Brave Jade Goody Is Weeping

FROM Brave Jade Goody, Jade Goody is transformed to “weeping Jade Goody” on the Sun’s front page.

What brought brave Jade to tears? Why, the news that her on-ish/off-ish lover and Big Brother tag-tem bully Jack Tweed has been jailed.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Jade Goody’s Intelligence Insulted And Jack Tweed In Court

MORE on the tabloids’ Brave Jade Goody:

Jade Goody has a form of cancer. The tabloids have dubbed her brave. Says Jade on GMTV:

“They did a belly scan and everything was fine, even my blood, so they said to me it was either a bad period or stress.”

A kebab?

“In the end I began to feel really frustrated, like they were insulting my intelligence, I thought they thought I was being a hypochondriac and lying about it.”

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (17)

Brave Jade Goody Goes Bravely, Like An Indian

JADE Goody is now officially “brave”.

In “BIG BRAVERY”, Jade is seen relaxing in front of the cameras with one of her children.

Jade is bravely sitting on a horse, a beast which might also be termed brave.

And then Jade is sitting on a brave chair in a brave field, bravely…

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Lily Allen News Of The Day: The Opposable Thumb

LILY Allen news of the day:

“Even celeb like singer Lily Allen are text fans” – Daily Star

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

How The Media Made Gary Glitter Appear And Disappear

HAVE you seen Gary Glitter?

Today the Mirror says Glitter is at large dressed in a blue bandana, dark goatee beard and “perv’s smirk”.

He’s no longer in the “garishly decorated” room where he “hid” for four days while we hunted for him. He has since decided to “flee”.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Danielle Lloyd’s Star Treatment

BIG Brother star emeritus and inflatable footballer’s keepy-uppy toy Danielle Lloyd is in the Daily Star, and LA:

“I’m going to get tattoos of four stars to remember this trip. They’ll represent things like the Hollywood Walk of Fame and the Daily Star – which is the only paper I read.”

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (13)

Big Brother Lisa And Mario Feel The Buzz

IT’S Big Brother uber milf Lisa Appleton and her Buzz Lightyear (The Middle Years) lover Mario Marconi.

Before we continue, Anorak would like to say that the world is divided into two groups: those who think people are staring at them because they are gorgeous; those who think people are staring at them because they are odd and have something stuck to their face?

Now back to the Star’s news that Lisa and Mario have been in “WIFE SWAP SECRETS”.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Barbie’s Doll: Helen Mirren Is The Cocaine Queen

HOW does HRH Helen Mirren keep her figure?

Says Helen Mirren in GQ:

“I loved coke. I never did a lot, just a bit at parties.”

Of course, cocaine does not always get you the part, nor does it always make your breasts grow, your hips stay slim-yet-shapely and your hair turn blonde.

But might it help?

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family | Comments (13)

Amy Winehouse Injured Training For 2012 Olympics Drugs Marathon

HATS off to Amy Winehouse who has prepared for the London 2012 Drugs Olympics with what the Sun is calling a “POT MARATHON”.

And that’s not all.

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Madeleine McCann: The Bill, Durham Police And Gary Glitter Is Paedos’ ‘Our Maddie’

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY MIRROR: “Maddy cops vetoed Brit help offer”

But British police have assisted in the McCann case. No?

Portuguese police turned down an offer to help find Madeleine McCann from Britain’s most senior murder investigator, it has emerged.

Emerged?

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 1st, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (508)

Was Fox Inappropriate With Solange Knowles?

SOLANGE Knowles has a name like a Canadian suppository, if only she was as clever, or as useful.

So long Knowles, aka Beyonce Knowles’ sister:

Anorak

Posted: 31st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

P Diddy On The Death Of John McCain And Why Sarah Palin Gets His Vote

KEN Dodd’s go-it-alone Diddy Man, P Diddy, has cracked the US but seems ignorant of its demographic make up. But he is sure about Sarah Palin and John McCain.

This is the job to be the leader of the world. World President. Get letter writing, Guardian readers.

Anorak

Posted: 31st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (8)

Amy Winehouse Grows An Extra Hand

AMY Winehouse shows what drugs can do you in the London Lite freebie newspaper, and Tube seat cleaner.

It’s nothing short of tragic…

Anorak

Posted: 28th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism, Tabloids | Comments (8)

Miley Cyrus For Ignorance Against Global Warming

MILY Cyrus hates global warming, loves Jeee-sus. It’s not hot, but it, like is, you know.

Here’s teenaged Miley’s new song. It’s hot, like really cool, you know, like wow:

Oh, the earth is calling out,
I wanna learn what it’s all about,
But everything I read – global warming, going green
I don’t know what all this means, but it seems to be saying

Wake up, America, we’re all in this together…

This lands is your land, this land is my land, from New Orleans-on-sea to Baghdad…

Anorak

Posted: 28th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Before Barack And After Barack: This Is Year Zero

BARACK Obama apostle Spike Lee says of the living God:

“You can divide history … BB: Before Barack. AB: After Barack.”

This is year zero, right?

Anorak

Posted: 28th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (2)

Smoking Graz: Pete Doherty’s Home Movies In Austria

OVER the news wires, Anorak learns that “troubled” singer Pete Doherty is to show “an unseen homemade movie about his life in an Austrian cinema”.

Doherty’s trouble seem to be that narcotics are illegal and addictive. Other than that he seems to be doing just fine making a living from getting off his face and singing half-finished Donovan songs.

And what of Austria, a fine place to show your home movies, perhaps on a cellar wall in the company of the good old boys, who might want to share some footage of their youth in Salzburg, Berlin, Warsaw and Greece.

Anorak

Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Tabloid Sensation: Paris Hilton Wears Shoes

PARIS Hilton news, by Gordon Smart:

“The heiress rarely goes out without donning a pair of killer stillettos – even for a trip to the supermarket it seems” – The Sun

More tabloid news tomorrow…

Anorak

Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)

The Hairs To Brad Pitt’s Rainbow Nation

CELEBRITY news of the day: Brad Pitt’s children of all the colours…

The Sun reports that Brad Pitt has been walking with sons Maddox and Pax Thien in Venice.

The boys “showed off their snazzy hairdos, proving they can be just as cool as their old man. Maddox sported a blue mohawk, while Pax was working the bleached fringe look.”

Brad wore a hat (beige)…

Anorak

Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Lily Allen News Of The Day: Knit Wit

LILY Allen News Of The Day…

A KNITTING group which has lent a helping hand to charities across the world is celebrating its first anniversary. Longford-based group Helping Hands Knitters has been going for just one year – but it’s been a busy one. Members have also raised money for Age Concern by knitting miniature woollen hats for smoothie bottles – even created life-size versions of pop stars Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and Beth Ditto – Wales Online

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Anorak

Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

There Is No Escaping Gary Glitter

IS that you, Gary Glitter? Where then the grey monkey beard, pony tail and bandana?

Is that you, Gary Glitter dressed in smart blue cardigan and cream panama hat?

Gary Glitter is upon us. Gary Glitter is here. They say he can change his look. They say he can appear as he wants to.

As the Sun screams from its front page:

“YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU’ CAN’T HIDE.”

Anorak

Posted: 27th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Tyra Banks Curses Barack Obama

US model and Michelle Obama wannabe Tyra Banks has a curse:

A number of presidential candidates have appeared on Banks’s talk show (Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John Edwards) – Harpers Bazaar

John Edwards. Gone. Hillary Clinton. Gone. Barack Obama…

Image

Anorak

Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (2)

Celebrity Quote Of the Day: Jenna Jameson’s Catholic Condoms

CELEBRITY Quote of the Day: Janne Jameson’s Virgin Birth.

Jenna Jameson is a mainstream, straight-to-tissues, Hillary Clinton wannabe American porn star, giving religious boys teenage kicks all through the night. She is with child.

She once miscarried:

But the devout Catholic — who has tried in vitro — told Us, “It was all in God’s plan” – Us Magazine

Who knew? She’s the devout Catholic who supports condoms…

Picture

Anorak

Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Big Brother: The Hardest Working Breasts In Showbiz

BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…

BIG Brother news and news that “NICOLE: BOOBS WILL MAKE ME £MILLION”.

Nicole Cammack’s boobs have some way to be the hardest working breasts in showbusiness, that title being shared by Jordans, but they are not without drive and ambition.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Madonna Shows That Obama Has No Chance Against McCain’s Gang

MADONNA has been performing in Cardiff. She is striking a blow for the John McCain camp. Obama is doomed.

During the show at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium, an image of John McCain was flashed up alongside those of Hitler and Robert Mugabe.

It’s a subtle message that was back-dropped with scenes of global warming and devastation. The song was called Get Stupid.

Anorak

Posted: 26th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment (1)

Hari Puttar And The Porno Harry Potter Law Suits

WARNER Bros is sueing Mumbai based Mirchi Movies over its film: Hari Puttar – A Comedy of Terrors. It’s the name. It’s, apparently, too smiliar in name to Harry Potter.

Other Warner Brother films that spawned aural-a-likes the suits might consider for litigation:

My Bare Lady (My Fair Lady)
Analyze These (Analyse This)
Batman & Throbin (Batman And Robin)
Dial A For Anal (Dial M For Murder)
Rebel without A Condom (Rebel Without A Cause)

And many, many more…

Says a spokesperson for Warner Bros:

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (5)