Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Is Pete Doherty Dead?
TO GRAZIA magazine where Kate Moss is posing for a picture. A ghostly hand rests on her shoulder.
It’s the hand of a man. The condition of the nails suggest its Peter Doherty’s hand.
Has Doherty gone to that big syringe in the sky?
Or is Grazia
Posted: 23rd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Icky Poo: Catching A Double Shot At Love
VIKKI and Rikki are the Ikki twins.
They’re the icky stars of MTV’s A Double Shot At Love, aka A Double Shot Of Serum, living in the same house as 12 straight depilated men and 12 slightly hairier lesbians.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 22nd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (15)
Sienna Miller Wins Damages
PAPARAZZIS around the world may be put off from plying their trade in London, now that jobbing girlfriend Sienna Miller has used legislation originally intended to curtail the actions of animal rights protesters and stalkers to win £50,000 along with her legal costs from Big Pictures photographic agency and its founder, Darryn Lyons.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 22nd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Obama To Sing With Coldplay
COLDPLAY prove that you can make it with one easy bit of phrasing. A bit like Obama: The New Yorker’s pop critic looks at Cold Play’s legacy:
Posted: 22nd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Jennifer Aniston’s Fish Entree
JENNIFER Aniston is an actress:
After starting with a round of cocktails, John and Jen shared a salad, followed by a fish entree. She was even seen feeding him a vegetable off her fork.
She looks like a blow dried Lily Allen…
Posted: 22nd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Paris Hilton’s Tautology
“Paris Hilton Will Come to Party”- Herald Sun
And..?
Posted: 22nd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Britney Spears: Cooler Than A Wasabi Enema
SAYS Britney SPears:
“I’m kind of stuck in this place and I’m like, How do you deal? I just cope with it every day….It’s better not to feel anything at all and have hope than to feel the other way….It’s bad. I’m sad. It’s like Groundhog Day every day. It’s really boring….
We hear you…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Go West Luck Bronx Mowgli Wentz
OH, the simple joys the of the celebrity name. We look forward to them as we humans once used to look forward to the names of atom bombs, new sexually transmitted diseases and colonised lands.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Michael Jackson Give Blanket A Burka
TIM Blair: “Michael Jackson has reportedly converted to Islam. Well, it’s not as though anyone expected he’d ever convert to Judaism …”
How old was Mohammed’s wife?
Paedos And Islam: Celebrating A Firebombing At The Jewel Of Medina
Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lily Allen Watch: Dubai Rhys Ifans And Beyonce Knowles Is All Ears
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top celebrity news story…
Beyonce Knowles
We didn’t think ears could be bootylicious but Beyonce Knowles proves us wrong – The Star’s goss girls spot a picture Beyonce Knowles with her hair up
Rhys Ifans
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
For Ritchie And Poorer: Madonna And Guy Split The Kids
TODAY’S the day Madonna and Guy Ritchie go their separate ways: he to the pub and she to New York.
In what showbiz insiders are calling “the least acrimonious divorce in showbiz history”, the couple have agreed on who gets what, when and how.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Nicola McLean’s Optics Illusion To Timmy Mallett’s Little Kilroy-Silk
IN the I’m A Celebrity Jungle “our Nicola” McLean “has still got her boobs out”.
Only she hasn’t. Nicola’s boobs remain restrained in her top waiting for the moment when despair takes root in the celebrity camp and she can uncork out her nipples and dispense a hearty broth (left) and nip of gin (right) to one and all.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 21st, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Lily Allen Watch: X-Rated Spears, Witherspoon’s Pigs And Pricks
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top celebrity news story…
Reese Witherpsoon
“I HAVE two pigs and boy, are they real pigs! They just get down in that mud and roll around” – Reese Witherspoon, Daily Star
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
John Sergeant’s Brief Encounter With Mandelson’s Travolta Politics
JOHN Sergeant has fallen on his Strictly Come Dancing stiletto. It’s all so very serious. And we’ve seen it all before.
The middle-class cinema-going public may have lapped up “Brief Encounter”, but shortly before its official premiere in November 1945 its director, David Lean, had tried it out on a distinctly working-class audience in Rochester, where he was filimg “Great Exprectations”.The cinema, as Lean soon discovered, was full of sailors from the nearby Chatham dockyards. “At the first love scene one woman down in the front started to laugh. I’ll never forget it. At the second love scene it got worse. And then the audience caught on and waited for her to laugh and they all joined in and it ended in an absolute shambles. They were rolling in the aisles.”
David Kynaston, “Austerity Britain, 1945-51”.
