Celebrities Category
Celebrity news & gossip from the world’s showbiz and glamour magazines (OK!, Hello, National Enquirer and more). We read them so you don’t have to, picking the best bits from the showbiz world’s maw and spitting it back at them. Expect lots of sarcasm.
Shakira presents her ‘sunshine’ (SFW)
CELEBRITY quote of the week was supplied by then pregnant and now emptied Shakira, who tweeted a phots of she and lover, Barcelona footballer Gerard Pique. with the caption:
“I present to you my sunshine.”
Given the high levels of celebrity narcissism out there, we expected photos of Shakira’s “whatever” straddling a sealion…
Posted: 25th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Jimmy Savile made me thinner, says BBC director of news Helen Boaden
JIMMY Savile, a word of thanks. Helen Boaden, director of news at the BBC (salary: £354,000 a year) goes on the record:
“I’ve lost a stone since all the Savile business erupted.”
Cheers, Jimmy…
Posted: 24th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Paddington Bear film poster copies The Exorcist
BEAR! What have they down with Paddington Bear? Once upon a time the bear from Darkest Peru was charming. He munched sugary marmalade sandwiches kept beneath his big hat.Then he began eating Tofu and banging on about lo-carb diets. The boy bear was an orphan, so were wer told. Now we realise that he most likely murdered his parents in a Satanic ritual. Mr Curry was always seen as being Paddington’s mean and bad-tempered next-door neighbour. Wrong. He knew that Paddington was the Devil incarnate. It was the escaped Nazi Mr Gruber and the too-nice Browns (Brauns?) who were the cause for concern.
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Why Beyonce mimed at Obama’s inauguration
WHY did Beyonce Knowles mime America’s national anthem at President Obama’s second inauguration do? The director of the Marine Corps Band, Colonel Michael Colburn, (aka Press 8 on your telephone keypad) says:
“She’s getting ready for the Super Bowl, so we didn’t have a chance to do anything with her until the night, so it’s a very tight window of opportunity.”
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Posted: 24th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lea Michele is Uriah Heep with L’Oreal glossed hair
SAYS Lea Michele, the actress and face of L’Oreal, to Teen Vogue:
When I shot my commercial in New York, they (producers) said, ‘Okay, now look into the camera and say, Because you’re worth it.’ Before I even said it, I burst into tears. I was like, ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m a part of this family now. I am so grateful!”
As are we, Lea. As are we…
Posted: 23rd, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Lupe Fiasco is bizarrely repetitive
LUPE Fiasco was thrown off stage at a Barack Obama inauguration party. He’s black. He said some anti-Obama things. Is that why he was removed?
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Posted: 23rd, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Beyonce on the sweet surrender of Blue Ivy Carter’s birth: The Epi-fanny
GQ has been speaking with Beyonce Knowles. The singer recall the magick of giving birth to a Blue Ivy Carter:
“When I gave birth, that was the first time I truly let go and surrendered. And it taught me how amazing that feels… Giving birth made me realize the power of being a woman. I have so much more substance in my life. And expressing that excitement and that sensuality and the connection I have with my husband—I’m a lot more comfortable with that now. I actually feel like my child introduced me to myself.”
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Posted: 22nd, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Operation Yewtree: they only nick the ugly ones
IT’S been a while since the last
There have been nine arrests so far. Enough for a game of Celebrity Squares, the 1970s noughts and crosses gameshow with a twist. There should be further arrests – the Star promised more on January 13, stating: “Savile cops will arrest seven more stars” – but many VIPS (as they were known in their pomp) are dead. Also, if the Star can make celebrities of X Factor also-rans and minor soap opera actors, the Celebrity Police Force might not think it worth the effort to nick a Crossroads extra. We could dig up some real stars gone by, but then we’d be necrophiliacs, like Jimmy Savile.
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Posted: 22nd, January 2013 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Leonardo DiCaporio flies around the world ‘doing good for the environment’
LEONARDO DiCaprio continues to explain how he will to save the planet:
In an interview with Germany’s mass circulation daily Bild, the 38-year-old American actor said: “I am a bit drained. I’m now going to take a long, long break. I’ve done three films in two years and I’m just worn out.’’
“I would like to improve the world a bit. I will fly around the world doing good for the environment,’’ added DiCaprio, in comments published in German.
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Posted: 22nd, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Michael Winner nails Richard Littlejohn
MICHAEL Winner has died. He’ll be missed:
Posted: 21st, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment (1)
Bono gets a spider named after him, which is good news for spider-haters
ONLY insane people like spiders. People are rightly terrified of them. They’ve got too many eyes, too many legs, fart out indestructible silk and probably lay eggs in your tear-ducts when you’re asleep. As such, when we see spiders, we either run away shrieking or roll up the newspaper and go to town on their horrible, shining abdomens.
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Posted: 21st, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comments (3)
Richard Madeley and Ann Widdecombe use ill baby to abuse paramedics
RICHARD Madeley writes in the Daily Express about a new kind of health lottery. He recalls the case of Thomas Passant, On Januray 7, 2012, the Express reported:
AN ambulance crew took more than 40 minutes to reach a critically ill baby because they were on a lunch break, his parents said last night. Eight-week-old Thomas Passant “died” for four minutes before being resuscitated after a heart attack and is still fighting for his life. He has undergone 14 hours of open-heart surgery and faces a life of disability.
Parents Kate Oram and Matthew Passant called West Midlands Ambulance Service after Thomas had a cardiac arrest at their home in Bridgnorth, Shropshire, on December 17. They were stunned when the operator told them the crew was unavailable as it was on a lunch break.
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Posted: 21st, January 2013 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Apology of the week: The People v Roger Moore
YESTERDAY The People published an apology to former The Saint and James Bond star Sir Roger Moore:
On 16 September we published an article headed “I’ve had Moore women than James Bond” which claimed that Sir Roger Moore had recently spoken exclusively to The People and made comments to our journalist about his private life. We now accept that Sir Roger did not give an interview to our reporter and did not make the comments that were reported in the headline.
We apologise for any distress and embarrassment our article has caused to Sir Roger Moore and we have agreed to pay him damages and legal costs.
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Posted: 21st, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Tweenie Max becomes Jimmy Savile’s most famous victim
THE BBC wanted to opurge the place of Jimmy Savile. The BBC cleansed Savile from its Desert Island Discs database. This is the BBC that came up with the vacuous decision to edit out an appearance of Jonathan King on a 1976 edition of Top of the Pops for a BBC4 rerun. King was convicted and jailed for sex with underage teenage boys a few years back, but what could be the rationale for this show ‘laundering’; this charade that King never existed?
Others to be erased from the BBC’s archives: Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Ike Turner, Michael Jackson (OK never convicted, but, y’know….), Boy George, Gary Glitter, Sid Vicious and Phil Spector. And anything and eveything they ever worked on, and projects they helped to create.
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Posted: 20th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio | Comment (1)
CATNIP: EGRESS TO OBLIVION? A film
CATNIP: EGRESS TO OBLIVION?
Catnip therapists:
Catnip is all the rage with today’s modern feline, but do we really understand it? This film frankly discusses the facts about this controversial substance.
Watch more short films curated by Sundance Institute: youtube.com/screeningroom
Written and Directed by Jason Willis. Starring Giovanni Dominice, Neil Kight and Terry Easley.
Why did Katie Price marry a plasterer?
WHY did Katie Price marry a plasterer? Well, have you seen her make-up? So goes the joke about Katie’s latest marriage, this one to part-time stripper and housing erector Kieran ‘Loud’ Hayler. The Sun leads with the news, summing up Katie’s marriage and career in two paragraphs:
KATIE Price has secretly married hubby No3 — and our exclusive picture from the ceremony shows one of her famous boobs making an escape. The 34-year-old model wed Kieran Hayler, 25, on a sun-kissed Bahamas beach and has revealed how she did so on the advice of a PSYCHIC.
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Posted: 19th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Gay Jodie Foster comes out as Mel Gibson’s friend
JODIE Foster came out of her crystal closet when she accepted her Golden Globe with a speech that took swipes at people like Elen Degeneres who are open about their homosexuality.
Having rocked up to the AGM with the charmless Mel Gibson, Foster went on about herself. Forget the thanks to her co-stars and those who worked on the show that won her a gong and focus on Jodie:
I already did my coming out about a thousand years ago, back in the Stone Age, in those very quaint days when a fragile young girl would open up to trusted friends and family, co-workers, and then gradually, proudly, to everyone who knew her, to everyone she actually met. But now, apparently, I’m told that every celebrity is expected to honor the details of their private life with a press conference, a fragrance, and a prime-time reality show.
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Posted: 18th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
ToddleWood: Hollywood’s mini stars hits the Golden Globes red carpet
TRICIA Messeroux showcases the Hollywood production line in ToddleWood. Forget nepotism. Recycling is the future:
Taylor Swift
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Posted: 18th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
5ive canvas for new member… on Facebook
IT must be depressing being in a 90s boyband these days. Who remembers you? Barely no-one. If they do, they’re invariably crazed old fans, ravaged by time and still lustily chasing after you while ignoring their furious partners and children.
And so, while Kavana and Gina G Skype each other about temping for office work, 5ive have decided to leave the 90s behind and get modern, by posting a classified on Facebook in a bid to find a new fifth member.
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Posted: 17th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
12 obscure David Bowie gems today’s artists would kill for
SO. David Bowie’s somewhat nondescript new single hit number one, and the newspapers are hailing his new album as a masterpiece, as they have done with every album he has produced since his last commercially successful ‘LP’ (as then was) 33 years ago.
Those themselves under the age of 33 might be forgiven for wondering what all the fuss is about, but the fact is that Bowie remains the sole pop artist worthy of standing alongside the giants of the 1960s. Between 1969 and 1977 he produced a series of albums to rank, in their range and quality, with those of Bob Dylan, the Beatles, the Beach Boys, the Who and the rest. Some would go further and argue that his mid-sixties, late seventies and early eighties work deserves equal billing too.
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Posted: 17th, January 2013 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music | Comments (3)
Megan Fox is an Aztec visual labyrinth in Esquire’s worst article EVER!
IN Esquire, you can read an interview with Megan Fox. Stephen Marche reports. Highlights are many. Fox has a history of delivering airy bon mots. You can read out collection of her best here. After this article, however, that will need updating:
He likes her looks:
The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It’s not really even that beautiful. It’s closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly. What she is is flawless.
(Marche cold always get a job at the Sun.)
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Posted: 16th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Gobbling up Eva Longoria at the Golden Globes
GERRALOAD of those legs at the Golden Globes. Halle Berry, Miranda Kerr and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley were all out to prove that stars do have rral legs and not robotic limbs made of snake placenta and Tom Cruise stacks. It’s the Angelina Jolie effect, they say. But what says Sarah Vine in the Times?
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Posted: 15th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
Anne Hathaway is back for her Les Miserables sequel (video)
LES Miserables won the Best Comedy Or Musical (spoiler: the ending is hilarious), and Anne Hathaway won a golden marital aide for her sideboard. She gasped. She gushed. She said:
“Thank you for this lovely blunt object that I will forevermore use as a weapon against self doubt.”
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Posted: 15th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities | Comment
