Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Mum Kerry Katona’s goen To Iceland, But Where’s Dad?
MORE news on Kerry Katona, face and body of supermarket ownbrand ketchup and frozen Boozie Brownies.
Mum’s gone to Iceland. But where’s dad?
Samantha Riaz says she knows. In “My secret romps with Kerry’s fella” the Sun hears Samantha say how she slept with Mark Croft, Mr Boozie Brownie, last summer.
As with such tales, there is the inevitable misspelt text message: “Am horny & thinkin of ur sexc bod ridin my ****.” (The **** is unlikely to be “wife”.)
There is the comment on Mark’s sexual prowess. Says Sam: “The sex was rubbish. I didn’t know he was married.” That appears as a non-sequitur, as married men will attest.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Mick Jagger’s Hell And High Water
TABLOID headline of the day: “TIDE IS ON MY SIDE – Hells Angel bid to kill Jagger ‘foiled by rough seas’”
Story (to fit Mirror’s headline): After the Rolling Stones’ 1968 Altamont concert where the Hells Angels security murdered a fan, Jagger sacked the biker gang. Vowing vengeance, the group decided to kill Jagger at his seafront home.
Says Tom Mangold, who presents the Radio 4 show The FBI At 100: “All were thrown overboard in a storm.”
Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Jordan Takes Off
“JUMBOS jet for Jordan,” says the Sun’s front-page headline.
Jordan is planning to buy a Hawker 900 jet for £4.5 millions.
Says a source: “She has three round trips planned to Australia. The cost of taking the family abroad this year looked ridiculous.”
And if there is one thing Jordan and her husband Peter must not look it is ridiculous…
Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Marion Cotillard Knows
OSCAR-winning Marion Cotillard is the 32-year-old French winner of a Bafta, Golden Globe and a César for her performance as singer Edith Piaf in La Vie en Rose.
Says she: “I think we’re lied to about a number of things.” Cotillard is speaking of the two passenger jets flown into the World Trade Centre on September 11 2002.
Says she: “We see other towers of the same kind being hit by planes, are they burned? There was a tower, I believe it was in Spain, which burned for 24 hours. It never collapsed. None of these towers collapsed. And there [New York], in a few minutes, the whole thing collapsed.”
Adding: “Did a man really walk on the moon? I saw plenty of documentaries on it, and I really wondered. And in any case I don’t believe all they tell me, that’s for sure.”
Indeed.
The Anorak finds it hard to believe that you can:
Fly to New York from London in seven hours in a heavy metal object
Make a direct phone call on a mobile phone from Australia to Paris for very little money
See pictures of the surface of Mars relayed by the Explorer Spirit probe
Have enough time to listen to and read the thousands of statements for those who watched the 9/11 horror unfold
Use email via the Internet
Believe Cotillard will work much in Hollywood…
And many, many more unbelievable things…
Posted: 2nd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Ellen DeGeneres Adopts A Human Pet Food
SAYS Ellen DeGeneres: “Ours is all human grade. It’s all natural. And yes, you can eat it,” says DeGeneres.”
DeGeneres is bringing out her range of dog food. She says it’s so good that humans can eat it. Or, given the talk of what humans eat, its so bad that humans will eat it.
Question: What do dog farmers in Malaysia feed their livestock?
And is it safe for human consumption, or too good?
Posted: 1st, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (12)
Matthew Fox Lost On Drugs
AS we say, “Musicians can take drugs so long as the drugs work and they make great music”. So too actors.
Says Lost actor Matthew Fox:
“I break the law all the time! I’ve done plenty of illegal narcotics, but I think everyone knowingly breaks the law pretty often, don’t they? I can’t imagine living my life abiding by the law completely. That’d be tough to do.”
Can he be forgiven?
Posted: 1st, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jennifer Lopez Twins
Jennifer Lopez’s Max And Emme
Posted: 1st, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Michael McDonald Pisses Himself
MICHAEL McDonald, he of the Yacht Rock harbour wall of sound in Time Out:
I don’t want it to sound like I’m bragging about smoking pot, but there was a time when that was a big part of our day. Smoking in the morning was normal. But a lot of things became normal to me. Seizures, pissing my pants, waking up in a hotel room with the New York City police at the foot of my bed became normal. It’s not like I’m proud of it.
McDonald was in The Doobie Brothers. And he worked with Steely Dan.
Musicians can take drugs so long as the drugs work and they make great music. McDonald’s lyrics can be found on Peg. Enjoy…
Posted: 1st, March 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Angelina Jolie Beats Obama
Angelina Jolie Plays The Battlefield in Iraq
Posted: 1st, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment
Celebrity Cull: Suzanne Shaw Wields Blade On Dancing On Ice
MORE news on the Dancing On Ice Celebrity Cull.
Followign this and this, the Mail screams: “Drama On Ice: The moment Suzanne Shaw’s skate sliced open her partner’s face.”
Blades…
Posted: 1st, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Jordan Doesn’t Write Her Autobiographies, And Nor Does Jordan
KATE Price, Katie Andre and Jordan never writes a word of their autobiographies:
Price, aka Jordan, told me last week that her publishers Random House insist on calling her latest book an autobiography. “But it isn’t,” she said. “It’s a diary. I talk into a dictaphone for two years and each month someone takes the tape away and something’s done to it. I’ve started talking to my dictaphone for my fourth diary that’s out in two-and-half-years’ time.”
As Madame Arcati says:
A diary! Of course! At her current rate, and given a normal lifespan (let’s say 87 years from her current age of 29 years) we can look forward to at least another 27 or 29 “memoirs” or updates (one every two years over the next 58 years).
Plus the weekly serialisation in OK!…
Posted: 29th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Worst Nude Movie Scenes of All Time
Paper Magazine’s Top 10 Worst Nude Film Scenes of all-time:
1. Philip Seymour Hoffman – Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead
2. Patrick Dempsey – Some Girls
3. Terry Bradshaw – Failure To Launch
4. Donald Sutherland – Space Cowboys
5. Kathy Bates – At Play In The Fields Of The Lord
Posted: 29th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
Spot The Mary Kate Olsen
OVER the celebrity newswires Anorak learns that Mary Kate Olsen has been at the Giambattista Valli show in Paris.
Big news in celebrity circles.
Her look is catching on. Fashiopn moves fast. Blink and you miss it.
(But which one is she?)
Posted: 29th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jordan Gives Until It Hurts
KATIE Price and Peter Andre are stood between Daily Express owner Richard Desmond and his wife Janet. The Express has the scoop.
Katie and Peter are handing over five gold discs of their BBC Children in Need song A Whole New World. Such is the charity.
All to the good. And all set off by the Price-Andre’s daughter, Princess Tiaamii “dressed in a tiny Christian Dior jumpsuit”.
Please give generously…
Posted: 29th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Angelina Jolie Plays The Battlefield in Iraq
ANGELINA Jolie writes for the Washington Post: “Staying to Help in Iraq – We have finally reached a point where humanitarian assistance, from us and others, can have an impact.”
Is grandstanding by the great and good worthwhile?
Who cares if Jolie is benefiting herself? If she can raise an issue, then all to the good? Such is the deference afforded to celebrities that they are now better placed than our elected leaders to comment on politcal matters.
The celebs speak without fear of criticism. And if they get the facts wrong, they can just shrug it off as not their line of expertise. They speak from the heart.
If a politician talks like Jolie they would be snapped and sniped at. They would need facts. Jolie just needs proclamations. If Bono is Mr G9, Angelina Jolie is his significant other.
Says Jolie: “The request is familiar to American ears: “Bring them home.”
But in Iraq, where I’ve just met with American and Iraqi leaders, the phrase carries a different meaning. It does not refer to the departure of U.S. troops, but to the return of the millions of innocent Iraqis who have been driven out of their homes and, in many cases, out of the country.”
She talks of refugees in Iraq:
“More than 2 million people are refugees inside their own country…
An additional 2.5 million Iraqis have sought refuge outside Iraq, mainly in Syria and Jordan….I’m not a security expert, but it doesn’t take one to see that Syria and Jordan are carrying an unsustainable burden. They have been excellent hosts, but we can’t expect them to care for millions of poor Iraqis indefinitely and without assistance from the U.S. or others.”
Syria. That bastion of human rights. Jolie truly is no security expert.
But the bigwigs all want to meet with here. Jolie speaks with Army Gen. David Petraeus and Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. Do they learn anything from Jolie? Or is the lure of celebrity too big a deal to turn down?
Says Jolie:
“It seems to me that now is the moment to address the humanitarian side of this situation. Without the right support, we could miss an opportunity to do some of the good we always stated we intended to do.”
She has your attention. The details she leaves to others…
Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Kate Beckinsale’s Mummified Vagina
SAYS Kate Beckinsale in Allure magazine:
“I’ve only ever had about three boyfriends. Only a handful of people have seen into the Pharaoh’s Tomb!”
And:
“My best feature is unfortunately a private matter, although I’m told it is spectacular. But you can’t really walk it down the red carpet. What can I say?” she giggled before silently mouthing the words ‘My twat’ at the interviewer.
Mummy!
Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
The Origins Of Tom Cruise’s Scientology
TOM Cruise et al: “The English-language term ‘Scientology’ originated neither with Hubbard nor Nordenholz, but with philologist Allen Upward, who coined the term in 1907 to ridicule pseudoscientific theories.”
Irony –
Via
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientolog … es_Wissens
Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
What Katie Price Picked Up Next
SAY the Jordan-inspired headline: “I WANT TO ADOPT ANOTHER DISABLED KID ON MY NEXT DAY OFF.”
It’s front-page news in OK!.
And it’s good news for disabled kids. But hold the fake bake. And as you were with the extra name vowels.
Jordan doesn’t tell OK! readers when her next day off is. It could be today. It could be tomorrow. Or for Jordan – ‘the hardest working chest in showbiz’ – it could be in ten years time.
On the bright side, disabled kids will continue to live in hope, and Jordan’s team of disabled kid scouts will have time to find the right one…
Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)
The Spice Kids As They Really Are
ODD indeed that OK! should feature the Spice Gilrs on stage and not airbrush faces onto their odd-looking children.
But the magazine aims for authenticity and truth in all that it does, so we see the blurry outlines and smudged features of Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz Beckham.
This facial tick has afflicted all Spice Kids, and Bluebell Halliwell, Beau Bunton and Angel Brown all have no features, just a facial smudge.
Anorak has employed our computer wizards to transfer suitable faces on all the children in the hope that when they next take to the stage they will not be judged too harshly…
Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment
No Teddy Bear’s Picnic For Keith Richards And Vernon Coaker
WOOD. Chocolate biscuits. Keith Chegwin. You can find anything washed up on Britain’s beaches.
Frank Partridge is walking on a beach on the Lizard Peninsular, Cornwall. He spots a package.
The package is 2ft square. Frank drags it off the beach and uses a wheelbarrow to take it home.
The bag is full cocaine. In all there are five packages of the drug. Much excitement, although the Mail says it is uncertain if the drug can be used.
Partridge tells the police.
“Lay off the dope,” says Keith Richards in Uncut magazine. “That’s my advice to all younger, uh, members who are into this sort of thing. I knooow the fascination, but it ain’t worth it.”
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Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians, Tabloids | Comment
Pamela Anderson’s Busted Flush ‘Fraud’
POKER’S most romantic couple, walking busted flush Pamela Anderson and straight-to-tissue box home movie star Rick Saloman, are going their separate ways.
But instead of divorcing Paris Hilton’s co-star, the former “Baywatch” babe has cited “fraud” in court papers filed in Los Angeles.
Anderson filed for divorce in December, just two months after saying “I do”, “I will” and “depends on the motivation”.
As you know, Pammy and Ricky exchanged vows last October in Las Vegas, where Anderson was working as illusionist Hans Klok.
In their lives, all the world is a stage. And we are now wondering what fraud could have been perpetrated that ended up in a marriage, especially when it all seemed so real?
Your suggestions, please…
Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Britney Spears’ New Baby Shows Mums Can Have It All
“BRITNEY Baby One More Time,” says the Star on news that Britney Spears is pregnant by “Brum lover” Adnan Ghalib.
Spears is going to be a “BRUMMY MUMMY”.
Nothing has been confirmed, but it is so, the baby cannot appear fast enough.
As the Mail reports, two thirds of British mums think celebrities are putting them under pressure to “live up to an unrealistic ideal”.
You may not be as thin as Posh, as sinewy as Madonna, but you can aspire to be a mother in the mould of Britney Spears.
The Britney Spears Muvva ‘n’ Bay-bee Traning Programme can be studied each morning on the Jeremy Kyle show…
Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2)
Cliff Richard Keep A Single Breast Of The Arctic Monkeys
SAYS Cliff Richard: “When I first started out in showbiz, I didn’t want to look like everyone else. So I went out and bought a pink jacket which made me different.
“I just don’t understand why the young artists all want to look the same. They all wear the same baggy trousers and the same baggy tops.” And not a pink jacket in sight.
Pink jackets are not for every man.
Cliff’s point is well made, coming as it does one page on from the Express’ piece “Why putting on proper shoes is a step forward” – a story on the return of sartorial elegance in the young ones illustrated by popular beat combo The Arctic Monkeys dressed in plus fours…
Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (3)
Amy Winehouse And Smart Drugs
“AMY back on E coke and dope,” says the Sun, words used to caption a picture of Amy Winehouse.
The headline might well read: “Amy Winehouse not back on crack.” But the Sun believes in tough love and accentuates the negatives.
Inside and the snapper’s flashbulb explodes in Winehouse’s face. Eyes widen. Pupils dilate. Evidence of drugs?
“FEARS that without drugs she is just a ZOMBIE,” says the Sun. Who? What? When? The Sun speaks as if in a trance.
A “friend” tells the Sun that Winehouse “deliberately burnt her hand with a lighter”, and told them: “My life is a shell of what it was. People talk to me and I just zone out. It’s like the whole world is now still born. Colours aren’t as bright, love doesn’t feel real. I don’t know who I am and I just feel numb.”
Stick a slow double bass in the background and you have Winehouse’s next hit song. But the Sun is upset, worried, even.
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Posted: 28th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Nicole Richie On Her Baby Diet
NICOLE Richie tells People magazine: “I eat really bland [food] – chicken noodle soup, vegetables, fish.
“I had to cut out milk, no tomatoes, no lettuce. You think you have to cut everything out when you’re pregnant, but you really have to cut everything out when you’re breastfeeding.”
And then you have to diet and get your body in shape for another baby, and on it goes…
Posted: 27th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (14)
