Kathy Hilton Walks in Paris’s Shoes

KATHY Hilton, mother to straight-to-tissues internet film star Paris Hilton is in conversation with the Mail.

“People say: ‘Oh she’s spoilt, she’s this, she’s that.’ But, until you’ve walked in someone’s shoes for many miles, don’t make a judgment call.”

Happily Paris Hilton has a range of shoes on the market, and we who have walked in them found the pink stilettos to be almost impossible to do anything in other than wince and wave, and gave up on the leopard print heels after just a few yards.

Next year, Old Mr Anorak plans to run the London Marathon is Paris’s silver open-toe mules and for added empathy wear a prison-issue pair of grey knickers and bra.

Kathy looks up. “And Paris’s jail suit”, says she, now “close to tears, “I found it when she was released. When I felt how rough it was – that thing was like sandpaper – I threw it away.”

Old Mr Anorak has tears in his eyes. And we advise him to take advantage of Kathy Hilton’s new range of waterproof beauty products and sports gels…

Picture: Mandela & 14

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Madeleine McCann: Josef Fritzl, Ben Affleck And TV Child Abuse

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann 

DAILY MAIL: “Ben Affleck has something to shout about –

Romancer of J-Lo, husband of Jennifer Garner, beefcake specialist of Hollywood blockbusters… and director of sensitively handled film echoing the Madeleine McCann case. Ben Affleck is all these…

And maybe not even in that order. As Affleck said in Pearl Harbor: “Not anxious to die sir, just anxious to matter.”

Ben Affleck’s first film as a director, Gone Baby Gone, a harrowing tale of child abduction, received rave reviews when it came out in the US last year, but its release in Britain was postponed because of chilling parallels with the Madeleine McCann story – and the young lead actress’s strong resemblance to the missing British girl. Now, more than a year since Madeleine’s disappearance, the film is finally about to be released here.

And Affleck has views, too. Having had his film – a work of fiction – compared with the disappearance of a real child, Affleck enjoins the Mail in a game of Tabloid Bingo.

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Madeleine McCann | Comments (881)

Peter’s Friends: At the Royal Wedding With Hello!

TO the pages of Hello!, where Mr Peter Phillips, son of stable lad Captain Mark, is marrying Miss Autumn Kelly.

Also in attendance are Miss Chelsy Davy, 22, pictured 16 times, and Miss Kate Middleton, 26, in 13 photos.

Says a source in the Sun: “There is no way that Princes William and Harry would have agreed to allow their girlfriends to be pictured in this way at what was supposed to be a private family event.”

Indeed, not. Over 29 pictures of the two gels, there is not a single shot is either of them wearing a bikini or sunbathing. Prince Harry is said to be “incensed”.

Says the Telegraph: “The wedding cake – decorated with sugar-crafted lily of the valley – was cut with the Army sword of Captain Mark Phillips, the groom’s father.”

The Mail, though, looks beyond the towering triumph of icing and the syrupy filler with the sword and says the wedding special run to 100-pages, trumping the Sun’s 58 pages, and making celebrity watchers wonder if adverts can be counted as part of the photospread?

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Hello!, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comments (7)

Jordan To Compete In 2012 Olympics

IT’S the 2012 Olympic Games and the rider enters the arena. No more than 23 seconds later the horse she is sat upon emerges.

“Katie Andre-Price-Jordan-Rooney-Windsor riding Dana,” comes the announcer’s brogue.

Dana is dressed for the occasion in a pink cowboy hat, Swarovski-encrusted bikini and white leather boots.

News in the Sun is that pop acorn Peter Andre has bought Kaite a horse, and that she plans to ride it in the Olympic dressage.

Says a pal: “Katie loves training and riding her horses but wants to take it a step further. It’s her dream to compete in a dressage competition at the Olympics.”

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

New Tabloid: Celebrity Drugs And Alcohol

CELBRITY drugs and alcohol is brought to you by 14, the Sun, the Mail, the Mirror, the Star, the Express, the Sport, the Times, increasingly the Telegraph, the Guardian(although it won’t admit it), the Independent (recycled), OK!, Hello! and GMTV…   

Anorak

Posted: 21st, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Backstreet Boys Boss Lou Pearlman Sentenced

IF you are going to commit fraud, at least make it a big fraud:

Boy band mogul Lou Pearlman, who launched the Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync, was sentenced on Wednesday to 25 years in prison for swindling investors and major U.S. banks out of more than $300 million.

In an audacious two-decade-long scam, Pearlman enticed individuals and banks to invest millions of dollars in two companies that existed only on paper and won the confidence of investors with strong but fake financial statements created by a fictitious accounting firm, according to his plea agreement.

Source

Anorak

Posted: 21st, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment

100 Celebrities Busted For Drugs

CELEBRITIES take drugs. Really…

Anorak

Posted: 21st, May 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Carla Bruni Is Politic’s Amy Winehouse

THE MIRROR reports that French First Lady Carla Bruni has insisted a song about drugs called My Junk will stay on her new album.

Mirror readers weened on celebrity cocaine learn that Junk is slang for heroin.

“My guy, I roll him up and smoke him,” she sings. The Elysée Palce is reportedly uncomfortable with the line, it being a perceived slight on Sarkozy’s lack of size, his being no bigger than a herbal cigarette.

Elsewhere on the album, Bruni gives full throat to a tale about her love affair with French president Nicolas Sarkozy. Her version Bob Dylan’s You Belong To Me includes the line: “See the pyramids along the Nile… Just remember darling, all the while, you belong to me.”

While and Nile is decent rhyme. And there is hope that if Mrs Sarkozy continues in such a vein she could do for pop music what Amy Winehouse has done for politics.

Anorak

Posted: 21st, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment (1)

To A Garden With Jude Law And Kimberly Stewart

HAVING kissed in an Essex nightclub, Jude Law and Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly retired to a stranger’s front garden.

The Sun says a clubber spotted them rolling around on the lawn snogging like “loved-up teenagers”.

The address of their rendezvous is nor provided, neither is word from a behind-the-nets resident.

All readers who want to be like Jude and Kimberly get is a picture of detached house and the caption: “Hardcore lawn … pair were spotted in garden like this.”

Anorak

Posted: 21st, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Celebrity Interview Of The Day: Shia LaBoeuf Shits Himself

SHIA LaBeouf (actor) is being interviewed by GQ magazine:

 So what parts of your life are you keeping to yourself?” I ask, playing along. “Usually you seem so, you know, uncensored.”

He thinks for a minute and then looks up with a eureka! grin. “I used to shit on myself until I was 12 years old. I didn’t stop until I got a job.”

“Are you serious?”

“I promise you. We could call my mother right now. You got your cell phone?”

LaBeouf puts her on speaker:

“Hello, Ma?

“Yes, honey?”

Anorak

Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Enjoy The Best Sex Ever With Jennifer Aniston

JENNIFER Aniston is having the “BEST SEX EVER”.

She might be having the/her best sex ever right now, and readers of the National Enquirer’s front-page news may care to pause before turning the page.

In readiness for more insights, Anorak zips through our collection of celebrity sex videos, and after a scene involving Margaret Rutherford, Bobby Charlton and Lord Charles we are ready to look on.

Over two pages we are met by the sight of Aniston and pop singer John Mayer taking in the sun. It’s hard to see any frotting, let alone full coitus, and the effect is not unlike watching giant pandas in the zoo. You wait for the Hollywood gene pool to expand, but nothing.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (2)

Britney Spears Sex Tape Confusion

WHILE the demure Sun features kissing on its front page, the Star has a free sex video, featuring Britney Spears.

In this tape, the singer, naked save for a “shocking pink wig”, is seen engaging in a “sizzling two-hour sex romp”.

Relieving news for those of us keen to see a podgy former star and mum-of-two having it off with a Brummie snapper called Adnan Ghalib. The Star says it is he who is, allegedly, planning to sell the tape.

Anorak

Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Not Jude Law And Rod Stewart’s Kimberley

JUDE Law is kissing Rod Stewart’s daughter Kimberly.

The venue is 195 Nightclub in Epping, Essex. The Sun, which features the “clinch” on its front page, says the venue is “unlikely”.

Anorak supposes an Essex night club is precisely the place to spot people getting off with one another. But the Sun is shocked, and it is not alone.

Says one onlooker: “We were given wristbands for the VIP lounge expecting to bump into Jodie Marsh and maybe Michael Greco from EastEnders.”

Anorak

Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Tom Ford’s ‘Substantial In The Hand’ Pool Boy Glasses

DESIGNER Tom Ford has broiught to market his limited-edition luxury aviator sunglasses. Says the press release:

“The Pavlos & Carlos styles are modern interpretations of the timeless and iconic Aviator, albeit with an ultra-luxe twist.

Handcrafted by meticulous Italian artisans, the frames feel substantial in the hand…”

The glasses are named after Pavlos and Carlos, Ford’s “susbstantial in the hand” pool boys…

Anorak

Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Online-PR | Comment

Gordon Ramsay Promises And Catherine Burnett Waits

CELEBRITIES are fond of making promises.

The Guardian’s Arabella Weir has vowed to “go on hunger strike and throw myself in front of the next horse at Ascot” if Boris Johnson wins the London mayoral election.

On Tuesday June 17, Ascot stages the Queen Anne Stakes. If Weir has the energy, she can pencil it in. Set the video.

And here’s Gordon Ramsay saying:” If I ever have a son-in-law who is a vegetarian I’d rather run around Ibrox start bullock naked. He also “swears to God I’d never forgive them.”

Anorak

Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Jade’s Show: Jade Goody Returns To TV

NEWS of Jade Goody in the Sun. And the news is that Jade is being lined up for a return to frontline telly work,

“TELLY bosses” at Living TV are said to be looking at news ideas for Goody.

So far, the channel has featured Jade’s Salon (a search for Jade’s beauty salon) and Jade’s PA (a search for Jade’s assistant).

New ideas include:

Jade’s Bile (a camera is implanted inside Jade’s bile duct and Jade’s gut reaction is gauged as she is confronted by people of different creeds and colours)

Jade’s Buttons (Jade Goody opens her heart and her button box and tells an interesting story behind each button. In show one Jade returns to Faces nightclub in Essex and recalls losing a brown button in a fracas with Danielle Lloyd)

Anorak

Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (3)

Castor Oil And Pollox To Angelina Jolie’s Babies

ANGELINA Jolie is pregnant with her own children:

The couple – who are expecting twins in August – are said to be arguing over potential names because Brad doesn’t like Angelina’s suggestions.

Angelina reportedly wants to name the babies Castor and Pollox after the twins of her birth sign, but Brad has dismissed the suggestion as he doesn’t want a daughter with a name “like a British cuss word”.

What about Cock and Sparrah, John and Thomas, or Fanny and Adams?

‘They fuck you up, your Mum and Dad,
They may not mean to, but they do’

Anorak

Posted: 19th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Carey And Cannon Are Minnelli And Her Unwanted Gest

MARIAH Carey has married Nick Cannon

And she wants to do it again. Says a source: “It’s going to be held in New York City in the next six weeks. Picture a wedding on the scale of Liza Minnelli’s (to David Gest) and you’ll be on the right track.”

Who can forget that betrothal, with Elizabeth Taylor as the matron of honour and Michael Jackson as the best man. The wedding pictures still haunt the mind’s eye.

I have often thought the view to be like endured by a restaurant lobster peering through its water living grave waiting for the sweet sting of a waiter’s hand and boiled death.

“You make me a complete person,” said Gest. “You are everything to me and I will love you for ever.” It merely felt like for ever and 16 months alter the wedding was cancelled.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Jolie Bad: Angelina Is Amy Winehouse’s Herion

HAVING failed to bring Amy Winehouse and Paul Burrell to justice, the Sun opens the tape on Angelina Jolie.

In “heroin to heroine”, Jolie “hangs out at a drugs den”. The sum of the Sun’s evidence is, as ever, a “grainy video”, this one shows Jolie “wide-eyed and babbling”.

What change there? But it turns out Jolie is not promoting her new movie, rather she is stood by someone who is “casually smoking heroin”. It is 1999. The video came to light on May 1.

How the Sun knows this unnamed woman is smoking heroin is not said. But the drug might have got to Jolie, who is said to be suffering from “heavy” eyelids and “dishevelled hair”.

Do you see? Are you watching, Amy Winehouse. The Sun’s Gordon Smart says it is a lesson for you.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)

Ben McBean’s Army: Gordon Brown, Celebs And Crisps At The Sun Global Recognition Award

EVERYONE wants Ben McBean in their private army.

McBean is one of the Daily Mail’s Harry’s Heroes, on account of his having been injured in Afghanistan (he lost two limbs) and labelled a hero by Prince Harry Baseball cap.

Ben McBean is part of the Mirror’s “Honour the Brave” slogan, which seeks to equip each retuning injured serviceman with a medal.

He’s a leading player in the Sun’s “Help for Heroes” campaign, the one backed by actor Ross Kemp, he of ITV’s Ultimate Force show, and so well placed to explain what being a soldier is all about. Kemp spoke at the City Salute, addressing the injured, McBean included.

And here is Mr McBean in the Sun, receiving tribute on behalf of the Armed Forces and a Sun Global Recognition Award, sponsored by Walkers crisps.

Gordon Brown is there, shaking hands, being wowed and talking about a return to the values of cheese and onion.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Bono, Beckham And Me: God Waits On Mount Kilimanjaro

BONO and David Beckham are climbing up Mount Kilimanjaro.

Moses only took himself up the mountain and there is reason to believe that finally Bono, Mr G9, might have overplayed his hand.

Says a source: “He [Beckham] was a bit uncertain at first but he found out, like many celebrities before him, that Bono can be very persuasive.”

Once the insurance details are ironed out, Beckham can be wrapped in cotton wool and winched to the summit.

But the Anorak is more concerned at what they will bring down from on high.

In his wraparound sunglasses Bono is ideally suited for a meeting with the light of God, and should take along a pen and paper and jot down his 10-point plan for a better world.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Jamie Oliver Gets Knives Into Schools

“KIDS TOOLED UP IN SCHOOL,” says the Star.

The “terrifying” fact that children are taking weapons into school illustrated by a “youngster with a knife”.

The knife is about nine inches long and looks like something you’d find in a kitchen. The Star has seen the police figures and says a third of all such weapons are knives.

The figures go back to 2005. Indeed, dear reader, that is the time of Jamie’s School Dinners, the TV show featuring Jamie Oliver took running the kitchen meals in Kidbrooke School, Greenwich, for a year.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Paris Hilton Looks For Princess Diana’s Wedding Venue

PARIS Hilton might pass for American Royalty, but can she be the new Princess Diana?

What irony that the new Diana should be named after the scene of Di’s departure from public life. There is some hope, then, that Paris can be Diana.

Paris is tall. Paris is blonde. Paris has a lob-sided look that garners sympathy. Paris has been to hell and back.

Says Queen Helen Mirren: “I don’t applaud Paris Hilton… but I think she’s pretty cool. She’s developed, like Princess Diana, that deliberate foolishness, which is disarming.”

The Star investigates if the brand can be developed, looking on as Paris scours London for a venue for her wedding to pop star Benji Madden.

Anorak

Posted: 19th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Lil Wayne Says Obama Heralds The End Of The World

SAYS US rapper Lil’ Wayne in Blender:

“The world is about to end in 2012… ’cause the Mayans made calendars, and they stop at 2012. I got encyclopedias on the bus. The world is about to end as we know it. You can see it already. A planet doesn’t exist – there’s no more Pluto. Planes are flying into buildings – and not just the Twin Towers. Mosquitos bite you and you die. And a black man and a woman are running for president.”

Wayne should ask his co-rapper 50 Cent what to do…

Anorak

Posted: 18th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comments (9)

Johnny Vegas Sues Guardian and Observer Over Grope Allegation

Press Gazette – Johnny Vegas sues Guardian and Observer over ‘grope’ story: Comedian Johnny Vegas has begun libel proceedings against Guardian News & Media over two articles which claimed he had molested a woman during a stand-up performance. At the centre of the libel claim is a piece by Mary O’Hara, published in the Guardian’s G2 section on 1 May, headlined: “Since when is sexual assault funny?” O’Hara, who was in the audience at Vegas’s gig at the Bloomsbury Theatre in London, claimed in her report that the comedian “gratuitously groped a woman on stage”. The comedian is also suing over a follow-up comment piece in the Observer on 4 May, written by comedian Jackie Clune and headlined: “Sorry, but that really isn’t funny, Johnny”. Vegas has hired law giant Schillings to bring the action against the Guardian and Observer publisher. The two pieces have since been removed from the Guardian website.

Here

Via 

Anorak

Posted: 18th, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment