Key Posts Category
The Hillsborough Petition Is A Con: Just Look At Student Fees
WILL the causes of the Hillsborough disaster be debated in Parliament? Will the Cabinet papers into the tragedy that saw 96 Liverpool fans die at at the FA cup semi-final tie against Nottingham Forest at Sheffield Wednesday ground on 15 April, 1989, be aired?
The online petition calling for the Cabinet papers to be released has reached 100,000 signatures – “enough for a Commons debate to be considered”.
Considered is all.
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Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment
How To Identify An Israeli Date In North London Shops: The Muslim’s Reply Is Priceless
EVER wondered who you identify an Israeli date? You says- and get this – the Israelis put the Palestinians in the trees and “leave them there all day“. Also enjoy how she speaks on behalf of all Muslims…. ALL of them.
She says Israel is an “apartheid regime“. (Well, no, it isn’t. Races, sexes and religions are not segregated in Israel – a fact evidence to anyone who has been there, watched the national football team or voted in parliamentary elections). The owner replies:
”What country are you in right now?… Why are you not in a Muslim state arguing… Why are you not there fighting for the cause?”
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Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (8)
The Greatest Football Dives Ever: Gifs To Entertain
FOOTBALL, aka soccer, is the game of gentleman. It is also a non-contact sport, akin to American TV wrestling. We’ve compiled a selection of wonderful Gifs to prove the point. You call it diving. The experts call it simulation. We call it entertainment. Send in the clowns…
Posted: 23rd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (11)
Colonel Mad Dog Gaddafi: A Life In Nutty Quotes
IT’S not the way Colonel Gaddafi says it – it’s what he says:
Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Politicians | Comment
Daily Mirror Says Isle Of Wight Is Peado Island – And A Great Place To Holiday
THE Daily Mirror says that Isle of Wight has been dubbed “Paedo Island”. You see, the new Camp Hill Prison is not the island’s first. It already has Albany and Parkhurst, “which hold mostly rapists and paedophiles“. And Camp Hill “will also be set aside for sex offenders“.
An unnamed source tells us:
“Many of these prisoners will eventually be released on to the island and the public will have no idea who they are or the terrible crimes they have done.”
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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (6)
The Battle For Tripoli In Photos: Gaddafi And al-Megrahi Prepare To Talk Or Die In Libya
THE battle for Tripoli is raging. The SAS are on the ground. Men with Herefordshire accents are making ready to capture Gaffadi – or to kill him.
Rebel commanders have taken the headquarters of state TV.
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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Racist Nivea Presents The Most Racist Adverts Ever
IS this advert for Nivea grooming product racist? The clean-cut black man is holding the severed head of what is either his old self or else one of his tribe who refused to yield to civilisation and kept his hair natural. Chop their heads off – that’ll teach them to use white creams in smart pots.
The message is “Re-civilize Yourself“.
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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, The Consumer | Comments (2)
Ian Redmond Was Killed By A Bull Shark, A Tiger Shark And The Moon: All The Tabloids Facts
WHEN Ian Redmond was killed by a shark in the Seychelles the Sun said he had been “eaten“. He wasn’t. The paper then told us that the shark was a bull shark, of a type that had inspired the film Jaws. Now the Sun tells us that the shark was “thought to be a Great White“. You know, like in the film Jaws.
And this shark is controlled by the moon, apparently:
THE shark that killed a honeymoon Briton may be driven to strike by the full moon, fishermen warned yesterday.
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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)
Tabloids Set About Destroying X Factor Blonde Kitty Brucknell With Sex, Lies And Videotape
WITH Colonel Gaddafi about to be toppled in Libya, the tabloid media scouts about for another enemy of the people and settles on…Kitty Brucknell. Kitty, already billed as the new “HATED’ Katie Waissel, has been auditioning for stardom on the X Factor.
The Sun uses its front page to pun:
“Sex and the Kitty – singer was “honeytrap’ paid to catch cheats”.
News is that Kitty held down an honest job.
X FACTOR star Kitty Brucknell worked as a private detective agency’s “honeytrap” girl – luring men into cheating on their partners…
Luring? Anorak imagines Kitty beckoning with a naked finger from behind a curtain on which is written “Blondes this way”. All the while she sings the Sirens’ song, tempting the hapless men with the puplar refreain: Is my body too bootylicious for ya babe? As ever, the women is the wrong ‘un and the man just the hapless fool:
A victim spotted the blonde, 26, on Saturday’s show. Her job was to entrap targets into kissing or touching her. Hidden photographers recorded the moment and tell-tale snaps were passed to suspicious women, who paid upwards of £2,000 to the agency Executive Honeytraps for the evidence. Kitty’s past was exposed by Dalbir Virdee, 37, whose ex-wife Puishpinda Matharu used photos taken of him with Kitty in her 2008 divorce from him.
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Posted: 22nd, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment
Joan Collins On Being Raped By Her Future Husband And Fat Titless Chinamen In Shift Dresses
JOAN Collins has written a book: The World According To Joan. It’s being serialised in the Mail. Joan and the Mail are natural bedfellows:
On dresses:
“All women look awful in shift dresses, even Nicole Kidman. You’ve gotta be totally titless for them to work.”
On Maxwell Reed:
“I only married him because I was so embarrassed that he had taken my virginity… I was 18 going on 13, that is how young people were in the Fiftiess… Maxwell picked me up at Hyde Park Corner Tube station in a powder-blue Buick. It was amazing for me. He was my favourite movie-star. I remember I was wearing a black skirt and a polo neck, with a yellow jacket. He took me to a place called the Country Club in Hanover Square. We walked up lots of stairs to a small, candle-lit apartment where he asked me what I wanted to drink and gave me a rum and Coke. It was a Mickey Finn. I was drugged. You must think I am a moron. Oh, this is such a horrible story. He said: ‘I am going to have a bath,’ which I thought was very strange. He then said: ‘Take a look at this book, I think you will find it interesting. Of course, it was full of disgusting, pornographic photographs. Now, any smart girl today would have got out of there and run down those stairs faster than a speeding bullet, but not little innocent, stupid Joan Collins, who stayed there and looked at the book. The next thing I knew, I was on the sofa and that was it. Then I was throwing up into a bucket.”
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Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Lindsay Lohan And Daughter Dina Work The Kim Kardashian Wedding: Photos
WHEN Kim Kardashian got married to her first husband, eyes wondered – and then watered before being scorched bone dry – to the guests Lindsay Lohan and her mother Dina.
Wedding always make women think of their own romances – and the Lohan sisters kindly offer hope to men that you don’t need to go as far as a Russian dating website to find the love of your dreams.
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Posted: 21st, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Sally Bercow, Blow Jobs For Questions, Neil Hamilton And Al Fayed’s Big Brother Cash
SALLY Bercow is in the Big Brother house. She’s married to Tory MP John Bercow, the House of Commons’ Speaker. Rumours abound that he did not want his wife to go on the telly show but she persuaded him:
“I just used my feminine wiles and took John away for a dirty weekend in Devon. I gave him a weekend he wouldn’t forget which left him happy if breathless. He eventually gave in, though he made me promise not to say or do anything that might harm him.”
Conservative MP Claire Perry might care to think on. As we were told of her:
[She] had come straight from the debating chamber where Mr Bercow had slapped her down for complaining at the way she was ignored. Shattering the tranquil hubbub in the room, Ms Perry stormed in and declared loudly: ‘What have I got to do to be called by the Speaker? Give him a b*** j**?’
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Awkward Family Holiday Photo Of The Day: He Who Shops Rules
AWKWARD Family Holiday Photo of The Day – it could be worse…
Posted: 20th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Photojournalism | Comments (2)
The Greatest Silly Season Local News Story Ever: Germans, Beer, Golf And A Majorcan Holiday Bet
MOST people make friends on holiday and never see them again. They never want to. Those holiday pals are not part of the real world but a figure locked in the mists of halcyon days in the sun. But Sebastian Steinzen wanted to see his holiday friends again. Steinzen is German. And he wanted to catch up with a Portishead couple he knew only as Patrick and Pam. He knew that they drank in the Black Horse pub in Clapton-in-Gordano. Well, so they told him.
They had first met on a golfing tip to Majorca back in September 2005. Over ten days the Bristol couple, Steinzen and his lover Nina played three rounds of golf together. On the last game a bet was made. Sebastian wagered that he could get his ball to land on the green just 2m away from the flag. If he failed, he would buy Patrick a pint.
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Posted: 20th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
Rosie Millard’s Guide To Looking Like An Arsehole At University
ROSIE Millard has ten “fail-safe tips to help your children settle in seamlessly at university from Rosie Millard“.
The chances are uncomfortably hight that this is not a parody nor meant to ironic.
1 Pack a trunk – A new room won’t feel like home until you’ve filled it with your personal flourishes. Freshers should take a tip from boarding school veterans, and pack a large trunk with all the nick-nacks and antiques that make their rooms feel special. Books, artworks, and curios dotted around will make it clear that you are an interesting individual. A trunk can also be used as an impromptu chair or table, for when all the new chums descend for drinking games.
You think that this is meant to be ireverrant. And then you read on.
2 Avoid obvious clichés– Leave behind anything to do with Che Guevara…
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Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Gifs Of The Day: The Bulldog Slide (With Added Fat Cat)
GIFS of The Day are presented by: the definition of frustration; tower says ‘bye’; fat cat; the bulldog slide; she dives in – water dives out; happy dog; halfway to paradise; and when carp attack…
Reasons Why The London Riots Happened: From Mark Duggan To Blackberry An Arab Spring And Polar Bears
RIOTS in London, Manchester and Birmingham… Why? Let’s see the reason presented by the experts, politicians and the media:
Music:
“I blame the pernicious culture of hatred around rap music, which glorifies violence and loathing of authority (especially the police but including parents), exalts trashy materialism and raves about drugs.” – Paul Routledge, Daily Mirror
Rupert Murdoch:
Speaking on The Drum, former diplomat Bruce Haigh reveals a thus-far unknown cause of London’s riots:
Recently the police have lost the moral high ground in London because of the Murdoch thing …
The Educational Maintenance Allowance:
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Posted: 19th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (19)
Beautiful Helen Mirren Doesn’t Like Ugly Young People Getting Plastic Surgery
EVERYONE fancies Helen Mirren. Even the gayest of gay men kinda fancy her. She’s just achingly beautiful, despite being older than three Mumm-Ras.
And so, when it comes to looks, you could be forgiven for thinking that she can bugger off when it comes to judging people because she’s been blessed with a very appealing face.
But that’s what she’s doing… and it’s still impossible to hate her. Basically, she can’t understand why young people have cosmetic surgery to alter their ”pure” beauty. In fact, she thinks its “horrific”, which isn’t emotive at all.
She says:
“The only thing I don’t like on young people is plastic surgery.
“The purity of youthful beauty is so fantastic to me that it’s horrific when young girls get fake things.”
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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
Daily Mail: Santa Claus Has Cancer
CAN flying to America give you cancer?
The Daily Mail wonders:
Can a change in solar activity increase the risk of cancer for frequent flyers to the U.S.?
Frequent flyers to China can breathe easy. Says the paper:
Dramatic changes in solar activity could raise the risk of cancerous damage to the cells of those on board planes flying over the Poles, claims professor of space environment physics Mike Lockwood.
Does a flight from London to New York go over the South or North Poles? And if it does, might the pilot be lost? Forget cancer – the polar bears and killer penguins want your blood. Unless you’re Santa Claus, in which case you need to see a doctor…fast! (And get Rudolph’s nose seen to – that boil looks nasty; it’s most likely cancerous.)
Says Professor Lockwood, who details his warning in the journal Geophysical Research Letters:
“I am not being alarmist.”
But…
The Hornsey High Street Riot That Should Have Warned The Police What Would Come Next
WHEN do you think this incident occurred, as told in the Tottenham and Wood Green Journal?
YOUTHS armed with glass bottles, bricks and stones turned a high street into warzone over the weekend as they fought a running battle with police. At one stage bottles and bricks rained down on riot police, who were armed with batons, shields and CS spray, as they tried to gain control of the situation in Hornsey High Street on Saturday night.
Witnesses described seeing the police hugely outnumbered, marching in formation towards the baying thugs down the High Street, using CS spray on those who refused to move. The disturbances ran from 10.30pm to 5am the next morning, yet only two people were arrested for violent disorder.
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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
A-Levels Are Sexy: Media Photos Of Pretty Shaggable A-Level Students
A-LEVEL results are coming in thick and fast. The media is responding to the call sent out by schools looking to showcase their most shaggable pupils. We at Anorak will compile a gallery of the most photogenic women – it’s mostly young women – who made it into the national press.
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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Ian Redmond’s Death By Shark Could Have Been Worse, Says Daily Mail
IAN Redmond has been killed on his honeymoon in the Seychelles. His death is on the front pages of the Sun (the treasure hunt – “Find my Ian’s wedding ring“), the Mirror (Mrs Shark’s view – “SHARK’S WIDOW SPEAKS“), the Mail (the ‘it could happen to you’ – “Lovestruck on their perfect honeymoon – then the killer shark attacked“) and the Telegraph (the conclusive – “Final picture of shark attacks couple“).
Sharks are always big news in August, most often when potted off the coat of Bridlington, Brighton or Bournemouth. But this time a Briton has been killed by one overseas – in a place the tabloids remind us over and over where Prince Williams and Kate Middleton honeymooned.
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Posted: 18th, August 2011 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment
Gerard Depardieu Decides To Take A Wazz On A Flight, Which Is Understandable
WHAT would you do if you really needed to go to the toilet, but you found yourself stuck on a plane that wasn’t moving? You’d ask a steward/ess if you could go to the ‘rest room’ for ‘a rest’ wouldn’t you?
What happens if that flight attendant say “Non.”
Well, if you are called Gerard Depardieu, you’d flop your old chap out and take a long, drunken piss in the aisle of the plane. That’s exactly what you’d do because that’s precisely what has happened on an Air France flight.
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Posted: 17th, August 2011 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (7)
Scare Stories: TV Gives You Cancer And Sore Necks Make You Go Blind
SCARE Stories of the Day: It’s health day Tuesday in the Daily Mail and that can only mean one thing – new ways to die:
Is Your TV killing you? – “Every hour of viewing takes 22 minutes off your life, couch potatoes are warned”
Writing in the British Journal of Sports Medicine, they concluded: ‘TV viewing time may be associated with a loss of life that is comparable to other major chronic disease risk factors such as physical inactivity and obesity.’ This finding is also comparable to risk factors such as smoking, with other research showing that one cigarette cuts 11 minutes off a lifespan – equivalent to half an hour of watching TV.
Sitting down is, apparently, bad for you. The Mail even links it – and thus watching telly – to getting cancer. So. Look out for the headline: “Reading all day gives you cancer”. Also to consider: EastEnders or one last fag? The fag every time, right?
“Over 50s fear having to sell their homes to pay their bills”
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Watching Tiger Woods Is Better Than Tiger Woods Sex: Photo Bomb Guy Gallery
YOU see, golf is exciting. It’s better than talking about Tiger Woods having sex. Well, to him it is at least:
Spotter: Business Insider
The meme:
