Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Gwyn And Bare It: Paltrow Wears Fur
LACRYMOSE actress Gwyneth Paltrow is fronting the autumn collection of fur-lined boots and bags from the Italian company Tod’s.
PETA, Viva and (Noakes) why are animal rights groups named after Blue Peter presenters) are unhappy, as is their wont. Says the Independent:
The row is ironic, as Ms Paltrow enjoys a close friendship with the designer Stella McCartney. Following in the footsteps of her staunchly vegetarian mother, Linda, Ms McCartney refuses to use fur – in direct contrast to the views of her friend, who has in the past described it as being “feminine and very elegant”.
Ironic. Sure thing.
Stella prefers suede and silk to fur.
Silk is made like this…
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comments (2)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Kelly Osbourne On Peaches Geldof
PEACHES Geldof is married. Says Kelly Osbourne:
“It’s a bit sad, to be honest,” said Kelly, 23, at the V Festival in Chelmsford, Essex. “It’s a great big cry for help and people need to stop talking about her and, you know, maybe all she needs is a hug.”
Hugzzzz…
Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Avril Lavigne Is Too Sexy For Malaysia
AVRIL Lavigne is too sexy for Malaysia:
“Malaysia’s Islamic opposition party has urged the government to cancel a concert by Avril Lavigne, saying the Canadian singer’s on-stage moves are ‘too sexy,’ an official said Monday“.
I’m too sexy for Malaysia, too sexy for for my burka, too sexy…
Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (14)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Roseanne Barr On Bradgelina
SAYS Roseanne Barr of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt:
“Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more.”
Roseanne Barr used to be on the telly. May God have mercy on her soul…
Picture: 14
Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (15)
Jade Goody Victim Of Sick Indian Big Brother Stunt?
JADE Goody has cervical cancer. Or as the Economic Times of India puts it: “Jade Goody detected with cancer.”
If there was one area of Jady Goody’s life yet to be exposed it was her cervix. But now that gap in her CV has been plugged.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (39)
Poppa Dumb: Shilpa Greets Jade Goody In India
JADE Goody is to enter the Big Brother house in India, slowing the local that there former colonial overlords have evolved from the stiff-upper-lipped, subjugating and jingoistic ninnies of old to something altogether less pleasant.
Shilpa Shetty, aka Shilpa Poppadom, who encountered Goody The Hoody on Celebrity Big Brother is now retuned to “where she come from”, as Danielle Lloyd advised.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 18th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Lily Allen News Of The Day: Wind
LILY Allen News Of The Day:
POP princess LILY ALLEN struggles to keep her skirt in place as she battles strong winds during a giant shopping spree yesterday –Sun
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 18th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Celebrities And Politics: The Baldwins
IN 2000, the world read: Baldwins ready to quit America if Bush is elected”
Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger say they will leave America if George W Bush is elected President. Asked if she’d move with him, Basinger said: “I can very well imagine that Alec makes good on his threat. And then I’d probably have to go too.”
President Bush lives in the White House. Alec Baldwin no long lives with Kim Basinger, but they do both live in the US of A.
2008:
Stephen Baldwin, a born-again Christian and brother of Alec, whose most recent “role” was an apprearance on Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice, told Fox News’ Laura Ingraham that he will leave the country if Barack Obama becomes the next president …
Better luck this time…
Posted: 18th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (2)
Katia Ivanova Makes Her Old Man Ronnie Wood Ten Years Younger
“I’VE WON RONNIE,” announces Katia Ivanova via the News of the World’s front page.
And good on her for a buying a ticket and winning not the jumbo teddy but a sixty-something year old with issues.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 17th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (11)
Suri Versus Shiloh: Let’s Get Ready To Mumble
SURI Crusie (get back!) is going head-to-head in a match up with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (may her name ber forever golden). Star magazine has the battle (American ) royale:
Suri Cruise:
Special skills: They say she has telekinetic powers, can bend a weaning-spoon has fluent German and can sing hymns backwards
Intelligence: Out of this world
Strength: Resistence is futile
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
Special skills: Blonde to very blonde
Intelligence: Probable
Strength: Pout
There can be only one…
Posted: 16th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Sydney Morning Herald Wants Us To Look at Ali Lohan’s Chest
PSST! Wanna ogle an underage girl and discuss her chest size? Then read the Sydney Morning Herald, the paper that cares:
Lindsay Lohan’s 14-year-old sister Ali has reportedly had a boob job. The teenager – who will release her second studio album later this year – was seen flaunting her new curves at a Jonas Brothers concert in New York last week, sparking rumours she had gone under the knife to enhance her cleavage.
Let’s have a heated debate…
Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment
Britain Gears Up For 2012 Drugs Olympics
WE’RE “OUT OF OUR HEADS,” screams the Sun.
“Drugs epidemic wrecking Britain.” For Sun readers that’s “broken Britain”, being wrecked, or mashed, as we know it to be. “DRUGS BRITAIN,” advertises the Indy.
The bombshell figures — which reveal 2million adults have taken drugs in the last month — will fuel calls for a crackdown on celebrity drug users like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty.
Before Winehouse and Doherty appeared, drugs were an Americanism for pharmaceuticals. Says the Sun: “More than 400 under-16s were admitted last year, compared with 272 in 1997.”
In 1997, Anorak can reveal that the country’s top stars were, in order, Timmy Mallett, Steps and Ally McBeal. Innocent days, indeed.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Lily Allen Prayer For The Day: Finding God
LILY Allen News Of The Day…
“The Smile singer has written a track on her new album which imagines what God’s life would be like. Lily attempts to answer questions like who God would date, what job he’d have and what music he would listen to” – The Sun
What drugs he’d take – being God’ he’d invent some – what Argos jewellery he’d wear, how many times he’d say “f***” in his Bible Uncut…
More Lily Allen news tomorrow
Posted: 15th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Celebrity Stench Of The Day: P Diddy Is A King
WANT to smell lke P. Diddy, Ken Dodd’s Diddyman-done-good?
Diddy has a news smell out. Each morning a team of nasologists scrape his sheets and bedpan and distil the detritus into a potion. It’s called ‘I Am King’. Says Diddy:
“We are all descendents of royalty – and if we carry ourselves and respect ourselves in that manner and believe in ourselves, then we are all kings.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 13th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (10)
Little Gordon Ramsay
LITTLE Gordon Ramsay – a video…
Posted: 13th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Peaches Geldof’s Drummy Up Publicity
PEACHES Geldof has got married in Las Vegas.
The Sun says this is “just like Bob and Paula”, that’s precious, precocious Peaches’ mum and dad. They married each other in Las Vegas in 1986.
Poor Peaches, she so wants to be rebellious, edgy and different but mum and dad have got to the sex and the drugs and the rock ‘n’ roll first. Being Peaches must be like turning up at an orgy and being handed a used towel by your mum.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 13th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (9)
Paris Hilton’s Energy Policy
PARIS Hilton’s bikini saves energy:
Paris Hilton might not be as big a celebrity as Barack Obama, but she obviously has a better energy plan – McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds.
argumentum ad fortiori, the argument from strength. From the Latin, meaning “argument from strength.”
Writes Jay:
New Paris Hilton video on Funny or Die! Responding to a McCain ad that likens Obama to celebrities like the airhead heiress, Paris appears in a leopard-spotted swimsuit. “I want America to know that I’m, like, totally ready to lead,” she says, announcing her candidacy to become president a mere eight years before the U.S. Constitution allows.
She does a nice mashup of her rivals’ energy policies: “We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars,” she says.
The McCain campaign volleys back with a very nice argumentum ad fortiori. If something more-so is true, then it’s likely that something less-so will be true as well. Or vice versa. If Paris’s energy policy trumps Barack’s, then we all had better move to Jedda.
Snappy Answer: Plus, she’d be the only president to make energy policy seem dirty.
Posted: 13th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (4)
Amy Winehouse To Release Hit Bond Theme
NOTE to hacks: If in doubt write about Amy Winehouse. If in crisis write about Amy Winehouse sining James Bond theme songs. She isn’t. But she cold be.
Says Aiymeee:
“I do think they could have waited a bit. If they want a worldwide hit I have them all up here (pointing to her beehive). I guess they are going for clean-cut and boring. When I do release mine – and I am tempted to do it on the same day – this would be the bigger hit.”
A hit in her hair? Cue the video…
Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Credit Crunch: The Rover’s Returns
CREDIT Crunch Watch: Anorak’s look at credit crunch in the news:
“Even TV stars are feeling the pinch: Troubled Corrie star Bev Callard pulled pints at the Rover’s yesterday – as her real-life boozer suddenly shut down. Locals say the unexpected closure of the Gallery, an upmarket bar and restaurant, is probably down to the credit crunch” – The Sun
What the credit crunch means to you…
Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Lily Allen Sensation Of The Day: Kate Perry’s Boyfriend
LILY Allen News Of The Day:
Singer Katy Perry’s boyfriend once quite fancied Lily Allen – Gordon Smart, The Sun
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Sienna Miller Is Laughing And Playing With Her Hair
“OH SIENNA,” exclaims the Mirror on its front page. “WHAT is she up to now?”
Readers see a picture of jobbing girlfriend Sienna Miller, for it is she, laughing and playing with her hair.
Sienna is unhappy with all the attention and walks over to the watching paparazzi to tell them as much, thus giving them a close up of her smiling and playing with her hair.
Anorak has been observing Sienna’s career to date. And, at an educated guess, we shall venture to answer the Mirror’s front-page poser.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 12th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Paris Hilton Cloned In Russia
RUSSIAN teenager Anna Ivanov has had plastic surgery to look just like Paris Hilton.
As the Mirror reports, she told surgeon Zurab Meladze: “They already call me Paris Hilton. So now I want to be her. Everything. Lips, breasts and all the rest.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (3)
Lily Allen Thought Of The Day: Gordon Smart Knows
LILY Allen News Of The Day:
Lily Allen will not be releasing a new album – Gordon Smart, The Sun
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 11th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Robbie Contrane Wanted For Burglary In New Zealand
ROBBIE Coltrane is wanted for burglary offences in New Zealand:
“Robbie Coltrane is not the burglar but imagine him aged 16 with lank greasy hair and you have the picture” – Sergeant Phil Dean in Christchurch, New Zealand, explain the use of an image of Robbie Coltrane in a wanted poster.
It’s illegal to print pictures of young offenders in New Zealand.
Anorak Detectives Inc.forbids us from publishing or circulating pictures of juvenile offenders bu advises that “Noel Edmonds” is wanted for crimes against humanity, “Anthea Turner” is wanted for crimes against decency and Tony Blair is wanted for exposing himself on the top deck of the No.73 bus to Hackney Wick…
Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Strange But True | Comments (5)
Lily Allen Quote Of The Day: Lily Boobs
LILY Allen news of the day
“I wore a loose-fitting T-shirt yesterday as it was very hot in London,” she says. “My boob fell out twice and people are saying it was a publicity stunt. If I wanted publicity, I’d be accepting invitations, not to mention money, for turning up to glamorous events” – Sunday Mirror
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 10th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
