Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Great records: Praise-R-Cise is your musical Christian Aerobics weight-loss plan
CHRISTIAN Aerobics was not like other aerobics (notably Muslim aerobics, Jewish aerobics and the Sikh aerobic, which is, as we know, glorified rhythmic gymnastics).
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Coolio sings Gangster’s Paradise in a Preston student flat
WHAT’S the saddest thing you’ve seen? How about Coolio sat in a flat of Media Tech College, Preston, students and singing Gangster’s Paradise?
Singing the song when you’re young and lean is cool-io. See the lyrics:
Death ain’t nothing but a heartbeat away,
I’m living life, do or die, what can I say
I’m 23 now, but will I live to see 24
The way things are going I don’t know
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Posted: 9th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment
Toby Young, Wikipedia and the 583 entry edits
ONE of the tiresome chores of life is maintaining the polish on one’s public profile. Don’t I know it, poppets! If anyone doubts this, check out Toby Young’s impressively anal attention to detail in his Wikipedia entry. Since January 2012 to the present (alone), he has made about 60 corrections, amendments and emendations.
Some are perfectly understandable. On 28 August 2013, for instance, he added an apostrophe to Earl’s Court. And on 27 April 2012, he deleted the word “stint” to avoid repetition. I like this. Editing is a much neglected art. Other edits suggest a dynamic growth in minor celebrity selfie-dom. On 2 August of this year he writes: “I deleted the ref to my father cos it implies I was the beneficiary of nepotism which I wasn’t. The admissions tutor later told me that Brasenose were legally obliged to honour the mistaken offer. Nowt to do with my dad.”
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Posted: 9th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Technology | Comment
Morrissey loves This Charming Charlie: Peanuts does The Smiths
MORRISSEY may hate meat, but he doesn’t hate Peanuts. The professional pathos peddler has come out in support of Tumblr, ThisCharmingCharlie, saying that he’s “delighted and flattered” by reworkings of the Snoopy-starring comic strips that feature lyrics by his former band The Smiths.
In a statement released to fansite True To You, the singer swatted away claims that he had anything to do with record label attempts to take down the site.
“Morrissey would like to stress that he has not been consulted over any takedown request to remove the Tumblr blog named ‘This Charming Charlie’,” the message read.
“Morrissey is represented by Warner-Chappell Publishing, and not Universal Music Publishing, (who have allegedly demanded that the lyrics be removed). Morrissey is delighted and flattered by the Peanuts comic strip with its use of Morrissey-Smiths lyrics, and he hopes that the strips remain.”
The website has posted a letter sent to Tumblr from Lauren LoPrete’s legal representatives, outlining fair use to use the lyrics.
Posted: 7th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment
James Brown teaches us to dance like Mr Bo Jangles’ Funky Chicken
WHO taught you how to dance? Clearly, no-one.
The aim of most dancers is to get into the middle of a large group already at it and hope no-one notices them. Either that or do The Madness dance. We cannot all be Yorkshire TV dancing champions. So. Where disco dancing Dick Blake failed, James Brown can only help. He’s here to teach us The Funky Chicken, The Boogaloo and The Camel Walk.
The trick is… Well, there is no tick. You either can do it well or you can’t do it well. But anyone can have fun trying. If you have no natural ability you just need lots of space, socks, good knees and a lack of self-awareness bordering on the criminal. James, of course, makes it look easy and fun:
Slavoj Žižek explains Gangnam Style
IS anyone still dancing Gangnam Style? Aren’t all the dancing dads now twerking at weddings and work Christmas parties? Slavoj Žižek is here to explain why you did the dance and now don’t at his University of Vermont talk on October 16th, 2012.
If you can’t watch it all, you can fast forward to Žižek’s Gangnam appraisal just after 35 minutes.
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Miley Cyrus: Annie Lennox and Sinead O’Connor are waiting for the inevitable crash
HAVING irked Sinead O’Connor, Disney angel gone bad girl Miley Cyrus has now gotten up Annie Lennox’s nose. She is upset that record companies are “peddling highly styled pornography with musical accompaniment” .
“You know the ones I’m talking about. Their assumption seems to be that misogyny utilised and displayed through oneself is totally fine, as long as you are the one creating it. As if it’s all justified by how many millions of dollars and Youtube hits you get from behaving like pimp and prostitute at the same time. It’s a glorified and monetised form of self harm.”
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Posted: 7th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comments (8)
10 great Halloween party songs that aren’t naff
HALLOWEEN is coming. You want to host a party. This is the music you need to play.
Tam Lin: Fairport Convention
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King v Kubrick: The Shining sequel will be as unfilmable as all great books are
ARE some books unfilmable? Does reading the book first spoil the film and vice versa?
Stephen King’s The Shining is a cracking read. Stanley Kubrick film adaptation of it is also fantastic, a capacious, sinister spine-tingler. But when the film came out many of the book’s fans were upset. Scenes had been omitted from the book’s version of life at the Overlook Hotel. But did you see that lift full of blood? Young Danny riding his tricycle over the wooden floor and then onto the oh-so-silent carpet? Once seen, never forgotten.
The book is not the film. The book is the book. The film is the film.
Talk of King and Kubrick’s work is relevant because the author has released a sequel to The Shining, entitled Doctor Sleep. Kubrick has died, so he won’t be any film version.
King might be relieved. As he says:
“I am not a cold guy. And with Kubrick’s The Shining I thought that it was very cold.
“Shelley Duvall as Wendy is really one of the most misogynistic characters ever put on film. She’s basically just there to scream and be stupid. And that’s not the woman I wrote about…I met him [Kubrick] on the set and just on that one meeting, I thought he was a very compulsive man.”
Jason Bailey:
King’s great novels work because they put us into the heads of his characters, because they convey psychological as well as external struggles, because their inner monologues can pour forth out of his prose. It’s part of what makes him a great writer. It’s also why there have been so many lousy films based on Stephen King books — because all of that is lost in the translation. And Kubrick would have been a lousy novelist, his meticulous detachment resulting in, we could presume, so pretty turgid and lifeless writing. But luckily, he was a filmmaker, and his gifts as an aesthete are what made him such a singularly fine one.
Laura Miller says King was right to be unimpressed by Kubrick:
King is, essentially, a novelist of morality. The decisions his characters make — whether it’s to confront a pack of vampires or to break 10 years of sobriety — are what matter to him. But in Kubrick’s “The Shining,” the characters are largely in the grip of forces beyond their control. It’s a film in which domestic violence occurs, while King’s novel is about domestic violence as a choice certain men make when they refuse to abandon a delusional, defensive entitlement. As King sees it, Kubrick treats his characters like “insects” because the director doesn’t really consider them capable of shaping their own fates. Everything they do is subordinate to an overweening, irresistible force, which is Kubrick’s highly developed aesthetic; they are its slaves. In King’s “The Shining,” the monster is Jack. In Kubrick’s, the monster is Kubrick.
Kubrick understood the importance of taking a story and meticulously reworking it for an entirely different medium. The director was a master of genre cinema, stripping it down and blowing it up in its purest form. In fact two other successful King adaptations, Stand By Me (The Body) and The Shawshank Redemption (Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption) are both riddled with inconsistencies between book and film – although not quite as fundamental as The Shining. King has highlighted these two films, along with Misery (1990), as his favourite cinematic interpretations.
It’s all about entertainment. You get to gorge on the book and the film.
Desire Dubounet sings My Way (crying)
DESIRE Dubounet will now sing My Way. Look out for the cars…and the chopper…
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Miley Cyrus and Sinead O’Connor bury the hatchet and perform this duet
IT was all a put up job, a PR-inspired row to foment interest in the Miley Cyrus and Sinead O’Connor duet? No. Course not. O’Connor is the real deal. Cyrus is a stage school pillock. And if you really want to make Cyrus look bad, do this – stick her next to O’Connor:
The Internet catches Scarlett Johansson on a dolphin after she falls over (photos)
WHEN Scarlett Johansson fell over in public the internet rushed to her aide. They slapped her on a dolphin, a surf board and a field. Disaster averted:
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Posted: 4th, October 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Watch Manchester United legend Eric Cantona play The Stallion in erotic French comedy Les Rencontres d’après Minuit
AFTER mucking about playing himself and “a man at a bar” in the likes of Looking for Eric and Jack Says over the years, Manchester United legend Eric Cantona has finally landed the role he was born to play!
Cantona has reportedly been cast as a bearded Gallic lothario, known simply as “The Stallion”, in an erotic French comedy titled Les Rencontres d’après Minuit (which translates as “Meetings After Midnight”).
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Project Drive-In: Possibly pointless renaissance for American drive-ins
ZOD knows there aren’t nearly enough stereotypes about lazy Americans spending too much time in their cars, so it’s a good thing Honda and Sony are sponsoring something called “Project Drive-In” in an attempt to #SaveTheDriveIn, which is not exactly trending on Twitter even though it has been tweeted (in sponsored posts) by such noted celebrities as Will Ferrell.
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Posted: 4th, October 2013 | In: Film, The Consumer | Comment
Edinburgh and Leeds University ban on Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines is racist
ROBIN Thicke’s hit has everyone’s knickers in a twist. The Universities of Kingston, Edinburgh, Leeds, Derby and West Scotland have banned their students unions from playing one of year’s biggest hits. The righteous students have censored the Top Ten, just like the BBC did in the unenlightened 1970s, when the likes of The Kinks, Paul McCartney, the Sex Pistols and Judge Dread were all banned.
Granted, Macca never did rap “ I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two”, which it turns out is not a reference to a late-night Ultra Chilli Kebab from Big Ahmed’s Van but something illegal in Qatar. And Macca never did grope naked birds on his videos. Yes, he posed with dead babies. But naked women is so. well, offensive to “good girls” who don’t enjoy posing in the nude and being awakened to the magic of sex by Thicke’s dick.
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Danny Dyer should write his own EastEnders scripts and freak his nut out
DANNY Dyer is the new King of the EastEnders Queen Vic. Here’s hoping he’s writing his own scripts. As his self-penned tweet of the anniversary of 9/11 proves, he has a way with words:
“Can’t believe it’s been nearly 11 years since them slags smashed into the twin towers. It still freaks my nut out to this day.”
‘Ave it!
Posted: 3rd, October 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Sinead O’Connor’s open letter to Miley Cyrus: ‘don’t be a prostitute and save your tongue for your boyfriend’
SINEAD O’Connor, Anorak’s Woman of the Century, has penned an open letter to Miley Cyrus. Miley, of course, told Rolling Stone that Sinead is her “role model”. It is down to O’Connor and that Nothing Compares 2 U video that the world can gawp at Cyrus licking a hammer in her Wrecking Ball video.
O’Connor has no responded. and she is, as ever, a cracking read:
“I am happy to hear I am somewhat of a role model for you and I hope that because of that you will pay close attention to what I am telling you. The music business doesn’t give a shit about you, or any of us. They will prostitute you for all you are worth, and cleverly make you think it’s what YOU wanted.. and when you end up in rehab as a result of being prostituted, ‘they’ will be sunning themselves on their yachts in Antigua, which they bought by selling your body and you will find yourself very alone…
“Real empowerment of yourself as a woman would be to in future refuse to exploit your body or your sexuality in order for men to make money from you. I needn’t even ask the question.. I’ve been in the business long enough to know that men are making more money than you are from you getting naked. Its really not at all cool. And its sending dangerous signals to other young women.”
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Posted: 3rd, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comments (6)
Lostprophets announce split as singer faces grim sex charges
IN a move that should be met with “No shit!” and “Urgh, what to do?”, Lostprophets have announced that they’re splitting up in the face of frontman Ian Watkins imminent trial for sex offences, which make for particularly grim reading.
The group, who have been making a racket since 1997, announced the news on their Facebook page, saying: “After nearly a year of coming to terms with our heartache, we finally feel ready to announce publicly what we have thought privately for some time. We can no longer continue making or performing music as Lostprophets.”
“Your love and support over the past 15 years has been tremendous, and we’ll be forever grateful for all you’ve given us. As we look forward to the next phase of our lives, we can only hope to be surrounded by people as devoted and inspiring as you guys have been.”
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Posted: 3rd, October 2013 | In: Celebrities, Music | Comment (1)
Paris Hilton and Lil Wayne have created the themes tune for the world’s designated drivers
“Yes, I’m having a good time and I might be a bit tipsy but that’s okay cuz you’re with me.”
People with money to burn can ruin Frankie Cocozza’s body
YOU remember Frankie Cocozza don’t you? He was the chap who appeared on the X Factor looking like a knuckle peering out of a grizzly bear’s arse, who had perhaps THE most annoying ‘cheeky chappie’ schtick since Loaded sent a load of their writers on television to defend their stance on burping at women’s baps.
You may also remember that he got his derriere out and displayed a bunch of girls names he’d got tattooed on, when notches on a bedpost wasn’t enough.
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Posted: 2nd, October 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
