EastEnders Natalie Cassidy Puts The Eight In Weight

FORMER EastEnders actress Natalie Cassidy has a Size 8 figure.

Natalie played Sonia, a doe-faced big-boned girl who looked not enough unlike a young Eric Bristow, the Crafty Cockney darts player of Saturday afternoon’s past.

She tells Closer magazine: “Maintaining the weight is the toughest bit. It’s bloody hard work. I’m in the gym every day at 7am doing spinning classes or with my personal trainer, Dee Thresher, who did the work-out DVD with me.

“It can be a nightmare – I’m there for up to two hours a day.”

Where does she find the time for other stuff that young British actors enjoy doing, like wearing a bikini and having cosmetic surgery?

Anorak

Posted: 9th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)

Naomi Campbell Banned From BA

NAOMI Campbell has been banned from traveling with British Airways.

Says her rep: “Naomi has been flying with BA for nearly 30 years and has been a good customer. She hopes this can be resolved amicably.”

Perhaps she can do the airline a service by way of an apology for allegedy spitting in someone’s face, like finding some bags or modelling a runway..?

Anorak

Posted: 8th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)

Spice Girl Fakes It For Ultimo Sacrifice

SPICE Girl Scary Melanie Brown has signed a £½million deal to front the next Ultimo bra campaign.

But can this be right and proper? Mel’s breasts are assisted in the fight against gravity and bagginess by tape, thread and beanbag.

Unless each Ultimo bra comes with a full set of complimentary Scarys, stitched-in for added security – “belts and braces for your chest” (note to Ultimo marketing team – call me) – the bra will not do what it says on the box.

Says an Ultimo source: “We were blown away by the great shape she is in and desperate to land her. Mel B has never been bigger.”

Anorak

Posted: 8th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Chanelle Hayes Wants It But Doesn’t Have It

BIG news in the world of popular music as Chanelle Hayes, Big Brother alumni, releases her debut single, a track called I Want It.

It features the line:

“I’ve got something that you’d like to know,
I’m a sexy lady,
Drive your crazy
Make your bedroom mo-ho”

No doubt that Chanelle would drive us crazy, stark raving mad, even. To test the theory Anorak has secured our resident Lithuanian coffee maker, Aras, to a pair of headphones and will force him to listen to Chanelle morning noon and night for seven days.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (7)

Pamela Anderson Warms Hugh Heffner’s Lap

PAMELA ANDERSON, billed as “SEXY”, has been dancing naked for Playboy magazine’s Hugh Hefner.

It is the occasion of Hefner’s 82nd birthday party and 40-year-old Anderson is warming Hefner’s lap not with a snug travel rug nor a hot water bottle but with a dance.

The Sun says that as Hefner walked into the suite at his Las Vegas hotel, Anderson walked out of a bedroom wearing only high-heel shoes.

Says hotel owner George Maloof, 43: “He was stunned and had the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.”

He then sat down on a chair, and Anderson sat on him.

Happy birthday, Hef – octogenarian, grinning pyjama wearer, dancing human chair…

Anorak

Posted: 8th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

You’d Be Jay-Z To Go To Glastonbury

IN “GLASTONFURY”, the Sun wonders why American rapper Jay-Z plans to quit the Glastonbury music festival.

A look at pictures of the singer reveals him to a neat looking man who takes utmost care with his appearance.

A look at a picture of Glastonbury reveals it to be a muddy field covered in human excrement, nits and thirtysomethings wearing Wellington boots and jester hats.

Glastonbury is one of those life experiences of modern life, like running a Marathon, cutting an umbilical chord and catching organic humus in the rain.

Why won’t Jay-Z be playing Glastonbury?

Question asked, question answered.

Anorak

Posted: 8th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Joan Rivers On Victoria Beckham

JOAN River wants someone to listen to her, so she talks about Victoria Beckham:

“I dislike Victoria Beckham,” she seethed. “The entitlement – the total entitlement. You want to say: ‘Calm down, you were a Spice Girl.’ The arrogance when she walks into a room is astonishing.”

Source 

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Gwen Stafani’s Perfume For Backing Singers

GWEN Stafani is a singer with a marketing plan:

The colorful doll-shaped bottles will even look like her crew –- taking cues from Gwen’s blonde hairstyle and Lil’ Angel’s dreadlocks. While it may be a bold venture to launch five fragrances at once, Stefani tells WWD that the decision was a natural one. “Each girl has her own personality and sense of style. We’re all saying something different with unique personalities.”

source

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

The Stella McCartney Step Mum Test

MORE news of Paul McCartney, former husband to Lady Heather Mills, and his latest leggy lovely Miss Nancy Shevell.

The Mail spots Shevell walking in New York in the company of a carrier bag bearing the legend “STELLA McCARTNEY”.

Stella McCartney is, by coincidence, also the name of Paul’s daughter.

Does Ms Shevell know?

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Keeping Faith With Amy Winehouse At Myleene’s Bash

IS that Amy Winehouse looking busty at Myleene’s Klass’s 30th birthday party?

The Mail looks at Myleene dressed as Cleopatra doing an impression of Elizabeth Taylor.

To her side is Faith Brown, the 63-year-old impressionists. Her stacked hair, ‘Daddy’s Girl’ tattoo and bustier all point to Winehouse.

Brown once presented The Faith Brown Chat Show on TV. The impressionist interviewed herself in a succession of celebrity personas holding “conversations” with Kate Bush, Pam Ayres, Barbra Streisand, Lene Lovich, Angela Rippon, Eartha Kitt, Diana Ross, Mary Whitehouse, and Donna Summer.

On hearing those names, Anorak’s Postboy Collective issued a collective “Who?”. Brown seems to have heard the cry and in a bid to move with the times and keep her act fresher than her alter egos has chosen to do an impression of Amy Winehouse.

The result is not all that unpleasant, and, should she look at it, perhaps the sobering experience Winehouse needs…

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Crazed Konnie Huq Fan Ruins Olympic Torch Progress

“OLYMPIC run turns into farce,” says the Express.

Thirty-seven arrests have been made after clashes between pro-Tibet protesters and police as the Olympic torch made its way through London, says the BBC.

“Crowds cheer and scream ‘China we love you as China’s Olympic torch brings light to gloomy London,” says the Chinese news agency.

Meanwhile, over in London the farce goes on as athletes move the burning baton along the relay until it reaches BBC children’s TV presenter and maybe athlete Konnie Huq who gets jumped on by a crazed fan…

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)

Madonna Looks To Adopt An Indian Orphan

TIME for Indian children to dirty up and look sad as Madonna goes hunting for a new child.

The Sun says Madonna is to adopt a child from India.

With no orphans available in Africa, and the BBC search for an Oliver Twist yet to bear fruit, Madonna is forced to look elsewhere.

Pop’s fair lady is in India. Altogether now: “All we want is a room somewhere…”

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Coleen McLouhglin’s Two-Tier Wedding Mistake

THAT Coleen McLoughlin and her footballer Wayne Rooney are getting married – to each other – occupies the Mail’s thoughts.

In “Rationing the Rooneys”, the Mail says Coleen is planning one do for the “A-listers” and another for her husband’s relatives.

The party in the Mediterranean will be an OK!-funded do with the usual fire-eaters, shiny suits and Coleen’s A-list pals, such as her husband, her husband’s team-mates and her husband’s team-mates wives.

Back on Merseyside, Wayne’s relatives are chowing down on pickled egg sarnies and not drinking all that much as Coleen considers imposing a limit on alcohol.

Anorak

Posted: 7th, April 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Angelina Jolie Posing In A Video At 16

PSST! Wanna see a video of Angelina Jolie possing for the snapper aged just 16?

“Affirmative”, says Old Mr Anorak, “For research purposes only, you understand.”

Anorak

Posted: 4th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)

Oprah Winfrey’s Foreskin Face Cream

YOU’VE tried the placenta juice, and now for that all-over p[r]ick me up do as Oprah Winfrey and Barbara Walters do and immerse your face in baby foreskins.

The New York Daily News reports that Winfrey and Walters reverse the effects of aging with a face cream made by SkinMedica, whose TNS Recovery Complex costs $141.55 a bottle.

A snip, literally.

Picture: 14

Anorak

Posted: 4th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Strange But True | Comments (11)

BA Loses Naomi Campbell From Terminal Five

NAOMI Campbell “SPITS IN COPS FACE”.

So says the Mirror on its front page. “NAOMI ‘SPAT IN COP’S FACE,” says the Sun, a little more circumspect than its red-top rival, putting the spitting in inverted commas.

The Mirror, the paper against which Campbell won a breach of confidentiality claim against, is more certain.

This is Naomi Campbell, who, as the Mirror notes, “served five days of community service and two days on an anger management course last year after pleading guilty to assaulting her maid. and in 2000 was ordered to attend anger management classes after admitting assaulting her PA with a mobile phone.”

But before we condemn her, we learn that the alleged incident occurred at HeathROW Terminal Five.

Says the Mirror: “The model has blamed her temper on resentment of her father who abandoned her as a child.”

That’s too bad. But the Sun says “CRAZED Naomi Campbell flew into a rage over ONE lost bag — after 20,000 pieces of luggage went missing at Heathrow’s trouble-hit Terminal 5.”

One lost bag is no big deal unless the one lost bag in your lost bag.

Campbell’s press agent, Celena Aponte, tells the Sun: “She arrived in plenty of time at Heathrow Terminal 5 with two bags, checked them in, and told they were take [sic] the flight. Once on the flight, she was told one bag could not be found and was missing.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (7)

It’s 10pm, The Phone Is Ringing And John McCain Is Watching The Hills

“REALITY-soap bad girl Heidi Montag” of US show The Hills has endorsed John McCain.

And John McCain has responded:

“I’m honored to have Heidi’s support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of ‘The Hills,’ especially since the new season started.”

As one commentor on Time’s website notes: “McCain can’t remember if condoms prevent AIDS or who the players are in Iraq, but he knows who the actresses are on The Hills? Incredible.”

Says another: “Has she been trained in Iran? Have you watched her show? It’s entirely possible that she has been sent by terrorists to punish us.”

But the pick has to be: “It’s 10pm and your children are safe and asleep. There’s a phone in the White House and it’s ringing. Something’s happening in the world. But the president is watching The Hills. He never misses an episode. The world can wait, Heidi and Spencer are breaking up again.”

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment

Jessica Alba Honor’s Killing

JESSICA Alba, an American actress, is pregnant by one Cash Warren. She is to name the child Honour. Why? Well, a source at an LA jewellers tells us:

“She [the owner] said she loved the name too, Honor, and said Jessica picked it because she felt it was an honor to have Cash’s baby.”

As the new Young Mrs Anorak says of the identical twins: “Always a Pleasure, never a Chore…”

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)

Les Dennis Is Looking At Me

SAYS Les Dennis: “I look at myself in the mirror, throw a flurry of punches and say, ‘You’re the boss, you’re the boss, you’re the boss. It builds belief.”

Take care, Les, One stray fist and trigger seven years bad luck.

And that’s something the former TV star and Mr Amanda Holden could well do without any more of…

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Heather Mills Comes Back As Paul McCartney’s Dark Lady

THE Sun’s continued gawp at Lady Heather Mills sees the paper looking at her hair.

“ALL YOU NED IS RUG,” says the Sun on its front page, words hung above a picture of Nancy Shevell, Paul McCartney’s latest younger lover.

But what’s this? Inside the paper the wigged wonder is not Shevell but Lady Heather.

The Sun says Lady Heather “fled” New York City as Paul “arrived with his new raven-haired girlfriend”. The paper positions a shot of Shevell alongside that of her newly darkened Lady Heather.

The resemblance is indeed uncanny. But why does the Sun do it? To show the world how Paul fancies a certain type of younger woman? Or is there something darker afoot?

