Key Posts Category
Britain’s Got Talent: Before Hyping Chloe Hickinbottom Let’s Destroy Susan Boyle
THE fourth series of Britain’s Got Talent is upon us. Along with Harry Hill’s TV Burp and Curb Your Enthusiasm, it’s the best show on the box. But before the show, and ten-year-old Chloe Hickinbottom who croons Vera Lynn’s White Cliffs Of Dover, here’s a chance to cast more aspersions on the mental wellbeing of last year’s runner up Susan Boyle.
The media’s aim is to create a cautionary tale on the perils of fame. The media will build Boyle into a crescendo of pain.
The Express leads with news of “fears” for Boyle. The Sun also tells of “FEARS for SUSAN BOYLE’s fragile mental health”.
‘Emotional’ Susan Boyle ‘Enchanted’ By Man At Nice Airport
The Media Manipulates Images To Make Susan Boyle Look Weak Minded
Susan Boyle In Airport Rampage
SuBo was due to perform at the Logie Awards in Australia. But she pulled out “without explanation”. No word on why, then. So, let’s guess.
She has been plagued by problems since she came second in Britain’s Got Talent last year.
Problems such as being a hit and making lots of money?
The last time she was in the first class lounge she put on a weird show – polishing shoes and dancing with a mop at Heathrow airport in January. The land of the didgeridoo may have proved too tempting for the lass’s strange shenanigans.
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Posted: 17th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comments (6)
In Pictures: Iceland’s Volcanic Dust In Sheffield
VOLCANIC dust has fallen on the streets of Sheffield. Scientists from Sheffield Hallam University says the substance retrieved originated in Eyjafjallajökul. At least something is flying, albeit miniscule blimps of volcanic matter. There is no danger to health. The dust is non-toxic. It is non-hazardous. Pictures of the dust, the empty airports and plane-free skies follow It’s kind of beautiful – unless you’re sat in an airport in which case it’s a huge over-reaction…
Posted: 16th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comment (1)
Tattoos: The Greateast Superhero Ink Stains
NO-ONE has a Nick Clegg tattoo as yet, but many people do have tattoos bearing the image of other superheroes. Anorak presents the world’s greatest superhero tattoos for your perusal.
The Most Disgusting Tattoos (NSFW)
Tattoos – The Tramp Stamp
Tattoos: The Misspelled Ones
Posted: 16th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
Elin Nordegren Shuns Revenge Shag In Favour Of Divorce: Pictures
TIGER Woods wife Elin Nordegren has yet to embark on a revenge shag tour, taking in, perhaps, Jesse James, Ashley Cole, John Terry, Charlie Sheen and – well, what the hey – Josyln James. (Kim Hiott is inncoent.) Instead the news is that Elin is looking to divorce the Tiger. No word what Earl Woods thinks of it.
The Sun says Elin was upset by that creepy Nike ad in which Tiger tried to hypnotise you into believing his dad shagged all the girls, allegedly. And that if you wear a Nike hat with a tick on it all is forgiven and your wife will toe the corporate line and maybe appear in her own ad channeling Mother Theresa of Calcutta in an adidas sweatband.
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Elin Nordegren, girlfriend of American golfer, Tiger Woods watches him play at the 2002 American Express Championship, Mount Juliet Golf Course, Co Kilkenny, Republic of Ireland. *Woods won the American Express Championship with a final total of 25-under-par, one shot clear of South African Retief Goosen in second on 24-under.
Spotter: Celebitchy
Posted: 15th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (6)
After The Primark Paedo Bikini The Paedo Knickers Lure Perverts
AFTER the Paedo Bikini – feel years younger or your money back! – the Sun leads with the “Paedo Heaven On Our High Street“. Paedos on the high street? Surely paedos are in the church, on the beach and in Portugal? The high street seems a strange place to be a peado, what with all the CCTV.
“Stores in new kids’ bra row”
The story so far goes something like this: children will wear a padded bra top from Primark and turn men who look at them into peadophiles. Normal paedos get turned on just by children no matter what they are dressed in. But these new paedos, let’s call them super-paedos, have been turned by high-street goods.
One minute you’re a dad, brother or teacher who likes women or men, then – one look at a nipper in a padded pre-teen bra – and you’re a paedophile.
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Posted: 15th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (12)
Pictures: Katie Price Is Exploding Breasts Drama – Egypt And Jordan At War
KATIE Price is in Egypt. And her breasts have exploded. Having already told you that Katie is Jewish and a kidnap target for Hamas, we wonder if she has already been got at. Is Katie Price a suicide bomber?
The Star delivers the front-page headline:
“Jordan holiday boobs horror”
Yep, Katie has holiday boobs. Katie has boobs for every occassion.
“Breast implants explode on Red Sea scuba dive.”
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Posted: 15th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (5)
Angelina Jolie Is ‘Pregnant’, Orphans’ Hearts Break
ANGELINA Jolie is pregnant. Well, so says Star magazine. Right now orphans are crying.
This is the same Angelina Jolie who earlier in the week ordered Brad Pitt to have a facelift. Maybe they’re breeding for Brad’s new face, a kind of stem-cell research project whereby Angelina will give birth to a line-free forehead hanging from a mop of hair?
The evidence for this baby is that Star says Jolie is three-months gone. If you want more evidence, the magazine says Jolie “can’t stand for long periods of time” is eating “more red meat and fish” and drank red grape juice in place of red wine in acting scene.
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Posted: 14th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Miranda Kerr Undoes The Peado Bikini
MIRANDA Kerr shows you that you don’t need the Paedo Bikini to look younger. Miranda Kerr is wearing a bikini for Ayyildiz Swimwear. So great is the bikini that in open still Miranda looks keen to escape it. She undoes the ties but – no, no – this is not soft porn: this is bikini modelling at the bleeding edge. Get a load of that bikini that makes everyone who wears it look like Miranda Kerr. Stretch to fit…
Miranda Kerr in pictures (NSFW)
Spotter: Ego-tastic
Michelle Rodriguez Beats Justin Bieber To Lesbian Magazine GO Gig
LOST actess Michelle Rodriguez has yet to come out as gay. Or not gay. She is, however, hosting a party for lesbian organ GO Magazine. It’s a lesbian magazine that has yet to feature Justin Bieber on the cover.
In 2007, Michelle Rodriguez was on the cover of lesbian magazine Curve.
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Posted: 14th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
In Pictures: Justin Bieber Is A ‘Lesbian’
JUSTIN Bieber is huge. Literally. Bieber is massive. In real life he’s the size of a large horse. He also looks just like a lesbian. Lesbians are the last taboo in the mainstream media. You only ever see a lesbian when they are young and kissing another young woman or when two woman are having a kiss mean dream about. The Bieber is big in the lesbian community. We’ve been to the meetings. We know. He is making strides to acceptance and more lesbians in showbiz. Pictures of lesbians who look like Justin Bieber prove how he adopted their look to prove a point:
Posted: 14th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Music | Comments (5)
Michelle Bombeshell McGee Says Sorry To Bullock Her Co-Star Victim
MICHELLE “Bombshell” McGee gives it the sister act on Australian TV, showing the viewers Jesse James’ text messages to her and saying that she is sorry for Sandra Bullock’s pain.
The Bayeux Bombshelter is on Australia’s Today Tonight – why? – to tell her Australian fanbase that James let her down. She and Sandra are kindred spirits. They will become firm pals and star in a film together. Bullock will be the star and McGee the extra who writes the players’ lines on her face.
Michelle McGee is the future of prompting…
Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Revealed: David Cameron’s Conservative Manifesto Stolen From Student’s Essay
WHEN in 2003, Anorak introduced the Tory Blue Book, we knew that one day David Cameron, an avid reader, would take our words and turn them into great Government. And so it has proved as Dave unleashes the Conservative Party’s 21010 manifesto: The Blue Booklet.
In the interests of history, we one again bring you that story:
AN Essex schoolboy has declared war on progressive education in a pamphlet he believes will fire the imagination of young people everywhere. But his teachers are less enthusiastic, and he has upset some of them with his outspoken views.
“You might laugh now – but giving me a damn good thrashing will only make me stronger,” says Richards
Barry Richards, 16, is a pupil at the Wat Tyler comprehensive in Grays, and a leading member of the Essex Young Conservatives.
His book, The Little Blue Schoolbook, is a riposte to controversial Little Red Schoolbook, which was published in the UK earlier this year. But whereas the original enjoins pupils to organise strikes and demonstrations, Richards version extols the virtues of obedience, patriotism and polished shoes.
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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Jade Goody Implicated In Jack Tweed ‘Rape’ Case
DAY 2 of the Jack Tweed rape trial and Jade Goody is getting star billing. Whatever Jack Tweed does – get photographed during extempore grave visits; smack a lad with golf club; wear knickers and a bra – it’s never enough to be star in his own right. Now, he allegedly, rapes a girl and still it’s not good enough. As the Sun damn him on its front page:
“JADE’S JACK RAPED ME”
The Star yells:
“JACK TWEED ‘RAPED’ TEEN WEEKS AFTER JADE’S DEATH”
Tsk! Where’s the respect for Our Jade? Might he not have waited a bit longer to be accused of rape?
The allegation is that Jack tweed raped a girl and that while doing so his friend, one Anthony Davis – a David Schwimmer look-alike – held the bedroom door shut and uttered the immortal line:
“Do what you’ve got to do.”
She says rape. Tweed and Davis deny the charge and say any sex was consensual.
And Jade Tweed might well wonder what he has to do to be his own celebrity?
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Posted: 13th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comment
FA Cup In Pictures: Portsmouth Fans Bid For Place On Wembley Final Bus
IN pictures, Portsmouth fans high on their team’s FA Cup win over Spurs are invited to bid for a place on the team’s walking bus for the final. For just £5, you Pompey faithful can join the team as they walk to Wembley. For £10, the team will give you a piggyback. And that; snot all. For £2, you’re name can be entered into a free prize draw to lend your own personal flannel to David James and the boys for use in the hallowed showers. For another £1.50, James and his colleagues will leave signs of themselves in each washing item. That simple bar of soap becomes a memento of a great day in history. There are lots more items to sponsor and bid for, including: Frederic Piquionne’s hair grip, Michael Brown’s frown lines and Papa Bouba Diop’s shirt, boots and space in the staring XI.
Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (8)
In Pictures: X-Ray Of Live Ammo In Afghan Soldier’s Head
THIS is a picture of a two-inch long live round of ammunition lodged in the head of living Afghan soldier. The US Air Force image stems from work by Radiologist Lt Col Anthony Terreri. He explained the patient and discovered that the shrapnel was in fact a 14.5mm unexploded round. Says he:
“I saw that it was not solid metal on the inside. I then looked at the scout image and could see there was an air gap on one end and what looked almost like the tip of a tube of lipstick at the end and decided this didn’t look quite right.”
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Posted: 12th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True | Comment
In Pictures The Story Of Madeleine McCann: Libel, Hate, Hope And A Media Feeding Frenzy
MADELEINE McCANN went missing on Thursday May 3, 2007. An innocent, blonde, photogenic girl disappeared and a voracious media went to work. It was a feeding frenzy. We were introduced the names that have become mainstays of the news media. The middle-class, educated parents, Kate and Gerry McCann, were libelled. Robert Murat had his life almost destroyed. The Tapas 7 were examined. Goncalo Amaral was accused. Clarence Mitchell spoke. And for all the heat and noise there was no light. Madeleine McCann went missing. She is still missing. There are no suspects. There is no evidence of what happened to her. This is the story in pictures:
Posted: 11th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann | Comments (2)
Britain’s Got Talent: Janey Cutler Might Be Susan Boyle
BRITAIN’S Got Talent looms and we get to meet Janey Cutler, billed as this year’s Susan Boyle.
In the tabloids, Britain’s Go Talent is a chance for ugly people to do well. We don’t mean ugly as in grotesque, just ugly as in Unlikely Gods Like Yourself (TM).
While the X Factor positions lip-synching Cheryl Cole – with a conviction for assault; neck tattoo and shaggability – as the nation’s sweetheart, the X Factor resident babe is eyebrow wrangler Amanda Holden. Holden is hard-to-like. But unlike Cole who looks out of reach for watching dads and sticky finger adolescents, the former Mrs Les Dennis seems within reach, the tarty office secretary who might at the Christmas party.
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Posted: 11th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio | Comment
Susan Boyle Heathrow Airport Rant Is A Repeat Performance: Pictures
SUSAN Boyle has been in an “Air Rage” scrape. Susan Boyle has given full throat to a “four-letter rant over a flight delay”. Yep, only four letters. When old Mr Anorak was delayed he game up with six letter word. But this is Susan Boyle whose name has been shortened to four letter – SuBo – because the media can’t be arsed to say the full name and needed a new pet.
The Mirror then solicits sympathy (?) for Susan Bole by saying her rant came at the end of a “nightmare” Far East tour.
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Posted: 10th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts | Comments (18)
The Grand National Winner Is You: Free £25 Bet And Ladies Day Pictures
IN Pictures: Ladies Day at Aintree. In readiness for the Grand National, the fillies, blood mares and well-breaded pulled on their slap and Spanx to head to the big meet. Coleen Rooney was tothy. Claire Sweeney was chilly. And the rast were varnished and well oiled:
OFFER: BET £25 with pur pals at Betfair and even if you lose you get your money back. The winnings you KEEP!.
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Posted: 9th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Sports | Comments (4)
Wikileaks And Julian Assange Caught In Bias Storm Over Reuter’s Iraqi Journalists ‘Slaughter’
YOU’VE seen the Wikileaks video of Iraq journalists being killed by US gunships. Did you believe what you saw? What did you want to see? Reuters journalists Namir Noor-Eldeen and Saeed Chmaghand 11 other Iraqis died when on June 12, 2007, a US Apache gunship opened fire on a group in Baghdad’s Sadr City. Two children were wounded.
The Times’ Giles Whittelland Alice Fordham report:
The co-pilot reports seeing RPGs and AK-47 rifles on the ground, though none are visible. There are at least eight bodies in plain view, however.
Here’s the video they saw:
But then, you look again at a less edited version of the tape. The Jawa Report, sasy teh first video is “perverse and evil slight of hand”.
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Posted: 9th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Reviews | Comments (4)
Stephen Timms, Minister For Digital Britain, Says Your IP Address Stands For ‘Intellectual Property’
THE Digital Economy Bill was passed by technology illiterates, not least of all, Stephen Timms, the Financial Secretary to the Treasury and Minister for Digital Britain, who in a letter dated “32 Feb 2010” says “IP” stands for “Intellectual Property” address and not Internet Protocol.
The full letter is repeated for you to enjoy:
Posted: 8th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, Technology | Comment (1)
In Pictures: Cheryl Cole’s Ring News Cycle
IN recent days, Cheryl Cole has been showing her hands to the camera. One day she has a wedding ring. One day she has no ring at all. Right now, her wedding ring finger is wearing a skull ring as she passes by the paparazzi. On stage, she wears no ring.
What can it all mean? What can Cheryl be trying to tell us? Did she marry Ashley just to keep her fetish for putting rings on her ring finger?
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Posted: 8th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (2)
Private Kate Middleton Sues Rex Features And Advises the Plebs To Get A Camera
PRINCE William’s girlfriend Kate Middleton has successfully sued Rex Features for taking pictures of Middleton during a holiday with her family at Christmas. Middleton, represented by Queen Elizabeth II’s lawyers Harbottle and Lewis, scored 5,000 pounds in damages.
And lest you think Kate Middleton a pillock, she says she will donate the cash to charity.
Rex apologises – that full apology at the end of the piece. But before that, private Kate is being interviewed on the website of Party Pieces, you know, the company her family owns. Anyhow, before Waity Katy get to cut ribbons for a living and declare things open – and we might want to see how the jobs going since we will be paying for it – she wants to share some private things, privately.
Says Private Kate on that dreamy party bag:
“Anything that Mummy would normally never allow me to have. They were always such a treat.”
And Private Kate’s favourite moment:
“The amazing white-rabbit marshmallow cake that Mummy made when I was seven.”
Oh, and Private Kate says that when up to fun and larks, “have a camera on hand – there will always be special moments to capture.”
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts | Comments (12)
That Jesse James Love Child And Michelle McGee’s Slap-On Burka: Pictures
THE Enquirer has news that Jesse James “may” have fathered a love child by one of his mistresses. Or may not have. The story goes that James preferred to deliver his Vanilla Gorilla au natural and not shrink wrapped in insulation. Odd indeed that the man who has spent so long covering his arms – and partied with Michelle McGee, a woman who covered her face in Kendo Nagasacki’s slap-on burka – should have failed to cover his arse and pecker.
Story continues after gallery:
The Enquirer’s story – “Sandra hubby love child shocker” – is based on news that Melisa Smith – the “sexy blonde stripper” who looks just like the actor Mel Smith in a wind tunnel – has been spotted buying a pregnancy test kit in LA.
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Posted: 7th, April 2010 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer | Comment (1)
In Pictures: David Cameron’s Horrific Near Fatal Bike Crash
THE election is just like the boat race – two teams of privileged elitists moving along a course with the current pushing them along to what the teams hope to be a victory and what everyone else hopes to be a sinking. No boat sank in the boat race this year. But maybe next year. Fingers crossed.
(Gallery at end of story)
We watch the election on the telly in the hope that someone does or says something terrible and sinks, and maybe even drowns. The live debates offer more chance of this. And if Cameron can say he likes sex with ducks, or Gordon Brown can pledge to invade France, the election might spark into life and get us duck fanciers a cause we can get our teeth into.
On the telly, David Cameron is spotted leaving his home on his push bike. He’s not wearing a helmet. Lots of photographers and TV crews get in his path. “Go on, Dave,” they beg. “Fall off. Do a wheelie and fall off. showboat. Fall off. Bang your head. Die. Ok, not die. But come close to dying. Be on life support for a few days. Give us something to talk about and our readers something to feel.”
No luck, though. Dave cycles on. Still, maybe tomorrow.
In the meantime, look what could have happened…
