Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Creaky Boards Do Cold Play And Coldplagiarism
THE Creaky Boards say Cold Play stole their song. Which is bit like arguing if a bacteria or a germ woild be better at football:
Posted: 20th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse Catches Tony Blair
AMY Winehouse has the “classic sings of TB”.
Who on reading that does not think that Winehouse has taken on the characteristics of Tony Blair?
Of course Tony has never billed himself as TB, for much the same reason that the Beckhams do not have “VD” embroidered into their car headrests.
But the link between Winehouse and Blair is not diminished by reading the Sun’s headline in full: “Coughing up blood, no appetite, weight loss…Amy has the classic sings of TB.”
She’s now in hospital, where she will be for 40 days and 40 nights.
That his name bears the initials of a disease cannot have escaped Tony Blair.
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Posted: 20th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (5)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: R Kelly’s War On Terror
Celebrity Quote Of The Day…
Bin Laden is the only one who knows what I’m going through
– R Kelly, US singer found not guilty of videotaping, producing or soliciting child pornography.
Posted: 20th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
That Daily Mirror Sienna Miller Exclusive In Full
THOSE DAILY Mirror just keep the scoops coming.
Not only is there an offer for 20% Dorothy Perkins goods (exclusive); not only is there a list of ALL the horse running at Royal Ascot; but on the front page there is more.
You want more? Can you handle more?
The more is the front-page screamer: “Sienna tells all”. It’s professional girlfriend Sienna Miller. And it is “3am exclusive”. It’s 3am and the phone is ringing…
Whipping through the paper, readers are confronted with 364 words of excited – and “exclusive” – prose. Of these words, Sienna utters 24.
Turning to the Mirror’s wee girls duo, Sienna utters:
“It has been hard work. I’m absolutely knackered. I don’t think I’ll be partying much tonight – I’ll leave that up to you two.”
Wow indeed.
Perhaps if the 3am Girls called themselves the 10pm girls they would catch celebs in more talkative mood
Posted: 19th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Not Amy Winehouse Arrested In Norway
NO, not Amy Winehouse:
A British woman’s bulging wig did not fool customs agents in Norway who realized she wasn’t just having a bad hair day. The wig was concealing 2.2 pounds of cocaine glued to her head and customs agents detained her on suspicion of cocaine smuggling, authorities said Wednesday.
The 32-year-old suspect, whose name was withheld, arrived late Sunday at Vaernes airport near the city of Trondheim on a flight from Copenhagen, Denmark, the customs service said.
“The agent thought she had a great deal of hair and suspected that she was wearing a wig,” the agency said. “The wig was examined and the agents found a bag of cocaine.”
Do not insert picture of Amy Winehouse here.
Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Strange But True | Comments (3)
Celebrity Fact Of The Day: Paris Hilton’s Man O’ War
THE Daily Star reports:
Paris Hitlon has become addicted to jelly fish.
Fact!
Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Coleen And Wayne Rooney’s Britney Spears Theme Wedding
THE wedding of Wayne Rooney and his Coleen, and a question for OK! readers:
Who would have thought that two 16 year olds who met on the streets of Liverpool, went to an Austin Powers movie, and got engaged on a petrol station forecourt , would six years later be getting married in the most glamorous and talked-about wedding of the decade?”
Well, not OK! which would surely have secured the rights to the wedding snaps for something more akin to a Family pack of Revels and a quick feel by the crisps, rather then £3million.
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Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, OK! | Comments (2)
Paris Hilton: Everyone Should Have a Chance To Be Me
PARIS Hilton: “Everyone Should Have a Chance To Be Me”
It’s the tag line of her new hair extensions vehicle.
Spotter: bellasugar
Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
3am Girls Give Til It Hurts For A London Child
TO a charity do in aid of Help A London Child. And the Mirorr’s 3am Girls are listening at the toilet door.
Within, they claim, is one Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, who has previously told the great and good: “Think of the London Child. You’ve had your dinner, now help them too.”
The Mirror gets inside take on celebrities, literally, and hears it said that T P-T did throw up, not once, not twice, not three time, but four times.
That’s giving. That’s giving til it hurts.
The offerings are now on their way to an orphanage in south London, where they will be blended into a rich paste and served as millionaire shortbread…
Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
The Celebrity Baby Ordering Service
RING! RING!
This is recorded announcement. The Celebrity Baby Ordering Service is busy right now.
Press 1 to leave an order; 2 for returns; 3 for the Malawi office; 4 for a product recall on Armanis.
In the meantime, a word from our sponsors:
Coleen McLoughlin and her footballer Wayne Rooney have placed an order for “three or four” babies (Mirror).
Looks are unspecified, so too marketable skills, but the packages available are:
The C for 3: Three children – one boy (Capri Son) and two girls (Chamois and Jolie).
The D for 4: Four boys – (Capri Son, Bros, Eusebio) and a discounted ginger child called Leslie Edmonds.
Beep!
Hollywood VIP Nicole Richie and her tattooed Elton John look-alike singer husband Joel Madden have placed an order in the National Enquirer.
Says Richie: “I want five children. Twin boys and three girls.”
She’s opted for the B for Five package – Julian, Dick, Anne and the twin boys George and Timmy.
Beep! Message ends.
Cue theme song from Annie…
Picture: 14
Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (3)
Britney Spears In Training For K-Ferret’s Baby
“BRITNEY TO HAVE KEVIN’S BABY,” announces the National Enquirer.
While Anorak’s go ahead knitting department sets about create a frappuccino warmer, an “insider” tells us that Britney “has always wanted kids” and “she’d like all her children to have the same dad.”
Unless Prince William steps forward, that’s a mating call for Kevin Federline.
“That’s why she’s been on such good behaviour,” continues our woman with a turkey baster. “She’s trying to show Kevin she’s healthy enough to be a new mom again.”
Can it be that K-Ferret only mates with women who can run a five minute mile to the pharmacists before closing time, bench press a rack of ribs (with both kinds of sauce) or inhale a cigarette in one drag while playing the Flight of The Bumblebee on their nostril comb?
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Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (4)
Chris Martin And Coldplay Are New Labour’s Poppins
CHRIS Martin, front man of the Coldplay – the sound of new Labour – is talking to the Sun’s Gordon Smart:
“We grew up with Mary Poppins and all those sort of things,” says Martin.
Smart says the film supernanny is the “inspiration for the band’s spectacular concerts”.
Come see the middle-aged fans arriving in youthful-like high spirits. Come see the fans sat in neat orderly lines, taking their medicine and imbibing something sweet. Come see the fans having a jolly time and making it home for tea and scones and beddingtons.
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Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10)
Celebrity News Of The Day: Pete Doherty’s Petrol Crisis
THE petrol cisris is gripping Britain.
“PETROL CRISIS GETS EVEN WORSE,” says the Express on its front apge. This is the crisisiest petrol crisis ever.
Just how bad it is is can be found in the Star where news is that Pete Doherty can’t afford to fill up his car.
Says Doherty, by way of a speech bubble: “It’s cheaper to buy smack.”
You’re on, Pete. Crisis, what crisizzzzzzzzzzzz
Posted: 17th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Hospitalised Amy Winehouse Does ‘Admin’
WHATEVER happened to Amy Winehouse:
Amy Winehouse has been taken to hospital for tests after fainting in London, her spokesman has confirmed.
She was “doing admin” when she became unwell at her home on Monday afternoon but “quickly recovered”, he added.
Admin – anyone else done it?
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Chris Martin On Sleep
CHRIS Martin, the Coldplay frontman, tells Rolling Stone magazine:
“My problem is that I often take a sleeping pill in order to go to sleep, but then I get excited about a song idea, so I go and play music, and then [the pill] kind of kicks in halfway through.
“I have a little corner where nobody can hear me in the middle of the night, and that’s where I spend most of the nighttimes.
“I wake up the next morning and find these strange notes to myself … I’m a little bit ashamed about it.”
People who buy his records understand…
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)
Carol Vorderman’s Pride Of And In Britain
PROUD Of You – Anorak’s look at celebrity mentions of how proud they are of us…
“WHO’S your pride of Britain?” asks the Mirror on its front page.
The accompanying image shows TV sums queen Carol Vorderman holding a silver winged angle stood on a still beating butterfly heart stuffed inside a wooden casing.
Anorak considers the options and concludes: question asked, questions answered.
Hats off to you, Carol…
Posted: 16th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)
A Five Star Review Of M. Night Shyamalan’s The Happening
SEENJ it?
“M. Night Shyamalan’s latest movie, The Happening, is not merely bad. It is an astonishment, so idiotic in conception and inept in execution that, after seeing it, one almost wonders whether it was real or imagined. It’s the kind of movie you want to laugh about with friends, swapping favorite moments of inanity: ‘Do you remember the part when Mark Wahlberg … ?’ ‘God, yes. And what about that scene where the wind … ?’”
Posted: 15th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Spike Lee And Clint Eastwood Trade Places
SPIKE Lee and Clint Eastwood’s debate about which of their war films is most accurate is like the tabloids arguing which of Rebecca Loos and Victoria Beckham the more posh, or if the Martians or Venutians would be better at table tennis.
Says Lee: “Clint Eastwood made two films about Iwo Jima that ran for more than four hours total, and there was not one Negro actor on the screen. In his vision of Iwo Jima, Negro soldiers did not exist. Simple as that. I have a different version.”
Anorak’s also has a version of the event, a rendition in which the soldiers are represented by Kinder Eggs and Iwo Jima by a small green fairy cake.
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Posted: 15th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (5)
Tupac Shakur Opens Restaurant
TUPAC Shakur is a rapper. Tupac Shakur is a rapper.
Tupa Shakur was killed in 1996.
Since then he he’s been busy unveiling a range of clothing, releasing six albums, eight singles and an opening an eatery.
Says Tupac’s manager Robert Bloomenstein: “I simply wish the public could let Mr. Shakur rest in peace. Mr. Shakur has actively denied all accusations about still being alive, and he will continue to do so until the day of his, uh… nevermind.”
Posted: 15th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comment (1)
Swear It Again: Wayne Rooney Serenades Coleen
WAYNE Rooney is spending another summer leading the celebrity frontline, scoring a magazine deal and taking the silverware, gold forks, taffeta, electric toaster and plutonium lapdance pole (thanks, Rio).
And hark, you can hear him singing his victory songs via the Mirror’s front page, where “WAYNE TUNEY” is joining Westlife in a “romantic serenade to wife Coleen”.
Anorak was going to leaf through the Westlife back catalogue, and then we saw this:
He stunned guests and the four band members by joining them for a note-perfect rendition of their hit Swear It Again.
Sing along if you know the words. Take her away, Wayne…
By Jesus swore Rooney, I f*** it so well,
I think I’ll get up and I’ll **** it again,
So Paddy got up and he ****** it again,
Over and over and over again…
Repeat til police are called…
Posted: 14th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Hollywood’s Top 15 Fathers
WHY does Brad Pitt top AOL’s list of Hollywood’s Top 15 Fathers?
“The number one Hollywood dad is a no-brainer. Brad’s found his sexiest incarnation yet as a do-gooder global traveler who is a full-time father to Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, Zahara, 3, and Shiloh, 2. And when the twins he and Angelina Jolie are expecting arrive, that dream of his own soccer team is within reach!”
No-brainer. Soccer. Jeez…
1. Brad Pitt
2. David Beckham
3. Johnny Depp
4. Will Smith
5. Matt Damon
6. Ryan Phillippe
7. Ben Affleck
8. Joel Madden
9. Seal
10. Patrick Dempsey
11. Barack Obama
12. Gavin Rossdale
13. Tom Cruise
14. Tobey Maguire
15. Mark Consuelos
More here.
Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
I Should Cocaine: Carla Bruni Shocks Colombians
THE Colombian cabinet puts much value on popular culture.
Having heard the country’s vice president Francisco Santos opine that Amy Winehouse should be “sent to rehab”, and that Kate Moss should apologise for taking cocaine, the country’s foreign minister says a new song by the wife of the French president is “very painful for Colombia”.
Carla Bruni has recorded her third album on which she is heard to croon: “You are my drug / More deadly than Afghan heroin / More dangerous than white Colombian.”
Colombia’s foreign minister Fernando Araujo says that “coming from the mouth of the wife of the President of France, this type of statement is very painful for Colombia”.
Araujo may choose to call his opposite number in Afghanistan and create an axis of complaint, and a CD file sharing hot line.
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Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Slap Happy Naomi Campbell’s Pratfall
NAOMI Campbell has nearly fallen over, which serves as a reminder to Mail readers that the clothes (race) horse is human and that if you scratch hard enough any amount of gloss can be removed.
The paper reports that the supermodel “almost tumbled to the ground after a night out with friends in Italy”. Ms Campbell is said to have been leaving a party on a yacht in “high spirits” when she sort of fell.
End of story, you’d suppose, another chance for the Daily Mail to clack its marmalade coated tongue and use Campbell’s picture to illustrate a story about British women holidaying in the Med.
But a spokesman for Miss Campbell denies that her client fell. The rebuttal runs: “Naomi was just joking around with friends. She was pretending to fall to see who would catch her.”
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Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Mary Kate And Ashley Olsen’s Prune Juice
MORE inside tips from the world of celebrity as a source close to acting twins Mary Kate Olsen and her sister Ashley tells OK! magazine:
“Every time they pose and smile, they say the word ‘prune’.”
Another source tells us:
“It could be true (that they say prune) but unfortunately I can’t say — they like to keep their personal lives personal. They do care about their smiles though. Mary-Kate has slightly thinner lips and more of a playful grin, while Ashley tends to go for a full-on pout. It has been the obv(ious) way to tell them apart for years.”
More celebrity insight throughout the day…
Posted: 13th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)
Amy Winehouse Caption Contest
AMY Winehouse – caption it…
Posted: 12th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism | Comments (26)