Lady Heather has “fled”. And Paul is with Ms Shevall. Or is he? Turn up the candlelight, Paul. Grab a fork and drive it hard into your companion’s limb. No, not that one, Paul the other one. Is it really Nancy?

Or is Paul reunited with her ladyship?

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Paul Burrell And Heather Mills Tour Of Duty

SAYS Justice Scott Baker of Princess Diana’s “rock” Paul Burrell: “It was blindingly obvious, wasn’t it, that the evidence that he gave in this court was not the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

“He had written books, one was into its second edition, and in a number of ways he had cashed in on his selfserved position as having been Diana’s rock. All in all, you may think Burrell’s behaviour has been pretty shabby.

“You may think that a thread running through his evidence was the impression that he thought he was giving and a consideration of the impact whatever he said might have on any of his future enterprises.

“I advise you to proceed with caution especially when and if you are left with the impression that he only told you what he wanted you to hear.”

The Mirror nots that the coroner is heard reminding the jury that the 49-year-old has been described as “quite a porous rock”, given the number of the princess’s secrets he has leaked.
Says the Sun: “Former flunky Paul Burrell was yesterday branded a shabby, bitter, money-grabbing liar by the Diana inquest coroner.”

“What now for Paul Burrell – a US tour with Heather Mills?” asks the Scotsman.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Royal Family | Comments (4)

BBC ‘Scared’ Of Islam

THE BBC is scared of Islam, says Ben Elton.

Writes Dizzy:

How refreshing it is to see that Ben Elton has accused the BBC of being scared of Islam. In an interview with ‘Third Way’, a Christian magazine, he has said the BBC hides behind the idea of moral sensibilities but really it’s ‘because they’re scared’. He also questioned why Christianity was a valid target with for example jokes about vicars but not ones about Immans.

Absobloodylutely! That’s what I say. I’m not a Christian myself, but I can understand why God Botherers get so irritated by the way their faith is easily ridiculed by the secular world but other faiths, in particular Islam, is not. No one has the right not be offended after all, and Islam should be ridiculed, just as much as Jehovah Witnesses, Catholics, Hindus, Buddhists and whatever other faith you can think.

If we are, as many have argued, engaged in an ideological struggle against Islamism (however great), then for us to show deference to the special interests of Islam as a whole then it puts the values of Western ideology on very shaky ground. If the BBC had balls it would buy Little Mosque on the Prairie from the Canadians for a BBC2 night time slot.

It’s a top show. Even better than the Heaven And Earth show…

source 

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comments (6)

Is Nigella Lawson Getting Fatter For Fat Wednesday

IT’S Nigella Lawson on the Daily Express’s cover page.

“So has TV’s yummy cook out a bit too much in her tummy?” asks the paper. The Mail looks at her “jumbo knees”.

Readers may well expect this question to appear alongside a shot of the celebrity throwing up in a taxi. But Nigella is above such things – she most likely has a driver – and can be seen dressed in a vomit-free black top and pink cardigan.

The question, of course, is: “Is Nigella getting fatter?” And if she isn’t, why isn’t she?
Because today the Express screams: “TUCK IN AND LOOSEN YOUR BELTS, IT’S FAT WEDNESDAY.”

The paper says that “we’re likely to cram more food into our tummies today than on any other day, bar Christmas”.

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Worst Film Quote Of 2008: Tom Curise’s Valkyrie

FROM Tom Curise’s heroic Nazi movie Valkyrie:

“When the SS catch you they will pull you apart like warm bread!”

For you ze bread rolls ist over…

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)

Madonna’s Text Mad In Bed

REMEMBER when Madonna was cool? No, we neither. Says she of bedrooma antics with her Guy:

“We lie right next to each other with our BlackBerrys under our pillows. It’s not unromantic, it’s practical.

“I’m sure loads of couples have their BlackBerrys in bed with them.

“I often wake up in the middle of the night and remember that I’ve forgotten something, so I jump up and make notes.”

Do they text each other when its time to change positions?

Anorak

Posted: 2nd, April 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment