Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
At Home With The Jolie-Pitts And Hello!
EAT your heart out Mary and go fish Katie Holmes – when Angelina gives birth, she gives birth to not one but two Messiahs. Says Angelina: “I was at peace.”
Says Brad: “I find the process absolutely heroic.”
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Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comments (9)
Lily Allen News Of The Day
LILY Allen News of the day…
“What news of Lily Allen?” you cry. “It’s been an entire day since the last update. We need to know.”
Lilly Allen has walked through London’s West End sporting a pair of MC Hammer-style trousers
– Daily Mirror
More tomorrow…
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Celebrity Quote On The Day: Peter Andre On Jordan I And II
CELEBRITY Quote of the Day: Peter Andre on Jordan and Chantelle Houghton
“It might not be deliberate, but Chantelle is looking more like Kate everyday. I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”
Imitation. No real, then..?
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Mr Amy Winehouse Blake Fielder-Civil To ‘Star’ In Soap Opera
THE internet soap opera The Secret Life Of Sam King is to feature a character based on Blake Fielder-Civil, Mr Amy Winehouse, says the Star.
The role is: “Not your typical drug-dealer. Probably looks like a DJ or musician.”
Or, to open the auditions up a bit: Not your typical DJ or musician. Probably a drug dealer.”
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
Celebrity Chef Wozza’s War On Organic Food Eaters
ANTONY Worrall Thompson, celebrity chef and renegade oompah loopah, writes in Healthy & Organic Living, a magazine.
Wozza, as is his wont, says the weed henbane, also known as stinking nightshade, makes an excellent addition to summertime meals.
It does – if you want to kill of the kind of people who don’t read Heath & Organic Living for the laughs.
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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
The Daily Mail’s Knee Monitoring Service: Lulu
AGEING is disgusting. And the Mail continues its look at they who would revolt us by focusing on Lulu’s knees.
The Mail’s Knee Monitoring Service has taken in Melanie Griffith’s knees, Kate Moss’s knees, Nicollette Sheridan’s knees, Nicky Hilton’s knees, Victoria Beckham’s knees, Eva Longoria’s knees, Jennifer Lopez’s knees, Paris Hilton’s knees, Mischa Barton’s knees, Nicole Kidman’s knees, Charlotte Church’s knees, Nigella Lawson’s knees and Angela Rippon’s knees.
From the top of her beehive to the hem of her black studded minidress, she could pass for a woman half her age – and a pretty cool one at that.
Of course, women half Lulu’s 89 years are swigging alcopops, weighing in at 18 stone plus and dating their granddaugther’s immigrant pimp lover at the taxpayers’ expense. But go on:
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Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Lily Allen Thought For The Day
TIME to find out what Lily Allen’s been up to:
Lily Allen’s interest in horticulture continued apace yesterday as the singer popped to her local shops to buy some flowers – Mail
More Lily Allen news everyday…
Posted: 4th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Why Presidential Candidate Paris Hilton Should Not Endorse Obama
JOHN McCain shows a campaign video of Barack Obama and two blonde girls: Paris Hilton and Britney Spears.
Is this dog whistle politics about the black man coming for the white woman? Maybe. More likely it’s just McCain trying to be associated with people more famous than he is.
McCain is 71. Obama turns 47 today. When McCain was 47 the top celebrities – or VIPs as they were then knows – were Dave Kid Jensen, Vanessa Williams and My Little Pony.
Anyhow, Kathy Hilton, Paris’s mum, is upset. So she does what any upset Hollywood mum does and writes an article about just how upset she is and puts it online. Says she:
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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (2)
Hello! Outbids Paedo Today For Pictures Of Knox Leon And Vivienne Marcheline
NEWS is that “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have sold pictures of their newborn twins for a record £7.5million”.
Reports the Mirror:
Hello! magazine secured the deal after a bidding frenzy with rival OK! to show photographs of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, three weeks old tomorrow.
Other magazines believed to have been in for the snaps, were Paedos Today, IVF Monthly and Voyeur Weekly.
A cheque from Russian website Kidz4Sale.com for the sum of £4.3billion is believed to have bounced…
Picture: 14
Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello!, Money, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Lindsay Lohan To Marry Sam Ronson
CALL the cops. Lindsay Lohan is to marry Sam Ronson. Sam is a girl.
LOOKS like romance for movie babe LINDSAY LOHAN really does Mean Girls—she’s about to “tie-the-knot” with her lover.
I can reveal that Lindsay will come out and declare her eternal love for sweetheart SAM RONSON at a private ceremony in LA later this year.
Private… Really?
Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (11)
The War On Salt With CAOSH, Emma Thompson And Norfolk Council’s Shaker Police
THE man from the Consensus Action On Salt Health is on the BBC’s breakfast show. He’s the man from CAOSH.
Anorak wonders if Sean Connery is a member of CAOSH, or, as is more likely, fighting it in his guise as James Bond?
Emma Thompson, the actress, is not a member of CAOSH. Says she in the Sunday Times:
There is no greater partnership, when on a rock, than that of egg and crisp. Textural reasons present themselves immediately – even, perhaps, to those who have never sampled the above. The softness of the egg marries beautifully with the edges of the crisp – of course it does. That much is obvious. But one can extrapolate the pleasures still further.
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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Got Wood: Ekaterina Ivanova On Her Rolling Stone Etching
HAPPY birthday Ekaterina Ivanova, the 18-year-old Muscoviote born 20 years ago in Kazakhstan, who has been on a panting by numbers with Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood.
Says Ivanova in the News of the World: “I’m not even from Russia. I’m from a tiny country called Kyrgyzstan.”
Such are the facts. But what of the love? Says Ivanova: “It wasn’t like kissing a 61-year-old. It was electric. There was a spark.”
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Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Wanna See Some Pictures Of Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt’s Kids?
PSSST! Wanna See Some Pictures Of Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt’s Kids?
Come on, you know you do.
People magazine is said to have paid $10-15 million to publish 30 pages of of Brangelina baby snaps.
Do you like looking at other people’s children. People magazine’s got pages of ’em. Wanna see? They’re out this Monday.
Are you known to the authorities..?
Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Spock On Nimoy: Star Trek Quote Of The Day
ADAM Nimoy on his father Leonard, the one with the ears from Star Trek:
“I’ve never had much luck arguing with him. Have you ever argued with a Pop Culture Icon? Have you ever argued with a guy who can cause a frenzy among thousands at a convention hall simply by performing a Vulcan hand salute?”
Maybe physical violence is the best place to start?
Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (17)
Carol Voderman And The Market For Celebrity Talent
CAROL Vorderman is worth what the market can stand:
But between them, Vorderman and the TV station have proved there is a market in talent – a fact the BBC’s trustees failed to grasp in their report on stars’ pay in June 2008. They concluded that performers like Jonathan Ross are not paid more than the market rate – even though the BBC won the auction for him by outbidding rivals.
The trustees did not realise that with so few buyers of talent (and C4 now proving it cannot bid with the big boys) the BBC is the market. And it did not realise that an employer creates the value of its stars by giving them formats and exposure – just as Channel 4 created much of Miss Vorderman’s value.
The Countdown experience should teach the BBC that wages go down as well as up. It is a lesson for boardrooms too.
The celebrity league table.
More Vorderman
Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Chief Willy Bratton Of The CPF Wants Lindsay Lohan To Go Straight
HANDS across the ocean as the British Celebrity Police Force exports its message to America.
There, Los Angeles police Chief William Bratton is wondering about his working day and that the paparazzi have gone quiet. Says he:
“If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving, Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.”
Oh, for those halcyon days when a copper could get his picture or on the nightly news in the paper stood alongside a jobbing celebrity. But, worry not, Bratton, Paris will return, Britney will get naked and Lohan shall bottle her lesbianism and sell it as her new scent.
