Jordan’s Lingerie: One Size Fits All Members

JORDAN – Katie Price – is all for what the media call “real women”.

As she says: “I decided that I wanted girls from my fan club to model [the range] with me in front of the press so I got them to write in and then I chose six girls.”

Spot prize: How many girls do you think are in the fan club?

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Celebrity Drugs Culture

Nigel Morris on the celebrity drug culture.

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment

Coleen McLoughlin And The Liverpool Pack Visit The Hairdressers

COLEEN McLOUGHLIN stands before a mirror, offering us a view of her front and a reflected view of her back.

Coleen McLoughlin is the complete woman.

Says OK!: “While all eyes have been on London recently for assorted swanky events like the BAFTAS and BRITS, the capital doesn’t have the monopoly on star-studded bashes.”

And to prove it OK! joins Coleen, Lauren Blake and Justine Mills at the opening of a hairdressers up north.

Also there are Evie Lavin, Sinead Moynihan, Emma Rigby, Katy O’Grady and Liverpool’s most eligible bachelor Stilt Walkers…

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, OK! | Comment

Victoria Beckham On David’s Baby Skin Ground Force

IN OK! magazine, Victoria Beckham says of her Day-vid: “A lot of people think he’s a bit dim, but when you get to know him he’s actually quit deep.”

Such is the insight of Victoria Beckham.

Anorak has been reviewing Phil Shaw’s The Book of Football Quotations. Here’s few more bon mots from Victoria:

• “He walks around the kitchen going: ‘I’m a gay icon, I’m a gay icon.’ When I say, ‘So am I’, he just goes, ‘But they love me more.’”

• “He’s a really intelligent person. He’s really deep, which I like.”

• “David is an animal in bed. Some woman asked me in an interview: “Are you so thin because you shag all day?” And I said: “Actually, yes.”

• “I’ve read it cover to cover. It’s got some nice pictures.” (On a biography of her husband.)
  

• “I’m sure there are lots of people who’d love to feel how soft his skin is. His skin is like our baby’s.”

• “Me and David have always been very compatible. We’re going to get old together. We have a laugh. We got into bed together the other night, he put on the TV and what’s he watching? Ground Force. I said to him: “But I heard you’re really into porn.”

Victoria Beckham is singer-model-desinger-Wag-sex-just-like-you-and-me-talented…

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)

Victoria Beckham And David’s Sunday Roasts

VICTORIA Beckham and her footballer husband David have “REVEALING WORDS” and “STUNNING PICTURES”.

These gems are teased by the lines:

“I LOVE VICTORIA – OTHER WOMEN DON’T INTEREST ME.”

And:

“OUT ROMANTIC SUNDAY ROASTS.”

Anorak is something of the unwitting expert on footballer slang and wonders if these two comments tally? Can you have a two-person roast?

Answers in the form of a orgy ‘n’ tell exclusive to the usual address…

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Charlotte Church’s Vibrating

COMPLETE the Sun’s story: “Singer Charlotte Church has “shed four stone with the help of a vibrating…”

Answer:

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)

Cheryl Cole Tells Ashley Things Must Change

THE votes are in, the columnists have spoken, and we can now report that Cheryl Cole WILL be staying with her vomitous husband Ashley Cole.

“Give him a chance,” says Suzi Walker, former wife of former Spurs’ goalkeeper Ian Walker. “So crazy to forgive,” says the Sun’s Sally Brook.

Says the Sun: “No matter how hard she tried to convince herself to leave him, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Cheryl has told Ashley she is taking him back. But she has also told him things have to change.”

Like the bed linen, his short and his toothbrush…

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)

Open-Mouthed Horror: Amy Winehouse Stubs Cigarette Out On Cheek

AMY Winehouse has a new look.

The Sun says her extended cheek is not the product of implants, rather the result of her stubbing a cigarette out on it. Alternative reports are that she has impetigo, known among young lads as “the nose picker’s disease”.

But the Sun has Winehouse sat in a London eatery. She is smoking. She is asked to stop. The Sun says she is asked to stop three times. No. No. No.

She then stubs out the cigarette on her face, specifically her cheek.

Says a source: “She hardly flinched because she was so high. The whole place was open-mouthed in horror.”

Repulsive. Sickening. A roomful of diners eating with their mouths agape. It this what our once proud nation has come to?

We should focus on Miss Winehouse and ignore the unpleasantness all around her…

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5)

UN Declares War On Pete Doherty

THE UN’s War With Pete Doherty, as told by the Daily Sport newspaper.

Declaration: This is another day of solemn decision in Doherty’s history and of memorable events destined to give a new course to the history of continents.

One man, one man only through a series of infinite provocations, betraying with a supreme fraud the population of his country, wanted the war and had prepared for it day by day with diabolical obstinacy.

Today, the UN, with the plenitude of its forces and its moral and material resources, is a formidable instrument for the war and a certainty for victory.

Anorakians! Once more arise and be worthy of this historical hour!

We shall win.

As the Sport says of the UN: “The international organisation plans to attack none other than Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty.”

Says a “pal”: He’s paranoid at the best of times” but having 192 nation states hunting for him “could push him over the edge.”

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)

Hillary Clinton Is A Joker

HILLARY Clinton tries to be funny. But just ends up being unnerving:

Anorak

Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment

Lindsay Lohan’s Mum Dinah Gets Reality TV Show

LINDSAY Lohan’s mother Dinah Lohan has her own reality TV show. Pushy mums pushing their own careers.

E! ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION ANNOUNCES NEW NONSCRIPTED SERIES
STARRING CELEBRITY MOM DINA LOHAN AND DAUGHTER ALI LOHAN

Bunim-Murray Productions and Maloof Television Present “Living Lohan” (Working Title), Debuting Summer 2008 on E!

Los Angeles, CA, March 4, 2008 – E! Entertainment Television will debut a new nonscripted series starring celebrity mom extraordinaire Dina Lohan and her youngest daughter, up-and-coming teen star Ali Lohan (14). Viewers will go inside the Lohan’s Long Island home for the first time to follow Dina as she works double duty as mom and manager to help Ali try to follow in her big sister’s famous footsteps and pursue her own shot at stardom. Co-produced by Bunim-Murray Productions and Maloof Television, “Living Lohan” (Working Title) will debut summer 2008 on E!

Dina has faced intense scrutiny over the past year due to daughter Lindsay’s (21) highly publicized mishaps and her long-simmering divorce from her ex-husband. But the Lohan family has demonstrated great resiliency and, with Dina at the helm, they are moving on with their lives. Dina is determined to help each of her four kids fulfill their dreams and refuses to live in fear of what others may think, despite being under the paparazzi microscope.

E!’s cameras will follow the single mom every step of the way as she manages Lindsay’s hectic schedule, while helping Ali jump start her music and acting career. This takes the family to the Palms Casino in Las Vegas, where Ali will record tracks for the Maloof’s Interscope-based record label. Having grown up in the shadow of her sister’s stardom and much publicized lifestyle, Ali is determined to achieve her own brand of success. But Dina is more experienced this time around and will do everything she can to protect Ali from the pressures and temptations of young Hollywood.

The series will also feature Dina keeping track of her son Cody (11) whose sports teams, homework and endless energy are enough to keep any soccer mom busy, as well as her older son, on-the-go college student Michael (20). Viewers will get to know the Lohan’s close-knit extended family as well.

“The Lohans are one of the most intriguing families in the entertainment industry today,” said Lisa Berger, Executive Vice President, Original Programming and Series Development for E! “This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining.”

“We are excited to be in business with the Lohan family and E! and look forward to a memorable series,” said Phil Maloof, Chairman and CEO, Maloof Productions. “This series will provide an entertaining and unprecedented look at one of the most recognized families in America.”

“We’ve been given unprecedented access to Dina Lohan and her kids lives; as a result, our series will deliver a powerful story that will both surprise and delight E!’s viewers,” said Jonathan Murray, President, Bunim-Murray Productions.

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Rick Wakeman Moans And Rants for You

PRESS release of the day: RICK WAKEMAN will moan for you.

Recorded from his very successful tour of the same name, this hilarious one-man show see Rick Wakeman reprise his very popular role from the BBC hit series, ‘Grumpy Old Men’.  Identifying with the masses, watch him moan and rant his way through the frustrations and irritations of modern life! Delivered in a highly amusing fashion, Rick creates a riotous pastiche of his extraordinary life and escapades.

There are day when everything Anorak reads is “Beyond Parody”

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Online-PR | Comment

Adele Silva Mets Her Dolphin

“THIS is amazing,” says Adele Silva. “He feels so smooth and although he’s very big, he’s incredibly gentle.”

This is Adele Silva, former Emerdale soap actress and runner up on pro-celebrity cooking on Hell’s Kitchen.

This is Adele Silva telling Hello! magazine of “LOVE AFTER ANTONY”.

Antony is Antony from the now matured adolescent boy band Blue.

And this is a dolphin in Adele’s arms, as the celebrity swims in the azure water off Barbados.

“My feet haven’t touched the ground,” says Adele, pictured lying on a massive bed chair.

Hell’s Kitchen put her career on the map. Since then Adele has been asked to write her own autobiography and launch a perfume.

She turned down both, preventing us from reading about her first 27 years and denying us her essence (a dash of old barn, two parts to one part Mr Msucels lemon and lime).

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment (1)

Anne Diamond Needs To Be Thick Skinned

ASKS Hello!” magazine of Anne Diamond, who walked off Celebrity Fit Club:

“Some hurtful things have been written about your struggle with your size. Have you become thick-skinned?”

Or just big boned? Anne…

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello!, TV & Radio | Comment

Jemima Khan’s Pause For Thought

“IN her own words Jemima Khan tells of her gift to women and children affected by HIV,” says Hello.

Says Jemima: “In the time it takes you to read this, ten more children will have died.”

Whenever we read such a line, the temptation is to read slowly…

(…and give generously)

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment

Lily Allen Thought For The Day II: My Smashed Up Car

SAYS Lily Allen:

If you see photos in the press or online of my car window being “smashed by vandals”, I just want you to know that it was one of the many paparazzi who were following us who did it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Damian Is Liz Hurley’s Little Helper: Cue The Music

HARD to look at the picture of Damian Hurley that graces the cover of Hello! and not hear the slashing music of the Omen films.

There’s Damian sat between mother Liz and Arun Nayaer, his step-father.

Damian is pictured sat before a wall of yellow balloons. He wears a red tie under a grey jumpers over a grey shirt, grey socks, grey soft cotton, possibly cashmere, shorts.

He is using a pink pen to draw upon a pink piece of paper. He smiles a toothless smile and looks into the camera.

Inside, and Damian and Liz are sharing a kiss on the lips. He is here to support his mother’s work for a charity called Kids. Damian is five. Damian is a young man.

Hurley says Damian wanted to wear his page boy uniform from her wedding. She says: “He’s uncannily like me and I’m very in tune with him.”

Damian is “obsessed with tea parties”. Damian steps up to help Mr Marvel, a magician brought into entertain the more fortunate unfortunates massed in a Chelsea town house.

Magic. Something frightening.

And the music strikes up. Always the music…

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment

Kevin Costner And Cayden: Correction

CORRECTION: The Hello! magazine headline

“KEVIN COSTNER AND WIFE CHRISTINE INTRODUCE SON CAYDEN TO THE GREAT OUTDOORS”

should read:

THE GREAT OUTDOORS IS INTRODUCED TO KEVIN COSTNER AND WIFE CHRISTINE’S SON CAYDEN

We apologise for any offence caused…

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment

Kerry Katona’s Squirrel-Faced Husband

SAYS Mr Kerry Katona, Mark Croft: “It’s mad. Everyone knows me and Kerry are married, yet she has a ‘husband’ in the ads.”

Croft is speaking of those Iceland adverts, which feature Katona extolling the virtues of ‘Boozzie Brownies’ and own-brand ketchup in the company of a gigantic squirrel.

Perhaps if Croft could be persuaded to swap his straightjacket for the look of, say, a rat or a ferret, he could make the part his own?

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Lily Allen Quote Of the Day: Drink And Drugs

SAYS Lily Allen: “Cheryl has had an awful time. Two years ago I’d have been, ‘Ha ha!’. Now I could never take anything positive from anyone suffering.”

Anorak

Posted: 4th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Wanted: Matthew McConaughey And Rumer Willis

THE Boston Herald reports on two robbers disguised as armed policemen knocking on doors, searching homes for drugs and stealing anything they find.

Do you recognise them?

Matthew McConaughey and Rumer Willis are not thought to be an item…

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment

Nine Inch Nails Do Radiohead

NINE Inch Nails give away their new album…

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Money | Comment

Britney And Adnan Call It An iPhone

BRITNEY Spears has called it a day with her Brummie lover Adnan Ghalib.

The Sun sets the scene of this romantic parting of ways. Dim the lights. Cue the music. Pass the tissues:

There were about a dozen from one girl, all sent on one day. They were pretty saucy stuff with sexual references — certainly not the sort you’d send to just a friend. Britney lost it and started yelling. She was demanding to know who sent the texts and shouting, ‘What’s this about? You’re cheating on me’. Adnan said the girl was just a friend, but Britney got more and more angry. Then she told him, ‘That’s it. It’s over’. Just before she told Adnan to go, she took the phone and threw it in the pool right in front of him. He didn’t even bother trying to get it out of the water.”

It’s not enough. This is an iPhone. It may not be easy to put down. And those emails may yet surface again. And in any case, such is the way of text messages – the Bext (noun. A sexually suggestive mobile phone message) -that cutting-edge mobiles comes with saucy texts pre-installed.

Thus Old Mr Anorak’s attempts to send his first text message “I’m on the bucking bronco” to Harriet Harman was mutated by something called ‘predictive texting’ into “I want to **** ur ***d”…

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Cheryl Cole Records Ashley Cole Revenge

CHERYL Cole has recorded a song featuring the line: “You’ve been a f****** jerk!”

This, says the Sun’s Gordon Smart, is “the perfect way to get her message across to numbnuts husband Ashley – with a four-letter rant in a new song.”

“Jerk” does indeed contain four letters. (Who says journalists can’t do maths?) But as an Americanism it may lack the necessary “venom” to make Ashley Cole sit up and take notice. This is the Ashley Cole who is often regaled in song by fans of opposition clubs.

Four-letter words feature heavily in these works, as do six-letter words, nine letter words and one thirteen letter word that could not be repeated in this organ…

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment

Kate Moss’s Daughter Grace Organises A Pub Lunch

MOTHER’S Day with Kate Moss, her daughter Grace and the Mirror’s 3 am girls

“She’s only five but Lila Grace’s Mother’s Day preparation put us both to shame. While we were still nursying our hangovers, Kate Moss’s daughyer had already presented the supermodel with a handmad card and abox of cholocates and sweets.

“She also organised a country walks and pub lunch.”

Brings a tear to the eye…

Anorak

Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)