of ham with top notes of used adolescent tissue and last year’s turkey.

While scientists scrape Diddy’s sheets of morning and distil his essences, Anorak readers can inhale the video hereunder:

Anorak

Posted: 28th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

FatNav: Taxi Driver Takes Sarah Ferguson’s Car

“WHERE to, guv’nor?” asks Tyne and Wear cabbie Steven Coulson.

He sits proud behind the wheel of his second-hand Jaguar XJ6.

The passenger states the destination. Coulson sets off.

Passenger: “Is this the way to Durham civic centre. It’s just that the sign back there said ‘Hull’ 5 miles and we have been driving for three hours…

Anorak

Posted: 28th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Shilpa Shetty Makes Sense Of Mumbai Massacre

FOR all Britons unable to comprehend the massacre in Mumbia, GMTV solicits the views of geopolitical, anti-terrorism hair expert and Big Brother winner emeritus Shilpa Shetty.

So, Shilpa, can terrorists have good hair? And can a terrorist ever win Big Brother?

Anorak

Posted: 28th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

A Dose Of Incest Repellent In The I’m A Celebrity Jungle

NEWS from the Blue Party jungle is that the maggots of the celebrity world are breeding.

While Armani Blow-fly tells all about her romp up Robert Kilroy-Silk’s shorts, Joe Swash says:

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Anorak

Posted: 28th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment

Bismillah No! 10 reasons to hate Queen

Queen rank alongside Abba as one of those bands that EVERYONE seems to love. Saying you don’t worship at the altar of Mercury and co is generally greeted with dumfounded looks, and maybe even some disappointed tutting. It seems as though even the coolest kids can see the benefit of Bohemian Rhapsody and have no idea of the downside of Don’t Stop Me Now

But not me. To my mind Queen are the most over-rated acts in the history of popular music – and here’s why…

1 Queen never made a Great album
Queen were a singles band, like Brother Beyond or any current X-Factor wannabe. In fact, they probably would have been on the X-Factor if they were around now. Singles and videos they had plenty of – but how many times do you see a Queen album in a top 100 albums list? Night at the Opera, oh give me a break. Ask anyone what their favourite Queen album is and nine out of ten times they will say Greatest Hits.

2 That Live Aid Performance
I can almost feel the stones being readied, but c’mon, a bit of over-the-top, vaguely fascistic grandstanding and we all have to hail it as the greatest concert performance ever. Nonsense! For starters it was only 20 minutes long! No, I say no! It was just a bit less rubbish than most of the other stuff on there – and nowhere near as good as U2’s rudely truncated stint earlier in the day. Here’s a reminder.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (100)

Gordon Smart’s Gets Outside Madonna And Guy Ritchie’s Divorce

GORDON Smart’s the Sun’s gossipy estate agent boasted in October 2008 that he had the skinny on Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s divorce:

Sun Showbiz Editor Gordon’s inside view: But a game of emotional chess is beginning to unravel — and there are worrying signs this one is shaping up to get dirty.

In November, the divorce was granted, and we learnt:

In a sworn statement the court heard Madonna and Ritchie had not lived at the same address for six months but that Ritchie’s behaviour was continuing.

Ooops! Smart missed that one. Here’s some more inside news during that six months:

Anorak

Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Gordon Ramsay’s Domestic Nightmares

GORDON Ramsay’s recipe for a successful marriage sees him forgo a trip to Los Angeles for his show Ramsay’s Domestic Nightmares and order in.

That’s Take Away Menu in full:

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Anorak

Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Why Is Cliff Richard Not A Health And Safety Risk?

DO you know why Cliff Richard is a health and safety risk?

It is sometimes best to reverse the question to better understand it: Do you know why Cliff Richard is not a health and safety risk?

Anorak

Posted: 26th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)

Gordon Ramsay’s Recipe For A Happy Marriage Story

GORDON Ramsay’s recipe for a successful marriage, Tabloid Toad-in-the-hole:

“Says he met ‘mistress’ 4 times” – Daily Mirror

“A pal claimed…Ramsay had met Symonds…only five times” – Daily Star

Anorak

Posted: 26th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Wag The Dog: Carley Zucker Waits For Joe Cole To Stump Up

“IT’S Really, really tough being rich,” says lucky Carly Zucker, Wag to Chelsea and England footballer Joe Cole and Blue Peter garden dweller.

Well, not, that’s not what she said. What she said was:

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Anorak

Posted: 26th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Britney Spears Can Do Obama

CAN Britney Spears? Yes she can…

How they love him – yeah, him, him, him, him, him, him and him.

Spotter

Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Cruise Control: Tom On Suri

“MY daughter is sweet but very strong-willed,” says Tom Cruise of his daughter Suri, recently crowned cutest tot in this world and beyond.

You may think otherwise, you may think your own child is better looking or seek to champion a Pitt-Jolie, but resistance is futile.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Peter Andre Gives Katie Price An Interior Tanning

ON the Price Curve, Anorak plots the correlation between the size of Katie Price’s Jordans and Peter Andre’s penis.

When they first met in the Celebrity jungle, Pete was a pop acorn and Katie’s Jordans were gargantuan.

Now after operations on her, and lots of sunshine and water on him, Katie tells Sun readers:

“I haven’t got any lines at all! That’s why I go to very private places. Peter does too. He’s got a brown willy!”

Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Princess Diana’s Cake Shake For Sale

A PILE of thank you letters signed by Princess Diana has been sold at auction. Says Vanessa Feltz in the Express:

Before she allowed herself the bliss of subsiding into bed after an evening on duty, self-discipline demanded all thank-yous be composed, executed and addressed.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Amy Winehouse Goes Looking For Blake

MORE news of Amy Winehouse’s latest release: Blake Fielder-Civil.

Blake is not with Amy right now, but the pair are enjoying a “screaming row” over the telephone. A pal tells the Sun that Amy wants to end it with her husband.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)

I’m A Celebrity: Mallett Snookered By McLean

TIMMY Mallett has been “HAMMERED” by his wife (Sun) and then “Bashed” (Star) by Nicola and Carly.

First up to have a go at Mallett is Mrs Lynda Mallet, who says of her man in the day-glo shorts, “He’s an annoying git.”

And it’s hard not to like him for it as Timmy laughs long and too loud at Robert Kilroy-Silk, a man who if he was half as fascinating to others as he is to himself would be stood in a glass box at the British Museum.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (6)

Miley Cyrus Dances For Lawyers

THE Houston Chronicle reports on Miley Cyrus, who seems to realise that when you’re a teen star you need to cash in before you grow old:

Tweendom’s reigning queen is the star performer at the Lanier Law Firm’s “Christmas Cheers and Charity” party. The annual event will be held next month at the ranch home of Houston lawyer Mark Lanier and his wife, Becky.

One day if you practice real hard, Peggy-Armani, you can peform for lawyers and then – who knwos? – maybe even a party of accountants:

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Anorak

Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Sheeny On Joe Swash, Jade Goody Would Be Proud

THE Croydonian notices that I’m Celebrity’s Joe Swash might be Jade Goody’s alter ego:

One of the contestants – Joe Swash – moaning about something or other said this,’It’s a bit sheeny, isn’t it?’. Or words to that effect, but he definitely used ‘sheeny’,as I reacted at the time. It is not the best known of unfortunate words, but this is what it means, definition taken from here:

Anorak

Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Gwyneth Paltrow’s Turkey Fur Acceptance Speech

GWYNETH Paltrow wears fur. Peta, the voice of dumb and skinned animals is upset. Paltrow has called her Oscar accpetance speech writer and issued the most tortuous apology ever.

“It was a daylong photo shoot on a boat near Capri, and there were all sorts of poses with all kinds of clothes—none with fur. During one set-up, a stylist came up from behind and draped a stole around my shoulders. I didn’t pay much attention to it, and when I noticed it was fur I assumed it was fake fur but did not ask, so it’s my fault.

A one off. Or…

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Anorak

Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Gary Glitter Spotted With Plastic Bag

GARY Glitter is out there. He’s been spotted in South Lanarkshire, carrying a small child in a carrier bag in much the same manner as Paris Hilton and other jobbing celebs would carry a small dog.

Is this a new craze among our celebrity paedos? If it is, we alert them to the possible illegality of such actions.

And what of the dangers of suffocation? Do not try this at home.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Maureen Lipman Toxicology Report

ANORAK overhears a phone call between Maureen Lipman (police codename ‘Bettie’) and ‘Antony’, her grandson. Maureen says she has taken LSD and cannabis. Over:

BEATTIE: Antony, congratulation on your test results

ANTONY: Grandma, I passed.

BEATTIE: Passed? Whadyermean passed?

Anorak

Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

A Good Stuffing: Gordon Ramsay’s Naked Lunch

THAT’S panicky TV chef Gordon Ramsay on the front page of the Sun (“Don’t mention the F-word”), Mail, Mirror (“IN THE SOUP”) and Star (“Becks saves Gord”).

Is the F-word football? Is Ramsay teaming up with the Beckhams on Celebrity Soup Kitchen, in which celebrities try to survive in a suburban shopping precinct, enduring a series of Borough Tucker Challenges, such as eating kebab remnants and bin diving for used condoms?

The Mail clears up the confusion by its prosaic headline: “’Family man’ Gordon Ramsay is accused of seven-year affair.” Yeah, the f is for “f*****g, a thought that is never too far from Ramsay’s lips.

Anorak

Posted: 24th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment

Jenna Jameson’s Second-Hand Porn Sofa For Sale

JENNA Jameson is the star of many human naturalist recordings. She is with child. She is selling her furniture:

Porn star extraordinaire and mommy-to-be Jenna Jameson is looking to make some spare cash before her twin babies arrive. She’s selling her silk Armani couch, with bids starting at $9,5000. If that sounds kind of steep, keep in mind that the shipping is free.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

David Hasselhoff Gets His Kitt Off

KNIGHT Rider makes David Hasselhoff look good:

UNFORTUNATELY, THE SHOW ITSELF SUCKS: Knight Rider’s KITT is a Hydrogen Electric Hybrid. At least, I watched a few minutes of the new Knight Rider a while back and found myself unexpectedly admiring the comparative genius of…

David Hasselhoff.

Hasselhoff – Bring on the Wall!

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment