Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Barack Obama Is Britney Spears Is Paris Hilton
IF Barack Obama is a celebrity, is he Britney Spears? Is he Paris Hilton?
Does he wear underwear? Does he wear underwear inside – or outside – his trousers?
And if John McCain is a celebrity, which one is he?
Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment (1)
Ali Lohan: When TMZ Does Underage Porn
TMZ.com is the apogee of celebrity porn.
Tabloid Baby looks at the site funded by the corporate monoliths Time-Watner and AOL and wonder how their clean corporate images sit with TMZ’s crude comments on Lindsay Lohan’s 14-year-old sister, Ali Lohan.
Anorak’s man in LA says:
In a story about Ali’s audition with a film producer with ties to the porn industry, shaved bronzed midget Harvey Levin and his gang use a double-entendre headline alluding to oral sex, along with a photo that obviously is meant to look, at first glance as if the 14-year-old child is performing an act of fellatio.
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Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comments (2)
The Miley Cyrus Smiley Condom Caper
MILEY Cyrus has been approached by Lifestyle Condoms to front a campaign for safe sex.
Miley is 15 years old. Jail bait. She does it for Jesus. But does not get pregnant.
Her fans will be dleighted, especially those in London.
Posted: 30th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment
Madonna And Gwyneth Paltrow Are Pramfaced
“ALWAYS THERE FOR EACH OTHER,” says Hello!. “Madonna and Gwyneth share a stroller as they power pram in the park.”
There’s * Madonna, her legs dangling from the pram, and there’s Gwyneth tucked in beside her, champing on a rusk and demanding they be pushed “Faster! Faster! Faster!”.
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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment
Lady Rose Windsor Marries Kate Middleton
IT’S been a while since we last saw Lady Rose Windsor, and those of you who enjoyed her in episodes 2 and 5 of Upstairs Broadstairs, the aristo soap set in a 1950s resort, will be concerned for her wellbeing.
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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Hello!, Royal Family | Comments (4)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Courtney Love’s Bananas
CELEBRITY Quote Of The Day: Courtney Love.
“We all agree that ‘KOOKOO BANANAS’ the phase is mine? I’m flattered other people are using it. I just wanted to establish that it’s mine” – Daily Mirror
It was Old Mr Anorak who coined the phrase f*ckwit, and he’s been living off the royalties in no litle splendour ever since…
Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Carol Vorderman Takes Stars From the Bottom
CAROL Vorderman has taken one from the bottom and Countdown is bereft of a sum meister and letter turner.
While the talk is of equipping one of Bruce Forsyth’s Dolly Dealer’s with a calculator, the Mirror says “Star back axed Carol”.
The stars backing Carol are:
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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
The Good Loos: Rebecca Loos Brings Relief To Victoria Beckham
MORE good news for Daily Star readers as they spot Rebecca Loos topless at the seaside.
The good news is not that Ms Loos, David Beckham’s pig-tossing former PA, is, thanks to her breast attachments, unlikely to drown at sea.
The good news is not that Rebecca Loos is “back to her womanizing ways…romping with a mystery blonde pal”.
The good news is not that, as the Star says on its front page, these are “The pics Posh WON’T want to see” – a suggestion that it was Her Poshness and not Day-vid who really fancied Loos and it is she who will be upset by these pictures of Loss with another.
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Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Shannon Doherty Needs The Celebrity Police Force
YOU may remember Shannen Doherty for her portrayal of a whiny American who wore ugly pullovers and hugged herself a lot in Beverley Hills 90210.
Now you can see Doherty playing a whiny middle-aged American mom who wears cardigans and hugs herself a lot in Beverly Hills 90210-2.
Shannen Doherty is big news. Here she is going into the Sheriff’s Department in Lost Hills (Malibu) to complain about paparazzi following her.
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Posted: 28th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Gordon Smart’s Breaking Amy Winehouse
HAS Gordon Smart’s Bizarre Sun column reached the apogee of its ambitions?
His daily gawp at Amy Winehouse allows readers to know that:
JUNKIE singer AMY WINEHOUSE’s dad insisted she was “fine” yesterday — hours after she punched a wall and burst into tears. Wild-eyed Amy, 24, caused her fist to bleed.
While the Celebrity Police Force scrape blood from the wall and take it down to forensics, Smart tells us that:
That’s right. The headline news is: “Amy Winehouse breaks nail.”
The star, who had one of her nails ripped off, also lashed out at her security guards.
Look out for more Amy Winehouse breaking news: Amy breaks wind; Amy breaks sweat; and Amy Winehouse breaks out.
No sooner said than done, says Smart:
With her face ravaged by the skin condition impetigo
More breaking news to follow…
Posted: 28th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Countdown Carol Voderman Is 11 Per Cent Less Attractive Than Myleene Klass
“COUNTDOWN MELTDOWN,” says the Mirror. “Shocking truth of how Carol and Des were FORCED to quit.”
News was, and still is, that Vorderman was offered a 90 per cent pay cut in her £800,000 salary to keep her job as celebrity sums worker outer on the Channel 4 show. She was offended, appalled and RAGED OUT.
Anorak has enjoyed Carol’s work over the years and can that she has been treated unfairly, being as she is only 79 per cent less attractive then she was when her last pay deal was set.
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Posted: 28th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (12)
Donald Trump’s Hair Comes Clean: How To Get The Trump Tsunami
DONALD Trump he of the tsunami hair, is in conversation with the Telegraph’s: Nigel Farndale:
I have been trying not to stare at his famous brush-forward, comb-over hairstyle, the one that was once compared to a sunken apricot soufflé and which has been described by the New York Times as ‘an elaborate structure best left to an architecture critic’. As we are talking about branding and image, the question seems to be begged. For the love of God, man, why?
Because other than bringing golf to Scotland, it’s the one challenge left in his life:
“People always comment on it but it’s not that bad and it is mine. I mean, I get killed on it. I had an article where someone said it was a hairpiece but you can see it isn’t. I use spray actually. I’ll comb it wet then spray it so it doesn’t get blown away by the wind. I’ve taken a lot of heat on the hair but, hey, it seems to work.”
Soon everyone will be doing it…
Picture: 14
Posted: 28th, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment
America Clamps Down On Beckham And Soccer Players
DAVID Beckham has his work cut out…
Spotter: George K.
Posted: 28th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment
Britain’s Got Talent Dog Dies On Stage
IN Anorak’s soon-to-be-bestseller book ‘I Was A Mail Order Tabloid Whore”, Old Mr Anorak recalls the prefect tabloid story with which he made his name. And it goes like this:
A SNOOKER-playing dog who won fame on Wir Fahren Gegen Engelland has been accidentally mown down and KILLED by his owner.
Now imagine his surprise when he opened the Sun and learned:
A SNOOKER-playing dog who won fame on Britain’s Got Talent has been accidentally mown down and KILLED by his owner.
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Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (4)
Beating About Sienna’s Miller’s Bush
PSST! Wanna see Sienna Miller’s bush? The Mirror’s 3am Girls do:
“The film is set in the swinging 60s when fashion was wild and body hair even wilder,” says our studio mole. “Sienna was an absolute star throughout filming and her performance was flawless. The only slight problem being that she’s very much a girl of the Noughties – and this extends to her personal upkeep.
“Unfortunately, Brazilians weren’t common in the 60s and Sienna’s part involved one or two nude scenes – meaning that her grooming habits were on full display.
“A merkin or pubic wig simply wouldn’t have done the trick, but luckily computer wizardry came to the rescue. Sienna’s private parts were digitally enhanced, giving her a rather unruly, loud and proud bush.
Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
How the LA Times Failed To Cover The John Edwards Affair
TABLOID Baby, Anorak’s man in LA, looks at the John Edwards love child “scandal”.
A story breaks in Los Angeles and the LA Times not only ignores the it, it bans its online writers from covering it.
Says TB: “Hey, we like John Edwards, too. He stands for the right things. But you know what, like Gary Hart, he tempted fate and got caught.”
Here’s the memo sent out by LA Times editor Tony Pierce:
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Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: National Enquirer, Politicians | Comments (3)
Rachel Cook Inside Jodie Marsh’s Head
JODIE Marsh. Let’s take a look inside…
Ask her to talk about her private life, as the men’s magazines like to do, and you might as well have called the number on a card you found lying on the floor of a Soho phone box. She is unbridled. It is as though she has something important missing: some brain chemical or other.
Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment
Carol Voderman’s Countdown Erect Join
CAROL Voderman (surely Phwaorderman? – Ed) has left her job as sum solver–in-residence on TV’s Countdown.
Now read on as the Daily Mirror’s front page screams: “HM ELLY OVRN ESCKIGA”.
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Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (18)
Peaches Geldof’s Golden Brown Hair Dye
BREATHE in and relax, Peaches Honeyblossom Michelle Charlotte Angel Vanessa Geldof.
Peaches has collapsed at her London flat and fears are that in giving her name over the phone she forgot to breathe in and breathe out.
But the Sun said it was drugs that saw Peaches canned (surely caned? –Ed). The Star said it was hair dye.
And the News of the World says: “PEACHES OVERDOSE… IT WAS HEROIN.”
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Posted: 27th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Helen Mirren Isn’t Acting Like The Queen…
…Helen Mirren Is the Queen:
What is (Helen Mirren’s) secret? Is it all in her tsarist Russian genes?
– Tracee Hutchison, The Age
Posted: 26th, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse Stones The Crows
HOW scary is Amy Winehouse?
Norfolk farmer Marlon Brooks has modelled his scarecrow on singer Amy Winehouse:
“The pigeons are terrified, they’re sitting up on the telephone wires too scared to come into the field which is brilliant. Every farmer needs an Amy scarecrow”
If farmers need something scary to stand around in a field all day, why not put on a music festival and invite Max Hastings to attend?
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Posted: 25th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Gordon Smart Passes Off Amy Winehouse’s Waxwork
AMY Winehouse is appearing at Madame Tussauds.
The Sun’s pouting Gordon Smart says he has created his own “filthy, sweaty, scarred model”. Why, he does not say, but we imagine it’s to save the Sun the trouble of paying the paparazzi for pictures of Winehouse looking waxy faced and standing very still.
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Posted: 25th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Kate Garraway Interviews Madonna’s Brother
OVERHEARD On TV: GMTV’S – Kate Garraway interviews Madonna’s brother Christopher Ciccone
KG: “Would you marry Madonna?”
CC: “No”
KG: “Why not?”
CC: “Because she’s my sister”
Research…
Posted: 25th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (5)
Lily Allen News Of The Day: Pixie Geldof’s New Look
LILY Allen news of the day – Pixie Geldof designs clothes for high street fashion outlet New Look. Now read on…
A source tells us: ‘The deal is virtually identical to the one Lily Allen signed. But whereas Lily’s was met with a muted response, Pixie’s is expected to race out of the stores” – Daily Mirror’s 3am Girls
Mirror readers may recall Allen’s range thus:
Kate’s gear is set to fly off the rails and many stores plan to ration items to a maximum of five per customer for fear of selling out too quickly – Daily Mirror
Get ’em while they’re fresh…
Posted: 25th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Jude Law Advertises Dior Hair Restorer
JUDE Law advertises a new hair restorer and aftershave by Dior…
“Tastes great” – Old Mr Anorak The Looking Younger
Posted: 24th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Online-PR | Comments (2)
