Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Jenna Jameson Advocates Safe Sex With Peta’s Pets
ASKS the human flesh lovers at Peta: “Ever wondered what it’d be like to roll around in Jenna Jameson’s bed sheets?”
Jenna Jameson is an aged porn star. One imagines her sheets to be covered in a heavy film of skin dye, lubicant, bodily fluids, hair spray, curry sauce, chemically aroused males and regret.
Peta thinks this is just great and is offering its acolytes the chance to own Jameson’s sheets. Says Jenna:
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Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Madeleine McCann Cliffhanger: Cliff Richard Signs Up
MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
TIME for a Madeleine McCann tabloid story:
Cliff Richard has owned a vineyard just outside Praia da Luz?
Cliff has been signing copies of his book not 100 metres away from the McCann apartment. Anorak’s woman on the scene notices that Cliff was at Baptista – just behind the infamous Tapas Bar. He is signing bottles of his plonk.
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Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Madeleine McCann | Comments (343)
Amy Winehouse Is An Agony Aunt
AMY Winehouse is, as the Star reports, to dispense sage advice to Londoners when her father Mitch takes over Danny Baker’s show on BBC Radio London.
Given her apparent state of agony, she is, fittingly, to be the station’s agony aunt.
Danny Baker’s Treehouse is required listening at Anorak Towers, and we will tune in for Winehouse and Winehouse’s Out Of Her Treehouse with equal vigour.
What advice Winehouse will administer to Londoners is uncertain, but listen out for advice and tips on:
STYLE:
Teach your hair to heel, beg and play dead to keep its nose wet and shiny…
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Posted: 9th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
The Making Of A Tabloid Sensation: Sienna Miller
THE DAILY Mail continues to show weekly celebrity magazines that you CAN publish celebrity news every day.
Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty enjoyed a very public show of togetherness as they shopped in upmarket boutiques in the exclusive Los Angeles coastal suburb of Malibu this week.
Actress Sienna Miller’s latest romance has ended in tears
Sienna Miller is said to be ‘devastated’ after her married lover ran home to his wife and four children.
The Daily Mail – “Yesterday’s news tomorrow”
Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Lilly Allen News Of The Day: Nipping Out
LILY Allen news of the day
LILY ALLEN made a major boob when she popped out of her car – and her top – visiting ex-boyfriend ED SIMONS’ house in London – Sun
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
Posted: 8th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
The Making Of A Tabloid Story: Sienna Miller Getty
SIENNA Miller. Discuss:
The actress has had liaisons with millionaire BALTHAZAR GETTY at the Chateau Marmont hotel — less than two miles from his pad in the Hollywood Hills – The Sun
Actress Sienna Miller’s latest romance has ended in tears. Three weeks after she was seen frolicking on an Italian beach with super-rich Balthazar Getty, he has dumped her to return to his wife Rosetta and their four children – Daily Mail
More to follow….
Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (12)
More No News On Not John Edwards’ Baby
JOHN Edwards, the former Presidential hopeful, is the subject of the biggest non-story in the US. The National Enquirer broke it. But no other big US media player wants to give the tabloid credit. Says John Edwards:
I think every single candidate for president, Republican and Democratic have lives, personal lives, that indicate something about what kind of human being they are. And I think it is a fair evaluation for America to engage in to look at what kind of human beings each of us are, and what kind of president we’d make.
Can a frontline politician hide:
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: National Enquirer, Politicians | Comments (7)
Beyonce Knowles Is Michael Jackson
MY name’s Beyonce Knowles and tonight, Matthew, I’m going to be… Michael Jackson:
Watch that hair dye doesn’t run, kidz…
Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (3)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Bono Paints The Edge
BONO – Mr G9 – is in conversation with, well, with the world. He considers the Edge, U2’s guitarist:
“The Edge finds some new colours for the spectrum of rock. Colours he now owns. Owning a colour, wow. Imagine owning the colour yellow, like Van Gogh. Edge owns, well I’m not exactly sure what colours they are… indigo or violet or crimson? But you sense an emotional colour temperature that is unique to him. It’s his palette we’re painting from.”
Starry, starry, starry, starry, starry, starry, starry, starry night…Weathered faces lined in pain…
Don’t sign here…
Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Toe-Curling Romeo Beckham’s Shot For Stardom
DAVID BECKHAM’S five-year-old is kicking a football.
News enough, but there is more:
His shot had onlookers open-mouthed as it mirrored his dad’s 2001 goal against Greece which saved England’s World Cup qualifying campaign.
That’s him taking the kick in a pair of open-toe Louboutin shag-me shoes and celebrating his refulgent strike by contorting his face into a lap-dog grimace. But the Sun says Romeo is “just like his dad”, and that is what he should be.
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Daily Mail Brings Up Gail Porter’s Rear
WANT to know why former TV presenter Gail Porter is no longer on the telly?
In “Why I’m not on TV anymore – I’ve got no hair and I won’t wear a wig”, the Mail hears Porter say that she’s not on TV anymore because she has no hair and won’t wear a wig.
Porter, who readers learn has a history of self-harm, is bi-polar and was anorexic, is, however often in the Mail:
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Bubbly Ulrika Jonsson’s Body Is A Time-Share
ULRIKA Jonsson was once thin. Now she is full of character, loveable and if she continues to gain weight, bubbly.
Ulrika is writing about her weight in the Daily Mail and how much it doesn’t bother her. The piece is 2,034 words in total. That’s how much it doesn’t bother her.
I regard it as a marker of my achievement in carrying those children. Far from bothering about my chunky image, I have a rather philosophical approach. I see my body as a time-share. I am lending my body to the process of reproduction
Ulrika is a body donor.
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Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Lily Allen News Of The Day: Yawn
LILY Allen News Of the Day
LILY ALLEN should at least stifle her yawn when listening to her gramp’s old yarns – Sun
Lily Allen is walking with her grandfather. She is yawning. You know, yawning..?
More Lily Allen news tomorrow
Posted: 7th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Amy Winehouse Is Six Times More Boring Than The Credit Crunch
CREDIT Crunch watch – making debt into a tabloid news story…
AMY Winehouse is six times more boring then the credit crunch. It’s in a survey. It’s a fact:
Stephen Waddington, managing director of Rainier PR, said: “At a time when many people are watching the pennies, it’s not surprising that the public have become tired of news about rock stars being odd, and pampered celebrities holidaying in exotic locations. The fact that Amy Winehouse is seen as six times more boring than the economy this summer illustrates this perfectly.”
Have drugs gotten cheaper yet..?
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Online-PR | Comments (2)
Paris Hilton For President
PARIS Hilton for President:
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jordan’s Letter To The Times
JORDAN, aka Katie Price, has written a letter to The Times.
Sir,:
So the Cartier Polo International was happy to invite a man convicted of assault on an elderly couple, dozens of aristocrats and an assortment of would-be actresses in minuscule dresses. But it wouldn’t have me. More than 35,000 people came to the polo match last weekend but I was excluded.
Why? I’m a successful author and businesswoman, a rider, I am learning to play polo and I compete in dressage events. I rode my first horse when I was 7, and saved up to rent my first pony, Star, when I was 11. He was the ugliest, hairiest pony in the yard but I adored him. My mum couldn’t afford for me to go to Pony Club but it didn’t stop me going to gymkhanas. I just wanted to beat all those smart little girls in their perfect jodphurs and jackets.
All my life I’ve been surrounded by horses, I earned my pocket money sweeping out stables and I now have six horses. I’ve been invited to take part in the Royal Horse of the Year show, I’ve even played a charity polo match at Cowdray Park.
My book Perfect Ponies: My Pony Care Book was shortlisted for the WHSmith children’s prize and I have written a bestselling series of stories about ponies. I know more about fetlocks and forelocks than most of the celebrities invited by Cartier and the Chinawhite nightclub. I’ve certainly mucked out more horses.
I also have a business career, I’ve a No1 perfume and a lingerie line. I’m a wife working as hard as I can to bring up my children, Harvey, Junior and Princess Tiaamii, and be a good role model for them.
I didn’t want to go to Windsor to meet royalty. I’ve met the Prince of Wales and the Queen before. I don’t need to be photographed with the A-list, I’ve met quite enough celebrities. I wanted to watch the matches and give my family a treat.
It’s pure snobbery. However good a horsewoman I may be, I’m also a glamour model. That embarrassed the organisers. I paid Chinawhite £6,000 for my table, but my manager was told that I was not the sort of person they wanted. Eliza Doolittle went to the races with Henry Higgins after a few elocution lessons, In Pretty Woman Julia Roberts went to the polo straight from Sunset Boulevard, but in the 21st century we have become even more class-ridden. Unless you are a toff or an aspiring actress, they don’t want you.
Polo should be for people who love horses, not a media charade. It should be about the sport. Horses are a wonderful hobby, one that gets you outside and keeps you fit. They should be for everyone – little girls, glamour girls, working-class girls like me. No one should be excluded.
For your comments…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comments (9)
Double The Money: Lisa Marie Presley Calls The Celebrity Twins Database
AS Anorak told you in March, Lisa Marie Presley is expecting twins. She is on trend.
Lisa Marie’s mother Priscilla tells Entertainment Tonight, with no trace of irony:
“She wanted it really to be kept a secret for a long time, you know, and I think women should, because they should be able to announce what they’re having and when it’s time to make the announcement.”
Twins are so very fashionable. Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts and Jennifer Lopez have all given birth to twins in recent times.
But, do not fret, dear celebrity watcher, with Anorak’s UltraSound Database is now fully operational.
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Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Ann Widdecombe Has A Pop At Sienna Miller
WRITES Ann Widdecombe in the Daily Express column:
“There are few sights more pathetic than that of older people pretending they are young and trendy. Politicians parade their knowledge of pop groups or talk about legalising cannabis.”
Says Anne Winndecome, one column on:
“Sienna Miller has got her just deserts and I hope Balthazar Getty learns from his folly, although I would not bet on it.”
Yeah, Anne, best if the old wallies stick to showing off their knowledge of jobbing celebs…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Wishing Death On Keira Knighley
JILTED ‘Gordon Is A Moron’ John has written an ode to Keira Knightley. The Sun’s Gordon Smart (indeed) calls it “brilliant”.
“Keira, Keira, eat your dinner
Keira, Keira, you can’t get much thinner
Go to a restaurant with Michael Winner
Keira, Keira, eat your dinner…
Dinner with Winner:
His legs turned black, his blood pressure plummeted and his organs shut down – all because he ate some dodgy oysters. Michael Winner tells Julia Stuart how he came back from the brink…
Table for two, Keira..?
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Madonna’s Joker Face Is Hewn From Stone
TAKE a gander at Madonna, with her “Mount Rushmore cheekbones, the angular jawline, the smoothed forehead, the plumped skin, the heartlike shape of the face“.
Madonna is on the cover of New York magazine. The accompanying article says Madonna has the “ultimate face”.
The ultimate face for what is not said.
But a clue comes via the Telegraph, which quotes Writer Jonathan Van Meter:
“Looking at Madonna, I kept thinking of the British expression for reconditioning a saddle: having it ‘restuffed’.”
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Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Red Alert: Maddox Jolie-Pitt’s Forced Labour
ALLISON Person is considering the lives of Angelina and Brad Pitt’s children.
Having said Knox and Vivienne are “as edible as sugared almonds”, Pearson of the Mail considers Cambodian-born Maddox Jolie-Pitt:
“Now there are two new cherubs to compete with. No wonder Maddox has been shortened to Mad. He looks increasingly like a furious member of the Khmer Rouge.”
Maddox is currently involved in a forced labour project in Hello! magazine…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Justin Timberlake Hair Cut
JUSTIN Timberlake – former lover to Britney Spears – provides and insight into his celebrity:
“I don’t require hair or nail appointments. I actually cut my own hair – that’s why it’s all the same length” – Sun
For fans wanting the Timberlake look, the singer’s hairs are laid out on a table and cut with a guillotine…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Tyra Banks On Barack Obama
TYRA Banks. mod-el, is talking Obama and all things Obama:
“When Barack won the nomination, I just started bawling. I started calling all these people, and everybody was talking to me like I was crazy. They’re like, ‘Well, he hasn’t won yet,’ but I’m like, ‘Yes, he has, because he’s gotten this far.” – Tyra Banks, Harper’s Bazaar
Banks loves Obama so much she pretends to be Michelle Obama, posing in a fake Oval office with an Obama-alike.
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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (3)
Indiggo Makes Four Cheeky Girls
LEMBIT Opik. Call Lembit Opik.
After the Cheeky Girls, comes Indiggo, two Romanian identical twins who wear very little clothes, sound like a cat being backcombed by Anthea Turner’s teeth and want to be fay-mooose.
One’s called Gabriella and the other’s called Michaela.
Both are on America’s Got Talent.
Call Lembit Opik…
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, TV & Radio | Comments (5)
Looking For Barack Obama’s Love Child And Missing Brother
BREAKING news in the National Enquirer of “OBAMA LOVE CHILD SCANDAL”.
Cynics and afficiandos of tabloid news, such as we are, wonder if the story is:
“Goat born out of wedlock in Japanese city of Obama”
“Barack Obama is Not a love child”
“Claude Obama III, of Wisconsin, has had love child and named it…BARACK”
Inside the magazine, and the news is: “HUNT FOR OBAMA’S SECRET LOVE CHILD.”
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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: National Enquirer, Politicians | Comments (8)
