Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
How The Media Works: Bai Ling On The Race For The White House
HOW the media works: Find the celebrity. Ask the celebrity who they’re supporting in the presidential election.
Which presidential election? Not important. Any election will do. Bai Ling says “Vote for me”. She will “How you say, demolish all the counties”. Not only how you say, but how Stalin and Hitler say, too.
No countries. Just a little piece. She’d kill us all…
Posted: 6th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sarah Palin: Scott Richter Moves For Secrecy
TABLOID Baby on Scott Richter, the man accused of having an affair with Sarah Palin has filed an emergency motion to have his divorce records sealed!
The McCain campaign threatened to sue the National Enquirer for reporting that Sarah got it on with Scott Richter, her husband’s former business partner. The religious right “family values” wing will probably give her a pass on this one, just like they gave her unwed daughter a pass on the teen pregnancy.
But imagine if this were the Obamas… or if Michell Obama had belonged to a political party that wanted to secede from the United States…
Why imagine- let’s make it up and stick it on the web…
Posted: 6th, September 2008 | In: National Enquirer, Politicians | Comments (6)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Oprah Winfrey On Sarah Palin
SAYS Barack Obama and foreskin-faced groupie Oprah Winfrey:
I agree that Sarah Palin would be a fantastic interview, and I would love to have her on after the campaign is over.
Why would the vice president want to talk with Oprah, other than to gloat?
Posted: 6th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (5)
Westlife’s Number One Fan
SAYS Vicky Jones of her husband Colin: “He can’t abide Westlife but he doesn’t say a lot.” Maybe he doesn’t know who to talk to when he’s approaching from the rear.
On a brighter note, at least Brian McPadding had the decency to leave the and and spare Colin more pain. Unless, he’s hiding somewhere else…
Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism, Strange But True | Comments (9)
The Mirror And The Cocaine Caper: Moyes Attending
IF you have a celebrity cocaine story, call the Daily’s Mirror’s news desk and Stephen Moyes will respond in faster than a speeding popstar.
There’s the phone now. The man on the blower says he’s got a scoop on a celeb smoking crack cocaine.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Jennifer Lopez Picks Out A Shirt
SAYS Jennifer Lopez, aka Jenny Who Owns The Block, of life with her husband Marc Anthony:
“I said, ‘I did the superwoman thing, I finished the tour – now I need you to take care of me. I love doing things for you; if I’m not cooking, then I’m picking out a shirt. But this is the first time in my life where I’m just going to be a little bit selfish.” – Elle
The help must be in awe…
Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
Amy Winehouse Does The Credit Crunch: Heroin Better Than Whiskey
AMY Winehouse is beating the credit Crunch by buying 48 bottles of Jack Daniels whiskey.
The Sun says organisers of the Bestival were “Stunned” that Amy ordered two cases of the beverage.
Bestival is, we learn, staged on the Isle of White, and the fear is surely that with oil prices surging, the ferry company or airline transporting Winehouse will go bust and Amy will be trapped forever on the rock.
The Sun solicits “a source” to say: “Whiskey is better than heroin – but not 48 bottles of the stuff.”
Indeed, Old Mr Anorak assures us that heroin beats whiskey hands down. Given the option of 48 bottles of imported booze or a bag of good quality British smack, Sun readers can now make more informed choice.
Posted: 5th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Celebrity Question Of The Day: Sienna Miller’s Mum
SAYS Sienna Miller’s mum, of the actress who has had the world “SLUT” sprayed on the outside of her London home (Sienna’s moving to LA to escape British scum – we know who we are):
“It’s disgusting that she can not live in her own country. Now she’s going to have to leave the country to get on with life. She can’t live here now. Why is it that if a man leaves his wife the new woman gets all the shit? That doesn’t happen the other way round.”
Spray paint your answers to the usual address… And note to mum: it does...
Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
The Sarah Palin Extra Maritial Affair Denial
THE National Enquirer says: “SARAH PALIN’S DARK SECRETS – Affair that nearly ruined her career”.
Says the McCain camp:
“The smearing of the Palin family must end. The allegations contained on the cover of the National Enquirer insinuating that Gov. Palin had an extramarital affair are categorically false. It is a vicious lie,” said McCain senior adviser Steve Schmidt.
“The efforts of the media and tabloids to destroy this fine and accomplished public servant are a disgrace. The American people will reject it…”
“Sen. McCain and Gov. Palin look forward to discussing the issues that Americans care about, fixing broken government, creating jobs, making our country energy independent and securing the peace for the next generation by bringing the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to a victorious end,” said Schmidt.
“Legal action will be considered with regard to this disgraceful smear.”
Says he:
The National Enquirer is on a roll.
From its John Edwards’ story to this cover featuring Sarah Palin’s dark secrets, I can guarantee that media outlets around the country will read every word of this story.
And you thought it was all trash…
Says TB:
In the end, the tabloid media are doing their job, and the “mainstream media” are doing theirs’, having their cake and eating it by holding their noses while reporting on the tabloid reportage. And yeah, McCain’s group will sue, just like Eddie Murphy sued– make a big noise announcing it before quietly withdrawing the action down the road…
Tis the way…
Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: National Enquirer, Politicians | Comment
Lily Allen News Of The Day: Lily’s GQ A Dress
Lily ALLEN is at the GQ magazine Men Of The Year Awards:
“Co-host Lily struggled with her glamorous gown as she arrived to present the GQ Men ot the Year Awards”
– Daily Star
LILY Allen News Of The Day. More tomorrow…
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Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Bullie Piper’s Boobs
BILLIE Piper is in conversation with the Sun’s Emma Cox. Ooer…
“It’s nice having boobs. I think when you don’t have them you find ways to make yourself feel better about the lack of cleavage…
“Then they’re there and you’re like, ‘How am I ever going to live without these?’. That’s my next problem. You love them so much and you really want to get them out a lot and just expose yourself to anyone who wants to see them…
“Should you go around showing what you’ve got, or keep it under wraps because you’re about to become a mum? It’s a dilemma — but I just tend to get them out.”
What to do..? What to do..?
Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Celebrity Quote of the Day: Nicholas Cage Exercises His Ghosts
CELEBRITY Quote of the Day: Nicholas Cage Exercises His Ghosts
Cage has a mansion in New Orleans – “It’s allegedly the most severely haunted house in the United States of America… that’s what they tell me. So at any given moment, I have five or six ghosts surrounding the house, all looking up at this haunted temple.”
So can any hack of ghost hunter spend the night there?
“I won’t let them in – because of respect. If there’s something in there, I don’t want them being exploited”
Says Cage in the, er, press…
Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Sarah Palin: The David Beckham Effect
SARAH Palin Watch: Anorak’s look at Sarah Palin in the news…
SAYS Alabama’s Martha Stokes:
“It was a touchdown, grand slam home run, a three-point shot and whatever you do in soccer.”
David Beckham’s mission to bring soccerball to the Americans is a work in progress…
Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment (1)
The Jade Goody Decade: The Ten-Year Plan And An Indian Take-Away
“I FEAR MY CANCER’S SPREAD,” says the Jade Goody-inspired headline on the Mirror’s cover.
This is not a metaphorical tabloid cancer, and right now millions of youths are not racially abusing Asians for our entertainment. This is real cancer. This is Jade Goody’s celebrity cancer.
News is that doctors have warned Goody that she “could have less than 10 years to live”.
Ten years..?
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Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (11)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Ulrika Johnson’s Chest
ULRIKA Jonsson, she of the time-share body, is talking about, and on behalf of, her breasts on GMTV:
“So while all other women are having breast augmentations, I’m having corrective surgery.”
It’s the book of celebrity euphemisms. Ulrika’s breasts are tired and emotional…
Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Paris Hilton Bemoans Media Intrusion
PARIS HiIton tells the media that she has had it up to there with media intrusion. That P.A. R..:
“It is annoying when they are always showing up at your house. I think it is fine at like a movie premiere or an event when they are supposed to be there. But when it is every single day it just gets really tiring.
“There is nothing you can do about it. They want you to lash out at them so I never do. I have never done that and I never will.”
“..I..S…H….
Picture: 14
Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
David Beckham’s Nutrition Advice For The Painfully Thin
WHO is David Beckham talking about as he writes in the Mirror:
David Beckham Soccer Aid exclusive: You can help us tackle hunger
Who is us?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Jade Goody’s Checks Her Tweed Rock
MORE on the tabloids “brave” Jade Goody turning into “tearful” Jade Goody.
Jade is shedding a tear for Jack Tweed, her “rock”, jailed for basalt (geddit?).
Jade is clutching supplies for her man on the inside: razors, a toothbrush and trainers.
Facts. You want more facts. Can you handle the facts? Here goes:
“Later Jade is believed to have met her doctor to discuss her cancer treatment.”
Facts.
Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
This Warning: Fern Britton’s Son Could Join Gang
FERN Britton, she of the high-waited gastric band and This Morning TV show, says:
“I don’t have experience of a child in a gang yet, I might do, but I hope to God I don’t.”
Fern’s sons are 14-year-old Jack (naturally) and Harry (ditto). They live with mum in Homer Green Buckinghamshire, a no-go zone for police because there is no reason to go there.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Don LaFontaine RIP
YOU are familiar with the work of Don LaFontaine. You are.
It was a time of heroes… Take it away Don… RIP…
A new voice is needed. Marcus Bentley – Day 1 and Don is still at eternal rest…
Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Can Angelina Jolie Ever Be In Hiding?
HOW long does Angelina Jolie need to be “in hiding” before she becomes a recluse?
And to complicate the matter: Can a celebrity ever be in hiding if they are being talked about on the cover of Grazia magazine?
Discuss.
Note: It takes time for Angelina and other celeb mums to think up baby names. As 14 observes in her new book…
Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Grazia, Photojournalism | Comment (1)
Danielle Lloyd Gets Wood
CELEBRITY news of the day: Danielle Lloyd’s Got Wood
“And the 24-year-old tells us that Playboy boss Hugh Hefner, 83, is such a fan of hers, she’s in talks with him to create her very own version of Hollywood – Daniwood – up in the hills”
– Daily Star, Goss Girls
Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Vanessa Feltz Offers No Comment On Helen Mirren And Cocaine Barbies
A QUESTION for Daily Express readers:
“ISN’T it time Helen Mirren piped down? She’s like a tiresome teen who can’t think of anything useful to say and keeps up a constant gush of commentary just to be annoying.”
So says Vanessa Feltz, Daily Express columnist and local radio host. Irony free Vanessa Feltz’s constant gush of commentary is pricked by Helen Mirren’s comments, which are unworthy of comment.
Or as the Express says a few pages on:
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Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Pamela Anderson And Michael Jackson Make A Date For Mammy
THE Mirror’s 3am Girls say Pamela Anderson has been on a “string of dates” with Michael Jackson.
One wonders who Pammy knows it’s the singer and not just some random ginger dwarf with a missing glove. But the Mirror says it is him, so him it is.
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Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (13)
Pete Doherty’s One Hand Clapped In Austria
PETE Doherty is in Bettina Aichbauer’s farmhouse in Austria.
No, no, Doherty has not gone missing, and there is no strange smell wafting up from the cellar.
But there is a smell.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
