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Celebrities

Celebrities Category

Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.

Beyonce Goes To The Beach With Mobile Sunshade

IN case you missed her, this is Beyonce Knowles at the beach…

Yeah, all that walking sunshade and she has to carry her own urine sample…

Image via Splash

Posted: 4th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)


Lily Allen’s Argos

LILY Allen News Of The Day: Lily’s Mail Order Jewels…

Showing money really doesn’t buy you class, Lily Allen’s been spotted shopping in her local Argos – Daily Mirror

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

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Posted: 4th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)


The Family Business: The Difficulty Of Being Peaches Geldof

WHO the hell is Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof, Pitt The Younger Algernon Winstona Disraeli Goo-Foo Trevor Benjamin Mandela Puff?

Or to put it another way: who is her dad?

Peaches is blessed with all the cool of a wasabi enema. She is everything any genuine teenage rebels abhors and avoids being.

Being Peaches cannot be easy. As Anorak has said, being Peaches is like turning up at swingers’ party to find your mum handing out the towels. She just has to make the best of her lot.

And dad Bob Geldof wants the best for his kids; all sane parents do. So Peaches decides on a career as a professional Geldof, and is encouraged. As such, she has little to do. She is a member of the elusive club of children of the rich and successful. She can just be.

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Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (7)


P Diddy Says Sarah Palin Scares Me

GO-it-alone Diddyman P Diddy on scary Sarah Palin:

The celebrities hate. Sarah Palin is hard to dislike…

Celebrities Against Sarah Palin: Lindsay Lohan Rules

Celebrities Against Sarah Palin: One More Reason To Like Her

Pamela Anderson Is Sucking Sarah Palin

It’s 3am And Sarah Palin Hears Liz Tyler’s Moose Call

P Diddy On The Death Of John McCain And Why Sarah Palin Gets His Vote

P Diddy Jets Into Lie Storm

Celebrity Stench Of The Day: P Diddy Is A King

P Diddy Man Drinks To Controversy

Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment


Abusing Russell Brand: Jon Gaunt Doesn’t Read The Sun

RUSSELL Brand makes a crass joke about rape.

COMIC RUSSELL BRAND was condemned by rape charities yesterday after he rang a sex attack hotline during a gig.

“Amusing,” says the Sun sub-header.

Brand later apologised, saying: “I am devastated by the possibility I may have offended vulnerable people” – Sun – July 16, 2008

Then:

Come on Russell, prove you’re a real man and apologise to the women anjd their families who you gravely insulted – Jon Gaunt, Sun October 3, 2008

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Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)


Geri Halliwell’s Ugenia Lavander Cleans Up

GERI Halliwell has been named “the most successful celebrity author of the year”.

In five months she has sold 250,000 of her Ugenia Lavender stories, the tales of a female hygiene product as it wends its way from an Indian farm collective to a landfill site in the East Midlands.
Says Geri:

“I’m so happy that everyone loves Ugenia as much as I do.”

Indeed, sick of reading the side of perfume bottles and cans of mace as he irrigates his colon, Old Mr Anorak says the Ugenia Lavender product is far more stimulating, although the hard cover version can chafe…

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Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Pete Doherty’s YouTube Tribute To Kate Moss

PASS the Wet Ones…

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


That Britney Spears Ghalib Sex Tape In Full

READERS may recall the news of the sex tape that Brummie Adnan Ghalib is said to be flogging. Says the former confident of Ms Britney Spears:

“There is no sex tape. I’m extremely upset and taking legal action”.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (8)


Cheryl Cole: Me and My Cotton Wool

SAYS Cheryl Cole:

“I hate cotton wool. I went to the dentist the other day and he pout it in my mouth and I felt violated for the whole dsay” –

Taken from Cheryl Cole’s autobiogrpahy Dreams That Glitter

Cheryl Cole’s Water Retention And Karma Suits Yer

Cheryl Cole Can More Than She’s Cried

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)


Steve McQueen’s Magnificent Escape

PRESS release of the day: Steve McQueen: A Life In Pictures. In the Anorak inbox:

“Who could forget the legendary 12-foot jump over barbed wire in The Magnificent Seven?”

Or his gun fight in the, er, The Great Escape…

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)


Basic I Stink: Sharon Stone’s Snorts Son’s Feet

SHARON Stone has been refused custody of her adopted son Roan “because she wanted to inject his feet with BOTOX to stop them smelling”.

Roan Stone. It’s the Express’s front-page news.

Better perhaps to inject her face with Botox and fill the only remaining cracks chiefly those just above her top lip.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)


The A To Z Of Celebrity Illnesses

READING this week’s OK! is to venture into the A to Z of Celebrity Diseases.

Victoria Beckham would like OK! readers to know: “I HATE LOOKING AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR.”

For such reasons does Her Poshness appear in magazines and thereby gets to see herself in glossy print.

Natasha Hamilton, a singer, tells us about “MY DEVASTATING MISCARRIAGE”. Although she pulled herself together to watch Disney’s On Ice Finding Nemo, which the kids “loved”.

And Girl Aloud singer Nadine Coyle tells us:

“I kept getting ill, coming out in cold sores with the stress. Then a found a lump in my breast.”

And? And it wasn’t cancer. But it could have been. It could have been a piece of gristle. But it could have been cancer. And Nemo could have died.

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Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)


Styrofoam, The Essence Of Kerry Katona

KERRY Katona uses her OK! Diary to tell us that’s she has a perfume coming out in October.

Parfumiers are right not harvesting the contents of Kerry’s knickers, sheets and husband for an essence that can be boiled, distilled and poured into a styrofoam burger box.

Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment


Cheryl Cole and Amanda Holden Put BOAST On Hold

CALLS are coming in thick and fast to Anorak’s BOAST hotline. All orders are final, but Cheryl Cole and Amanda Holden are unsure…

Says Cheryl of her time before husband Ashley was accused of vomiting on their marriage vows:

“I was really broody. I’d see children and think that’s me. I’m ready” – Sun

The call to BOAST was made. But then cancelled. Sadly the children are sat in our storeroom awaiting despatch. No refunds but they can be exchanged…

Amanda Holden is on line 2:

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Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)


Russell Crowe Cures The Credit Crunch

“I WAS thinking,” Russell Crowe tells US TV host Jay Leno:

The New Zealand-born actor announced, during a US TV talkshow appearance, a plan to cure America’s financial crisis … Crowe believes the US Government should give each American $US1 million.

His reasoning was that the US has a population of about 300 million, and a $US300 million outlay was a fraction of the $US700 billion financial bailout package rejected by politicians in Washington DC yesterday.

He should have thought a little harder though—a $US1 million handout to 300 million people would cost $300 trillion.

Genius…

Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (24)


Ann Widdecome On Paul Newman

ANN Widdecombe is discussing Paul Newman:

“He also knew when to stop acting, an example many others would have benefitted from following”

Not including his voiceover work, Newman appeared in Empire Falls in 2005. His work won him an Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or a Movie.

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Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)


Smiley Miley Cyrus Produces World’s First Organic Film

MILEY Cyrus, aka teen sensation Hannah Monata, gives us the celebrity quote of the day:

Well, to do a feature film, we had to make sure it had a beginning, a middle and an end. There are plot twists and turns – and it’s going to be a lot of fun. It’s not just a two-hour TV show because you can do that on Disney Channel. It’s much more than that. It’s a much more organic movie.

An organic Hannah Montan movie. To go with her organic song

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)


Tarnishing The Paul Newman Idol

PAUL Newman is dead, and the Mirror’s Sue Carroll salutes the “family man”.

Newman had six children, three from an early marriage that ended in divorce and three with actress Joanne Woodward, whom he married in 1958.

A two family man.

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (19)


Jools Oliver Calls BOAST

JOOLS Oliver makes a call to Anorak’s Celebrity Baby Ordering And Star Treatment Service (BOAST)

“If I’m really honest, I’d like another girl,” – Jools Oliver, Mrs Jamiel Oliver, Sun

BOAST. Make the call now…

Myleene Klass And Norman Cook Call BOAST

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)


Manchester City And Prince Harry In For Britney Spears Sex Tape

IT’S a Britney Spears sex tape.

Celebrity sex tape enthusiasts who want to see a mother-of-two having sex with an early-middle-aged Brummie can buy the goods for £5m.

What with the credit crunch, though, only the very few can afford to buy the tape, and it is believed it is being offered first to Manchester City, Prince Harry Baseball Cap and George Soros.

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment


Lily Allen Wears Shoes

LILY Allen news of the day: Brought to heel…

“Lily ditched her trainers for some killer heels and a sexy black and white dress” – Sun

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Image

Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (9)


Ant Rap: Ant Sues Ant And Dec

ANT Kalloniastis is suing Ant McPartlin to stop him using his name in the United States.

As the Sun reports, Ant K. is the host to f Celebrity Fit Club (US). He says he is losing work because he’s been mistaken for Ant P., who along with Declan Donnelly fronts the US show Wanna Bet?

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (7)


Heath Ledger’s Life Insurance Firm Won’t Pay Out

THERE will be an insurance company investigation into Heath Ledger’s death. Forget the police, this is money:

The firm, which is owned by ING Americas, wrote the policy in June 2007, and the insurance money was due to be paid out to an unnamed trustee who would hold the money until two-year-old Matilda comes of age.

But they have so far failed to honour the document and have launched their own probe into Ledger’s death to establish if he committed suicide, therefore voiding the policy.

Heath’s family has gifted his entire $16.6 million dollar estate to his daughter Matilda…

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment


Mick Jagger And The Adventures Of Molly Miller Mundy McCartney

MICK Jagger is said by the Mail to have been seen out in the company of 23-year aristo Molly Miller Mundy.

Miss Molly Miller Mundy is the son of Mark Miller Nundy, who tells us:

“I’m thrilled it’s Paul McCartney.”

If it were, she could marry him, and be Molly Miller Mundy McCartney.

So we take the point…

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (7)


Myleene Klass And Norman Cook Call BOAST

MYLEENE Klass makes a call to Anorak’s Celebrity Baby Ordering And Star Treatment Service (BOAST) –

“My memories all have my brother and sister in them. I’d like Ava to have the same” – Star

And here’s Norman Cook, aka FatBoy Slim, on he and his wife Zoe Ball:

“There may be some good news soon. Zoe and I are trying for an addition to your family”

BOAST. Make the call now…

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Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)