Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Coleen Rooney’s Old Bags

COLEEN Rooney has grown into her career as a professional shopper:

“As I’ve got older I’m much better at buying things. For example, if I’m buying a handbag, I’ll choose a colour I know will last. It’s different with clothing – if I really like something I will buy it.”

Whereas before the keep-fit DVD, the signature perfume, the clothing line and the TV presenting, Wayne had to buy it for her…

Anorak

Posted: 18th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Angelina Jolie Can Carthwheel And Cheat?

ANGELINA Jolie – praise be and thank you:

On falling in love on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith: “Not a lot of people get to see a movie where their parents fell in love.” (Yes, Brad Pitt was still married to Jennifer Aniston).

What a gal!

SAYS she:

“To be intimate with a married man, when my own father cheated on my mother, is not something I could forgive. I could not look at myself in the morning if I did that. I wouldn’t be attracted to a man who would cheat on his wife.”

Self loathing. Pass the knives…

Anorak

Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

The Great White Hope: Stephen Baldwin Wants To Punch Black Obama

HOLLYWOOD thespian Stephen Baldwin says:

“I’d like to knock some good sense into Barack. I wouldn’t hurt him. But if he wins the election, he’ll hurt me. He’s a cultural terrorist.”

Granted, we know that Obama flew a plane into the World Trade Center in 2001, and, yes, his campaign slogan “Yes We Can” translates into Arabic as “Allah Wakbar”, but we need to move on and stop the personal attacks.

As for Baldwin, he is the star of such cultural milestones as:

Anorak

Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Posh And Becks Behave Like Strangers

TO the Villa club in LA, where David Beckham and Victoria Beckham are pretending not to know one another.

The Star reports that each Beckham makes their way to the club on their own.

Day-vid sits and waits. He drinks gin and coke.

Her Poshness arrives and sips white wine.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

No Penny For The Guy: British Press Declare War On Madonna

MADONNA and Guy Ritchie are putting the tin lid on their celebrity love affair by ending it in the text book fashion: they are divorcing.

The Mirror seems unable and unwilling to believe money will not be a factor and mess up the divorce, telling readers of Madonna’s £300million fortune and Guy’s chance to grab £50million of it.

“SHE CAN HAVE IT ALL,” says the paper’s headline. “Guy snubs Madonna cash..kids are his only concern.”

The inference is that Madonna’s cash is not good enough for our Guy. He has not declined Madonna’s money, which might not even have been offered – he has snubbed it.

Anorak detects the whiff of nationalism in this story. If money is not to make it nasty, then let’s make it a fight between British sense of fair play and American brashness.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Jenny McCarthy Collaborates With God On Cure For Autism

JENNY McCarthy’, a jobbing Hollywood blonde had a son. And with a showbiz son comes a new career opportunity.

As bad luck had it Jenny’s son was especially special. Jenny’s son was diagnosed with autism. Jenny believes the MMR vaccine was the cause.

So Jenny did what any celebrity would do faced with a special child – she made a new career talking about MMR, her son and his autism. She has written five books on the matter.

Then she cured him.

She tells US Weekly magazine:

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 17th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)

Beckham And Fish: Caption It

“As a dad I know how hard it is to get kids to eat the right things. I also know as a footballer how important it is to eat the right things to perform well, so I think the GO3 range is a great way to help families take some small steps to be fit and healthy at affordable prices” – David Beckham

Anorak

Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (19)

The Huge Row Over Madonna And Guy’s Money

MADONNA and Guy Ritchie are to split and in their gift to journalism, the pair are the centre of much handwringing.

Oh, let’s hope and pray it’s a clean split and not an ugly, messy, murderous and column-inch filling divorce, say the hacks and hackettes.

If there is to be a terrible row, it will surely be over money, the papers say.

“MADONNA and Ritchie to split – but what will be the cost?” asks the Independent.

The paper says “law experts” are talking of a “£100m” settlement

SHE’S GOT £300M, HE’S GOT £30 BUT.. The Guy doesn’t want a penny” – The Sun

Anorak

Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

GMTV In Prince Andrew Suicide Bomb Horror

TANIA Bryer is a suicide bomber.

After leaving the GMTV weather panel, she has appeared in numerous photospreads with her wonderful husband and gorgeous/talented/blonder-than-yours children; and appeared in photospreads without her wonderful ex-husband and beautiful/stunning/creative children.

Following that lot is no easy thing, and the fear is the she has seen the coverage suicide bombers get and thought, “Yes, I’ll have some of that.”

Anorak

Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family | Comment

Good News: Guy Ritchie And Madonna Feel The Strain

CELEBRATING the divorce of Madonna and Guy Ritchie in the Daily Mail:

SOME GOOD NEWS AT LAST!

In other papers:

One more immigrant leaves: Daily Express

Anorak

Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

John Travolta Feels Paris Burn With Love

TO a housing estate in Paris where a flammable John Travolta is clutching his head and departing stage right as the jeunesse dorée are cooking cars a la mode.

The Mail picks up the scent of Renault fricassee and tells of rioting youths who “torched ten of the production’s cars and threatened crew”.

Oh, the name of the film? From Paris With Love.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Madonna Spokeswoman Confirms Singer’s Divorce From Guy Ritchie

GUY Ritchie and Madonna are to divorce. He’s keeping the credits to Swept Away, the title “The man who discovered Vinnie Jones” and rhyming slang for orange. She gets the English accent.

Says Madonna’s agent Liz Rozenberg:

“Madonna and Guy Ritchie have agreed to divorce after 7 l/2 years of marrige. They have both requested that the media maintain respect for their family at this difficult time. A final settlement has not been agreed upon yet.”

Maintain respect..? Good to see both parties have retained their senses of humour.

Madonna And Guy Were Trying To Act

Anorak

Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Jordan and PAPA Polish Up In Love Affirmation Ceremony

AFTER the TV show, Jordan is “finally” responding to the clamour and will tell OK! readers about her marriage.

Or what there was of it. Says Jordan of her romance with pop acorn Peter Andre (PAPA): “WHY I WALKED OUT ON PETE.” She is showing readers her clean hand, and muscular naked ring finger. “It looks like I’ll be a single mum.”

Jordan gets the photo spread and the kids, and PAPA gets to wax his back, crack and sack on daytime telly.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)

Madonna And Guy Were Trying To Act

MADONNA and Guy Ritchie are divorcing.

Why? Because they “can’t bear to live with the pretence any longer”.

Anyone who has seen Madonna pretending, or acting as one calls it, will know how unbearable things can get.

Anorak

Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Travis Barker Eats Meat Like A Vegetarian Or The Dog Dies

TRAVIS Barker is a pop star. He is recovering form an horrific plane crash. He is lucky to be alive. He is also a vegetatian. His ex-wife, Shanna Moakler, is a vegetarian.

As undercover.com.au notes:

The former Blink 182 drummer — who has been a strict vegetarian for most of his life — was advised to change his diet after suffering third degree burns to his legs and torso when the jet he was travelling in crashed on take off in Columbia, South Carolina, last month.

Eat meat to live…

He said: “I need protein from food rather than just protein supplements. I changed my diet. I would do anything I possibly could if they said like, ‘There’s a possibility you might heal faster if you do eat meat or just change your eating habits.’ So I did. I don’t regret it at all, I feel so much better.”

Now listen up as his ex-wife makes a tough choice:

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (17)

Cristina Aguilera Saves Africa: Colin Powell Applauds

IN time of trouble, we turn to they who will make sense of it all. We turn to the celebrities, to whose wisdom we defer and whose patronage we court.

Whereas once a politician would down on popstars, it is now the celebrity who disapproves of the politicos.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Inside Kate Moss’s Fridge

TIME again to look inside Kate Moss’s fridge.

As we cry: “What’s in your fridge, Kate?”

Today the Mirror’s 3am Girls open the freidge door and tell us that Kate is mostly drinking water and (bottled) and soft drinks.

More tomorrow…

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Di Another Day: Kate Middleton’s Car Phone

CALL the Celebrity Police Force. But we cannot. They are without a head, and the celeb’s face may not adorn the halls of Scotland Yard posing with a young CPC.

As Sun Page 3 stunna Keeley says: “Surely Kate can afford a hands-free kit… or she could get Wills to buy her one.” On a squaddies wage… No chance.

The Sun’s front-page reveals that Kate Middleton has been spotted driving a car while talking on a mobile telephone.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Bon Jovi Bails Out British Economy: Gordon Brown’s Prayer

WHY oh why oh why oh why didn’t Gordon Brown just wait a few more days to annonce his bank rescue plan?

Had only Gordon realised that US pop group Bon Jovi had ripped off his seminal 1970s hit Slippery When Wet – Best Wear Boots And Braces & Take Out Private Medical Insurance, he could have sued them for the £400billion needed.

Now we learn that Samuel Bartley Steele, a US musician is suing Bon Jovi for $400 billion in a plagiarism suit.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (22)

Home Shopping: Posh And Becks Take On eBay Thieves

“BECKHAMS BETRAYED,” says the Mirror.

“Posh agony at ‘intimate’ items sold on eBay.

We feel her pain. You don’t put in the hard yards building the brand for someone else to cash in on your husband’s name.

News is that Beckhams’ housekeepers have been arrested on suspicion of stealing from the couple. As if Her Pohsness does not have enough to do looking after three kids and a mansion, she has to take care of a middle-aged couple.

What a gal!

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (9)

The Britton Bounce: Fern’s Gastric Band Aid

CRITICS are calling it the Fern Britton Bounce.

On the day that Gordon Brown “SAVES THE WORLD” (The Daily Brown Nose, formerly Daily Mirror), the Express leads with news that Fern Britton has dropped five dresses sizes.

Back in the days of yore (yesterday) times were hard. Fern was living in austerity Britain, and for the best part of 24 hours the TV hostess with the mostess feared she would feel the pinch – on her hips, bust, tummy and thighs.

Anorak’s typing pool was ready to step in with “Gastric band Aid”, when we would stand outside British Homes Stores in the precinct and sing our hearts out for Fern.

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Ringo Starr Warns Omar Bakri To Stop Or Else

RINGO Starr vows not to sign any more autographs. Says he:

“Please do not send fan mail to any address you have. Nothing will be signed after the 20th of October. If that is the date on the envelope, it’s gonna be tossed.”

 Tossed?

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 13th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

Katie Holmes On The Dangers Of Hanging Out With Posh And Tom

KATIE Holms was once cute. Katie Holmes once had allure. Katie Holmes married Tom Cruise. Katie Holmes became oddly aged and dressed like a dowager aunt at a bring-and-buy sale. Katie Holmes was befriended by Her Poshness. Katie Holmes ended up like this:

Via

Anorak

Posted: 13th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

The Candy Woman Can: Amy Winehouse Rots Your Teeth

TO the celebrity fairground, where Amy Winehouse is working the candy floss mixer.

The blend of refined sugar and food dyes might be enough to get a toddler off his face, but adults need more oopmf to get on a decent buzz.

While juice is the alcopop starter beverage, candy floss was only ever a kindergarten E. Until now.

Anorak

Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (14)

Credit Crunch: Anthea Turner Is Back

ON a brighter note…

Anthea Turner’s husband Grant Bovey loses buy-to-let empire in credit crunch

…Anthea Turner’s back in the Daily Mail…

Anorak Lexicon:

Bovey: An orangey-brown colour.
That meat looks off. It’s gone a horrible bovey colour.

Anorak

Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment