Soweto Better Off For Not Having Jamie Oliver’s Cooking

JAMIE Oliver sees the benchmark for fine food in Soweto.

In 2005, Oliver offered us:

TV chef Jamie Oliver says school dinners are better in impoverished Soweto than they are in this country.

Now, Oliver gives us:

Oliver said in his experience the cuisine of “people living in the slums of Soweto” was “more diverse” that that of Britons.

Is there a link between Oliver not having cooked in Soweto and the place having better food then in the UK, where the tonguesom chef has been cooking on the telly for some time, and instructing us how to eat and how to shop via cook books and campaign?

We should be told…

Anorak

Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

France Pays Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt To Live In La Belle Epoch

BY now you’ll be wondering what ever happened to Angelina Jolie and Brad Piit.

What are they up to? How are their kids? Well, Anorak has tracked the reclusive and humble couple down to France, and news is that they have struck gold.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (12)

Big Brother: Gazza, Nicole And Rex

BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…

IT’S “Big Brother Nicole”. She wants to tell us about: “COCAINE, GAZZA AND ME.”

Given the PR dive to make whiny Nicole appear interesting, Cocaine, Gazza and Me may well turn out to be the names of three Yorkshire terriers she once encountered on Hamstead Heath.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

Los Angeles Residents Welcome You To London 2012 Olympics

DAVID Beckham and Leona Lewis welcome you to the London Olympics, says the Star.

Becks lives in Los Angeles, so does Leona. But what the hell, they were born in London and that will do.

The Times leads with pictures of Londoners who live in London, and a load of tourists, celebrating the arrival of the fearsomely expensive sporting event in four years time They are waving flags beating the Olympics logo – that picture of Lisa Simpson felating on an unknown IOC member.

Anorak

Posted: 25th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Madeleine McCann: Angelia Jolie’s Changeling, Oakely International And Belgian Paedos

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

MAIL On SUNDAY: “McCANNS’ FUND IN £500,000 CHAOS.”

A team of private investigators working behind the scenes to find Madeleine McCann has been axed after being paid £500,000 from publicly donated funds.

Metodo 3?

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 24th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (143)

Gary Glitter Is Hiding: Want to Know Where?

GARY Glitter was on the runway last night. ITN news broadcast pictures of his plane, in scenes not witnessed since the PLO (Paedo Liberation Army) was in its pomp.

Would the plane explode in a fireball? Would Glitter’s hostages to media be allowed to disembark unmolested? Or would they be required to chant “Leader… Leader… Leader” and the plane taken to Legoland?

Kier Simmons, the youthful broadcaster was onboard. A honey trap? Possibly. But Simmons remained intact, and free to tell us that “YES” Glitter had landed.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (17)

Jade Goody: My Cancer, Lorraine Kelly And The Sun’s Campaign

IT’S Jade Goody ‘The Hoody’.

She’s on the Sun’s cover. Her face is mess of tears. Says the headline: “DOCTORS SAID I’D BE DEAD IN 3 MONTHS.”

Some people can be so unforgiving, especially doctors. Granted, at the apogee of her notoriety, death threats against the Goody person were common but now she has cancer, can we lay off her?

Sun columnist Lorraine Kelly wonders: “When did a cancer diagnosis become fit for TV viewing?”

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (37)

Mel C’s Pregnant Parenting Tips

MEL C: “I’m PREGNANT.”

It’s former sensible-shoe-wearing Spice Girl Melanie Chisholm, the shouty one with the poor volume control on the cover of the Daily Mirror. She’s with child. Her own.

Says a source:

“The girls are so pleased for her and have said they’re only a phone call away to pass on any parenting tips.”

And if they don’t answer the phone, she can leave a message with the nanny…

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Lily Allen News Of The Day: Role Models

LILY Allen News of The Day: The Role Model

LILY Allen was out on the lash the other night and ended up in a scrap in the street. Pictures of Lily attempting to punch a girl, while still holding a cigarette I might add, appeared on the same day as a report showing the effect of booze on young women… Women need role models at home and in public. Before we start blaming Lilly and the like for the sins of our daughters, we should start looking closer to home – Melanie Harvey, Daily Record 

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Prison Files Lost: Gary Glitter Identifies Villains

“THOUSANDS of criminal files lost in data fiasco,” announces the Times.

Old Mr Anorak smiles and mutters something about it all being a terrific misunderstanding anyhow, and that he can now return to Wales.

The Mail puts it in more chilling terms: “DANGER CRIMINAL FILES GO MISSING.”

Those front-page words dice with a picture of Gary Glitter for our attention. Not all villains are now invisible. We have Glitter, and will watch him like a hawk at a nudists’ colony.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Big Brother’s Stephanie McMichael Steals Fame

BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…

“BIG BRUV STEPH IS ATTACKED IN STREET.”

Grim news on the Star’s front page is that “sexy” Stephanie McMichael has been the victim of muggers following a night out in London’s venue of strumpets, Chinawhite.

And no surprise whatsoever to learn that the felons stole her mobile phone. You know, the one with the names of all her celebrity chums on.

“Now the babe fears for the security of her celeb friends as their contact details are stored on her phone.”

How the likes of Keith Harris, Chico and DanLy – “the world’s third best Kylie and Danni Minogue impersonator” – must be hoping that their phones will ring.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Gwen Stefani And Gavin Rossdale Have A Zuma

GWEN Stefani and husband Gavin Rossdale have had a baby. Boy or Girl? Answer: probably.

It’s called Zuma:

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Kerry Katona: That’s Why Mum’s Gone To The High Court

KERRY Katona, aka Kerry McPadding, has been declared bankrupt.

No, in a fiscal sense, you judgemental swine.

The High Court action against Miss Katona, 27, of Wilmslow, Cheshire, followed her failure to pay the final £82,000 of a £417,000 tax bill.

Katona once trilled “That’s why mum’s gone to Iceland.”

She may care to rephrase her bon mots to: “That’s why mum’s gone to Aldi.”

Chin up, tits up, bottoms up and throw up – there’s always work out there…

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (3)

Watching Victoria Beckham For Signs Of Food: Posh Sues Now Magazine

HER Poshness, former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham, is doing as Posh people so and suing Now magazine over claims she uses diet pills.

It is incredibly that someone who looks like an extra from a Lowrie rendering of Tenko should be the subject of so much chatter about her diet.

It’s a bit like those giant pandas, who don’t have sex – the media spends all day watching for a sign of coitus, while over in the monkey enclosure everyone’s at it like, well, the rabbits in the petting zoo. But look, is that a bamboo shoot, or is Ming Ming aroused?

Says Beckham’s agent Jo Milloy:

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)

Ricky Martin Orders Twins

NOT only is Ricky Martin, the glabrous Latino singer, not gay, but he is the father ofg twins. Yeah, twins, like them, them and them (and you can call Anorak’s Celebrity Twin Database).

Says Ricky’s people person:

“The children, delivered via gestational surrogacy, are healthy and already under Ricky’s full-time care. Ricky is elated to begin this new chapter in his life as a parent and will be spending the remainder of the year out of the public spotlight in order to spend time with his children.”

Gestational surgery, eh. He coughed them up, or passed the little sh***…

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

John Prescott On Jodie Marsh On Class

THAT’S John Prescott licking the face of the Jodie Marsh biscuit on the Express’s cover.

Says the headline: “Don’t fret Pauline! I’m just discussing class with this young lady.”

She’s Jodie Marsh, the strumpet who once invited music television viewers to take her “up the aisle”. It’s “2 Jags Meets 2 Jugs,” observes the Sun, and readers are left to wonder which of Prescott or Marsh has the larger bust and the bigger “parking space”.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (5)

Gary Glitter’s Gonna Get You

GARY Glitter is gonna get you. He’s gonna get you in Vietnam. He’s gonna get you in Thailand. He’s gonna get you in Hong Kong.

And when he comes back to the UK, he’s gonna get you here, too.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Amy Winehouse: Computer Game And Countdown To Escape From Rehab

AMY Winehouse? Yes, she is alive. And d0ing what’s does best: making news.

DAILY MIRROR: “Sadie Frost worse for wear after evening with Amy Winehouse”

Arriving at Amy’s Camden pad at around midnight, the 43-year-old mother-of-four was all perky and smiley, holding hands with on-off toy-boy lover Kristian Marr.

What happened?

We can only begin to imagine what happened behind closed doors…

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Jade Goody’s Cancer Agent

JADE Goody The Hoody has a form of cancer. She is told the news on the telly. “What’s wrong?” ask her housemates on India’s Big Brother. Says Jade, as recorded by the Sun:

“I can not tell you because my agent needs to tell my family. I need my family to know first.”

It’s a paradox wrapped in a kebab…

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (28)

Celebrity Baby Ordering Service: Vin Diesel’s Kids

ANORAK’S occassional look at celebrities ordering their children by number, shade and creed in magazines. Today Vin Diesel in OK!:

“I want a half a dozen. What do you expect from me? I want 12 kids!”

Do the math…

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

CPF Bans Pete Doherty’s Whirlpool Effect

MORE news from the Celebrity Police Force which has issued a statement that reads:

“The issue is not the act itself, it is the profile of fans that follow the act. Wiltshire police do not have an issue with Pete Doherty or Babyshambles.”

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment (1)

Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Rumer Willis Rumoured To Be Hot

RUMER Willis would be the tabloids’ ugly rumour were we not told by those in the know that she is hooter than a wasabi enema.

People magazine anointed Rumer one of the “100 Most Beautiful People” last April. Said she:

“It was trippy, man. I was like, ‘Really?’ After being compared to Jay Leno for so long, you don’t think of yourself in that way,” she says.

Anorak likes Rumer for one reason: she said it trippy and not surreal…

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Jenna Jameson Does Baby Fashion

ODD indeed that Paris Hilton should be so famous when Jenna Jameson has made so many more straight-to-tissue videos, and porn is so mainstream?

What’s more Jenna is blonde and has a child on the way. And that means she either has:

a) Written a children’s book?
b) Been shopping at a Third World orphanage?
c) Starred in the film Three Men Making A Baby?
d) Brought out a range of children’s fashion?

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment (1)

Threats To X-Factor Judges

DANNII Minogue has “fled an X Factor audition after being threatened by a reject’s entire family”.

If anyone should know how a family member’s success can affect the rest of her clan it is Kylie’s sister. So what happened?

The Mirror says the rejected wannabe and his family “lay in wait to corner the show judge”. And rearrange her rearranged features?

Anorak

Posted: 20th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment

Lily Allen News Of The Day: The Peek-A-Boo Fighter

LILY Allen news of the day:

Lily Allen threw a punch at a passer-by during a drinking session in London’s Soho early this morning. Witnesses suggested Lily reacted after being heckled as she left Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club at 2am. With a short reach, the punch appeared to fail to connect.

Vitally: Lily was “dressed in a purple wrap dress and peep-toe high heels” – Daily Mail

More Lily Allen news tomorrow…

Anorak

Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)