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Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Pamela Anderson’s Abu Dhabi Penthouse Hotel
PNEUMATIC actress/singer/model/slash Pamela Anderson is to build a hotel. In Abu Dhabi.
“I’m building a hotel there. It’s environmentally friendly. I went there with the Make a Wish Foundation and met some great people there, and the royal family was really friendly.”
It will be built using “no fossil fuel”, claims silicon-toughened Anderson. How happy the locals must be:
The emirate’s 420,000 citizens, who sit on one-tenth of the planet’s oil and have almost $1 trillion invested abroad, are worth about $17 million apiece…
Say no to oil…
Posted: 1st, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (14)
Karma: Sharon Stone Is Sued For China Earthquake Comments
SHARON Stone is being used for saying this? Who car about free speech, this is golden:
The bad “karma” keeps rolling for Sharon Stone, as more than 1,000 Chinese earthquake victims and a New York lawyer are demanding a $1 billion pay-out – or maybe just an apology.
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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Gareth Gates Says I Do
GARETH GATES has got married in a castle.
Not a Hardcastle, although on hearing the news Old Mr Anorak did say that his average age is nine-nine-nine-ninety.
Gareth Gate is getting married in Belvoir Castle…
Hey, it wasn’t us that mentioned Gareth’s stammer, but OK which says: “How on earth would the young prince ever muster the courage to speak to a woman?”
Gates is not a prince, and if he was then Will Yonug, who beat him to the Pop Idol crown, would be king, and a gay king would never do, not since you know who was on the throne. Gay princes, on the other hand, remain de rigueur.
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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Fergie Soaks It Up
BLACK Eyed Peas singer Stacy Ferguson, aka Fergie, – has been cast as prostitute Saraghina in a film called ‘Nine’. The fulm also stars Oscar-winning legends Daniel Day-Lewis and – yes her – Marion Cotillard:
I’m speechless. I’m definitely going to be a sponge on set. I want to pick up on everything that all these brilliant actors are bringing to the table.
Eu! Make up! It’s a real Black Eyed Pea souper…
Picture: 14
Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Celebrity Quote of The Day: Catherine Zeta Jones Makes
CELEBRITY Quote of The Day: Catherine Zeta Jones makes it.
“DYLAN was doing occupations at school recently and the teacher said, ‘You have to go home and ask Mummy and Daddy what they do.’ So we were trying to explain to Dylan that we make movies and he went to Michael, ‘Hang on. Mama makes movies, you make pancakes!’ So my two-time Oscar-winning husband with a career of 40 years looks at me and says, ‘Oh, it’s come to that!’”
– Catherine Zeta Jones, in the Sun
Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Pete Doherty’s Hit
CELEBRITY Quote Of The Day: Pete Doherty’s Hit.
“When you split up with someone you’re seriously in love with, it takes a lot of time before you even realise you’re upset. You know it just hits you?” – The Sun
Peter Doehty takes a hit.
Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Guy Ritchie
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Guy Ritchie
“Sugar is responsible for a lot of deaths” – Empire Magazine, via The Daily Star
Sweet as a nut!
Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Do The Numbers: More Countdown Auditions, With The Telegraph And BBC
AUDITIONS for the person to replace Carol Vorderman as the nation’s favourite TV brain box move on to day 4:
Vorderman, who is reported to earn in the region of £900,000 a year from the show, announced she was leaving on Friday.
Vorderman’s agent said on Saturday that the star felt forced to step down from the show when she was told to take a 90% pay cut from a salary understood to be in the region of £1m.
NICOLE MARTIN (Telegraph)
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Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Money, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Ludacis Backs Obama Over Irelevant Bitch Hillary
OBAMANIA Watch – Anorak’s look at Barack Obama in the news.
Ludacris, a rapper, has released a song called ‘Politics: Obama Is Here’ in which he attacks Hillary Clinton as an ‘irrelevant bitch’.
Misogyny. Or Bogotry. We know which one won:
Lyrics:
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Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (2)
