Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Peaches Geldof Moves On

PEACHES Geldof:

I’m not the type to dwell on things — I just try to move on…

I have 16 tattoos. I have them to commemorate moments in my life. I think it is amazing to be able to have something on my body that reminds me of a person, place or time.

Moving on…

Anorak

Posted: 24th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)

Mel Gibson Dad Hutton Supports Ron Paul For President

BARACK Obama or John McCain? Change or same old old?

Or how about voting for Ron Paul?

Hutton Gibson, Mel Gibson’s dad, thinks Ron Paul can make it to the White House.

There is much kudos in getting a good celebrity backer. Paul will surely be delighted to have one who denies the Holocaust, thinks 9/11 was an inside job and that the Jews – always the Jews – run the papacy.

Gibson says “the only way we can save the country is to vote for Ron Paul… In 2008.”

The video was added to YouTube in July 2008. Paul, the Texas conservative, failed in his bid to win the GOP nomination for president. So it says here.

But, then, the Jews control the media, and it may be conspiracy. Ron Paul for President!

Pic: 14

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (10)

Christian Bale Clowns About With The Celebrity Police Force

HAS Britain run so low on celebrities that no sooner has American actor Christian Bale set foot in Blighty (here to promote his Batman film) than he has his hem (surely collar? – Ed) felt by our Celebrity Police Force (CPF)?

It turns out that Bale was born in the UK, a fact that attracts him to the Sun’s gaze. This is the tabloid that seemingly seeks to have every celeb in the UK arrested.

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Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Amy Winehouse Calls The Celebrity Ordering Toddler Service

THE Celebrity Ordering Toddler Service (COTS), sister company to the Celebrity Baby Ordering Service, takes a call from Amy Winehouse.

Says the chanteuse in the Telegraph, the UK’s leading celebrity broadsheet:

“Blake and I can’t wait to have kids. I want at least five kids. I want twins. Blake is gonna be the most amazing dad. When Blake was about we talked about it all the time. To be honest, I think kids have got a lot more going on than adults. They’ve got their heads screwed on a lot better.”

It’s not only Blaaake that’s doing time, but also Amy’s biological clock.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Car Crash TV With Jeremy Kyle And Death

“JEREMY KYLE CHEATS DEATH,” screams the Mirror’s front-page headline.

You can just see Kyle standing before Death and yelling at him to “Be a man! Do the job properly – NO more cheating – NO more lies – NO stuff ups. If you ARE Death then start behaving like Death!

“Let’s get God on the show, everybody.”

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (25)

Star Of Wonder: Balthazar Getty On Sienna Miller

TIME to find out more, then, about Balthazar Getty, one of the Three Wise Men who have come to adore Sienna Miller.

After gifts of fame (Law) and more fame (Ifans), Balthazar brings Sienna a photo montage in Hello, featuring pictures of him at his converted Tuscan barn holding a stick of frankincense, wearing a gold watch, sat on a sofa, and taking in the waters of his private swimming pool of myrrh dressed in his humble jeans and shirt.

The Express takes up the story of how the father of four has left his wife and travelled far on its front page: “Marriage split of Getty heir linked to Sienna.”

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

The Barack Obama Death Cult Takes To The Air

IT’S “the secret story hidden from the world.” It’s the “PLOT TO KILL OBAMA!”

Secret? Oh, come on, the National Enquirer must be joking, or not talking to the right people. The plot to kill Obama is part of the Barack Obama Death Cult, and it’s gathering momentum.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, July 2008 | In: National Enquirer, Politicians | Comment (1)

A Week In The Life Of Knox And Vivienne

HOW about this for a scoop: “BRAD AND ANGELINA – THE TWINS FIRST WEEK.”

Anorak had been assured by (Fort) Knox’s people that he would get back to us, and not to bother contacting his sister Vivienne directly because she never takes calls on a Tuesday – “on ‘Chooseday’ people should be free to be themselves.”

But while we wait, Hello! nips in and gets the scoop, and we read that Knox is looking at scripts for a film based on the early life of Ghengis Kahn and Vivienne is pleased that Brad and Angelina have ended “this leg of [their] parental journey” and will have her people call their people…

Picture: 14

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment

heat Magazine And The Seven Celebrity Dwarves

WANT to see the “The beach pics they DON’T want you to see”.

Heat magazine has pictures of celebrities in various states of public undress. The aim of heat is to turn the mighty into dwarves:

In no particular order, the shrunken celebs are:

“PASTY!” – Julia Roberts
“BLIMEY!” – Uma Thurman
“FLOPSY!” – Kelly Brook
“MAN NAPPY!” – Duncan James
“SWEATY!” – Coleen McLoughlin
“GREASY!” – Celine Dion

All we need now is a medic.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)

The Benefits Of Being Kerry Katona’s Mum

KERRY Katona’s mother, one Susan Katona, “had £46,000 despite claiming she was broke, a court heard yesterday”, writes the Sun.

Susan Katona, 48, has admitted claiming £5,622 income support — despite earning thousands from photographs and interviews about her daughter, 27.

Yesterday she failed to appear for sentencing for a second time — claiming she has agoraphobia.

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Peaches And Screamer: Geldof Daughter In Overdose Story

“PEACHES IN DRUGS OVERDOSE,” screams the Sun’s front-page headline, leading news that Peaches Geldof, precocious daughter to Bob Geldof, has, allegedly, taken too many drugs.

“999 crew dash to save Sir Bob Geldof’s girl.”

The story:

PEACHES Geldof stopped breathing for several minutes and could have died or suffered brain damage after a suspected drug overdose in her flat.

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Anorak

Posted: 22nd, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Gordon Smart On Posh And Becks

ASKS Gordon Smart in the Sun:

“Are Posh and Becks the most annoyingly attractive couple in the showbiz world?”

Answer: Yes. And No.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Amy Winehouse’s Role Model, Blake’s ‘Girlfriend’ Sophie Schandorff And A Smiling Assassin

AMY Winehouse’s husband has been sentenced to 27 months in prison for trial fixing and grievous bodily harm.

Judge David Radford said he behaved in a “gratuitous, cowardly and disgraceful way”.

Winehouse remains at liberty to belch her husband’s name every few minutes, as is her wont.

DAILY MAIL:

Amy Winehouse didn’t turn up to see husband Blake sentenced today but his reported girlfriend was in floods of tears outside the court.

Blonde German model Sophie Schandorff, 21, was obviously distraught after the hearing, which saw Fielder-Civil sentenced to 27 months in prison today for grievous bodily harm and perverting the course of justice.

Schandorff caused a stir at court in April when she was in Winehouse’s usual place to support Fielder-Civil and the couple were seen to mouth ‘I love you’ to each other.

You may be intersted to hear what Blaaaake’s brief had to say by way of his defence:

“They are very much committed to each other and their ambition is to divorce themselves from hard drugs and not separate themselves from each other.

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Anorak

Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Madonna A-Rod Sex Movie Makes It To First Base

NO small shock that Madonna has become embroiled in a “SEX VIDEO SHOCK” in which she, allegedly, fails to simulate sex.

Having seen the singer simulate spanking, simulate losing her virginity and simulate sex on your coffee table in a book called Sex – it featuring photos of Madge simulating lesbianism, homosexuality and sadomasochism – news that Madonna possibly has sex is worthy of the Star’s front page.

The paper says Madonna and Alex Rodriguez, a US baseball player, have been caught “locked in a steamy romp”.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

James Bond’s Short Man Syndrome

CAN it be that James Bond, ably played by Daniel Craig, has gone native?

The Star says Bond has taken to wearing stacked heals. The paper says this is to stop his co-star, one Gemma Arterton, from towering over him.

But surely Bond keeps his knife in his shoes and in the manner of Rosa Klebb defies anyone to cell him short, lest they be whittled away by repeated kicks about the ankles from his boots.

Of course, the producers could just have hired a smaller Bond love interest, and so negated any chance of his looking like an action figure…

Anorak

Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Pete Doherty’s New Act

PETE Doherty’s Court Out tour continues to get great press.

And the Sun brings news that Pete has added an exciting new twist to his act.

In “Burgling Doherty burgled”, the Sun says that Doherty’s home has been broken into and thieves have made off with a guitar and some of his paintings.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Blake’s Mum Says Amy Winehouse Is A Death Sentence

PHIL Taylor writes for the News of the World on husband bore Amy Winehouse and her Blake Fielder-Dreams.

Says Taylor:

Amy showed her love for her husband, who works in the record business, only last week when she dedicated a song to him at the T In The Park musical festival.

One thing we know about Blaaaake is that he works at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, and is as much a force in the music industry as Super Hans is, the muso, cabbaged shyster on TV’s Peep Show.

Says Winehouse at that show: “This one’s for my husband, who’s out a week today.”

Brilliant news. At least when Blake emerges blinking into his wife’s limelight her act can move on.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Got Wood: Ekaterina Ivanova’s Lover Tells All

WILL Jones is the 22 year-old “geeky” student who says he slept with Ekaterina Ivanova, the cocktail waitress who went on a painting-by-numbers mission to Ireland with alcoholic Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood.

(Did he think she came with a tray of drinks?)

It’s the Sun’s front-page scoop.

Jones says “Moscow-born” Ekaterina, aged 18 and born in Kazakhstan 20 years ago, “pestered him to take her to his Brighton home when she fell for his schoolboy wizard looks at an indie music night in the capital called After School.”

Anorak

Posted: 19th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Jon Gaunt Wants Russell Brand Attacked For Free Speech

THE SUN’S campaign to have every celebrity locked up – and so reduce the expense of observing them – moves on.

Having failed to have Peaches Geldof, Amy Winehouse, Naomi Campbell and Paul Burrell jailed (The Mirror goes for Jeremy Clarkson), the paper’s Jon Gaunt wants Russell Brand to be arrested for making a hoax call to the police.

There has been a series of sexual assaults in Northampton, where Brand is appearing on stage:

He borrows an audience member’s phone and rings the police hotline to tell them he’s actually seen the offender….

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Anorak

Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10)

Pete Doherty’s Court Out Tour 2008

PETE Doherty�s summer tour 2008 is underway.

The Court Out tour was due to take in a courtroom in Yeovil, Somerset, but Doherty kept the fans waiting and ultimately did not show up.

But not to worry, fans. The Sun says the promoter, one Justice of the Peace, has issued a warrant for Doherty�s arrest and he WILL be in court soon.

See press for further details�

Anorak

Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Global Warming Headline Of The Day, With Robert Redford

ROBERT Redord takes on global warming. The National Public Radio reports:

Robert Redford Fights Global Warming With Poetry

These days, he has a new venue for environmental activism: slam poetry. Sponsored by Redford’s Sundance Preserve, in collaboration with Youth Speaks, a nonprofit that presents spoken-word performances, the Academy Award-winning actor is getting his message out in rhyme.

What rhymes with climate change delusion?

Anorak

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Ben Kingsley’s Basement Beast

BEN Kingsley is discussing his role as Don Logan in Sexy Beast:

Sir Ben: He came from my basement
Hack: What? He was a lodger in your house?
Sir Ben: “No, the basement of my psyche”

Anorak

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Pole Jobs: Dancer Benefits From Robbie Williams And Declan Donnelly

“A POLE dancer who slept with Declan Donnelly and Robbie Williams has been exposed as a benefits cheat.”

So says the Daily Sport in a story that illustrates the country’s mores.

Readers now know that sleeping with TV presenter Declan Donnelly is on a par with sleeping with pop star Robbie Williams, and that pole dancing and pre-martial serial shagging are less shocking than claiming income support when in work.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Paris Hilton Bids For Cristiano Ronaldo

MORE Cristiano Ronaldo transfer news as the Manchester United footballer fends off a late approach from Los Angles scout Paris Hilton.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Sara Jessica Parker’s Mole Breaks Out

IN “SJP and her incredible vanishing MOLE”, the Mirror’s looks at the face of Sara Jessica Parker, Sex and the City’s Fanny Hill.

The mole, Mirror readers are commended to note, has gone from the greater SJP chin. There are before and after pictures of SJP, and hackette Sara Wallis’ invites readers to “spot the difference”. But the game is not all that challenging because the paper’s graphic’s wizard has circled the mole and where the mole isn’t with blue biro.

Anorak

Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)