Key Posts Category
Police Tell Girls To Told To Stop Wearing Pervert-Attracting School Uniforms In Public
SCHOOLGIRLS have been advised not to wear their uniforms on the Tornto subway. A man has been looking up their skirts. So. It follows that the girls should change their behaviour.
Allan Hardy, head of Greenwood College, notes that two pupils at his school have been targeted. He listens to the police and conveys his message to parents:
The Toronto Sun reports:
“Students, especially females, should consider not wearing their school uniform when riding the TTC … This person was looking up the girls’ skirts … So the advice is given… if they had, for example, jeans or sweatpants on, it wouldn’t be an issue.”
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Posted: 14th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (3)
Natasha Giggs, Stacey Giggs And Rovers’ Ryan Giggs Caught In Coronation Street Scrap
FIGHT! The Sun leads with news that Manchester United’s honourable Ryan Giggs (if only everyone was a mute as him there would be no need for super-injunctions) has allegedly been in a “street scrap” with his “mistress Natasha” and “wife Stacey”.
To the Rovers Return, Manchester, For Street Scrap. It’s the “slanging match of the day“.
On cobbles:
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Posted: 13th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment (1)
Katie Price, Danny Cipriani Are Pranny: An OK! Love Story
“WHEN Katie Price has Leandro Penna’s name inked on her ankle earlier this year, it seems she’d finally found love.” So writes OK! editor Lisa Byrne.
“But last week Katie confirmed they had split and just days later she was snapped leaving the house of a pal of rugby heart-throb Danny Cipriani. So what exactly is going in her love life.”
Well, we’d guess she had been over to see a pal of rugby heart-throb Danny Cipriani to talk about God and the end of the world being nigh?
OK! has other ideas and thunders on its cover:
“KATIE LOVES DANNY – the first interview since going public. Their secret’s out!”
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Posted: 13th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
The Only Way Is Dalston: The Stars Of MTV’s Hoxton Hipster TV
ESSEX has The Only Way is Essex. Chelsea has Made In Chelsea. Newcastle has Geordie Shore. Belfast has yet to air Loyalist And Lovin’ It. But Dalston and Hoxton in EastLondon do have The Only Way Is Dalston. The call to arms goes out:
“Hi,
“I’m getting in touch with you as I’m casting for an international MTV documentary series about young creative people living, working and hanging out in East London, fulfilling their creative dreams. We will be bringing together a group of diversely talented individuals to create a collective and a brand –ultimately a factory of creativity to harness talent.
“This is about celebrating youth culture, through self-expression – and the hub is East London. It’s about subverting people’s expectations of the scene here – and showing how raw talent is emerging. During the show, mentors and experiences will help nurture innovative flair and give you the chance to showcase your unique ideas. The eventual winner will be supported by MTV and their skills and visions will be shown to the world.
“We want unique characters with something to say who are up for challenging and developing themselves! Fancy being part of this experience?
“We’ll be meeting people Monday evening in Shoreditch for casting. Let me know if you, or anyone you know, would be interested in coming along. Age 18-25(ish).
“Get in touch“
It’s people who want to work in big media filming people who want to be filmed on big media. As with all reloty telly shows the pleasure in picking out who to hate most. Vice met a few of the cast:
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Posted: 13th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (2)
Cameron Must Chop Liam Fox Before The Army Does
SOME news and political sources are now openly hinting UK Defence Secretary Dr Liam Fox may be gay. Whether or not there is a close physical relationship between his Best Man Adam Werritty and Fox, as possible consenting adults, it is a matter for them.
I couldn’t give an old Queen’s tremulous giggle one way or the other.
What can no longer be in doubt is the ridiculous mind-set of the UK Premier David Cameron on the whole sorry mess of the unappointed adviser in the shape of Werritty.
Ridiculous?
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Posted: 13th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (2)
Woman Of The Year Catches The Baseball: Gifs Of The Week
MOVE over Coco Austin – Anorak has a new Woman of The Year. Stick yo your electronic games, kids, leave the flesh and bone sports to the grown ups:
Rob Sloan Is No Cheat: Sunderland Marathon Runner Just Picked Wrong Sport
TO some, Rob Sloan embodies the spirit of clear thinking, common sense and innovation. Sloan ran a commendable 20 and a half miles of the Kielder Marathon. The course, however, was 26.2 miles. Sloan made up the shortfall by taking a bus. He breasted the finishing line in third place, at an impressive time of 2:51:00. The bronze medallion was his.
Others accused Sloan of cheating. Witnesses claimed to have seen the Sunderland Harrier get off the bus and then hide behind a tree before joining the race in a modest third place.
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Posted: 13th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comment
Porn Gang Kidnap Saddam Hussein Lookalike For Sex Video Work
MOHAMED Bishr looks a bit like Saddam Hussein did. Granted, he’s an Egyptian and his accent would need work, but a career as an impersonator is his for the taking…as his he because an Iraqi gang kidnapped Bishr with the intention of making him a porn star.
Bishr was in an Alexandria cafe when when three men wearing black suits attempted to force him into the back of a van.
Says he to Ahram’s Arabic portal:
“The three men, who had guns hanging from their belts, forced me out of my car and shoved me into a van, hitting my head.”
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Posted: 13th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
Dr Liam Fox Poses For The Greatest Photo Ever
DR Liam Fox is in the mire over his relationship with an “advisor” Adam Werritty. No, not adviser. Mr Werritty describes himself as an “advisor” to Dr Fox on his business cards. An “adviser” is someone who gives advice; an “advisor” is someone hired to give advice. But while debate rages, Fox smiles and carries on. And he really gives it the full beam. We’ve pulled together a gallery of Dr Fox to entertain you. All are good but the third picture is nothing short of fantastic.
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Posted: 13th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comments (2)
Katie Price’s Oxford Union Address: The MILF Speaks
KATIE Price, famous for her gigantic Jordans, marrying sentimental orange-hued men, eating kanagaroo anus on the telly and getting awards for being a mother and looking after her own children, has addressed the Oxford Union debating chamber in Oxford University. She follows in the steps of Winston Churchill, the Dalai Lama and Mother Teresa. Or, if you prefer, Jordan speaks in the echoes of Pamela Anderson, OJ Simpson, Kermit The Frog and porn star Ron Jeremy.
Katie spoke for eight minutes with no ad breaks. Student Alex McDonald asked who her best lover has been. KP replied:
“It could be you… I’m a MILF, I’ll eat you alive”.
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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
Want To Pull Ashton Kutcher? Sex Him With No Protection And Talk Politics On His Wedding Anniversary
ALLEGEDLY. That’s what we need to say before this article gets under way, okay? Everything you read is alleged.
Right, now the lawyers have gone, we can get into the nitty-gritty of Ashton Kutcher’s alleged one-night-stand with the 23 year old Sara Leal.
This affair, of course, is the reason that Kutcher and Demi Moore are being linked to a divorce. But you’re probably more interested in how you might go about pulling the new star of Two And A Half Men, right?
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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
West Ham Want You To Pay For Their Local Greed: We’re Backing Spurs And Orient
WEST Ham want to move into the Olympics Stadium. Tottenham also want to. If Spurs get the nod, then West Ham are stuffed. What boy in North-east London not already supporting Manchester United would turn down a trip to Spurs’ purpose built new ground and Premier League football in favour of a trip to Championship Upton Park? Spurs would be parking their tanks on West Ham’s lawns.
Then Newham Council decided in the face of legal wrangling to not give its bed partners West Ham a £40m loan; the Government decreed that any tenant would have to keep the stadium’s running track for 125 years, thus scuppering Spurs original plans for an excellent privately-financed single-purpose football ground; the taxpayer – yep, you! – will have to pay for the stadium to be turned into a 60,000 arena to be rented out for £2million a year; and West Ham will seek to play football in an at-best half-full ground (unless they are playing a bigger team or are bought by a very rich and very vain lunatic who also buys great players).
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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (13)
Joanna Yeates Murder Trial: Tabloids Corrupt Facts As Nigel Lickley Persuades Jury
JOANNA Yeates: Anorak’s look at the Vincent Tabak’s trial in the news:
The front page news on the Sun’s “Jo” and the Mirror’s “Joanne”.
“Tragic Jo’s 43 injuries” – Daily Star
“Jo Fought To Her Last Breath”- Daily Mirror
“Jo’s 43 ‘murder’ injuries”- The Sun
“Killer left Jo Yeates with 43 separate injuries”- Daily Express
A Tall Story:
Ryan Parry sticks to the facts ion the Daily Record:
The petite landscape architect suffered 43 separate injuries in her desperate struggle with her next-door neighbour Vincent Tabak. Tabak, at 6ft 3in almost a foot taller than Joanna, throttled her with his bare hands and her nose was broken.
Petite? Miss Yeates was 5ft 4inches tall and weighed 9st 3lbs
The Daily Mail says Tabak is 6ft 4inc.
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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)
National Coming Out Day Cards: For The Secret Gay In You
TO mark National Coming Out Day, why not get a National Coming Out Day Cards, featuring your favourite celebrity? If you get a card, you might well be gay – but just the last to know:
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Posted: 12th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)
Mug Shot: Popeye Arrested For Fatal Shooting
POPEYE has been arrested in Minnesota. Popeye, going under the name of 81-year-old Delbert Huber, claims he shot and killed someone in Burbank Township.
Police found Huber and his son Timothy Huber with the body of 43-year-old Timothy Larson,who they knew.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
Daily Mail And Daily Telegraph Save Doubting Thomas The Tank Engine From Anti-Christians
THEY’VE only gone and banned Christmas on Thomas the Tank Engine! The Daily Mail says Thomas – the Great British Train created by a Great British reverend, son to a Great British vicar – has been “forced to carry ‘decorated tree’ for ‘winter holidays’ as Christmas is banned on Sodor”.
Bloody hell!
Even Christmas trees have been axed in an episode of the DVD, Little Engines, Big Days Out, and are instead referred to as decorated trees. Brightly wrapped presents are delivered to a ‘holiday party’.
Ann Widdecombe, a Christian now working as a Speak Your Outrage machine on the Daily Mail Reporter’s f9 key, calls this “extra ridiculous”.
“It is another example of the politically correct brigade trying to airbrush Christmas out of our lives because they fear they might upset non-Christians, which is nonsense.”
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall Wants To Eat Your Puppies
FACE it. TV chefs are scum. They harangue you through your television set to tell you that you’re doing it all wrong. You aren’t growing your own vegetables, despite the fact there’s no allotments in your area and you live in a one-bedroomed flat three stories up. You’re not making things with celeriac, even though it looks like something tested on in Roswell and tastes like hell.
Basically, you are a lousy human-being who should be ashamed of wanting a Big Mac now and then.
And the latest crusade is from Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (something of a surprise, no?) who says we should all eat puppies.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
There’s Blood In Your Mobile Phone, And Death
WE’VE another handwringing documentary coming to screens near us this month. Blood in Your Mobile is all about the appalling mining conditions in Congo
Umm, but hang on, haven’t we already had this? The stuff about coltan, the stuff that makes the tantalum which makes the capacitors in our phones? Why, yes, we have in fact already had this. And in fact there’s been a change in the law: makers of electronics, under the Frank Dodd rules, have to certify that their electronics, the 4 capacitors in them, didn’t come from minerals from conflict areas.
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Lisa Irwin: Did A Fat Policeman Steal The Missouri Babe?
LISA Irwin: Anorak’s look at the missing child in the news. Can the local police look as clueless and kak-handed as the Oregon police hunting Kyron Horman? They can try.
Police in Kasas City, Missouri have staged a re-enactment of the night that the 10 month-old went missing from her cot, taken, as the parents Deborah Bradley and Jeremy Irwin claim, by an intruder who gained access through an unlocked bedroom window.
The Daily Mail tells it like this:
A police re-enactment in the Baby Lisa case today raised scepticism about her parents’ claims that the child was plucked from her crib by an unknown abductor in the middle of the night.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Katie Price Kickstarts Great Britain’s Pussy Economy With TV Talent Search
BY now you’ll be wondering what ever happened to Katie Price, the glamour model who shagged Dwight Yorke and Gareth Gates? Well, after two successful marriages (with ad breaks) she is still called Katie Price. Right now she is dressed in stocking and suspenders in her role of talent spotter for the Sky Living series Signed By Katie Price.
On the magic box, Katie will search for a new talent to sign to her own model agency, Black Sheep Management. Once again, Katie has nailed it. At the launch she showed us how all women should all dress in the office dress, using their primary sexual organs to drive deals and create the UK’s go-ahead answer to the Far East’s Tiger Economy.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
New York Times, Kanye West And Chattering Fasionistas Turn Occupy Wall Street Into A Huge Joke
CAN Kanye West and the New York Times join forces with bearded man with loud hailer to turn the Occupy Wall Street protest into an international laughing stock? Well, they are tying.
West swapped his diamond teeth for gold ones to better mingle and blend in with the working stiffs in New York.
This is blue collar West who celebrates his wealth and tweets observations such as:
Man I’m heading to Abu Dhabi finna go to Ferrari Land YESSSS!!! ..
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Artist Christian Jankowski’s Aquariva Boat Costs £110,000 More With His Signature
MORE news on how the art world works: at London’s Frieze Art Fair you can buy the Aquariva Centro, a 30ft boat for $430,000. Nice. But if you buy it as work of art – not as a boat – it costs £540,000.
For the extra you get: a promotional video featuring designer Christian Jankowski, Jankoweski’s name on a certificate and Jankowski’s name on a chrome plaque on the boat’s hull.
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Posted: 11th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
Occupy Wall Street: The Best And Funniest Signs
OCCUPY Wall Street is doing its best to out the funny in revolution. Not all of the humour is intentional. But what is can be seen her in the the signs held aloft by the wiggling fingers of freedom:
Posted: 10th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment
Nightmares Fear Factory Photos: Friendships Tested In The Face Of Horror
THE Nightmares Fears Factory can be found in Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. It’s a haunted house attraction. It is also a way of finding out what you and, more vitally, what your friends, lovers and family are made of. In this gallery of reactions to the scary you will learn if your man is a hero (picture 9) or a chocolate teapot (picture 2)? Is your good lady happy to sacrifice you to the gaping maw of hell (pictures 5 and 20? Do your friends see you as a prop to their own lives, a sacrificial victim for the greater good of ‘me’ (picture 7)? Or are they ready to bond with the horror (pictures 10 and 15)? If you want to see what they are reacting to, you can go to page 2:
Posted: 10th, October 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comment
The EU Is Nicking British Kids’ Toys And Bursting Their Balloons – Say Daily Mail And Telegraph
SCARE Story of The Day: The EU are nicking British kids’ toys and bursting their balloons:
The Daily Mail tells readers:
Brussels bans toys: Party blowers and other stocking fillers are barred in EU safety edict
Thanks to the EU “Prices of toys will also go up for Christmas”
Kate Loveys writes:
Christmas stockings look likely to be a little lighter this year because of a new EU edict on toy safety. Many traditional filler toys are being banned because they do not conform to tough regulations imposed by Brussels. Party blowers, magnetic fishing games, toy lipsticks, whistles and recorders are among the favourites deemed too dangerous.
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