Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Lily Allen thought of the day: Sweet On Honey
LILY Allen thought of the day: Sweet On Honey
Says Lily Allen of her new dog in the Mirror:
“She’s called honey and she’s quite fat, but very sweet.”
Catch Lily and new pooch, er, Mabel running about in Gordon Smart’s Sun report.
More Lily Allen news in tomorrow’s tabloids…
Posted: 17th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Jessica Alba’s Zen-Like Birth
ACTRESS Jessica Alba is talking to OK! about the birth of her daughter Honor:
“The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused. I didn’t scream. It was really Zen.”
And Zen she screamed..?
Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)
Lily Allen Quote Of The Day: Pop Dogs
LILY Allen news of the day, sponsored by the Sun.
The Sun’s Gordon Smart has the scoop that Lily Allen has taken possession of a new dog.
“The signer was checked out to see if she would be a suitable owner. Asked what she did for a living, Lily said, ‘I’m a singer.’ She was then asked what kind of singer and said: ‘Erm , a pop star.”
She had to think about it.
More breathless Lily Allen exclusives tomorrow…
Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Celebrity Exlusives: Denise Van Outen
CELEBRITY Exclusives: Denise Van Outen
“Telly beauty Denise Van Outen always takes teabags with her on holiday” – Daily Star
Fact!
Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Amy Winehouse Carries On Howerd’s Way
THOSE Amy Winehouse headlines write themselves.
But not in the Star which reports that Winehouse’s mum, Janis, wants her daughter to stay for a while at Frankie Howerd’s old house, Waverting Down, near Cheddar.
The Star misses the open goal, forgoing the headline: “They wanted be to go to rehab but I said Nay Nay and Thivrce Nay”. All readers get is: “Frankie Howerd bolthole for Amy”.
Any more of this and Winehouse will start to believe she is the subject of serious news and tabloid concern…
Posted: 16th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Michael Jackson’s Egyptian Mummy
Sir, Is Michael Jackson a relic from ancient Egypt, and should be embalmed and placed behind a secure glass screen?
Posted: 15th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (4)
Ronnie Wood Has An Eka Of A Good Time
IT only seems like a few days ago that we read in the Sun of Ronnie Wood’s departure to Ireland with Russian Ekaterina Ivanova, aged 18.
Today the Sun announces on its front page: “Stone poses with Eka, 20.”
“Alcoholic” Woods may wonder where all the time has gone, and what he and “Moscow born” Ekaterina have been up to for the past two years.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Celebrity Exclusives: Eating Sarah Harding
CELEBRITY Exclusives: Sarah Harding…
“Sarah started as she means to go on by ordering fish and chips while hunting for her Bucks mansion” – Daily Star
Tar-tare for now…
Posted: 15th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Amy Winehouse Stickers It To Blake
AMY Winehouse news of the day:
“After heroin, crack and booze, Amy Winehouse hits rock bottom. She’s addicted to FOOTBALL STICKERS.”
Surely the Sun means to say Winehouse is addicted to the glue on the back of football stickers, sniffing it hard and going about the place with a picture of Dimitar Berbatov attached to her top lip?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 15th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Jennifer Ellison’s Serious Career
FORMER Btookside actrress Jennifer Ellison says appearing in mens magazines was “hurting her serious career”.
See more of Jennifer is this week’s Nuts quantum physics special…
Posted: 14th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Golden News For Chiles And Garvey
JOBBING Frank Skinner impersonator and BBC presenter Adrian Chiles has separated from his wife, Jane Garvey, the voice of BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour.
You are not alone in finding this fascinating, what with the Mail sharing your interest in “the golden couple”, spotting Chiles entering a flat wearing his crash helmet. It’s the Daily Mirror’s “exclusive”.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Angelina Jolie Prepares Fort Knox And Vivienne For Picture Money
“BABY Boy and Girl for Brad and Angelina,” says the new celebrity-focused Independent on its front page, news that echoes the Express’s lead headline.
“ANGELINA twins in £10million bidding war,” announces the Mail.
“Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s twins spark $11m bidding war,” says the Telegraph, underestimating the power of Knox, (the bundle of hair and poo named after the fort) and Young One Vivienne.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 14th, July 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Knox Three Times For The Jolie Pitt Young Ones
BY now every wise man and his donkey know that Angelina Jolie has given birth to Knox Leon (boy) and Vivienne Marcheline (girl).
Anorak wonders is Jolie thinks all boys should have an ‘x’ in their names, having already given succour to Pax and Maddox?
And what of Vivienne?
Britons of a certain vintage will hear the name and in response cock their chins and say Vivienne in the manner of The Young Ones’ Rick (with the silent P) of the Young Ones repute.
Posted: 13th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Cheeky Girl Turns Her Back On Lembit Opik
INSPIRED by Cheeky Girl Gabriela Irimia and Lembit Opik MP, Carla Bruni and Nicholas Sarkozy dated.
But whereas the French president and the Italian model married, the original pop-politics duo have, reportedly, gone their separate ways – she to the knicker section and he to Coventry.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 13th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (12)
Celebrity Scoop: Gemma Atkinson, Tom Cruise And David Beckham
THE NEWS of the World has news form Los aNgeles:
HOLLYWOOD exposed – Becks parties with Tom Cruise. PLUS: Gemma shops for bras
– Good luck Gemma, a woman whose new breasts take on the might of M&S…
Posted: 13th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Daily Mirror’s Bog Standard Reporting On Amy Winehouse
SAYS the Mirror: “During a three-hour stint at the launch of her new club night in north London, Wino went to the ladies… 14 times!”
How this compares with the toilet habits of the nation as a whole is no less shocking, putting Winehouse in the top 9 percentile of toilet goers, but still some way short of the Val Doonican fan club which holds meetings in a toilet to avoid everyone missing the show.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 12th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Christina Aguilera’s Amazing Fingers
IT’S American chanteuse Christina Aguilera in Glamour magaine.
She rarely leaves the house. Her nails are blissfully unmanicured.
Get a load of those untamed fingers. Magical…
Posted: 12th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment (1)
James Clench Catches Up With Ronnie Woods Ekaterina Ivanova
CELEBRITY mullet tamer Ronnie Wood is in Ireland with a Russian teenager called Ekaterina Ivanova (possibly made up name).
The Sun has despatched its Phwoarnikova Legova Wimbledon correspondent James Clench (ditto) to Clane, Co Kildare, to find out the truth and deliver it to the paper’s readers.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 12th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Sienna Miller’s War
SIENNA Miller is in convensation with OK!
OK! Do you feel you are being treated unfairly by the media?
“But at the end of the day it’s not a big deal. I mean there’s a war on, people are starving, we live on a little island and it’s not important…
Hopefully, eventually, that [work] will supersede the other less meaningful aspects of my life, but it’s a process, you know. It’s a battle.”
Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (3)
Ekaterina Dreams: Ronnie Wood’s Painting By Numbers
“RONNIE WOOD AND THE RUSSIAN TEENAGER,” announces the Sun. “Stone, 61, runs off with waitress, 18.”
Readers are shown a picture of “pretty” Ekaterina Ivanova, sitting in a dimly lit spot as if awaiting rescue. She is said to be Ireland with the pop star.
The paper says Ron’s wife, Jo, “53”, had believed her husband and the girl were on a “painting holiday”. She now tells us: “She is mad – she is a terrible alcoholic.”
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Gazza 2008: Bianca Gascoigne’s Tribute To Paul
GAZZA 2008 might be over, but the tabloids are still talking about the big summer footy battle, and now its got its first Wag.
Step forward and drop your shorts, Bianca Gascoigne. Says the Star’s front-page headline: “BIANCA – I love dad and he’s doing brilliant.”
Anorak readers versed in the highs and lows of the Gascoigne career, will realise that Bianca’s exposed backside is a tribute to her dad’s dropping of fellow England player Paul Ince’s shorts; her chest might be the same chest Gazza strapped on in his pomp; her over the shoulder look ape’s the filial glance Gazza gave Vinny Jones all those moons ago.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Lily Allen’s Knife Aid
WELCOME to “knife Aid”, the “huge Geldof-style concert” hosted by Lily Allen.
Says London Mayor Boris Johnson in the Star: “It is brilliant that she using her influence to make stand and I look forward to hearing her plans.”
Anorak can exclusively reveal that the concert will take place on the kerb adjacent to the Cenotaph, the venue for all fallen soldjas, after which their will be drinks and seats at the kebab shop before a rendition of Da Last Possst by the Renault Clio players’ horn section…
Posted: 11th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Amy Winehouse’s Does The Prison Shag
SAYS the Sun’s Veronica Lorraine: “PRISON visitors were appalled as AMY WINEHOUSE simulated SEX in a nick yesterday.”
In a meeting with husband Blake Fielder-Civil, Winehouse is said to have “yanked her top down, pressed her boobs against a glass booth and writhed suggestively”.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Michael Jackson’s New Dance
SAYS the STAR: “ODDBALL star Michael Jackson popped to the shops in a WHEELCHAIR yesterday sparking new fears for his sanity.”
Of course, the Star means to say “new fears for his back, legs and knees”, wracked by years of moonwalking. Anorak reckons Jackson is debuting the new moonbuggying, a dance that we can all do sitting down?
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (12)
Reasons To Be Cheerful: Keeley Hazell And Michael Jackson
THE naked pictures of Big Brother’s Channels make up the Star’s “THREE REASONS TO SMILE” front-page news. Reasons to be cheerful.
Like Anorak, readers may be confused as to what these three reasons are, the front page featuring:
“Keeley – My hottest topless pics ever”
“Hols from £5 – and you can go right now”
“FREE Naked Chanelle poster”
“JACKO FLAT ON HIS BACKO – Star can’t walk”
Old Mr Anorak considers a topless shot of Keeley Hazell to be two reasons to smile, or if viewed through his pre-war bifocals, four, which leaves room for debate on what the other part of the triple-grin is.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
