Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Animal Sex On Lily Allen’s Chatshow: Call The Archbishop Of Canterbury
“AUDIENCE walks out on ‘sick Lily Allen BBC chat show debut”.
The Mail on Sunday’s front page promises much.
To the BBC3 studios. Lily Allen is in conversation. It is the “all-important first programme”.
A “live” audience is in place. Cuba Gooding Jnr, comedian David Mitchell and the band Reverend and the Makers are lined up to plug their latest product, blah-blah, talk about their showbiz journey and their enthusiasm for plate tectonics.
Allowing the talent to talk is a job for someone in need of remedial therapy, although a BBC source says: “You have to have a brilliant wit and be a real quick thinker to handle a show like this.”
It’s An Ecumenical Matter
But Allen will aim to be controversial. But if you want real polemic, Channel 4 shold give a chat show to the Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 10th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Amy Winehouse Plugs A Gap (In Her Teeth) For America
AMY Winehouse gets a visa to visit America.
Amy Winehouse has the gap in her mouth plugged by a new pearly white.
Amy Winehouse shows more cleavage.
Amy Winehouse gets a tan.
Amy Winehouse cracks America…
Posted: 9th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Chris Crocker Speak To The Homophobosphere
THE Advocate magazine talks of the “Homophobosphere” – the gay bashing web. Chris Crocker – the Britney Spears apologist – responds:
Posted: 9th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (2)
Britney Spears Makes Journalists Better
AS reproted: LATimes.com hits 94 million page views in January
“The most-viewed story on the Los Angeles Times website last month was ‘Spears hospitalized for mental health'”
This is reported by Poynter Online – “Everything you need to be a better journalist.”
We look. we read. We study. Britney Spears adds traffic to a website. Yes, that Britney Spears… Can we stop yet? Are we now better journalists?
You want more? Britney Spears demands it. The editor say its OK. Hold the front page.
What would Jérôme Kerviel on Facebook say about Britney Spears? Manchester United’s Cristiano Ronaldo, does he know Britney Spears? Does Britney Spears have any views on Rowan Williams, the Archbship of Canterbury? Is Britney for or against Sharia law?
Madeleine McCann has nothing to do with Britney Spears. But, then, what about this, the thing with David Beckham?
Hillary and Bill Clinton have yet to comment on Britney Spears. Has Barack Obama mentioned her? Has John McCain? And if Elvis Presley were around, would he say something?
Has Britney been out with Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Gordon Brown recently? Can Lewis Hamilton drive for Britney Srears?
Britney Spears – making better journalists of us all…
Posted: 9th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Tabloid Bingo, With Heather Mills McCartney
LET’S play tabloid bingo with Heather Mills:
DAILY MAIL (front page): “EXCLUSIVE – HEATHER’S £55M DIVORCE DEAL”
DAILY MIRROR (front page): “I’LL SETTLE FOR £10M, MACCA”
THE TIMES: “Paul McCartney offers £55m deal if Heather Mills keeps her counsel”
Posted: 9th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4)
Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Day-Lewis On Heath Ledger
DANIEL Day-Lewis broke down in tears on America’s Oprah Winfrey show. In the News of the World:
Day-Lewis, 52, who was meant to talk about his Oscar nomination for There Will Be Blood, sobbed: “I would have liked him [Heath Ledger] very much as a man if I had met him. I feel very unsettled.”
Posted: 8th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (9)
Perez Hilton Impersonates OK!
PEREZ Hilton’s website is “Hollywood’s Most-Hated Web Site“.
Here’s what hard-hitting Perez says about Janet Jackson, who is promoting an album, and allowing Perez to stand close to her and pose for a picture:
She’s nice, sweet, normal, inspiring, professional and generous. Plus, she’s even prettier in real life, if that’s possible!
Here’ what Perez Hilton says about reality TV singer Leona Lewis, who is posing for a picture with him:
The gorgeous and talented Leona Lewis
And here’s what Perez Hitlon has to say about reality TV singer Fantasia (American Idol) . She is not standing next to Hilton nor is she posing with him for the kind of picture you find by the toilets in suburban Italian eateries:
If You Are Easily Offended…
Then do not CLICK HERE!
From The Color Purple to the skunk!
American Idol alum Fantasia shows off her new ghetto fab hair at the Grammy style studio in LA on Thursday.
We’re gonna start seeing this ‘do….nowhere!
Perez Hilton – the voice of the new media. Hollywood’s most sycophantic website…
Posted: 8th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Dead Lines With Children’s Entertainer Pete Doherty
STEP aside, Mr Merlin, Smartie Artie and Count Backwards, Pete Doherty is here to entertain.
As the Sun reports, Doherty is playing birthday parties for “just £100”.
News is that Doherty is on “hard times”. And a birthday girl’s dad who heard the news seized the moment, offering Pete £100 to play at her party.
Says the source: “Pete was flattered and happy to oblige. He turned up and played his big hits… Some party goers asked him when he was going to start making dogs out of balloons.”
Before that, though, it’s time for a game of Pass The Parcel (and then stash it somewhere the cops can’t find it), musical status and dead lines…
Posted: 8th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Spot The Paris Hilton Doll
CAPTION this and tell us why you’d buy a Paris Hitlon doll…
Posted: 8th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
That Britney Spears Statement In Full
JAMIE Spears, father to Britney Spears, and his wife, Lynne Spears have issued a statement:
“As parents of an adult child in the throws (sic) of a mental health crisis, we were extremely disappointed this morning to learn that over the recommendation of her treating psychiatrist, our daughter Britney was released from the hospital that could best care for her and keep her safe. We are deeply concerned about our daughter’s safety and vulnerability and we believe her life is presently at risk. There are conservatorship orders in place created to protect our daughter that are being blatantly disregarded. We ask only that the court’s orders be enforced so that a tragedy may be averted.”
Maybe they should not talk to the press about their mentally troubled daughter. What can be gained from an official statement, other than to maintain Britney’s celebrity?
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Amy Winehouse Visa Denied
AMY Winehouse wanted a visa to travel to the US. But she been, as is reported, denied – something to do with drugs, Norway and boredom (three not altogether mutally exclusive elements.).
She wanted to be in American for the Grammy awards. Now Winehouse may well return to rehab. And who knows, what of the satellite link up?
“Amy couldn’t make it tonight but her she is -live! – from her room at the Clinic.”
Much more of this and Winehouse will become the rehab woman, appearing in rehab advertorials, offering a rehab range of jewels on QVC, appearing on the end of the pier, slapping her thigh, pushing a shopping trolley and asking if the monkey is behind her.
Crowd: “No! No! No!,” chime the crowd.
Amy: “Amy can’t ‘ere yer. Woz zat?”
Crowd: No! No! No!
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Cher’s Scenery Show
CHER tells USA Today, “Getting the whole thing in book form, in pictures, has taken months. Our set moves down from the ceiling, in from the sides, up from the floor. We have screens in the foreground, the center and the back. We can change a city into a forest in two seconds. You’ll see a different stage for every song.”
Will her face match the scenery?
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lindsay Lohan’s Twisted Ankle
LINDSAY LOHAN on media intrusion: “The cameras are constantly there, and they’re constantly looking for the negative. So one roll of the eyes and you’re deemed drunk. One wrong step, your ankle twists, and you’re drunk. They can declare, ‘Lindsay drunk in the day!’ which I never was in my life, actually.”
That would be the ankle with the alcohol monitoring bracelet on it, or the other one?
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Holly Willoughby’s Breasts Are Cuffed
“DANCING On Ice bosses are thrashing out a £5million deal to keep their hands on sizzling Holly Willoughby’s boobs.”
The Star goes on to say that a £5million “golden handcuffs” deal is on the table.
Can you be handcuffed to your breasts?
And if so, should Ms Willoughby take to carrying her expensive breasts around in a gold attaché case, attached to her arm by said cuffs?
UPDATE: The Dancing On Ice celebrity cull goes on. The Mirror reports that a “sickness bug” has hit the agonists…
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Polly Hudson Is Polly Filler
SAYS the Mirror’s showbiz writer Polly Hudson: “I HATE Myleene Klass. I have absolutely no idea why.”
More showbiz exclusives to follow…
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6)
Amy Winehouse Seeks Solace In Bond
AMY Winehouse is to write the theme tune for the next James Bond film, Quantum of Solace.
“DR NO, NO, NO,” says the Sun.
‘Tis an honour. And Winehouse can finally do down the doubters and lay claim to being the new Sheena Easton.
But hers is no easy task.
Finding a word to rhyme with Solace may push Amy over the edge. We advise her to see the word as So-lace, and so enable to rhyme with face, space, race and, given the strength of the all–important American market, vase….
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
If Alan Shearer Were David Beckham
REASON why Alan Shearer should never manage your club, No 121.
Says Alan Shearer in the Sun: “If I was Becks, I’ve have phoned Capello and said ‘Give me five or 10 minutes near the end so I can get my 100th cap and then I’ll go.”
The England football team is not a hobby, a sop to celebrity. Although what Newcastle United is can be debated…
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities | Comments (4)
Britney Spears’ Ice-Cream Headache
NO longer is the tabloid talk of Britney Spears’ vagina. It’s not even about her breasts, nor is it about her buttocks.
The Sun leads with news of the Spears mind.
“GET ME OUT DAD,” thunders the front-page news. And further into the paper: “BRING ME ICE CREAM.”
Spears no longer communicates in complete sentences, rather in shouty orders. Hit me, baby! Come on you bloomin’ ‘orse! “Eat it! Lick it! Snort it! F*** it!”
Britney has been taking the waters at a Los Angeles clinic, from where she has now been set loose. During her stay, she made telephone calls. One was made to her father, Jamie Spears.
JAMIE SPEARS: Can I bring you anything?
BRITNEY: Yes. Bring me some ice cream
JS: What flavour?
BD: Vanilla
It’s the kind of anecdote that with some padding, a little polishing, a decent punchline and a team of writers could be turned into the pivotal moment of a TV show, or else a biography.
Tomorrow, the Sun reveals if Spears even did get her ice cream, and what, if anything, the cold brew did to her already “troubled” mind…
Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (10)
The Paris Hilton Acting Method
SAYS Paris Hilton in People magazine: “I’ve had a lot happen to me in my life. Now I’ve learned to use those experiences in my acting. I’ll think of something in my life, use it in the scene, and it really works.”
Hilton is being trained by Ivana Chubbuck, author of The Power of the Actor: The Chubbuck Technique – “The 12-Step Acting technique That Will Take You From Script to a Living, Breathing, Dynamic Character”.
Breathing and living…. Paris has her work cut out…
Hilton’s previous film credits include the horror remake House of Wax and straight-to-DVD comedy Bottoms Up.Pic: 14
Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Whoopi For Hillary Clinton
WHOOPIE FOR HILLARY CLINTON:
On such things a world hinges…
Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Politicians | Comment
Britney Spears A Spaced Odyssey, As Told By Sam Lutfi
UsWeekly is in conversation with Osama Lutfi, manager and confident to Britney Spears.
Says he: “The British accent is part of the mania. She’ll stick to the British accent because she becomes comfortable with it… But you know, when the pink wig comes on, it’s getting bad.”
The correct wig to accompany a British accent is, naturally, a red , white a blue one, or something by Man At Elton John.
Lutfi then says how he gave Britney “a handful of sleeping pills” before she was sent to the hospital. He told her: “I said these pills are working wonders, they are miracle pills.”
If you take them all, the miracle is that you ever wake up again. Or else pink angels descend on strings of strawberry liquorice. Tis miraculous.
The ambulance is here now, Britney. It’s OK. Okayyy. Okayyyyyyy.
“When I told her, she wrote me a note and put a big heart on it and it said, ‘I love you, Sam. Are there people coming? Circle yes or no, Oh, my God, it was funny, just the cutest little thing. I circled yes and I gave it back to her, and she looked at me and she’s like, ‘Oh, lord, here we go again.'”
BRITNEY: I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Sam. Sam, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a… fraid…My instructor was Mr. Langley, and he taught me to sing a song. If you’d like to hear it I can sing it for you.
Sam: Yes, I’d like to hear it, BRITNEY. Sing it for me.
BRITNEY: It’s called “Daisy.”
[sings while slowing down]
BRITNEY: Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.
Let the Awe and Mystery of a Journey Unlike Any Other Begin
Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities | Comments (15)
Jordan’s Surgery Nightmares: I Spy Cosmetic Surgery
“JORDAN – ‘MY SURGERY NIGHTMARE’.”
Is this nightmare:
a) The surgeon runs out of air bags and is forced to improvise using a rubber glove and some helium, which causes Jordan to have to be held down by guy ropes?
b) Trapped in a lift with Noel Edmonds and Anthea Turner, Jordan is forced to flirt with the beaded Deal Or No Deal presenter and praise Turner for her linen?
c) Scabies?
It turns out that the answer is d) – none of above, and Jordan’s nightmare is to endure “DROOPY BOOBS”.
Says Jordan: “My words to my doctor were: ‘I want to go a lot smaller. And I want nipples like a teenager.”
No nipples are on show, and we are unable to judge. And looking at teenage nipples is something best not done on a work PC, unless you are a teenager and can peek at your own or those of a close friend.
But soon we are involved in a game of I Spy Cosmetic Surgery. Yesterday, we played with Mariah Carey. Today, Jordan smiles and make us guess what is new and what is older.
At a push we’d say she’s had her teeth one, her hair done, her nose done, her eyes done, her breasts done, her skin done, her boobs redone, and some tucking.
Jordan admits to the “teef” and the “foobs”, and adds: “The other thing I actually had done out there was my teeth – no one spotted that, did they?”
We did. And the cheek implants. No, says Jordan,. “I think I must have just still been a bit swollen from the nose job.”
Something of a bonus, then.
“Gaybeeesh,” says Jordan through her new veneers. “Gow gesst got elshk I’ve ‘ad dun?”
OK! A chemical peel?
Jordan: No
OK!: A facelift
Jordan: No way
Jordan: “I just love that feeling of going under. I was saying: ‘I’m almost under – you’re all disappearing. I can feel it,’ and I was laughing. Then I was gone!”
Only to return – poof! – smaller, lighter, sharper and more orange than ever…
Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (2)
Paris Hilton Is The Revel Orange Film Girl: Online PR
TO illustrate the news that Orange is offering Daily Star readers the chance to enjoy a “VIP package” to the Orange Film, a picture of Paris Hilton painted as an orange.
Also, Gemma Atkinson looking orange, Coleen McLoughlin looking orange, Jordan looking orange and an advert for a packet of oranges (Tesco).
It is joined-up marketing.
TIP: Look out for Celebrity Edition packets of Revels – they’re all orange! – on sale at your local cinema…
Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Online-PR, Tabloids | Comment (1)
Celebrity Police Interview Amy Winehouse
“COPS GRILL AMY OVER CRACK VID.”
Britain’s celebrity police force, acting on tip-off from an informer on the Sun’s front page, are in conversation with Amy Winehouse.
Says a source: “The timing of this isn’t great. She is desperate to go to The Grammys and needs to show US officials she is taking her rehabilitation seriously.” Witness statements are being taken.
Over in the confines of North London’s Capio Nightingale clinic, police are giving the place the once over. They talk with Winehouse for two hours, an interview, one imagines, that is written up.
If a few mug shots could be taken, the feature could make the front page of the next police newsletter, Kate Moss permitting.
The Sun says that cops have seized the Sun’s footage of Winehouse “smoking crack after taking cocaine, ecstasy and Valium”.
A source reveals: “She was not arrested. She is co-operating with police.”
No new mug shots are being taken. Although if Amy could just sign a few old snaps, it should be much appreciated down at the station…
Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
Kate Moss Would Like To Announce
KATE Moss is to make a “special announcement”.
Her pre-announcement special announcement features in the Star.
The Star is proud to announce that the announcement “could” be along the lines of “We are pleased to announce, that Kate Moss is to marry one Jamie Hince”.
An insider announces: “Kate wanted to go away with five female friends and tell them some important news.”
The number is precise. Five. The Famous-By-Association Five.
Moss wants to go to ultra-conservative Amsterdam. But one of the FBAF is a certain Davinia Taylor, and she fancies Berlin.
Says an insider: “It was sheer fluke that they had both thought of having a girls’ break the same weekend. Both Kate and Davinia laughed lots.”
It is quite possible they are still laughing like drains. As are well all.
Look out for the Star’s exclusive on Announcing being the new Presenting…
Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids | Comment
