Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
It’s Bleak For Jayden James And Sean Preston
KEVIN Federline’s mother is called Julie Bleak.
A cause for relief and much rejoicing at Anorak.
When Anorak began there were just five celebrities – Hardi Amies, Noel Edmonds, Noele Gordon, Princess Diana and Nookie Bear.
Now there number is many. We hung on for while but became confused around the time Danni Minogue rose to prominence, and began to fail with the arrival of pin-codes, passwords and Big Brother.
Good then to find names that say so much about their owners. Federline seems entirely suited to Mr Britney Spears who had, as was the popular gossip, fed Britney a line and won fair maiden.
Now it turns out he is a living saint. But Federline sticks.
Now in the National Enquirer story to illustrate the lives of Jayden James and Sean Preston, Britney’s and Federline’s sons, we hear of the nippers’ “constant nightmares” and Julie Bleak.
The name Bleak sticks. Anorak can add it to the list, between Barry Sheen and Buzby…
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer | Comment (1)
Heather Hunting: The Heather Mills Divorce Video
HEATHER Mills is in court:
Tabloid Baby notes: “Mills apparently played a video portraying herself as one of those hunted animals she likes to ‘campaign’ for in today’s divorce court hearing in which she’s trying to skin more than a hundred million British pounds from poor old skinflint Paul McCartney for the time they were married.
“Too bad she turns it into comedy by scoring the video with The Batman Theme. And we’d say the bird is lucky she’s not in LA; at least she’s followed by a few professional photographers and not the lawless amateurs and crims with home video cameras and cellphones who get paid by that corporate porn-pushing gossip site and the other lowlife phony tabloid operations.”
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
At Home With The Screwy Rod Stewart Family
ROD Stewart’s children, Kimberly, Ruby and Sean, are showing HELLO!” readers around their Beverly Hills mansion.
It’s not far from Rod’s pad. “Kimberly and Ruby will pop over to Dad’s place to borrow spices, while Rod can wander past the courtyard fountain and look in to borrow a corkscrew.”
Can it be that Rod does not own a corkscrew? Or is he forever losing them? Should Rod take to wearing one on a chain about his neck?
Rod Stewart was born in 1945, a time when you could leave your front door open and neighbours would nip over to borrow a cup of sugar, a tube of Ricketts Rub and for a look at your radio.
Admittedly, spice is not sugar, but that’s change for you. And Rod has always sought to move with the times.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment
The Horror Of St Valentine’s Day
“VALENTINE’S Day is here, and who better to spend it with than showbiz ‘lothario’ Dean Gaffney.”
No, that is not a question in heat magazine. It is a statement of fact…
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Kerry Katona Is Crazy In Love For Jeremy Kyle, The Movie
“HEAT VISITS Kerry Katona (and Mark, who hides upstairs).”
Kerry Katona, a shoo-in for numerous walk-on parts in Jeremy Kyle: The Movie, is stood before her house. heat’s writer “isn’t sure if she’s a welcome guest.”
Readers see the double garages, the sports car and the paved driveway. And if they peer around Kerry, they can see the front door. It’s closed.
“Let’s not pretend here: Kerry does not like heat magazine,” says heat magazine. Kerry has bought an Alsatian dog. She has a husband heat has labelled “intimidating”.
Kerry and Mark have been in Madeira filming a section for the MTV show Crazy In Love. heat says Kerry did not emerge from her hotel room for four days. Love and especially Crazy Love can do that to you.
Perhaps this is why heat cannot focus, revealing straight off that Kerry’s home features a gravel driveway. But the picture, we splutter. It’s a herringbone pattern in block paving. gut no-one listens…
Inside With Kerry
A ring on the door, which heat correctly identifies. A wait. A “stern-yet-friendly” woman called Pat opens the door. She’s Kerry’s stepsister, employed to do the cleaning.
“The house is spotless, a bit like an MFI showroom,” albeit without the glamour. “I heart mum,” says a message scrawled in crayon on the fridge. heat says it’s the work of one of Kerry’s children, but can it be certain?
More messages are writ on a whiteboard: “Baby scan”, “School disco”, “Dog trainer”, all staging posts on the celebrity journey. Add “Rehab” and you have the making of a How To Celebrity guide.
Getting Over Kerry
Katona appears. “She all we go and get his over with?” she says. She then calls the papers “arseholes”. Kerry has eight tattoos, including “Heidi”, the name of one of her daughters, on her neck.
Kerry tells us that she’s not “showbiz”. Which make us wonder why anyone ever thought she was and how come she came to be a celebrity?
heat then recalls a moment on an MTV show in which Kerry was “in the garden with your dog and you’re gurning and sniffing”. Kerry, who made a name of herself sticking out her tongue, responds: “I was doing this, wasn’t I? [Makes a sideways motion with her chin.] I do it constantly. I’ve even got a chipped tooth from doing it.”
Very soon everybody will be doing it. And what then for Kerry?
Kerry leans her head on her right hand. Good. But is it enough?
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (6)
Gwyneth Paltrow Is A Baby Maybe
GWYNETH Paltrow is talking on adoption. Says the actress: “We might get one from Brooklyn. No baby is more helpless than another baby.”
Perhaps the other baby baby is even more helpless than an actress without lines..?
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Amy Winehouse Wakes And Blakes
AMY Winehouse has a new friend called Blake, Or BLAAAAAAKKKKE, as the singer pronounces it in the manner of an over-tired crow.
The Sun’s Gordon Smart says this Blake Wood went with Winehouse to visit Blake Fielder-Civil in jail.
Fielder-Civil is not the name of an out-of-town chartered surveyor’s practice, rather the title of Winehouse’s husband.
“Complicated, I know,” says Smart.
While Smart belies his name and works out how two people can be called Blake -crazy name, crazy world – the Sun tells us that Blake Wood is a “teetotal, drug-free American vegetarian”.
We wonder if this Blake is a substitute for the incarcerated Blake? Is listening to Blake II talk about being drug-free, meat free and American as dull as an audience with a drugged-up Blake eating a burger?
Over to you, Mr Smart…
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (8)
Fears Over Sienna Miller, The New Princess Diana
TO a courtroom in West London. Professional girlfriend Sienna Miller is addressing the gathered.
The Sun hears Miller recall the moment when Otis Ferry, son to Bryan Ferry, snatched the keys from two photographers’ cars “to stop them chasing his brother Isaac – who she was then dating – last year”.
Why did he do this? Says the Sun: “Ferry told cops he feared they would die like Princess Diana.”
Young Otis is not sent down, nor up, as his name demands, but cleared of criminal damage.
Sienna Miller survives to be blonde another day…
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Royal Family, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Celebrity Mum Of The Year: Spice Girls, Mills And No Katona
IT’S time to vote for Celebrity Mum of the Year.
No Hillary Clinton, Kate McCann or Sarah Ferguson.
No Kerry Katona, that champion of supermarket own-brand ketchup.
THE SHORTLIST: 1. Mel B (2 children by 2 fathers) 2. Victoria Beckham (3 boys; married to underwear model) 3. Fern Britton (mother to young Phillip Schofield) 4. Emma Bunton (Baby mama) 5. Charlotte Church (young Photospread) 6. Alex Curran (Alex at Curran Junior) 7. Kate Garraway (GMTV) 8. Geri Halliwell (Stem Ginger) 9. Myleene Klass (Ava Shower) 10. Heather Mills McCartney (Let-It-Bea) 11. Kate Moss (Baby?) 12. Coleen Nolan (Loose Woman) 13. Katie Price (Jordans) 14. Kym Ryder (little Jack Ryder) 15. Suzanne Shaw (Darren Day II).
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (4)
Mucca V Macca: Home Movies, Hunting Heather And Smiles
BEFORE marrying Heather Mills, Paul McCartney was a popular singer, and a singer of popular songs.
“Is everybody having a good time?” asked McCartney. “I can’t hear you at the back!” was his catchphrase. They went wild for it.
Then Paul recorded the Frog Chorus and married Heather Mills. His separation from her is now front-page news:
DAILY EXPRESS: “SIR PAUL V HEATHER – BATTLE BEGINS OVER HIS £825M FORTUNE”
Mills (“pink blouse, black skirt and high-heeled leather boots”) is at the High Court with her sister Fiona and a make-up artiste.
McCartney (“pink stripe suit, white shirt, black and white knitted scarf and black shoes”) is there, substituting his weeping guitar in favour of Nicholas Mostyn QC (ginger wig, butcher’s coat and killer heels).
DAILY MIRROR: “GET BACK – Macca’s ‘no concessions’ as divorce fights begins”
A blonde lawyer called Vanessa tells us the judge, Sir Hugh Bennett, is “sensible”
DAILY MAIL: “Look whose smiling after Day One in court.”
We looks but the pictures of Mucca (Heather Mills) and Macca reveal the former snarling as if restraining a bout of wind and the latter looking tight-lipped and aged.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (7)
Natalie Cole On Amy Winehouse
NATALIE COLE on Amy Winehouse:
“I don’t think she deserved it. I think she needs to get her life together first and then get the awards later. You don’t get awarded for bad behavior. That’s the problem. We’re teaching young folks that they get awarded for being crazy. I’m not too happy about that, but I wish her luck and hopes she gets it together.”
Because the drugs are hurting Winehouse’s career? Winehouse won five Grammys…
Posted: 12th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (7)
Keith Richards’ Advice to Amy Winehouse
SAYS Keith Richards on Amy Winehouse: “She should get her act together. Apart from that, I have got nothing to say to the bitch.”
Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (16)
Paps Bone Up On Heath Ledger
HEATH Ledger is passed away.
Michelle Williams, mother to his child, is grieving.
And the snappers are chasing her.
This picture arrived in Anorak’s inbox.
Would you take the picture?
Offensive. Or funny?
Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (12)
Anorak Obituaries: Roy Scheider
ANORAK REMEMBERS – Roy Scheider
OLD MRS ANORAK: Do you remember Roy Scheider?
Anorak: Not really…
O MS A: Yes you do. The fella in Jaws?
A: The one with the beard, from the space film?
O MRS A: No that was Dreyfuss. This was the chief. The good lookin’ one… He was in Jaws 2. And the submarine thing…
A: SeaQuest DSV… Captain Nathan Bridger. Him?
O MRS A: Yes
A: What about him?
O MRS A: He died. Terribly sad…
Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
Amy Winehouse Is Burning Down Camden Town
AMY Winehouse – Camden Town is burning down…
Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
The Baftas Make A Meal Of It
THE British film industry’s AGM does not take place in a shed or around a table in a Little Chef.
It takes place in at the Royal Opera House, and is televised on BBC1, so allowing the masses to see inside the building.
The do is run by the British Academy of Film and Television Arts, billed as The Academy, a title so steeped in pomposity that the great and good are either forced to take it seriously as they wonder if an overweight actress is going to win a statuette of a metal face on a stick, or take it all as some grand joke.
The value of this event is put in context by the newspapers’ coverage which focuses almost exclusively on thin actresses in slinky dresses.
The Sun has Keira Knightley (grey Versace), Sienna Miller (backless black dress), Tilda Swinton (selection box chic) and Kate Hudson (Marbella gold).
More dresses in the Mail, including a shot of Jeffrey Archer’s former mistress Sally Farmiloe (blue puffball) and Myleene Klass (shower), both proving that there is an end to British talent, although it’s too late to reserve that table at the Happy Eater…
Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Lily Allen Quote Of The Day: Her Majesty
SAYS Lily Allen: “I’d love to have the Qune on. I’d ask her about the princess.”
Lily is presenting a new chat show on BBC3. Stories abound of it being every bit as good as Davina McCall’s eponymous meet and great, only with more animal sex.
Says a BBC spokesman in the Star: “It’s nonsense.”
‘Nuff said…
Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Myleene Klass’s Baby Shower
“MYLEENE: We made baby in jungle shower.”
Myleene is Myleene Klass, and the Sun’’s Caroline Iggulden has “adapted” extracts from Myleene’s books My Bump & Me.
On first seeing the Sun’s feature, the Anorak wonders at what point the paper became a parody of itself, and how brave it was to do so?
“Getting pregnant was an accident. A gorgeously happy accident,” begins Caroline, channelling Myleene.
“When I decided to go into the Australian rainforest for I’m A Celebrity, the idea of having a baby was the last thing on my mind.”
The likes of Chris Biggins, Janet Street-Porter, Wayne Sleep and other former stars of the reality TV show may well gasp. For this shower having a baby in a jungle clearing was what the I’m A Celebrity jungle promised most.
But with whom would Myleene conceive? Matt Willis and Jason Donovan both had significant others, leaving Myleen faced with breeding with David Gest, Jan Leeming or Lauren Booth.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comment
When Spice Girls Role Model
SAYS Spice Girl Mel C of her youth: “I was underweight. I was terrible role model to girls.”
Hands up who wanted to be Sport Spice, the plain one in the nylon tracksuit and replica football kit? Come on, hands up…
Posted: 11th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Paris Hilton’s Film Goes Down
PARIS Hirton is in a film. No, not that one. This one:
THE weekend’s biggest punchline, however, is reserved for Paris Hilton’s The Hottie & the Nottie (Regent Releasing). The final count will show that the critically reviled comedy featuring the seemingly talentless Hilton will sell a meager $25,500 in tickets at 111 locations over the weekend. That’s only $230 per screen for the theatres that were convinced to book this disaster. That means that, based on an $8 average ticket price, 29 paying customers showed up at each location over the 3-day. In a country that seems fascinated with Paris Hilton, only 3,219 unlucky Americans will have been suckered into seeing Hottie by Monday morning.
Posted: 10th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day 2: Alba Is Waynetta Slob
JESSICA Alba is an actress. She tells Latina Magazine:“I’m excited for my baby to be brown. I just have to believe the dark gene is going to survive. Cash and I are like, please.”
(About 1:50 min in)
Posted: 10th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Celebrity Quote Of The Day Paris Hilton Shoes
CELEBRITY Quote of The Day, Paris Hilton is unleashing her own range of shoes: “I have shoes from, like, every top designer, but I love that my shoes are not, like, $800, like most of my shoes, and they are much more comfortable.”
Picture: 14 – life following parody
Posted: 10th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Isla Fisher Talks Privacy In OK! Magazine
“PRIVACY is a big concern in your life these days. Was it that much of an issue when you were staring in Home And Away too?”
OK! fires that question to Isla Fisher, actress and partner to Sacha Baron Cohen, mother to “poor little Olive”, who took a comedic role in the Wedding Crashers film after said husband said how funny she was…
Isla says past experiences are “what encourages me to be more private now”…
Read Isla Fisher on privacy in OK! magazine…
Posted: 10th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment
Kate Moss And The St John’s Wood Drugs War
IN “DEALERS’ HATE FOR KATE”, the Star journeys to St John’s Wood, the Primrose Hill hinterlands inhabited by ambassadors, textile millionaires and a strange tribe of Filipino women called Monica.
The paper says drug dealers “reckon their buyers in London’s St John’s Wood have been scared off since Kate, 34, bought a £10million mansion there. She attracts so much media attention the punters worry they’ll be caught in the spotlight”.
Says a source: “Although it’s only about half a mile from where she was living before, it’s a world away in terms of the people.“At her last place, they were all millionaires. Here it is very mixed.” To wit, the Filipinos…
Posted: 10th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Kerry Katona On Chantelle
SAYS Kerry Katona in her OK! column, on the matter of Big Brother winner emeritus Chantelle Houghton’s failed marriage:
“When my last marriage ended, I got my boobs done, lost weight and got a tan and hair extensions, it’s just part of getting over someone.”
Posted: 10th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1)