Meanwhile, in what passes for the real world:
“He has become the people’s Jon Travolta” – Peter Mandelson
“I’m just devastated. Strictly will not be the same” – David Cameron
Mandelson says he wants to be on the show and then Sergeant retires. A link? A threat?
Spotter: Clive Davis
Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Winona Ryder, A Plea From British Airways
YOUR sickie fooled no-one. Please can you return the items you took with you from the aircraft…
– Lone Pigeon
Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Pictures Of Winona Ryder’s Plane Drama
WINONA Ryder has been rushed to hospital.
The Sun reports that Ryder has been had her stomach pumped after collapsing on a BA jet after a suspected accidental overdose of tranquilisers.
Anorak can assure Ryder’s legion of fans that she in the best possible hands and is being taken care of.
Image of plane drama taken by Michael Kritharis…
Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Reserves Turn Out For I’m A Celebrity
ONLY a very few knew the names of all the celebrities on ITV last night.
You can blame the lack of close up of the Wags, and the fact that Ant ‘n’ Dec were wearing the same kit as the indigenous tribe, but I’m A Celebrity was a game of two halves and little drama.
Good then that the Star has edited highlights of what viewers might have missed as ITV trained its cameras on Berlin.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 20th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
The PRIORY: Jordan And Kerry Katona’s AGM
JORDAN and Kerry Katona “TALK ONLY TO OK!” says OK!, which also says that when the two met “SPARKS FLY”.
Kerry and Jordan will be discussing their contributions to the Towards a Brighter Bedford campaign and the key debate on whether or not Victorian street furniture is preferable to more modern Sixties designs.
Before that, let us just say that it’s good to see Kerry and Jordan reunited. The opportunities for celebs to get together in their own arena away from outsiders and TV cameras are few and far between. Here, in OK!, thy can talk about celeby stuff in the company of friends.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Dani Behr Bouncing Joey Update: The Kangaroo Kid
AN UPDATE to our earlier news that I’m A Celebrity agonist Dani Behr is expecting a bouncing baby Joey.
Says the Express: “KANGAROOS JUST A SHORT HOP FROM BEING HUMAN.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Happy 80th Mickey Mouse, You Look It
MICKEY Mouse is 80. wht you see are clones.
Anorak has obtained pictures of the original man at the Boca Anoraka Florida care home and gated community.
Many happy reruns, Mickey!
Image: Michael Kritharis
Posted: 19th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment (1)
Lily Allen Watch: Hassehoff’s Globe, Halliwell’s Tree And Lily Gone
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top celebrity news story…
Geri Halliwell:
Last week I was on a photoshoot and I just got a real urge to shin up this old oak tree in the prom dress I was wearing. You have to be spontaneous on photoshoots – and the pictures turned out really well”
David Hasselhoff:
“I have had a globe made with my face stretched across the oceans and little versions of myself forming the countries. At the top it says ‘saviour’ in gold. But I was being ironic. Yes, I have played a role in the fall of the Berlin Wall and in American culture.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
I’m A Celebrity Star Impregnated By Dinner
CAN you get pregnant by eating a crocodile’s penis? What about a kangaroo’s teste?
I’m A Celebrity junglist Dani Behr could be pregnant, reports the Star. She’s asked for a pregnancy kit to check.
Dani says she’s feeling a bit sick. It can’t be the termite bap she had for Tiffin, so it must be a child.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Testes Times In The Celebrity Jungle
THE Daily Star reports that Nicola McLean is “not afraid to get her lips round a croc’s willy”.
How the paper knows this remains a story untold.
Last night we saw the pneumatic model eating kangaroo testes on I’m A Celebrity, so her sucking on a crocodile’s penis is not beyond the realms of possibility – unless of course, the penis is attached to the rest of the reptile and in a state of arousal.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 18th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
Lily Allen Watch: Lily Stands Up
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top celebrity news story…
After taking part in a standing ovation alongside brother ALFIE and his missus JAIME WINSTON, she headed off to the Groucho club – The Sun
The celebrity ovation was for her dad, Keith…
Posted: 18th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Karolina Kurkova Shocker: Model Is A Mannequin
BIG shocks in the fashion world at the discovery that model Karolina Kurkova is a mannequin made of two parts plastic to one part latex.
The fashion world is in a frenzy of navel-gazing.
A fashion insider tells Anorak:
The secret’s out. We often use a small drill to bore a hole on the mannequin’s stomach and pack it with felt to make it look like a belly button. Karl [Largefeld] uses limited edition belly buttons harvested from female Russian prisoners and guinea pig eyes.”
Peter Roebuck, former head of animatronics at the Storm agency explains more:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 18th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
