Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Those Celebrity-Mad UN Ambssadors, Goodwill And Amy Winehouse
SAYS the Mail: “Celebrities who take drugs are helping fuel the trade in cocaine that is devastating Africa, a United Nations chief has warned.”
This is the UN that has already declared war on Pete Doherty.
Antonio Maria Costa, head of the UN’s Office on Drugs and Crime, looks down on “coke- snorting fashionistas”. They are not Bono, Mr G9. They are not Bob Geldof.
He says: “Amy Winehouse might adopt a defiant pose and slur her way through (the song) Rehab but does she realise the message she sends to others who are vulnerable to addiction and who cannot afford expensive treatment?
“Why is this behaviour socially acceptable? If Miss Winehouse advertised fur coats or blood diamonds, there would be a backlash. Yet when she is the poster girl for drug abuse, nobody seems to care.”
It’s not the obsession with drugs; it’s the obsession with celebrity, which reaches the UN.
This is the UN that ordains Goodwill Ambassadors – and, no, they are not drugs tested.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Celebrity Suicide Watch, With Paul Gascoigne, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Jordan, Big Brother And All Your Favourites
“GAZZA SUICIDE WATCH,” says the Star’s front page, words illustrated by a picture of Paul Gascoigne.
The tabloids routinely offer their readers a chance to slide back the peep hole and check on the mental wellbeing of the celebrity in “my hell”. Paris Hilton, Brintey Spears, Amy Winehouse, Jordan – you alright in your mental prison?
The talk is always of suicide:
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, March 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Bjork Ruines China For Artists
BJORJK makes her childish point about Tibet and leaves the mess behind:
HANGHAI (Reuters) – China will tighten its controls over foreign singers and other performers after Icelandic singer Bjork shouted “Tibet! Tibet!” at a Shanghai concert last weekend, the Ministry of Culture said on Friday.
Posted: 9th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment (1)
Perez Hilton Is The Daily Mail
SAYS Perez Hilton: “Guess The Sexy Beast.”
The picture is of a pair of legs.
Wow!
Those are some HAIRY legs!
Who needs to work on her shave????
Is it someone hairy, like the Archbishop of Canterbury, Fozzie Bear or Cheetah from the Tarzan films?
It turns out to be a picture of Celine Dion, she of the famous ironic zapata moustache.
Why Hilton should be looking at her legs,which are not all that hairy, puts him in line less with the blogger rebels, the so-called new media, but with the old media, chiefly the Daily Mail, the paper which makes it its business to look at women of an age and scream “Eu!”
Posted: 9th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Britain’s Celebrity School
JOHN Dunford is addressing the Association of School and College Leaders annual conference, in Brighton. Says he:
“Celebrity culture makes the job of schools more difficult, because schools try to inculcate values such as hard work bringing rewards.
“The cult of celebrity makes it look all too easy. They don’t realise how long and hard people like David Beckham or pop stars have to train and practise their skills.”
David Beckham has a soccer school. Pop has a Rock School. Fame has an Academy.
Celebrities have stage school. The rich and famous have stunningly talented offspring.
Schoolchildren have maths, media studies and a celebrity chef preaching what they should eat.
Schoolchildren have dreams…
Posted: 9th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Pete Doherty Writes The Musical Rocco Forte
THE Sunday Mirror says Pete Doherty to write a musical.
“Junkie rocker” Pete will write the musical with his former Libertines bandmate Carl Barat.
The singer, now frontman with Dir ty Pretty Things, says: “A producer from the theatre approached me through my record label. So I went down there to see a play and we met up for a chat. He asked me if I was still in contact with Pete and whether we would be interested in writing a musical together for The Donmar for the early part of 2009. I asked Pete and he loves the idea. He has invited me to Wiltshire this week to start writing it.”
The show is said to premier at London’s “high-brow” (tabloidese for ‘limited seating’) theatre the Donmar Warehouse. Londoners beware.
Doherty’s musical will follow in the footnotes of Mike Read’s musical, Oscar Wilde (“Your barbaric ways/ Leave me quite amazed”), Cliff, The Musical, a tribute to Sir Cliff Richard, and Oh Puck! “Mike’s new version of A Midsummer Night’s Dream”.
Barat and Doherty can be the new Sir Tim Rice and Lord Lloyd-Webber (in that order).A working title, for Pete Doherty The Musical has yet to be offered. And a story yet to be settled upon.
Although if Doherty can be rhymed with Rocco Forte, London may have a new muscial to remember on its hands.
Over to you, Mike Read…
Posted: 9th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Why Tori Spelling Worked Again
TORI Spelling is talking on American TV. Tori Spelling rose to fame as the averge-looking girl playing the stunning-looking, vulnerable, loveable and quirky vamp all the boys fancied, one Donna Martin, in hit TV show Beverly Hills 90210.
Toris Spelling is the daughter to the now cancelled billionaire TV mogul Aaron Spelling, the producer of Hart To Hart, The Love Boat, Charlie’s Angels, Dynasty, Melrose Place and, er, Beverly Hills 90210.
Says Tori: “I know that might sounds shallow to people, but that was my reality. I would sit and watch my Mom order stuff online, or in a catalogue see a sweater and order it in 10 different colours. I thought ‘I have my own money – that’s what I should do’.”
Tori picked up her shopping habits from her mum. So bad was her spending that she nearly went bankrupt.
She says she was too proud to go to her father for help. “That means, in my mind, [that] I was what everyone thought I was, taking money from my dad, the rich little girl that he paid for everything. And I just refused to be that. [I would] rather be bankrupt.”
She launched her own jewellery line and began her reality show ‘Tori and Dean: Inn Love’. She would earn her own money.
She has written a memoir entitled “sTori Telling,”She also inherited money from her Dad, who died in 2006, making do on less than $1 million…
Posted: 9th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
George Clooney Gay Gay
GEROGE Clooney is interviewed in Esquire magazine. A website called Clooney “gay, gay, gay“.
Clooney: “No, I’m gay, gay. The third gay – that was pushing it.”
Posted: 8th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
Ashlee Simpson Is Drunk On ‘Bad Energy’
AS reported: “Ashlee Simpson has hit out at reports she was drunk during a radio interview on Tuesday, blaming her slurred speech on ‘bad energy’.”
A spokesperson for Jessica Simpson’s less talented sister (yes, we know; the picture is of their dad Joe) claimed the star was “simply just tired” during an appearance on Washington, D.C.’s Hot 99.5 Kane In The Morning show.
Says the starlet:
“It was very upsetting to hear that people are saying that I was intoxicated when I came in for my morning interview. I take my work very seriously and would never disrespect anyone and come into an interview that way… “When I walked into the radio station I was thrown into the interview. They didn’t even introduce themselves to me before starting it – and just put me on the air. I felt bad energy and like I was about to be attacked as soon as I sat down… “Throughout my career, I have learned that you must speak up for yourself when people try to put you down. That is why I am writing this today. I’m tired of people making things up about others.”
Yes. It is time to stop making things up. Not that you could make it all up…
Posted: 8th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Pregnant Lisa Marie Presley Returns To Slender In UK Tabloids
LISA Marie Presley seems to be carrying some extra timber. Lisa Marie Presley has a blog:
” After being the target all week of slanderous and degrading stories, horribly manipulated pictures and articles in the media, I have had to show my cards and announce under the gun and under vicious personal attack that I am in fact pregnant.
Once they got a glimpse of my expanding physique a few days ago, they have been like a pack of coyotes circling their prey whilst eerily howling with delight. Starting with a London publication and then New York and Chicago all writing false defamatory degrading stories about all of the dark possible reasons I could be putting on weight.
Lisa shoud read around. It’s not just the UK tabloids – the Daily Mail says, she is “bloated”. “Looking just like Dad (or why Elvis’s girl must return to slender…)”
The broadsheet Daily Telegraph says: “There may be many advantages to being Elvis Presley’s daughter, but at times your genetic inheritance may not be one of them.” The piece is entitled: “Elvis Presley’s King-sized daughter Lisa-Marie.”
The US tabloids have been calling all day wanting confirmation on all kinds of insane theories. They couldn’t wait to find out if my weight gain was because I was just overeating, in which case It would be open season and they can do the old following in her fathers sad and unfortunate demise story again or less interesting for them and probably much to their dismay, I could just be pregnant and therefore have a legitimate reason for weight gain at which point they should probably wipe the saliva off of their fangs and put them back in their mouths or they may expose the black little souls that they are.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 8th, March 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Oh-Bummer: The Cult Of Barack Obama
MARK Hemmingway on the Cult of Barack Obama. No, not the death cult:
If anyone doubts that Obama’s supporters engage in cult-like behavior, try pointing out that they engage in cult-like behavior. Apparently fealty so permeates Obama’s hardcore base that not only are they glad to produce creepy, propagandistic tributes, but they’re also more than happy to delve into insane justifications of same.
After I first expressed my distaste for the videos, I was contacted by a number of outraged supporters of the Illinois Senator. In particular, I had criticized actor Ryan Phillippe for claiming he was voting for Obama because he wanted a “better future” for his children when the only thing I know about Ryan Phillipe, private citizen, is that not that long ago he emerged from a messy divorce from his Academy Award-winning wife surrounded by tabloid rumors of an affair.
The only good celebrity supporter was Kenny Everett. As he once told the Conservative Party conference: “Let’s nuke Russia!”
The Obama DipDive video is after the jump.
Oh-bummer! Oh-bummer! Oh-bummer! (Repeat until we are all zombified…)
Posted: 8th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment
What Did They Do To Madonna?
REMEMBER when Madonna sang about going on Holiday and getting into her groove. She was the un-American American. And then:
She’s in conversation with Interview magazine:
On working with Justin Timberlake: “I really enjoy writing with Justin…We had psychoanalytic sessions whenever we wrote songs first…
On adopting her son David: “He wouldn’t have lived if I hadn’t taken him. It’s not even a possibility.”
On gaining perspective: “We live very comfortable lives, and unfortunately, we have to have our noses rubbed in other people’s pain and suffering to realize how much we have and how much we have to be grateful for.”
So thast’s why she lives in London…
Posted: 7th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse Snorts Vodka At Rolf Harris
THE good news for Amy Winehouse is that if there are any blank passages in her memory, she can consult Amy Amy Amy: The Amy Winehouse Story.
The new biography is, as the Star shows in “AMY SEES READ OVER ‘HER BOOK’”, available at all good petrol stations.
Late night reveller shambling home can stock up on Rizlas, tobacco and learn what Winehouse would do next all in a handy one-stop shop.
Of course, Winehouse’s life moves on at no little pace and fans flicking through her text book may be unable to find the passage on her snorting vodka.
Helpfully, the Mirror begins work on the sequel, telling readers that Winehouse has taken to snorting vodka “up her hooter”.
Anyone wishing to ape the singer should know that the vodka should be inhaled neat, and not mixed with a slice of lemon, fizzy water oor a chunk of ice. All impure blends create problems in the nasal cavity and should be best avoided.
You should, however, set light to the vodka shot, as Winehouse is said to have. The shorting can be facilitated by a straw.
While readers go off and try that, Anorak wonders if this is Winehouse’s attempt to be the new Rolf Harris?
Harris is able to play the didgeridoo, the Aboriginal instrument that requires almost simultaneous inhaling and exhaling.
Every generation needs its heroes, and here is Winehouse replacing the long wooden tube with a short plastic straw.
If she can exhale a version of Rehab or Two Little Boys as the vodka percolates up her nostril, Winehouse may yet make it…
Posted: 7th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Will Kerry Katona’s Father Please Confess
ARE you Kerry Katona’s dad? What about you? You? You? You? What about you James Spears?
What does it pay to be Kerry Katona’s father? We do not know. All the Sun says is that the celebrity lettuce shaker wants the man she believes is her dad to take a DNA test on her TV show Kerry Katona: Crazy In Love.
Kerry’s supposed father is John Dowd, although on first view the Anorak mistook him for Alan Titchmarsh. Therein would lie a greater story.
But John it is. He received this letter from a TV production company: “Kerry would like to do a DNA test with you. However, because we are filming the whole time, we would like to capture this on camera.”
Nothing like a spot of science to enliven a celebrity-fed reality TV show.
Says John: “It’s like blackmail, it’s unbelievable. They’re basically saying, ‘If you don’t do it on TV, then she won’t do it’.”
The Alan Titchmarsh show is on 2.30 pm at ITV1.
Posted: 7th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Separated At Birth Cecilia Ciganer-Albeniz And Jessie Wallace
Separated At Birth Cecilia Ciganer-Albeniz (right) And Jessie Wallace (left):
Posted: 7th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comment
‘Pregnant’ Britney Spears Has Is Cooking On Gas
GIVEN the eating habits and lifestyle of Britney Spears, might the bump in her tum-tum be less baby than gas? Spears is a mum of two.
No chance, says the Star. “BRIT ADMITS I AM HAVING A BRAT.”
Britney is in a shop. She is looking at things. Pictures are being taken. Says an onlooker: “She was clearly feeling conscious about her belly because she kept trying to cover it by holding her hands over it, or covering it with what looked like a jacket.”
No, dear readers, not a jacket with a price tag attached, evidence of Britney’s meltdown as she enacts a Winona Ryder moment. The jacket is not stuffed down her pants. That is a baby. At least the Star is certain.
Finally: “And Britney, 26, has reportedly been gobbling down extra-large portions of her favourite food, fuelling further rumours.”
Eating a lot… Recovering from depression… Wandering a shop…. A bump beneath her top…
Its has to be a baby. What other explanation could there be? Unless…
Pic: 14
Posted: 7th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Cherly Cole Should Play The Field With Ashley
THE Vomit ‘n’ Tell matter of Cheryl Cole and her footballer Ashley continues to grip the worlds of pop and sport.
The Sun says Cheryl remains “furious” at her footballer and “suspects” he cheated on her in the marital bed.
Which means, naturally enough, that Cheryl and her footballer must move to a new house. The bed is sent to Jeremy Kyle’s forensic department and form the denouement on a celebrity DNA special.
Says a source: “She has told him there will be NO more boys’ holidays ever again, and NO more lads’ night out for a long time either.”
Quite right too. If there is one thing that guarantees a happy and long-lasting marriage it is one spouse dictating to the other what they must do.
The only thing left to sort out is how Ashley’s employers at Chelsea FC can help the Girls Aloud singer.
With mid-week evening games looming and a Champion’s League quarter-final in a venue as seductive as Rome, Barcelona, Istanbul or Manchester, Ashley may be forced to remain at home.
Or take Cheryl with him, possibly in place of the club’s pint-sized wonder Joe Cole, whose named shirt she could use to avoid being spotted…
Posted: 7th, March 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Victoria Beckham’s Dark Side Of The Moon Is En Vogue
VICTORIA Beckham is on the cover of Vogue magazine.
The Mirror has a picture of this cover. The right half of Posh’s face is hidden behind her raised hand.
The paper says she looks like Eliza Doolittle, as played on film by Audrey Hepburn. The actress is pictured in full face.
The Sun shows a picture of Posh inside Vogue in which only the left side of her face can be seen.
The paper says she looks like Vivien Leigh in Gone with The Wind. A picture of Leigh in full-face mode is supplied.
The Mail says she’s “really trying to be Posh” and looks like Her Majesty the Queen, as pictured by Cecil Beaton in 1949. In that shot, Liz’s face in seen in full.
The result is that we wonder not why Posh is on the cover of Vogue, rather why all of her is not. Why is her face hidden, like the dark side of the moon?
Answers to the usual address…
Posted: 7th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Being Britney Spears’ Dad Is A Paying Job
HOW much is being Britney Spears’ father worth?
Spears is not looking to adopt new parents. She has placed no advert in situation’s vacant. But she is paying her father James $2,500 a week until July 31.
A court has ordered the pop star’s estate to pay James Spears that sum in weekly compensation. He has also been authorized to lease a car.
No details of dental care, a pension nor a corner office are mentioned. And we wonder if Spears has got her dad on the cheap.
James Spears is earning £1.250 a month. If a British housewife were paid for her work, she would earn £30,000. James Spears is getting half that.
What would you do the job for? And what special skills would you need to do it?
Posted: 7th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Dina Lohan Complains To TV Show Of Media Intrusion
DINA Lohan says her family has “no choice” but to perform in a new E! reality series about Lindsay Lohan her sister Ali L.O.H.A.N and mum D.I.N.A L.O.H.A.N.
No comment is a comment…
Posted: 6th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Kelly Rowland’s Breasts
KELLY Roland, formerly of Destinty’s Child, tells People magazine: “I simply went from an A-cup to a B-cup. I didn’t want double Ds and be a little bitty size 2. That would look nuts.”
But why get a boob job?
Well, she really wanted to wear “this one really hot House of Dereon top – I just wanted to fill that out!”
Next week, Kelly sets her sights on a pair of baggy jeans and a huge hat…
Posted: 6th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
On Celebrity Drugs, Role Models And Amy Winehouse’s Protest Song
ARE our adult celebrities able to make their own choices? And do we care if they take drugs in private, even if stills of these shock-of-shocks happenings end up as front-page news on the Mirror and Sun?
Anorak went on Sky News and was invited to comment on how Kate Moss should – as a “role model” – behave in a fashion more in keeping with her status. A model who dates a popstar cannot be seen to be taking drugs, as was alleged.
Anorak agreed. Looking at Moss taking drugs will create a false impression. The young and easily led should know that there is little to no chance that they will look half as good as Moss if they take them. The message should be made clear: Drugs do not make you photogenic. Kate Moss is a fashion model. Not a role model.
You may, however, succeed in looking like Amy Winehouse. But be warned: you may not sound as sweet as Winehouse as you give full throat to her protest song of the century and tell mum and dad you are not, not, not going to rehab.
In the Times, Camilla Cavendish respsonds to the UN’s comments on celebrity drug takers:
We won’t end this violence by jailing celebrities or middle-class users. The only way to take back our streets is to wrest back control of the drugs from the criminals, by legalising and regulating their trade.
Imagine if you could buy coke from Boots. Or the aptly named Superdrug. That would drain the glamour from it more effectively than making a martyr of Kate Moss. I don’t imagine her lovely features would adorn state-regulated packets of white powder, hanging next to the corn plasters. Yes, legalisation would make drugs cheaper, in order to undercut the dealers. Yes, usage might increase. But perhaps not much, because it is already widespread. A third of 16 to 24-year-olds routinely admit to having tried drugs, despite knowing that they are admitting to a crime.
The benefits of legalisation could be enormous. Overcrowded prisons would be relieved of people needing treatment rather than punishment (about 15 per cent of prisoners are in for possession or supply). Addicts would not be forced into associating with criminals. Children could be safe in Britain’s playgrounds again.
That’s better. Legalise it and allow people to decide for themsleves. Can a UN PR stunt, or Gordon Brown’s words, or even the UK’s celebrity police stop a star or any adult taking drugs?
Posted: 6th, March 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comments (2)
Shlebs: Jennifer Ellison’s Killer Boobs, Dani’s Dress, Largerfeld’s Anorexia
SHLEBS: Anorak’s look at celebrities making the news
DAILY STAR front page: “SEXY” Jennifer Ellison has “amazing DD boobs”.
So amazing are they that they have been distracting her “randy co-stars”, forcing expensive reshoots of scenes in her latest film.
This is “JEN’S £5M BOOB.”
Says actors Reece Shearsmith: “They are big, probably the best in the business. There is a scene where I am mesmerised with her chest – and she headbutts me and breaks my nose.”
Should Ellison’s false breasts be handed out as a matter of course to all women keen on self-defence?
“She doesn’t give a Dan…”
Danielle Lloyd is in a club. “Bubbly Dani didn’t even seem to care when the zip of her dress slipped down..”
That’ll learn her to wear a dress. She won’t be making that mistake again…
GEMMA Bissix (front page): “BED THE BUILDER”.
Says EastEnders’ Gemma: “I’ve got a bit of a builder fetish. But to be honest I am just attracted to ambition”.
“I hope to be back on Monday to finish the job,” says Gemma’s dreamy guy…
SUN (front page): “Jimmy’s horror at isle link
Human remains are found at a children’s home in Jersey.
Says Sir Jimmy Savile: “For anybody who opens a garden fete 38 years ago for half an hour and ends up with people nudging each other in restaurants and saying, ‘That man’s associated with those murdered children,’ it’s a nasty thing.”
“SWAYZE NEEDS A MIRACLE”
Surely cancer victim Patrick Swayze needs a Ghost of a chance?
KARL Lagerfeld: “Anorexia is nothing to do with fashion. Let’s talk about the 25 per cent of girls who are overweight.”
He can be so catty
Posted: 6th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Kerry Katona’s Migrating Boobs
KERRY Katona writes in her OK! Diary:
“One of the many headlines last week was Kerry: ‘I want my old boobs back’ – well I guess that’s partly true. My boobs used to be alright back in the day, but they’ve gone a bit south now!
To Dubai, on a weekend break with Danielle Lloyd, we’d wager…
Posted: 6th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)
Patrick Swayze Has Cancer
“NATIONAL ENQUIRER WORLD EXCLUSIVE: PATRICK SWAYZE HAS 5 WEEKS TO LIVE”
How exclusive is exclusive? Does Swayze know?
In a shocking world exclusive, The NATIONAL ENQUIRER has uncovered the devastating news that the beloved Hollywood actor and dancer was diagnosed in late January with pancreatic cancer that has spread to other organs.
If true, it’s grim news. If untrue, it’s grim news…
Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comments (13)