Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Kenneth Branagh Does The Credit Crunch
CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Kenneth Branagh’s play for today…
The play was an early one and is generally seen as a poor relative of the four classics of Chekhov’s too brief maturity. But it has acquired striking topicality on two counts. First, it deals with debt, and with relationships dominated by economic circumstance. Debtor and creditor are unable to engage in social or emotional transactions without the paralysing effects of unreturned money. This is credit-crunch Chekhov.
A decent ticket for Ivanov at London’s Wyndham theatre costs a credit-crunch busting £32.50, plus £1.50 booking fee…
Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (9)
Kate Moss Is To Blame For Everything
WANT to know who to blame for the credit cruch, child murder, rape and your sad, flabby life? Fergus Shanahan knows. There might be British day party. Let’s blame Kate Moss:
“Cokehead model Kate Moss is suggested by Labour as a celebrity with the right values to lead the partying. Of course she is. Why not ask the Yorkshire Ripper along as well? With Rose West to do the teas.”
Kate Moss. She bad…
Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Amy Winehouse’s Husband Chooses Prison Over Mum And Her
WHAT’S BLAKE Fielder-Civil been up to? Like Amy Winehouse, he too missed the singer’s birthday party, prevented from attending by high wall, electric gate and angry guards.
But the Sun says Blake could be at large tomorrow should he agree to move in with his mother in Nottinghamshire. He should also wear an electronic tag and adhere to a 7pm curfew.
But what’s this? Blake says no.
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Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10)
Kate Moss Snorts Cars And Brings Down World Financial Markets
KATE Moss snorts petrol fumes, says the Star. Says Kate Moss:
“I’ve heard it’s one of the most preferred scents in the world – maybe that’s something to study for my next fragrance.”
Moss, as chance has it, has launched her new fragrance, a celebrity vehicle with top notes of Cortina backseat and extracts of mini cab. It’s called Velvet Hour.
And Cocaine Moss’s car news does not end there. No way.
The Mirror says Kate Moss car has been broken into and she fears a £200k ring has been stolen from it. For shame!
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Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Celebrities Against Sarah Palin: Lindsay Lohan Rules
MORE on Sarah Palin and her relationship with celebrities. Celebs hold sway in US elections. Every top politico has coterie of star fans. But Sarah Palin has none. It’s another reason to like Sarah Palin.
Today, Al Gore’s penfriend Lindsay Lohan says he doesn’t like her:
I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin… Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?… Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play… Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?
Question upon question. But Lohan does have some advice, and an answer:
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Posted: 16th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (19)
Sarah Palin Kill Of The Day: Meg Ryan
SARAH Palin’s Kill Of The Day. Today Sarah Palin has been killing insomiac orgasm faker Meg Ryan…
Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (3)
Celebrities Against Sarah Palin: One More Reason To Like Her
SARAH Palin and her relationship with celebrities. Matt Damon is f*cking her. Lewinsky is mouthing off. Pamela Anderson is sucking her. And now Pink, Jada (Mrs Will Smith), and Meg Ryan comment:
Pink:
“If I were writing a letter to Sarah Palin, it would be a lot of whys and hows. Who are you? Do you know? Why do you hate animals? Please point out Iraq on a map…This woman hates women. She is not a feminist. She is not the woman that’s going to come behind Hillary Clinton and do anything that Hillary Clinton would’ve been capable of … The woman terrifies me.”
We know the feeling.
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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (2)
Rumer Willis Fancied Her Dad
RUMER Wllis, daughter to Bruce Willis and Demi Moore says of her step-dad Ashton Kutcher:
“I was 15 and he was a heart-throb to me – I had pictures of him on my wall! I remember Mum saying her new ‘friend’ was going to hang out with us. I said: ‘What’s his name?’ I freaked out a bit and blushed.”
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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kate Beckinsale Wears Her Vagina As Her Sleeve
KATE Beckinsale tells about her mummified vagina. She then wears her thsi dress:
Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (3)
Amy Winehouse Missing From Amy Winehouse Story
IT’S Amy Winehouse’s 25th birthday party and all the usual faces are at London’s Jazz After Dark club, save one: Amy Winehouse is at home.
What she up to, then? Says a “pal” in the Sun:
“Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked …She kept saying she was ugly…”
Reports of Winehouse’s drug taking are the stuff of record, and Anorak invites its resident expert, Matt The Talc, to advise us against looking down at mirror’s as they can distort the concept of yourself.
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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (13)
Harry Potter’s Terribly Naked
SAYS Harry Potter look-alike Daniel Radcliffe, currently appearing naked on a New York stage:
“You know, I’m terribly self-conscious”.
Indeed…
Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Jade Goody’s Bicycle Tour And Bombshell News
JADE Goody ‘the Hoody’ appears on the Sun’s front page to tell readers about her “NEW HOPE”.
Jade says that since her hysterectomy she thinks doctors are wicked and wants to team up with Dr Grame Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor and cycle round the country promoting Goody news and Goody tidings.
Before that, though, “BRAVE” Jade Goody is pictured crying while the paper’s Colin Robertson tells readers that “one of the biggest upsets in her cancer battle is facing up to the fact that she will never have a daughter.”
No little Jade. For shame!
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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Celebrity News Of The Day: Vernon Kaye Is Not Dead:
GORDON Smart, the celebrity hack styled to look like a suburban estate agent – thus combining two despised professions in one body – brings news that Vernon Kaye is not dead.
Smart says a “sad act with nothing better to do” wrote on tall TV presenter Kaye’s Wikipedia page of a tragic accident. Ah, Wikiepdia, where celebrity journalits look to for news.
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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Cheryl Cole Calls The Celebrity Baby Ordering Service
THE People advertise the news that Cheryl Cole, of the Chelsea Coles says: “I want a baby with Ashley next year.
Well, what’s one more, alleged puking, diamond-pooing little darling? But before the world can welcome into its bosom anther Ashley Cole, Cheryl needs to call Anorak’s Celebrity Baby Ordering Service.
Says Cheryl: “I want to start working on that baby.”
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Posted: 14th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Omar Bakri Beats The Drum For Paul McCartney In Israel
“SIR PAUL TERROR TARGET,” screams the – Sunday Express, a shocker illustrated by shot of Sir Paul McCartney caught in the crosshairs.
Thankfully, Sir Paul is reputed for his famous head wobble and there is every chance would-be assassin will need at least a dozen shots to even clip an ear on former Beatle’s tussled head.
Which gives us time to discover the identity of the killer. No, not Heather Mills. No, not Yoko Ono. It’s… Omar Bakri. Yeah, the mad mullah, the Tottenham Taliban, the owner of a green Ford Galaxy and some NHS prescription glasses.
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Posted: 14th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (21)
Hulk Hogan’s Daughter And Girlfriend Cloned
HULK Hogan, neon-haired actor-wrestler is dating one Jennifer McDaniel (left/right).
Hulk’s daughter is called Brooke Hogan, that’s her on the (left/right).
Hulk is making Old Mr Anorak feel green, and not with envy.
Here comes the therapist now…
Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment
All George Clooney’s Films Flop, But Kidman Is Box Office Hell
GEORGE Clooney. All his films are box office disasters:
Last year’s Michael Clayton brought in less than $50 million in American receipts. Good Night and Good Luck’s fared little better, grossing just five times its $7 million budget. Syriana, the cerebral thriller set all around the world, grossed $50,824,620 domestically, just 824 grand more than its production cost. The Good German? $1.3 million in the States. And earlier this year, Leatherheads, Clooney’s biggest flop to date, brought in just $40,666,628 worldwide after being produced for $58 million.
Ocean’s 11 did quite well… But, his films aren’t all box office gold. But neither are Nicole Kidman’s:
Nicole Kidman is the most overpaid celebrity in Hollywood, US business magazine Forbes said.
The Hours actress, who won an Oscar in 2003, topped the magazine’s second annual list of most overpaid stars, taking the top spot from fellow Australian Russell Crowe.
Kidman’s films were estimated to only earn one US dollar (57p) for every dollar the 41-year-old actress was paid, compared with eight US dollars (£4.57) a year ago.
The Invasion, a remake of the 1956 classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers, lost 2.68 US dollars (£1.53) for every dollar earned by Kidman, who was reportedly paid 17 million US dollars (£9.7 million) for her role.
Forget the hype. Why not use a new actress and make the film better?
Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment
Pamela Anderson Is Sucking Sarah Palin
SARAH Palin Watch: Anorak’s look at Sarah Palin in the British media…
Matt Damon is f*cking Sarah Palin. Pamela Anderson is only on third base. Says Pammy:
“I can’t stand her. She can suck it!”
As we’ve seen on the web, Pamela Anderson may be true to her word…
Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment (1)
Why Spike Lee Never Wins An Oscar: It’s New York, Dummy
CELEBRITY Quote of the Day, from not-in-the-least-bit-bitter Spike Lee, of New York, New York on his Oscars oversight:
“They take everything into account with me. They take into account that I like the Knicks or that I’m in New York. If you did a survey, the bulk of the people who vote in the Academy are in Los Angeles. There’s definite bias, considering that my films are typically New York-based.”
Who would ever votes for films set in New York, like Grand Hotel, It Happened One Night, Gentleman’s Agreement, All About Eve , The Apartment, West Side Story, Midnight Cowboy..?
Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Danielle Lloyd Is Engaged To DJ Ironik’s PR
DANIELLE Lloyd is the Star’s strumpet-in-residence. And ever when there is no news about our Dani, and she’s between chests, you can create some copy.
Here’s the latest news on Dani’s associate DJ Ironick, to whom she is engaged.
The former Celebrity Big Brother contestant quietly began dating DJ Ironik just months ago and the pair wasted no time getting engaged – Daily Mail
Then:
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Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Gordon Smart’s Celebrity Pies
GORDON Smart is the Sun’s celebrity PR-in-residence. Says Smart:
“Pies are the new sushi, if you ask me”
More celebrity puff pastries tomorrow…
Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Cock-Knees Up: Thieves Strike At Guy Richie’s Birthday Bash
COR luve a hound, Guv’nor, wots all this abaht Guy Richie’s birthday party?
The Star says that while the Mockney one was engaged in an East End sing-song with friends, thieves struck at a neighbouring telephone exchange.
No more details are listed, and it thought that the coffee leaves had it on their plates of foie gras with a few phone books and some stamps.
But are the two incidents connected? Says the Star:
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Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Miley Cyrus Grows An Extra hand For Jonas Brother
MILEY Cyrus. Virginal teen American star. Jesus friend.
Jonas Brothers. Virginal teen American stars.
They meet.
Is that an extra hand in your pocket or are you a photoshop disaster?
Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (5)
Matt Damon Is F*cking Sarah Palin
HI, I’m Matt Damon. And I’m f*cking Sarah Palin:
Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (6)
Amy Winehouse Finds Demons In The Farmhouse
AMY Winehouse is going to “battle her demons” in a “secret country retreat”.
Of course, the countryside is where demons live and the real fear is that Londoner Farmhouse, story, Winehouse, will merely be exchanging her old demons for new ones called Seth.
To prevent Winehouse from making a terrible move, the Sun gives clues to the secret hideaway in the hope that someone will gazump our Amy.
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Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (3)
